The Diner
by Jessypt
Summary: Bella is a baker with a rough past, looking for a new start. Edward is a chef trying to get his life back on track. What happens when things heat up in the kitchen at The Diner?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first story... ever! I've literally never written anything in my life, but I got this idea and couldn't get rid of it. So, here it is! I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Bella is a baker with a rough past. Edward is a chef trying to get his life back on track. What happens when things heat up in the kitchen at The Diner?

I couldn't have done this without the help of my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta Jbugnr. She's holding my hand right now!

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Chapter 1**

**BPOV  
**

As I pulled into town and drove down the streets of my childhood, I finally felt my body begin to relax. I had been driving for three days and had only stopped long enough to get a little sleep at small motels along the way and to fill up my car. I pulled into the driveway, turned off the car, and just sat there.

Charlie had no idea I was coming. Fear kept me from calling; fear that he would tell me not to come, or worse, he would start asking questions that I wasn't ready to answer. I could see the confusion on his face as he walked out onto the porch and then down the stairs.

"Bells?"

I looked up when he called my childhood nickname and slowly got out of the car.

Charlie walked over to me, his face awash with confusion and concern, "Baby, what are you doing here? Did you just drive here?"

I looked away as the tears threatened to spill, and nodded my head. Charlie, never one to show a lot of emotion, walked over and surprisingly pulled me into a hug.

"Bella… what happened? Are you… okay?"

Again I nodded, knowing that he would hear the brokenness in my voice if I answered him out loud. I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest as the tears began to fall. We stayed like that for a long time, just standing in the driveway while he held me in his arms, softly stroking my hair.

I had no idea how I would explain why I was here or even begin to tell him how messed up my life was. I feared the looked of disappointment that I would see in his eyes when I told him the truth.

As if he sensed my growing anxiety, he pulled back and looked into my tear-filled eyes and simply said, "Let's go inside, okay Bells?"

I nodded, unwrapping my arms from his waist, still not having said a word.

He grabbed my suitcase and duffel bag out of the trunk while I grabbed my purse and overnight bag from the car and then followed him inside. I stood in the entryway shifting back and forth uncomfortably, not sure what to do now that I was actually back here in my childhood house – a place I didn't actually think I would ever call home again.

He set my stuff down, and turned to face me. "Bells, I'm glad you're here. I don't know what happened and you don't have to tell me. I know you'll tell me when you're ready. I just… I love you baby..."

He kissed my forehead and with that, the one-sided conversation was over, and I still hadn't said a word. That was the great thing about Charlie, he didn't hover or push. He just let things be.

I toed off my shoes and walked timidly into the kitchen. Home… the words felt prickly and uncomfortable. I noticed that everything looked the same as it did when I left ten years ago. The same green curtains framed the window in the kitchen, the finish on the table was still messed up from when I'd spilled nail polish remover on it in 10th grade, and the yellow and white canisters with apples on the lids still sat on the kitchen counter. The house even smelled the same, albeit a little mustier.

I sat my bags down and walked over to the cabinet, grabbed a glass and got some water from the tap. Taking a sip, I looked over to find Charlie watching me intently. I nervously glanced down and weakly said, "I'm home, Daddy." I paused, unsure what his answer would be to my next question. "Is it okay if I stay here a while? I… I need to get some stuff figured out."

My question caught him off guard and he stared back me, and nodded. "Of course, baby. This has always been your home and you're always welcome here. Your room is just as you left it."

Suddenly feeling overwhelmingly exhausted, I whispered my thanks, walked over to the stairs, and grabbed my bags. "I'm going to go to bed if that's okay… I'm really tired," I said.

He nodded. "Let me just carry these other two bags upstairs for you."

I followed him up the stairs.

Climbing up the stairs was like walking through a museum of my life. All of my childhood pictures were still on display, almost like a memorial to a girl I didn't know anymore. They reflected an innocence and simpler time in my life. The pictures of me with braces, the three years of short, curly hair – the result of a several badly executed perms, and finally my senior picture, all smiled back at me. The girl in those pictures had been full of hopes and dreams when she left this place.

I remembered getting that large white envelope from The University of Arizona in the mail offering me a full ride, and smiled. By the time graduation rolled around, I wanted to get out of this small town and really experience life on my own. I knew that was my ticket out of here, and at the end of the summer, I left without looking back.

I called Charlie every Sunday during college, but after I graduated, life got busy and our weekly chats become every other week, and then once a month and then sadly, just a sporadic call here and there.

The floorboard squeaked at the top of the stairs, sparing me from thinking about all the mistakes I had made.

"Bells?" I looked up to see that same mix of concern and confusion on Charlie's face, "You okay, sweetheart?"

I nodded and made my way to the top of the stairs.

Charlie was right; nothing had changed. The walls were still the same shade of lavender I had painted them right before I started high school, the bed spread still had the same little white flowers on it, and the floor board beside my desk still creaked when I walked on it.

He put my suitcases by the closet and walked back over to the door; I put my own bags down and sat down on the bed.

"Night, baby," he said quietly as he grabbed the knob and pulled the door closed.

I heard him walk down the stairs and then the unmistakable sound of the Mariners game come on. Completely overcome with exhaustion, I lay down, curled up in a ball and fell asleep.

x-x-x

It was light out when I finally woke up. Sitting up and rubbing my eyes, I noticed that someone had taken off my shoes and covered me up with a blanket. I smiled to myself… Charlie. He had always taken care of me in the subtlest ways.

After mom walked out on us, we formed a somewhat uncomfortable, yet workable bond. He made sure my truck was always in good working order and that I had money when I needed it, while I kept the house clean and food on the table.

I chuckled as I thought back to the morning I walked out of the house and slipped on the icy steps just as he was pulling up in my truck. He jumped out of the truck to help me up and to make sure I was okay.

"I put new tires on your truck; they were bald, and the roads are starting to ice over," he said.

It was a simple act, but so very Charlie. Guilt washed over me as I realized again how I had treated him over the years. He really had no idea what I'd been doing or what my life had been like for the last six years... because I purposely kept him away. Shaking my head, I got out of bed, knowing I needed to say something but having no idea how to go about it.

My stomach growled as my socked feet padded down the stairs. It was really quiet and I looked around for Charlie and then noticed the note on the table.

_Bells,_

_Gone to work. Be back around 4. Sorry there's not much in the fridge. I need to go to the store._

_Charlie_

Curious, I opened the fridge and chuckled. He was right, there wasn't much in there. A half carton of milk, some condiments, an old block of cheese, and what looked like an empty takeout container sat on the lonely shelves. I closed the fridge and opened the cabinets… nothing. Clearly a trip the grocery store was in order... right away.

I quickly ran upstairs and went into the bathroom. Charlie had cleared out some space on the shelves and in the cabinet for my stuff. _Oh the joys of sharing one bathroom_. I stripped down, turned on the shower, and climbed in. I allowed the hot water to wash over me as I scrubbed away the grime and aches of being in the car for hours.

x-x-x

Clean and dressed, I picked up my keys and purse and left for the grocery store. The streets of Forks really hadn't changed. There were a few new houses and some new businesses downtown but nothing of significance had changed. I turned the corner to go to the grocery and noticed a big fluorescent sign screaming "Diner!" As if it had read the sign, my stomach growled, giving me just another nudge in the right direction. _I might as well go to the grocery store on a full stomach_ I mused and pulled into the diner parking lot.

The place was packed and the only open spot was at the bar. I made my way toward the bar, squeezing between tables and trying to avoid the waitress as she carried a tray loaded with food. I sat down and noticed that the two men on either side of me were staring as if I were some oddity in their world. I smiled a tight smile and one of the men winked.

_What?_ So as not to encourage any additional unwanted advances, I quickly broke eye contact and looked around the room, noticing that everyone was looking at me. I hated having attention drawn to me and was very uncomfortable.

I grabbed a menu, slouching down in an attempt to make myself invisible. Unfortunately, right about that time, a perky little waitress bopped over and energetically greeted me.

"Morning! Welcome to The Diner. What can I get'cha?"

I peeked over the menu and was face to face with the waitress I had just seen hauling that massive tray of food over to one of the tables. She had spiky brown hair, a sweet smile, wore a little pink uniform with a white collar and cuffed sleeves, and couldn't have been much older than me. Her red name tag simply said "Alice."

I looked around again and actually giggled. Maybe it was the burly man that winked at me or the entire restaurant staring at me, but the fact that I was in a diner with a waitress named "Alice" was all of a sudden very funny. Was I in some weird sitcom? Were Mel and Flo just around the corner?

"What's so funny?" Alice the waitress asked.

"Oh, nothing." I quickly said. "Um… could I get a cup of coffee and some French toast please?"

"Sure thing! You want bacon or sausage?" Alice chirped.

"No thanks. Just the coffee and French toast."

Alice nodded her head and walked away while I began to take in my surroundings. The place was packed. The room was long and a lot bigger on the inside than it seemed from the outside. The whole place had a very upscale 1950's style to it. The walls were painted white with randomly placed black lightning bolts. The booths, bar and floor were all dark wood and were accented by chrome and red cushions. Fun geometric lights with blue and orange diamonds were hanging over the bar giving it a decidedly modern retro-look and feel. The bar faced a cool shelving contraption that housed pictures, bottles, and other assorted items. The center was open and looked into the kitchen. I couldn't put my finger on it but something about the feel of the diner and the kitchen didn't jive.

The kitchen was bright, sterile, and stainless from what I could see, while the dining room was warm, dark, and comfortable. I wouldn't normally have noticed something like that, but the cook caught my eye.

He seemed young and out of place, probably because I was still picturing Mel or some other greasy-haired man with pit stains on his shirt. This guy was… well, beautiful! He had a snug black t-shirt on and a pair of jeans that sat low on his hips, the front of which were covered with a white apron. But it was his hair that really caught my attention. It was the strangest color – auburn and copper – and very unruly. It looked like he… or someone… had been running their fingers through it incessantly. I just stared at him… I literally couldn't take my eyes off of him.

When I finally pulled myself out the fantasies that had quickly overtaken my mind, I realized that he was staring right back at me. My face flamed and I quickly looked away. _God, what is my problem!_ Just as I was about to bolt, the bouncy waitress, Alice came back with my coffee and set it down.

"You're new here aren't you." Alice said it as more of a statement than a question.

"Um, yeah," I nodded uncomfortably.

"So, what brings you to Forks?" Alice asked in a very no-nonsense way.

"Well, I, uh…" I trailed off just as the cook in the back yelled, "order up!" I immediately breathed a sigh of relief, as Alice walked over to the window to get the order. She quickly brought the plate of French toast over to me and set it down.

"So… are you going to answer my question?" Alice asked.

Realizing that I wasn't going to get out of having to make small talk, but not wanting to go into any detail, I said, "My Dad lives here. I'm just here for a visit."

"Oh, cool! Who's your Dad? I know pretty much everyone around here." Alice quipped.

_Man this girl was nosy… and persistent. _"Um… Charlie Swan. That's my Dad." I hesitantly offered.

"Oh my gosh, you're Isabella? You're Isabella Swan? I totally didn't recognize you. You look different than you did in high school!"

Once again, it felt like the entire place fell silent immediately. It was like one of those moments in a movie when everything goes in slow motion and the silence is deafening. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment.

"It's Bella," I quickly mumbled, not even sure if she heard me because she starting talking immediately without acknowledging what I had just said.

"I can't believe you're finally back! Don't you remember me? I'm Alice Cullen. We went to school together our senior year."

I racked my brain for any memory of Alice but literally could find nothing.

"Oh, um…," I paused trying to figure out whether I should pretend to know her or just fess up.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to say something, the cook yelled, "order up!" My eyes darted over to him, and his lips quirked up into a very subtle smile. I nodded, and did my own half smile acknowledging his impeccable timing... again.

Alice walked away, and I quickly shoveled the French toast in my mouth and threw a $10 bill on the counter and got up to leave. I looked back toward the kitchen sort of hoping to see that cook again, but… he was gone.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

If you'd like this, please drop me a note and let me know! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks to mah WC girls who have been absolute dolls in this whole process! I 3 them big time!

Random References:

Alice: http:/en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/Alice_(TV_series)

The Diner: http:/www(dot)goodlifediner(dot)com/#/gallery/soho


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you all so much for the sweet reviews and kinds words! I'm posting a little early because I'm going to be out most of the weekend! I hope you enjoy!

I couldn't have done this without the help of my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my sweet beta Jbugnr.

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Chapter 2  
EPOV**

I turned back to the stove and finished cooking the remaining strips of bacon and some sausage links, scooping them off the griddle and plating them. I glanced out the kitchen window to see if I could catch another glimpse of the girl, but she was gone. I noticed that she had hardly touched her food; she'd maybe taken three bites of her French toast. I started to wonder who she might be and didn't really want to ask Alice, but curiosity got the best of me.

"Hey Alice!" I shouted. "Who was that?"

"Who was who?" she asked.

I smirked at her. "You know who I'm talking about… the girl at the bar."

"Oh," she smiled coyly. "That was Isabella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter. Do you remember her?"

"I don't think I ever met her. Did you graduate with her or something?"

"Yes!" she said excitedly, "but I don't think she remembers me," Alice said as she scrunched her nose and pouted.

I shook my head, handed her the plate, and went back to the kitchen. _That girl was beautiful._

x-x-x **BPOV**

When I got home from the grocery store, I decided to do something productive. I mean since I'd been here, I had done nothing but sleep and eat. Based on my earlier assessment of Charlie's fridge, I figured he probably hadn't eaten a home-cooked meal in quite some time, and decided lasagna was in order. Growing up, I had pretty much done all the cooking. Charlie had attempted to cook right after Renee left and well, let's just say he ended up throwing out the skillet and we had pizza that night instead. I actually enjoyed cooking, well baking really. It was one of the few things that could make me relax almost instantaneously. There was something therapeutic about pulling random ingredients together and watching them come together to form little pieces of heaven.

I quickly put the lasagna together and put it in the fridge for later. Not quite satisfied that I'd done enough, I decided it was time to do some baking. I scoured the kitchen for some of the basics and was pleasantly surprised to see that Charlie did in fact have baking powder, vanilla, flour, and some old baking cups. I set the oven to preheat, found the lone muffin pan I bought before I left Forks ages ago, and pulled out some bowls and measuring cups. I quickly whisked together the dry ingredients and then blended the sugar, butter, eggs, and vanilla. I couldn't believe I was doing all of this by hand - I definitely needed to get a new kitchen aid.

After all the ingredients were combined, I scooped the batter into the cupcake papers and put them in the oven. As they baked, I quickly blended the powdered sugar, vanilla, butter, and milk using the weakest looking spatula I had ever seen. _Charlie seriously needs some new kitchen stuff. _

Just as I finished up, the timer went off and I quickly pulled them out of the oven. I smiled. _Perfect! Golden and well domed… just as they should be._ As I waited for them to cool, I pulled out the lasagna and put it in the oven. _Dinner will be ready just in time for Charlie to get home. _I looked at the clock and decided to head upstairs to unpack a few things before Charlie came home.

About an hour later, I heard the timer go off. As I walked down the stairs, I was greeted with the delicious smell of tomatoes and cheese. _Mmmm_ I pulled the lasagna from the oven and set it on the stove to cool slightly. I looked over and realized I hadn't even frosted the cupcakes. _Oh Shit! He's gonna be pissed._

Just then, I heard the front door open and Charlie walked in. I froze.

"Something smells good Bells," he said as he took off his gun belt and hung it by the door.

"Oh…hi Dad. We're having lasagna. I made some cupcakes too, but they aren't frosted yet. Is that okay?" I asked hesitantly. I'm not sure why I was really concerned; I knew Charlie wouldn't care and he would love it no matter what. I guess maybe I didn't want to be a burden… and… I didn't want to make something he didn't want. Every night for the past couple of years had been like walking on egg shells – would _he_ like what I made? What would _he_ do to me if he didn't? I shuddered a little just thinking about it and felt myself getting anxious.

Charlie grinned, "Absolutely! And cupcakes… I haven't had one of those in years." I breathed a sigh of relief. _Of course he doesn't care, you idiot. Charlie isn't… him._ "I see you made it to the grocery store; thanks for doing that," he said.

"Yeah, the pickin's were pretty slim around here," I laughed, feeling myself relax.

He shrugged sheepishly, "I guess I don't really eat here much," Charlie defended and then quickly changed the subject. "So it looks like you got some rest. You feel better?" he tentatively asked.

I turned and started digging in one of the drawers looking for a ziplock bag. _I really need a piping bag and some tips… _"I do actually. It was nice to finally get a good night's sleep."

Charlie laughed, "Um, Bells… it more like a full day's worth."

I jerked my head around, "What? A full day? What is today?" _What the hell! I slept a whole day? Good Lord, I don't think I've slept that much in… I don't even know when._

"It's Wednesday."

There was a long pause… "Wow, I guess I was tired, huh?"

Charlie nodded and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I found the ziplock bag, quickly filled it, snipped the corner, and piped simple little swirls on the top of each cupcake.

The kitchen was quiet as I pulled out the plates and utensils and dished out the lasagna. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it was silence nonetheless. Just as he sat down at the table, I announced that dinner was ready, and put the plate down in front of him. "Great! I'm starved" Charlie said as he dug into the pile of steaming hot lasagna on his plate. "This…" Charlie sucked in air to cool off the bite he had just stuffed in his mouth "is… good, Bella."

I smiled, "Thanks."

We ate in silence. Neither of us had ever been big talkers, both of us content to sit in silence. I didn't want to open the door for questions, and Charlie probably had no idea what to say to me. When we were both done, I gathered up the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.

Right before I was about to head upstairs, Charlie said, "Thanks for dinner, Bells. It's good having you home."

"It's good to be home Dad. Night," I said, and walked up the stairs to my room. I quickly changed, crawled into bed, and just laid there unable to fall asleep. I allowed my mind to wander and thought back over the last week and how far I had come, literally and figuratively. I had finally gotten away from _him_, driven 1500 miles and was now back home, with Charlie, in a town I never thought I'd come back to. As I started drifting off, I wondered what in the hell I was going to do now.

x-x-x

**Two weeks later**

x-x-x

I looked out the kitchen window and shook my head. _I can't believe I've been here for two weeks already. _I had literally done nothing. Well, nothing except clean Charlie's house from top to bottom, unpack my stuff, make dinner, and bake. I spent a lot of time baking, one of the few things that put me totally at ease with the situation I found myself in. I rationalized that all of these treats were to pay Charlie back and to keep him at bay. So far he seemed to be enjoying all of them, as did the rest of the Forks Police Department, all two of them - Jacob Black and Sam Uley. The three of them had managed to devour everything I had made, which was no small feat.

So it was no surprise when Charlie walked in to find me bent over the table putting icing on cupcakes. I had been experimenting with a new cupcake recipe every day for two weeks.

"Smells good in here, Bells."

"Thanks Dad," I chirped distractedly.

Charlie cleared his throat, "So, Bells… I, uh, I was wonderin'… what are your plans now that you're here in Forks?"

I froze, my hand gripping the icing bag, frosting dangling onto one of the cupcakes. G_od… I knew I wasn't welcome here. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? _I panicked and had no idea what to say. I looked over at my dad; the silence in the room was deafening. I'm sure he could see the anxiety building and I felt myself beginning to withdraw, my shoulders sinking down.

"… not that I have a problem with you here," he quickly added on. "I love having you here. I just… I guess I was wondering why you're here, you know, what brought you here from Phoenix, and where James…," he trailed off as my head jerked up and I looked at him. I could tell that Charlie felt awkward and nervous not knowing what my reaction would be.

"Well…," I whispered, sitting the bag on the counter, "I don't really have a plan, Dad. And as for what brought me here, well, I guess I'm not quite ready to talk about it." I couldn't begin to imagine how I was going to tell Charlie how weak I had been, how I had let some man - my own husband, control my life for six years. How I had been powerless against his control and his fists….

"Well, you know I'm here if you want to talk, whenever you're ready. And as for what to do while you're here, it looks like they're hiring down at The Diner. It's probably not glamorous or anything, but maybe it'll be enough to keep you busy," he paused and then smiled, "because all this baking is starting to make me fat!"

I laughed, "Um... okay, I'll check it out. I'm sure it would be fine."

With that, Charlie walked into the living room, dropped into his recliner and turned on the Mariners game.

x-x-x

The next day I drove by The Diner, and just like Charlie told me, there was a "Waitress Wanted" sign in the window. I drove around the block a couple of times and finally pulled into the parking lot, having no idea why I was so nervous… _it's a waitressing job for cryin' out loud_. I got out of the car and walked inside, glanced around and noticed that this time, the diner was practically empty. I took a breath and walked up to the counter and looked around for Alice, the peppy little waitress from before, but didn't see her. Instead, a very beautiful and tall blonde woman walked over. She was absolutely striking and had a stunning smile. "Can I help you?" she asked sweetly.

"Um, yes, I saw the sign in the window and wanted to see if you were still looking for a waitress."

"We are. Have you ever waitressed before?" the lady asked me.

"Yes. I've been waitressing in a restaurant down in Phoenix for the last 3 years. I did pretty much everything there, including baking. I came in early each morning or stayed late each night to create the daily dessert menu. I can make pretty much anything, but my specialty is cupcakes."

The blonde beauty looked at me and didn't really say anything. I was already nervous, and her standing there starting at me with a look I couldn't read wasn't helping. "I am a quick learner and I'm willing to do pretty much anything. I'm not sure if you need someone to make desserts but I could do that as well. I can work pretty much whenever you need me to since I don't really have a family or kids or anything, and I can get some references if you need me to…" _God, please make me stop talking; this_ _is just embarrassing and annoying._

In an act of mercy, the lady finally spoke. "I'm Rosalie. I'm the owner, and yes, we're still hiring. What's your name and when could you start?" she asked matter-of-factly, but with a smile.

"Oh sorry, my name is Bella, Bella Swan, and I could start tomorrow or anytime. Whenever you would want me to…" I trailed off, as Rosalie interrupted.

"Fine, tomorrow it is, be here at 10am. The breakfast rush will be over and Alice can get you acquainted with everything."

"Great! I'll be here tomorrow at 10. Um, what should I wear? I asked knowing that Alice couldn't have just chosen to wear that hideous pink uniform of her own volition.

"Yes, let me grab one from the back. What size do you wear?"

I looked around and quietly said, "Size 6."

Rosalie didn't respond as she quickly walked to the back. I couldn't quite get a read on her. I mean she seemed nice enough, had smiled warmly, but she was definitely aloof. _Maybe she's one of those people that you have to get to know. _I looked around the restaurant and then at the kitchen window secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of the hot cook from yesterday. He was probably the hottest guy I had ever seen. There was something about the way he was watching me a couple of weeks ago that stuck with me. I should have been a little freaked out that I had caught him staring at me so intensely, but then again, I _had_ been staring too. I felt my skin prickle and saw him come into view. He was wearing essentially the same thing he had been wearing the last time I saw him - a t-shirt stretched tight across his shoulders and well muscled arms and chest, and jeans that sat loosely on his hips. He was tall, probably around six feet, and a little on the lanky side, but again, not in an awkward sort of way. He looked my way, quirked an eyebrow and smirked, as he once again caught me checking him out. I felt my face grow hot and I knew it was bright pink. _Damn!_ _Could I be any more transparent? _I quickly looked away and thankfully at that moment I saw Rosalie walking my way. She handed me a little pink outfit. _Oh, you have got to be kidding me? Seriously? _

"I'll see you tomorrow at 10am, Bella. Oh… and you'll have to talk to Edward about baking. He sets the special menu each day and handles all the food."

I quickly thanked her and walked out of The Diner. _Well… at least I have a job and something to occupy my time. Hopefully this won't be a total disaster_…

x-x-x EPOV

As she walked out of The Diner, I couldn't help but smile; this girl was intriguing. She was clearly shy and soft-spoken, and that blush was adorable. I had caught her checking me out two times now, which wasn't really unusual. Girls were always checking me out and I rarely gave it a second thought, but for some reason it was different with her.

I turned back to the kitchen, _my kitchen_, and started getting ready for the lunch rush. I had been working at The Diner for almost four years, and loved being in here, surrounded by the appliances and the smells. There is something about the cold smoothness of the stainless steel tables and the feel of a knife in my hand that makes me tick. It hadn't always been that way. I actually had very few memories of ever being in the kitchen, let alone doing something on my own. I thought back for a second and a smile crossed my face as I remembered the day I came home from 3rd grade and told my mom I needed to make three dozen cookies for a Halloween party at school the next day. Mom just smiled and said we better get going, and pulled all the ingredients out. We worked for hours to get them all made. She mixed the dough and I rolled and cut them out. Sugar cookies were her specialty – soft, almost cakey, with the best vanilla bean buttercream you have ever tasted. _God, I love buttercream. _I carried my boxes of cookies into class the next day with pride. The memory was sweet, but thinking about mom left a bitter feeling in my stomach. I shrugged it off and got back to work.

I walked over to my iPod and flipped through the menu and let the sound of Bono's voice fill the kitchen. I grabbed my sanitizing supplies and quickly wiped down all of the surfaces just like they taught us in culinary school; clean surfaces and instruments were critical to a successfully run kitchen. After sanitizing everything, I looked over the menu. It was mostly the same old diner standbys, but Rosalie had agreed to let me come up with a daily special of my own creation. So today, I decided to go with Dungeness crab cakes, fennel slaw and a red pepper remoulade. It was probably pushing the boundaries a little given The Diner's normal customers, but I really wanted to make this remoulade. I had been playing around with different curries and really wanted to try it out on these crab cakes. I scrawled the daily special out on the chalkboard and hung it up near the kitchen window.

The lunch hour passed uneventfully as people came in for a quick bite. Surprisingly, people really seemed to enjoy the crab cakes and we actually ran out about half way through the lunch service. I was grinning from ear to ear when Rosalie walked into the kitchen.

"Looks like the cakes were a huge hit today, Edward." She smiled at me and flipped her hair.

I nodded quickly and grinned again, "Yeah, it seems so." I kept working and basically ignored Rosalie. She knew that when I was in the kitchen I didn't like to talk much, and I appreciated that she didn't push it. She was my boss, but this was _my_ kitchen. She continued standing there watching me, making small talk with Embry, but eventually just turned around and left.

"Looks like boss-lady's still got a little crush on you Eddie!" Embry snickered.

"Shut up Embry. She's married you idiot. And don't call me Eddie, I hate that," I barked.

"Whatever, she's hot!"

Just then, the doors flew open and Alice marched in, "Who's hot?" she asked.

"No one," I said sharply while shooting Embry a death glare, making it clear to everyone that the conversation was over. Embry just chuckled and started cleaning up his station.

"Sooo…," Alice drawled, "did you hear that Bella Swan is going to be starting here tomorrow? I'm so excited to finally have some help around here. God knows you too don't help with anything."

I just looked at her. "Alice, you do realize that we're in here all day cooking the food you're serving, right?"

Alice just glared at me. "Whatever. I'm excited she's coming and I think she and I are going to be great friends."

I kept working, effectively ignoring her until the kitchen was clean and I was done for the day.

x-x-x **BPOV**

The next day started out like any other for me. I woke up to the sounds of Charlie getting ready and rolled out of bed to get the coffee started and make him some breakfast. Charlie had repeatedly told me I didn't need to do all of that, but I felt obligated. I mean, I was living in his house, rent free… at 28 years old. _God, how pathetic is that? _

I quickly got things going and looked at the clock. _7:30_. I had plenty of time to shower and get dressed. I wrinkled my nose in disgust just thinking about the god-awful uniform I had to wear as I walked up the stairs. _Why the hell was a woman_ _like Rosalie making the waitresses wear these stupid pink monstrosities? Maybe it's for the tips? It's gotta be for the tips._

After my shower, I dried my hair and pulled it into a pony tail high on top of my head. I looked at the outfit hanging on the door and rolled my eyes. _Ugh_! I pulled it off the hanger, put it on, and glanced at myself in the mirror. _Oh, you have got to be kidding! _I was horrified to see that not only was this pink monstrosity tight across my chest (purposely so), but it was also short… like really short. The skirt hit mid thigh and I seriously couldn't imagine actually walking into The Diner, or any place for that matter, wearing this. I was really more of a jeans and tee kind of girl; I don't think I'd worn a skirt in the last three years. _I can't believe I'm actually going to wear this… to work!_ As if the uniform wasn't bad enough, I also had to wear little white socks and white canvas shoes. _For the love of God, am I in the 1950s?_ I glanced at the clock and was shocked to realize that most of the morning had flown by. I swiped on a little lip gloss and mascara and was out the door.

I walked into The Diner five minutes early and was greeted by an exuberant Alice.

"Hey Bella! Welcome to The Diner! I'm so glad you're going work here!"

_Wow, this girl has a lot of energy_.

"Hi Alice, I'm excited too," I feigned excitement, even though I'm sure my tone said otherwise. It wasn't that I wasn't excited, I just wasn't _that_ excited. _Am I even making sense? No, you're not… wow, and now I'm talking to and answering my own_ _self. Great! _

Before giving me a chance to breathe, Alice launched into a full-scale tutorial about the restaurant. "Okay, so the breakfast rush just got finished and we're shifting gears, and getting ready for lunch. That usually starts around 11:15 or 11:30 and goes until 1, give or take a little," Alice said with a smile. I nodded. "So let me give you a quick tour of the place. This main section is obviously the dining portion. We have ten booths, six stand alone tables, and ten barstools at the bar. During the rush times, this place is really packed; you saw what it was like when you came in a couple of weeks ago - that's pretty much the norm." Again, I nodded taking it all in. "The bathrooms are in the back right corner, and the kitchen is back here."

Alice led me into the kitchen. "Over against the far wall is the stockroom and fridge/freezer. "This is the back entry," she said pointing to a big black door. "You can park in the back and come in this way if you want; that's what we all do. The dumpsters are also out back so you'll use this door for that as well." Alice looked over at me, smiled and grabbed a hold of my elbow and excitedly said, "Hey guys! This is Bella. And this," she pointed, "is Embry and Edward."

They were already looking at us waiting for Alice to finish talking. A smile immediately found its way onto Embry's face as he enthusiastically welcomed me, "Welcome B… can I call you that?" he asked without waiting for an answer. "Glad to have you here! It'll be nice to listen to someone besides Alice drone on about the customers." He winked at Alice as she glared at him.

I smiled and said hey. I looked over at Edward and was greeted with a small lazy smile. I would have thought more of the smile – which was sexy, but his eyes completely caught me off guard. They were the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen, deep emerald, with some candy apple green and gold flecks. They were peculiar and stunning at the same time. _Wow._ I noticed Van Morrison playing in the background and that he was once again in his standard "uniform" of jeans and this time a well fitting, white t-shirt. He was also wearing a white apron around his waist, tied the way all the professionals did – strings wrapped around his waist twice with the knot in the front. There was nothing special about it, but it just did something for me. _An apron, Bella? Really?_

"Hey," he said with a smirk. I smiled, blushed, and quickly looked away, mumbling "hey" right back. _Could I be any more obvious and awkward? For the love!_

Alice finished giving me the tour and then handed me a little white apron, a pad of paper, and a pen. She explained the menu, which was pretty straightforward. I looked over and saw the chalkboard that had, "Daily Special" scribbled across the top.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the board.

"Oh, that's the daily special. Edward makes something new and unique each day. He likes to try out stuff that he… well he tries to use stuff from the local markets. When it's out, it's out," she explained. I nodded in understanding, knowing there was more there but not pushing it.

The lunch rush passed quickly as I worked at a steady, sometimes frenzied pace, managing to make it through the lunch rush unscathed. The customers seemed nice enough and the tips were pretty decent. _Maybe I should thank Rosalie after all. _

The rest of the day was uneventful. I filled salt and pepper shakers, wiped down tables, mopped the floor, refilled toilet paper dispensers, and by 4:30 I was wiped out. My feet and legs were already hurting and I knew it would be worse later that night, but I sucked it up and grabbed a quick drink before heading out.

"Great job today, Bella!" Alice said excitedly. "I'll see you tomorrow, right? After work tomorrow, do you want to hang out?"

I nodded and said, "Yep, I'll be here." I paused, trying to figure out whether or not I actually wanted to hang out with Alice. "Um, sure. What did you want to do?"

"Well, I need to get a mani… you want to go? This place destroys my nails."

_A manicure? _"Well, I guess, sure. I've never had one before."

She looked stunned. "You've never had a mani before? How is that even possible?"

I just stood there. I had no idea what to say and started to feel really embarrassed. I really didn't want to explain that I had no real reason to get one before I left for college, was too poor as a student for such luxuries, and _he _thought they were a waste of money. "I just… "

"Bella! I'm kidding. I'm so excited that I get to be your first!"

I left out a nervous breath and laughed. "Ok, yeah, let's go. After work tomorrow?"

"Bring some clothes to change into. You don't want to go wearing these," she said rolling her eyes and waving her hand up and down her pink outfit.

I laughed, "Sounds good. See you tomorrow, Alice."

I turned to walk out but had the strangest feeling that someone was watching me. I hated that sensation; it reminded me of my life for the last six years. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed Edward watching me intently. I met his gaze and we stared at each other for a minute before he turned back to the kitchen with that damn smirk on his face again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

If you're looking for a couple of newer stories, these two are great!

Second Chances by leannelrh http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5670956/1/Second_Chances

Can't Control It by jbugnr

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5670955/1/Cant_Control_It


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you all so much for the sweet reviews and kinds words! I am thrilled beyond anything that you guys are reading this and loving it too! Keep 'em coming!

I couldn't have done this without the help of my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my sweet betas Jbugnr & LexyW.

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Chapter 3  
BPOV**

I stood in Charlie's kitchen and pulled out all the ingredients I needed to make cranberry-orange muffins. It had been a few weeks since I started at The Diner and things had settled into a comfortable routine. I worked Monday through Friday and an occasional Saturday from 6:00am to 3:00. They were long days, but the tips were generally pretty good; and more importantly, it kept my mind occupied and days filled. Despite my earlier inhibitions about working there, it was turning out to be a pleasant escape. Alice had basically sucked me into the vortex that was her life. She was unlike any person I had ever met. She laughed easily, was always smiling, and had a very uncanny way of predicting when things would happen.

We hadn't spent a lot of time together, but when we did it was always fun and carefree.

We'd gotten manicures together on my second day at The Diner, and I had no idea how I had gone that long without having experienced a "mani." I had never had so many different products on my hands and nails in my life, but once we were done, I was stunned to see how pretty my fingers actually were. Of course part of the time I had been really nervous that Alice was going to try to become my best friend and dig into my past, but she kept things light and mostly talked about her family and her plans to own an interior design shop. The whole experience was beyond fun and made me realize what I had been missing all this time.

Another time she had invited me to dinner at the house she and her fiancé, Jasper were renovating. We spent the entire evening chatting about nothing really, and it felt good to actually spend time with another couple. Back in Phoenix I really hadn't had a lot of friends – _he_ didn't really like me spending time with people _he_ didn't know. And truthfully, it was a lot easier to just isolate myself and not bring others into the whole mess.

Jasper Whitlock was the epitome of a southern gentleman, complete with a very subtle Southern drawl. He had thick blonde hair that was sort of wavy, but in a good way, and a really pretty smile. Alice and Jasper had actually met at The Diner a few years back and were getting married in a few months. I really liked spending time with them. Jasper had somehow managed to put me at ease the minute I met him, which was something that rarely happened – especially with guys. Alice was easy to talk to; she seemed content to let me be and talk about what I wanted to share, and for that I was truly grateful.

Jasper had a lovely little home in downtown Forks, basically a fixer-upper that he had slowly been restoring. Alice had a keen eye for putting random things together to create an elegant cluttered look, while at the same time feeling modern and cozy. I had even helped her paint a few rooms, but left most of the hard stuff to her.

With essentially all of my time spent at The Diner and the few free nights I had spent with Alice and Jasper, I hadn't had much time to bake. In Phoenix, I had baked every day. There was something consuming and relaxing about baking, and I missed the sweet warmth that came as a result.

I opened the fridge, scanned the contents, and settled on cranberry-orange muffins. I pre-heated the oven and pulled out my dad's old ceramic bowls, the cream ones with the thick blue rim around the top. I dug around in the cabinet and found a muffin pan, pulled out the cooking spray, and sprayed each of the cups. _Whoever invented Pam for Baking was a genius_. I pulled out the cutting board and quickly chopped up the cranberries and grated the orange peel. In one of the smaller bowls, I mixed up some butter, flour, brown sugar and cinnamon for the streusel topping; there is nothing like biting into a warm muffin and getting the crunchy sweet goodness of streusel.

Setting it aside, I combined all the dry ingredients for the muffins in the largest bowl, and then mixed all the wet ingredients in another. I made a well in the center of the flour mixture and slowly poured in the liquids watching as the bubbles began to form. As I stirred the ingredients together, the citrusy smell of oranges and sweet sugar wafted in the air. I bent down to take another whiff and smiled. Warmth washed over me as I thought back to all the times I had stood in Gran's kitchen making muffins, cookies, and cupcakes during my childhood years.

Gran was Charlie's mother. She was the grounded, true mother figure that my mom could never or refused to be. After Renee ran off, I spent most of my after school hours at Gran's house while Charlie was out on patrol or at the station. Each afternoon, Gran would plan something special for us to do together. Sometimes we played games or watched cartoons, but most of the time we were baking something in the kitchen. She would pull a chair over to the counter and give me her special apron, the one with the ruffles and pink, red, and purple swirls all over it. When we baked together, Gran never used a cookbook; all of the recipes were from memory and somehow always turned out perfectly. She loved making muffins of any kind and melt in your mouth soft sugar cookies, while I preferred making cupcakes. As a little girl there was something special about having a little mini cake all to myself. Even now, whenever I make cupcakes, I make the icing just the way Gran taught me, with butter, and lots of it. She would always tell me, "Bella, Crisco is not meant for frosting. It's called _butter_ cream for a reason." I realized I was smiling; those were some of my brightest and warmest memories. I had often wondered over the years if Gran would be proud of me, after all the stuff I had done and let happen to me. I hoped she would be, but something tells me she would be sad at how things had turned out.

Turning back to the muffins, I folded in the chopped cranberries and orange peel and mixed until everything was moist but still a little lumpy. I poured the batter into the muffin cups, added some streusel to the top of each one, put them in the oven, and set the timer. I knew I needed to get ready for work, but decided to wait until the muffins were done to head upstairs. I opted instead to have a quick cup of coffee and read the paper.

Eighteen minutes later the timer went off. I pulled out my muffins and set them on the cooling rack and turned off the oven. While I was waiting, I had decided to take these into work to share. Charlie had basically told me to quit making so many sweet treats, but a baker must bake, and therefore I needed a place to get rid of them. _The Diner will be perfect!_ While they were cooling, I ran up the stairs and got ready for work.

x-x-x

I walked into work with a basket full of muffins and laughed at how I must look – like Little Red Riding Hood taking treats to Grandma's house. I set it down on one of the workstations and told Embry to help himself. He grinned and grabbed two out of the basket and proceeded to stuff one in his mouth.

"Wis is weawy good, B!" he said with his mouth completely stuffed.

I laughed. "Embry, seriously, there are plenty. You don't need to put it all in your mouth at one time. Take your time… savor… enjoy."

He looked at me incredulously and then we both busted out laughing. Embry was easily one of the nicest and funniest guys I had met in a long time. He was constantly cracking jokes or trying to get a rise out of me. He was definitely like the big brother I wished I'd had growing up.

"Ok, yeah that was just cheesy." I giggled with a blush.

Alice bounced in and smiled. "What are these?" she asked pointing at the muffins.

"Muffins," I said sarcastically.

She looked at me with that "duh" expression on her face. "I know that silly. Where'd they come from?"

"I made them. Charlie told me I had to stop baking so much and I needed a place to bring my treats. You guys were my only option."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh jeez, Bella, that makes us feel special," she said as she reached into the basket and grabbed one, taking a dainty little bite. "Mmmmm… These are good Bella." She said as she finished it. "Do you bake every day? You should bring us treats more often!"

I laughed. "Well, I used to bake every day. When I worked at the restaurant in Phoenix I made all of the desserts we served. So I just got into the habit of doing it. Now, I do it just because I love it and it helps me relax." I'm not sure where all of this was coming from, I didn't usually talk this much at work, but I was feeling strangely at ease. "After I got here, I didn't have much to do, so I made all kinds of stuff for Charlie and the guys. But like I said, he told me I had to tone it down because they were getting fat." I chuckled.

"Well, maybe you should bake here, too."

I whirled around at the sound of the sexy voice behind me and noticed Edward leaning against the door. He was… wow… hot… just standing there nonchalantly. His standard uniform was accompanied by a tailor-made leather jacket and his hands were resting casually in his jeans pockets. I have no idea how anyone can look that good wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, but he was gorgeous. And his hair… gah, that hair! I knew I needed to respond and pull my eyes away from his, but I couldn't.

Alice squealed, "That's a great idea!"

"Oh yes! I am all over that. You should do it, B. Those muffins were awesome, and I need more muffins," Embry smirked and gave me a little wink just as I looked over at him.

I looked back over at Edward. I couldn't read him at all. Was he really serious? He hadn't even tried them. He had no idea if they were actually any good. I started to feel anxious. Why would he do that? I started to shake my head. "Um… I don't know. I should probably think about it first and you should probably try one of these before you make a decision. I'd hate for you to get stuck with bad muffins."

"Bella…" _Unf… his voice… my name… _"if you used to do it, I don't see any reason why you couldn't do it here."

I just stared at him, a little dumbfounded. "Well, I guess if Rosalie's okay with me spending some of my time doing that…"

His expression instantly changed to irritation as he cut me off forcefully. "This is _my_ kitchen, Bella. I don't have to _ask_ permission."

I was taken aback and started stammering, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean… I just meant that Rosalie hired me to be a waitress and it seems like we should make sure it's okay with her if I do something different." I could barely look at him; it just felt so awkward.

"Whatever. Take a few days and think about it and let me know," he said flippantly and walked away.

I nervously looked over at Alice and Embry and they smiled back. "I guess I made a mess of that, didn't I?"

"B, don't worry about him. He gets like that when people try to tell him what he should and shouldn't do in the kitchen. Don't take it personally," Embry said, giving me another wink. _What is with the winking?_

"Yeah he can be a little sensitive about _his_ kitchen. Seriously though Bella, you should totally bake here. Our desserts are less than spectacular, as I'm sure you've gathered. So, will you?" Alice asked.

"I want to… I just… I just want to make sure Rosalie's okay with it. I really don't want to overstep my bounds. Okay?"

They both nodded. I turned around and looked over at Edward. I was excited that he offered to let me bake… but, I just felt this sense of unease and wasn't sure why. I definitely didn't mean to make him mad. _Arg._

I spent the rest of the day waiting on tables and cleaning up after people, and fortunately, the day passed quickly. Things between me and Edward, however, were tense. I tried to stay out of his way all day and had been super responsive whenever he called out an order or needed something from the back. It didn't, however, seem to make a difference, because he never acknowledged me. _Man, I must have really hit a nerve._ The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became; I felt like I was back in Phoenix, walking on eggshells. Every day for the last six years had been like this and I started to feel sick. _I've done it again… I've upset him and I know better._ I knew that this was a different situation but I didn't know what to do. I was completely lost in my memories when Edward shouted out my name, clearly annoyed.

"Bella! Are you planning to stand there all day? I just called up an order. Do you think you could come over here and get it?" His face was a mask, but his jaw was tense.

"Oh gosh... yes. I'm sorry." I rushed over and grabbed the plates off the window, but just as I was backing up, I tripped over the leg of one of the work tables and fell backwards. The plates I was carrying crashed to the floor and food went everywhere. _Oh my God!_ Panic welled up inside me as I looked over at Edward. He was furious.

"What the hell, Bella!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I tripped on the table. I'll clean it up," I said quickly and in a barely audible voice. I had no idea what his reaction was going to be but I knew what _his _reaction would have been and I braced myself for it.

"Just get it cleaned up," he snapped. He reached down to help me up, and I flinched away. He looked at me like I was crazy, but grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I don't know if it was the fear or something else but when he grabbed my hand it was like a bolt of lightning had crashed through my entire system. He quickly let go, and walked back to the stove shaking his head. "I'll make up new plates."

I scrambled to pick up all the big pieces from the broken plates and then grabbed the broom and swept up the food and other bits of ceramic. _God Bella… seriously! You have to pull it together!_ I was kicking myself the entire time. I had already pissed Edward off once today, and now, I'd done it again.

"Order up!" Edward said as he glared at me.

I set the broom aside and washed my hands quickly. I walked over to the window and carefully grabbed the plates and slowly turned and walked out. I delivered the plates to table 14 and apologized profusely for the delay and told them their milkshakes were on the house, scratching them off my order pad.

I went back into the kitchen and knew I needed to fix this, I just didn't know how. Edward looked up as I pushed the double doors open. "So, did you manage to make it out there without dropping everything?" he asked sarcastically.

I nodded, but I felt like my world was crashing down on me. I was afraid to say anything because I knew if I did I would start crying, and I didn't want to make this any worse than it already was. Tears had only caused _him_ to get angrier, and I didn't want that to happen here.

I hastily mopped up the floor and put it aside before I went to check on my last few tables; I was desperate to get out there. I hated feeling this way; I had felt like this for too long and the more I dwelled on it, the more I just needed to get out of here. I grabbed Alice.

"I need to get out of here, Alice. Can you please cover my last few tables for me, please? You can have the tips and everything." I practically begged, hoping she'd just agree. She must have sensed my desperation because she just nodded and I practically ran out of the dining room. I grabbed my bag and coat, swiped the tears off my cheeks, and looked over at Edward who was watching me with a confused expression on his face. "I'm really sorry Edward… for everything," and walked out.

x-x-xEPOV

I watched as Bella walked out of the kitchen and I just stood there speechless. It finally registered that someone was talking to me as Embry shouted, "Edward! What the hell is wrong with you? It was an accident." I looked over at him and he was pissed. "You are such a dick sometimes. What has gotten in to you today?"

I just glared at him.

"You need to apologize to her," he said matter-of-factly.

I knew what he was saying was true; it _was_ an accident. But this was _my kitchen_, and I didn't have to apologize to anyone. "Embry, shut the fuck up. This is _my _kitchen and I'm not going to tolerate you telling me what to do."

He looked at me, his jaw twitching, "Whatever, Edward. You keep telling yourself that."

I stared at him incredulously. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about Edward. This is not _your _kitchen. This is Rosalie's diner and she calls the shots. She has given you a lot of freedom, but you can't just treat people like shit and expect them to roll over and take it. Bella doesn't work for you, and you can't treat her like that! Besides, it was a fucking accident!"

I felt my body tense and the anger boil over. "Go to hell, Embry! And while you're at it, get out of _my_ kitchen!"

"Gladly!" He shouted, ripping off his apron, and stormed out.

I didn't realize Alice was standing there; she had her arms folded across her chest and was glaring at me. "Edward, you are out of line. I'm saying this as your sister, not your co-worker. I don't know what happened with Bella other than this morning – which was unacceptable by the way – but you can't treat her, or anyone else, the way you just did."

"Shut up, Alice," I seethed. "I have worked my ass off to make this place what it is. When I got here, this place was a dump and the food tasted like shit. So yes, this_ is_ my kitchen." Even as I said it, I knew it really wasn't. If I wanted my own kitchen I should have gone back to Chicago, but I was too weak to actually do it.

"That's bullshit Edward, and you know it. You need to figure out a way to fix this… with Bella _and_ Embry," she said as she turned and walked out of the kitchen.

_Dammit! _I had really made a mess of this entire day. I leaned over one of the work tables and pressed my palms into the cold, hard surface. I felt the tension coursing through my body as I thought back over the day. When I walked in this morning and saw Bella standing in the kitchen talking with Alice and Embry about how she used to bake and how much she loved it, I couldn't help but tell her that she should do it here too. I would be lying if I said I had totally pure motives, because ever since she'd started working here, I had been completely intrigued by her. She was skittish and shy, and rarely talked unless someone talked to her directly. She was not the type of girl I usually went for, but damn, she was pretty. She had the shiniest hair I had ever seen, and it looked so soft. Her eyes were by far her most beautiful feature. They were rich, warm, and chocolaty with tiny gold flecks that brightened when she smiled or laughed. They were expressive, so much so that I could practically read her thoughts.

After I mentioned that she should start baking here, I could see the confusion and anxiety written all over her face. I had no idea why she would feel that way, especially since she had done it at another restaurant. She just looked scared, and then after trying to encourage her, she had said she needed to ask Rosalie. That pissed me off for obvious reasons, and I reacted like a total ass and put her even more on edge. I knew as soon as the words came out of my mouth that it was a crappy thing to say, but I couldn't hold it in. After that she had been on edge with me all day, literally at my beck and call, and very attentive. But when I called out an order, she just stood there, frozen. I called it out again and still no response. After I called her name and she finally realized I had been talking to her, she got flustered and came rushing over. I should have known something would happen but I didn't foresee the disaster that was her dropping all the plates. All the tension from the day finally broke through and I snapped at her. Yes, I was annoyed that I would have to make the food again, but more than that, I was mad at myself for making her so nervous and for being such a dick to her. Yet, I still didn't stop there. I could see she was on the brink of tears and I knew I needed to stop, but I just kept digging into her. So when she came back in the kitchen, grabbed her stuff, and said she was sorry for everything, I was stunned. She said my name… and the way it rolled off her tongue, even as upset as she was, was the sexiest fucking thing I had ever heard. _Shit! You have to make this right with her you idiot or she's going quit working here. _I had no idea how I was going to do that.

I spent the next hour reliving the day as if it were a bad B-movie on repeat. _I can't believe I was such a dick to her. I have to make this right. I can't just let her think I don't want her to work here. Rosalie is going to kick my ass if she quits because of me. _

I called Alice over.

"Ali, what do I need to do to fix this?" I asked, running my hands through my hair.

She looked at me incredulously. "Are you serious, Edward? For being my brother, sometimes you are so clueless. The first thing you need to do is apologize to her, and then you need to do something to make it up to her."

I just stared at her. _Isn't that what I just asked her?_ "So I get that, and I am going to apologize. I just don't know what it is I should do to make it up to her."

"Well, Bella probably wouldn't like something elaborate. She's obviously quiet and doesn't want a lot of attention."

I nodded my head. "Ok, so…." _I can't believe she is making this so difficult. I know she has an idea and I know she's trying to make me work for it_. "Look, Ali, I know I screwed up. I have no idea why I acted like that today…" She looked at me again like I'd grown two heads.

"You have no idea why you acted like that today?" she asked in total disbelief.

"Ok, I know why and I know I have issues. She just acted like this wasn't _my_ kitchen…"

"That's because it's not!" she practically shouted. "Edward… this is a restaurant that you happen to work at. Rosalie owns this diner and you are lucky enough to work here and on a schedule that allows you to go to school in the evenings. So, grow a pair and quit acting like a total ass!"

Now it was my turn to just stare at her. Ali had never talked to me like this. "Look… ok…," I said uncertainly as I once again ran my hand through my hair. "I know you're right… just, please tell me how to fix this. I don't want her to quit working here," I said quietly.

She bounced on her toes and grinned. "Ok, so this is what you need to do. After you get off work, I want you to go over to her house and apologize and then invite her over to the house for dinner tomorrow night."

I looked at her with total confusion. "Why would I invite her over for dinner? I don't think this is the time to start asking her out; I just want to fix this situation." But even as I said it, I felt my stomach clench. _Is that all I want? This is getting ridiculous._

"Edward Anthony Cullen – listen to me! I am going to host a barbeque. She doesn't know anyone here except for us and her dad. We need to help her make some friends and I think inviting Em and Rose over will be a low key way to do that."

I quirked my eyebrow at her, "Ali – nothing you do is low key."

She smiled. "I know, but I want to barbeque, and dad's place has the best view. Plus we have you to do the grilling. Oh, and while you're over there ask her to bring a dessert."

I nodded. This could prove to be a good plan. If she brought a dessert, I could try it and then convince her that she needs to bake here with me, especially since I didn't really give her a chance this morning. "Ok, well, I'm off then."

As soon as I walked out the door, I just couldn't quite get up the nerve to do it. So, I wandered around town for the next couple of hours as I thought about what had happened today and what Alice wanted me to do. Alice had an uncanny way of knowing what would work in situations like this, but I couldn't just walk over to her house and ask her to the barbeque and pretend that everything was fine. So, I did the next best thing; I went to the bar, buying myself a little more time.

There weren't many options as far as bars go in Forks. In fact, it was one of the things I missed most about Chicago. There was literally a bar on every corner and they were all different. Mill Creek Bar was like any other small town bar – dark walls, hard wood floors and a smattering of tables and chairs. It smelled stale and of old smoke, even though the state-wide smoking ban had gone into effect several years ago. I walked up to the bar and asked for a Heineken. I took a long pull and just sat there trying to get her tear-stained face out of my head and failing miserably. _I'll go over there tomorrow. She probably doesn't want to see me tonight anyway. Well why would she? You haven't exactly given her any reason to like you. You were a class-A dickhead to her._ My inner dialogue was starting to grate on me. I finished my beer, left a few bucks on the bar, and walked out. _Tomorrow._

_x-x-x_

When I pulled into the driveway of the house I saw Alice and Carlisle's cars. _Just fuckin' great… as if I need this right now._ I walked into the house and made a beeline for my room only to be accosted by my sister. She had her arms crossed against her chest and she was glaring at me.

"Don't start, Alice," I warned.

She continued glaring. "You didn't go over there, did you?"

"I didn't feel like it, alright? I'll deal with it tomorrow."

"That's bullshit and you know it Edward. I'm not even surprised." She started to walk away and then stopped. "This isn't just about you, Edward. Bella and I were starting to become friends and you are ruining everything." She said sadly and walked away.

_Fuuuucck! _Exasperated I looked at the clock - _11:42. _I knew it was too late. She was probably sleeping and would definitely _not_ appreciate being woken up. I decided, again, that I would go over there tomorrow… _sometime_.

I walked up to my room, stripped off all my clothes and lay down on my bed, not even bothering to brush my teeth. I felt exhausted and emotionally drained, but could already tell that it was going to be a long night.

The next morning, I found myself standing in front of Chief Swan's house. I had been going over and over what I was going to say to Bella all night. I hadn't managed to sleep more than a few hours and had spent the rest of the time tossing restlessly. I made my way here and circled the block four times before I finally parked my car down the street and walked to the end of her driveway. I was nervous and felt sick. I dragged in an unsteady breath, looked at her house, turned around, and walked back to my car.

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I just started a blog to go along with this story. I'll be posting all kinds of goodies – cupcake recipes – there! Go check it out! http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/


	4. Chapter 4

I am blown away at the reviews and alerts! You guys seriously amaze me!

Cupcake lovin' to my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW. They keep me honest and always make it better.

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

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**Chapter 4**

**BPOV**

The minute I got home from work, I walked straight into the kitchen, grabbed my apron, turned on some Damien Rice, and set the oven to 350 degrees. I just needed to bake. Some people need a drink or to clean when they're upset; not me, I bake. I pulled out all the ingredients I needed for my Salted Caramel Cupcakes, grateful that I always had what I needed to make them on hand. These cupcakes were time consuming, rich, and divine, and I wanted one… now. I thought back over the day and just couldn't believe how horrible it had been. I should have known things wouldn't be different here, that I would never actually get away from my past. I felt the familiar burn as tears welled up in my eyes. Did I really deserve to be treated like this? Would it always be like this – no matter where I went or how far away I got from Phoenix? The ring of the phone pulled me from my thoughts; I looked at it and saw Charlie's name pop up. I brushed away the tears that had fallen unhindered, sniffed a few times, and tried to pull it together so he wouldn't know I had been crying. I didn't want to explain this or anything else for that matter to Charlie, especially not over the phone.

I flipped open my phone, "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Bells. I wanted to let you know I am going to be working until tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, okay.

"Jake got sick and they need a replacement. I didn't want you making dinner for me since I won't be there."

"Thanks for letting me know," I said as a traitorous sniffle broke through.

"You okay, Bella?"

"Yeah… I, uh, I think I might be coming down with a cold or something, probably just allergies," I said in my most convincing voice.

"Ok, well, I'll see you when I get home tomorrow."

"Bye dad." The line went dead.

I set the phone aside and turned back to my cupcakes. I quickly whisked together the flour, baking powder, and salt in one of my new favorite bowls. I had decided to get some new baking supplies since Charlie's kitchen was so inadequate and antiquated. I walked over to my new KitchenAid mixer and smiled. I had wanted one of these since college but had never had the money to get one. Now that I was on my own and working, I had decided to treat myself – I got the red one. I dropped a stick of butter into the shiny silver bowl and poured in the white and brown sugar. I turned it on and grinned like an idiot as the machine whirred to life, beating the butter and sugars until fluffy. I added eggs and vanilla, mixed until combined, and then added the dry ingredients, along with some milk. The rich notes of caramel wafted up as the beater whipped through the batter. I loved hearing the _patpatpat_ of the beater moving the batter around the bowl. When it was done, I quickly scooped the batter into my pretty new cupcake liners and stuck them in the oven.

While the cupcakes baked, I turned my attention to creating the caramel sauce. I loved this sauce; it was rich, sweet and buttery; it literally melted on your tongue. I pulled out Charlie's saucepan and began cooking the sugar. I watched as the sugar began to melt around the edges, and then turned a rich golden amber as the remainder of it dissolved. Slowly, I poured cream down the side of the pan, stirring vigorously, as the sugar bubbled and spattered to life. When the mixture was smooth, I added some salt and set it aside to cool. As if my timing could be any more perfect, the buzzer shouted, and I pulled the cupcakes out of the oven.

Without even realizing it, all the tension of the day had melted away and I spent the next ten minutes making the frosting. Gran had given me the recipe when I turned eight years old. "Every girl should know how to make a mean buttercream," she'd said. I had cherished this recipe and kept it a secret ever since. Finally, I was to the last step before assembly – creating the chocolate-covered caramels. These were a special little add-on that I came up with about two years ago when I was trying to pretty these little cakes up. I had experimented with all kinds of caramels but finally settled on Werther's chewy caramels. They were rectangular, soft, and perfect for dipping in chocolate.

I sat at the wax-paper covered table, unwrapped and dipped the bottom of each caramel into melted chocolate. My mind wandered back to Edward and how angry he had been with me. I sent a wordless prayer of thanks that I didn't have to work tomorrow. I couldn't imagine how awkward it would have been to have to face Edward, to see him look at me with contempt and frustration. The saddest part about this whole situation was Alice. _I know she thinks I'm a spaz. Of course she does! You accosted her in the dining room begging her to take your last few tables so you could get out of there. What else is she supposed to think?_ What would she think of me now? The anxiety and sadness I had been feeling since this morning came crashing back over me, and the tears ran unhindered down my face. I thought back to the last few months and how everything in my life had changed and how far I had come. I had no idea how, but I knew that this, like all of the situations I had been in for the last six years, would blow over. I stood up and decided to think about this later; it was time to get a cupcake.

I grabbed an icing bag, outfitted it with a coupler and a tip and filled one side of the bag with icing and the other side with caramel sauce. I folded the top of the bag down and slowly and precisely swirled the beautiful mixture in thick spirals on top of each cupcake. I loved how the amber ribbons twisted against the soft, buttery white of the buttercream. After each cupcake had been frosted, I added a caramel to the top and then sprinkled each with a generous helping of sea salt. Standing back, I looked at my creations and sighed. This, this is what I should be doing, what I had always wanted to do but had never been brave enough to really commit. Edward's invitation to let me do the baking at The Diner churned around in my head. I really wanted to do it; I just wasn't sure I could, or even wanted to work with Edward in the kitchen every day. He was moody and volatile. His words echoed over and over, _"This is my kitchen, Bella. I don't have to ask permission."_ His attitude… I just… didn't know if I could deal with the tension it would create, or more importantly, if I even wanted to deal with it.

Once again, I pushed all thought aside and grabbed one of my cupcakes, poured myself a glass of milk, and walked upstairs. It was late and I was exhausted. I devoured my cupcake, downed my milk, and tried to read for a little bit, but my mind kept wandering back to Edward. _Bella, you know you want to do this. Just take the damn job and do it. Do it! _The longer I lay there, the more I felt the anger from the day's drama wash over me. Courage welled up inside of me and I decided at that moment that I wasn't going to let Edward Cullen intimidate me anymore. I had lived under the veil of intimidation for six years and I was tired – tired of always walking on eggshells and living in fear. It was time for me to take him head on, and baking cupcakes was just the way to do that.

x-x-x

I heard my phone ring and glanced at the clock. I picked up the phone and groaned. _Alice. _I had no idea why she would be calling at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

"Hello."

"Hey, Bella. It's Alice," she paused. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"It's fine. What's up?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come over later this afternoon for a barbeque. A few of our friends are coming over – Rosalie and her husband, Emmett. Jasper will be there, too."

I thought for a second about what was actually going on today and knew I didn't have an excuse that would fly. I wondered if Edward would be there and if it would be awkward. "Okay…," I said hesitantly. "Um… is... "

"Yes, he's going to be there," she interrupted. "He wants to apologize but he's being such an ass about it. Will you please still come? Pleeaaaasssee?"

I groaned again. It was no use; I was no match for Alice and her begging. "Yes, I'll come."

She squealed and I could just imagine her bouncing up and down, "Yay! Ok, so be at my place around 3:30. Do you know how to get here?"

"I came over to your house a couple of weeks ago. I think I can remember how to get there," I said sarcastically.

"Oh sorry, no, it's actually going to be at my dad's house. He has a great view, an awesome outdoor kitchen and a fire pit!"

She gave me directions and I told her I'd be there. "Should I bring anything?"

"Yes! Can you bring a dessert?"

"Of course. I actually made cupcakes yesterday – Salted Caramel. Will that be okay?"

_"Mmmmm," _I heard her moan. "Oh my gosh, Bella. That sounds so divine!"

I chuckled. "Ok, I'll see you at 3:30. Bye, Alice."

"Bye!"

I guess my angry baking from yesterday would be put to good use after all.

x-x-x

I drove up the long winding driveway to Alice's house and my breath caught as the largest log cabin I had ever seen greeted me. It was beautiful and rustic and elegant. The logs were a rich oaky color accented with green-rimmed windowsills. I walked up to the front door of the Cullen's house, and was greeted with a beautiful assortment of potted plants and a large mahogany front door. I rang the bell and waited nervously. The door opened and Alice pulled me into a tight hug and shrieked, "You came!"

"I told you I would, silly," I laughed, holding out my cupcake traveling case. She took them carefully and walked into the house. The minute I got in the entryway, I froze. _Wow! _From the outside, the house looked like a huge log cabin, and the inside was just as I expected - masculine, warm, and beautiful. The rich smell of cedar, burning wood, and cinnamon clung to the air. I looked into the great room and immediately noticed a large fire roaring in a smooth-rocked fireplace, surrounded by a hearth that ran all the way up to the top of the vaulted ceilings. Adjacent to the fireplace, was a wall of windows that overlooked a forest of trees and in the far distance the mountains. It was airy and open and immediately put me at ease. The couch and chairs were a warm brown leather and accented with soft burgundy and cream pillows. Every surface was decorated with purpose and had the hint of a woman's touch. "Alice, your house is so beautiful. Did you decorate this?"

A brief flash of sadness crossed her face before her smile returned. "Actually, no, my mom decorated it."

I couldn't be sure what had caused that brief flicker of emotion, and I didn't ask. "Well it's exactly what I expected it to look like when I saw the outside. It has the most comfortable and welcoming feel."

"Thanks, that was definitely the feel mom was going for," she smiled sadly as she led me out of the room.

I followed her into the kitchen, set my bag on one of the chairs, and pulled out my cupcake plate. I opened the container and the salty sweet aroma assaulted my nose. I breathed in and smiled.

"Those look orgasmic, Bella," she giggled.

I felt the warmth creep up into my cheeks and laughed. "They are, trust me!"

"Aaaahhhh!" Alice screeched, dancing around a little.

Just then Jasper walked in with Rosalie.

"What are you girls squealing about?" he asked.

"Bella's cupcakes!" Alice squealed again.

They both walked over and ogled my cupcakes.

"Hey, guys," I said as Jasper reached out to get one, and Alice smacked his hand. "Don't even think about it, mister! Those are for dessert."

Jasper looked at me sheepishly and I just shrugged, smiling.

"Those are stunning, Bella," Rosalie commented. "Do all your cupcakes look like that?"

"Well, they are all different, but yeah, I guess so." I was starting to feel really self-conscious and really wanted to focus the attention on anything other than me or my cupcakes.

"Well, you should seriously consider doing this at The Diner. These would be unique and different than the average diner fare, don't you think?"

I looked at Rosalie and grinned. "Yeah, I do. So, it would be okay with you if I did that?"

She grinned, "Are you kidding?! Absolutely!"

_Oh my gosh, she wants me to bake in her diner! AHAHAHAHAH!_

"The grill's ready, guys. Get your asses out here," an unfamiliar voice shouted from the deck, pulling me back to reality. I looked over and saw the biggest guy I had ever seen. He was bulky and well muscled – not in an obscene way – with a tight t-shirt stretching across his chest and back.

"Oh, hi! You must be Bella. I'm Emmett, Rosalie's husband," he said with a grin and a wave of his spatula.

"Hi, yes, I'm Bella. Nice to meet you."

"Well, come on, guys! Let's get the meat and veggies on the grill," Alice ordered.

Rosalie and Jasper each grabbed a platter of food, and I followed behind, empty-handed. I noticed that Edward wasn't around and wondered where he was. Alice had said he was going to be here. _I wonder if he'll really be okay with me baking in his kitchen. _I shrugged off my doubt and decided to just enjoy the evening. I was excited to spend some time with everyone and hopefully make some real friends.

Emmett was putting the veggies on the grill and chatting animatedly with Jasper about some car he found at a local junkyard. He was talking about parts and paint colors and how he wanted to restore it. I was kind of drawn in and listening but didn't really know what they were talking about.

"Em is a mechanic and owns his own shop on the outskirts of Forks," Rosalie said.

"Oh, gotcha."

"He has been trying to find parts for this 1967 Chevy Camaro for months. He spends the weekends scouring flea markets and junk yards for old parts."

"Wow, that's pretty cool. Do you go, too?

"Yeah, actually, I'm into it too. It's actually a little hobby of both of ours. It's fun," Rosalie grinned. I could tell that she really enjoyed it because her eyes brightened and she got a little bit taller.

"So have you guys restored other cars?"

"Actually yes, we have. We rebuilt a 1956 Chevy truck about a year ago and sold it to Billy Black over at LaPush."

"Really? I've known Billy forever. He and my dad are really good friends," I gushed. "I guess I'm going to have to check it out sometime."

"You should come by Em's shop. There are some pictures there, and you can also see the Camaro."

"Sure! I don't know anything about cars but would love to check it out. My…," I paused, completely caught off guard by what I had almost let slip, "a guy I knew in Phoenix always fixed my car."

She laughed. "That's cool! We can give you the run down. Em loves to show off his cars."

"That's not all I like to show off," Emmett said as he waggled his eyebrows.

Rosalie just rolled her eyes and punched him playfully.

I smiled and turned toward the edge of the deck. The view was absolutely breathtaking. The forest was thick and lush, varying shades of green popping in the sunlight. Beyond it, you could see the ocean as the waves crashed against the rocks. I closed my eyes and inhaled, allowing the clean air to cleanse my head and fill my lungs.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

My eyes flew open and once again that sexy voice startled me. I turned around and was face to face with Edward. I knew he would be here, but nothing had prepared me for hearing that voice. It was velvet and rough at the same time and washed over me, leaving me tingling and a little dazed. All the anger, hurt, and frustration melted away as I stared into his beautiful green eyes; something made me think he wasn't just talking about the view. "Yes, it is," I whispered.

He moved a little closer and stood beside me, resting his forearms on the deck railing, looking out at the view again. I turned back to the forest, feeling completely out of my element, but drawn there nonetheless. Edward looked over at me, smiled nervously, and then down.

He looked tired, like he hadn't slept well, and I wondered if maybe sleep had evaded him like it had me. His hair was a mess, probably from running his hands through it so much. He raised his eyes to look at me again, and I could see his jaw beginning to tense. I felt the anxiety that had consumed me yesterday start to bubble under the surface. He was clearly hoping I would say something, but I had no idea what to say.

He cleared his throat and looked down, "Bella, I…. I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I was completely out of line and I acted like a total asshole toward you. I know you don't really know me, and there are probably a lot of reasons I could give for why I said those things to you, but it doesn't matter. I didn't mean them and… I'm sorry." He finally looked back up at me, and I knew he was being sincere. For the second time today, all the negative feelings and anxiousness slowly started to melt away as I stared back into his piercing green eyes.

The resolve I had found last night came welling up inside me in the form of a big dose of courage, "What you did was really shitty, Edward. You're right, I don't know you and you don't know me. You have no idea where I came from or why I do the things I do, but I don't want to walk on eggshells around you. We have to work together and I don't want things to be awkward."

He stared back at me with a look of shock, awe, and disbelief. "I know… I just… I am not used to people in my kitchen and…"

"Look, Edward, I'm not trying to take over your kitchen or usurp your authority okay? I just brought in muffins so I could get rid of them. That's it." I felt myself getting irritated, especially since Rosalie had just given me permission to bake in the kitchen.

"That's not what I meant. Shit, look, I'm sorry. Can we… can we just start over?"

I hesitated, not sure what that even meant, but nodded anyway.

"Thank you," he whispered.

I had no idea what had just happened here but it felt good. I was proud that I had actually stood up for myself and told him how shitty he had been; I would never have done that with _him. Of course you wouldn't have… you would have gotten your ass handed to you._

Emmett's screeching pulled me out of my reverie, and we both turned to look at him. "Dinner's ready, love birds," he smirked.

Edward and I looked at each other as my face flamed for what felt like the millionth time today. "I guess we should go, huh?"

He grinned, "Let's."

We walked over to the bar and grabbed plates. My stomach growled loudly and I realized I really hadn't eaten much all day. Edward looked at me and smiled. "Hungry?"

_Cue the awkward blushing, yet again. _"I haven't eaten much today," I said, embarrassed.

"Well, you better fill up your plate, then."

"I guess so," I smiled. I filled my plate with a cheeseburger – lettuce, tomato, pickle and mustard, grilled veggies, and a handful of chips.

"Anyone want a beer?" Jasper asked.

"I'll take one, please," I said.

Edward shouted over his shoulder, "Me, too."

Jasper walked over and handed everyone their beers and we dug in. We spent the rest of the late afternoon and early evening chatting about everything under the sun; it was playful and carefree, and just what I needed. I sat back and listened with a smile on my face and felt grateful in this moment that this small group of people had included me in their circle of friends.

"Hey, Bella. Rosalie and I are going up to Seattle next weekend, you wanna come?" Alice asked.

"What are you going to be doing while you're there?"

"Probably shopping, but Rose and I were also thinking about going to the spa."

I hated shopping, and with the exception of the manicure I had gotten a couple months ago, I had never even been to a spa. My doubt or disinterest must have been pretty obvious because Alice immediately started whining, "Belllaaa, you just have to come with us. Please… with cherries on top?"

"Come on, Bella. Come with us. It'll be fun," Rose chimed in.

"Okay, okay, I'll come," I laughed, "but for the record, I do not enjoy shopping... at all."

They both looked aghast, and then we all busted laughing. The guys just looked at us and laughed; they were obviously used to these two.

Eventually, we all migrated over to the fire pit, and Jasper and Emmett started gathering up wood to build the fire. It had been a long time since I'd sat outside in front of a fire, but I remember loving the smell of the smoke and watching the flames dance across the logs.

"Who's up for dessert?" I asked.

"Me!" "Me!" "Cupcakes!" I heard them all shout out at the same time.

Laughing, "I'll go get them."

"I'll help," Edward offered.

I felt kind of nervous. Edward and I were going to be alone, and I had no idea what he was thinking. "Um… sure."

We pushed our chairs away from the table and stood at the same time. I noticed everyone subtly looking at each other and a few smirks, but ignored them. Walking into the kitchen, Edward looked at me as if there was something he wanted to say. I smiled.

"These really look amazing, Bella. Did you come up with this on your own?"

"My Gran taught me how to make caramel sauce when I was younger, and I loved it so much that I started trying to find something special to do with it. This is what came I came up with – salted caramel cupcakes."

"I have to have one right now… " he grinned.

I watched as he picked up one of my cupcakes and slowly pulled the wrapper off. He lifted it up to his nose and inhaled, getting the mingled effect of the caramel, buttercream, and salt. He licked his lips and slowly brought it up to his mouth and took a bite, his eyes never leaving mine. He slowly chewed the cake, pursing his lips as he allowed the flavors to caress his tongue and moaned. He swallowed and I watched his throat constrict and his pink tongue make one final pass across his lips to get the last bit of caramel and cream. I felt faint. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen anyone do… with a cupcake…period. "Bella… that was… un-fucking-believable. It's like a flavor explosion of salty and sweet – absolutely decadent."

Again the flames kissed my cheeks, and I stared at him, speechless and so turned on. Watching his sharp jaw move and his tongue flick across his lips was practically orgasmic, just like I had said earlier. "Thanks," I whispered, afraid my voice would crack if I spoke any louder.

"Please come work in my kitchen. Please come bake with me."

All I heard was 'come' and 'with me' and I shook my head slightly, and looked up at him. "I'd love to come… work with you." I didn't know where this was coming from; I had never been this bold, but I knew one thing, I was going to love working in his kitchen.

A wide smile broke out across his face and his eyes lit up. "We're going to have fun together, Bella."

I smiled and nodded, "I think so, too."

The rest of the evening passed by quickly and everyone seemed to love my cupcakes just as much as Edward did. I thought back to my conversation with Rosalie and was so excited that she wanted me to bake cupcakes for The Diner. As soon as she asked me, I immediately started thinking about what that would like look in reality. I wanted to make sure there were some standard cupcakes, as well as a unique one each day. I really had no idea what the demand for them might be, or what kinds of supplies were available, but I was excited to find out.

x-x-x

I could hear the music blaring before I opened the back door of The Diner. After all the compliments on my cupcakes last night and the conversations with both Rosalie and Edward about baking at the restaurant, I had decided to come in early to see what we had in the way of ingredients and supplies. I had some of my own stuff but didn't want to haul it up here if it wasn't necessary.

I reached for the door knob and suddenly felt nervous. I had no idea what to expect from Edward. Sure we had talked, apologized, and even flirted a little, but we had been on equal ground. This kitchen was his, as he had repeatedly told me, and I had no idea how he would really react to having me cook in here with him. I turned the knob and pulled the door open. The rich, sweet smell of caramelized onions and smoky bacon filled the air. Edward was bent over his work table with a bowl nestled between his arm and chest, as his wrist moved in rapid circles beating what looked like a bowl full of eggs. He was completely in a different space, his brow furrowed and tongue between his lips as he concentrated. I noticed his station was covered in piles of spinach, mushrooms, and grated cheese. _Mmmm, quiche._ He put the bowl down, seemingly satisfied with the consistency of the eggs. He quickly scooped up the ingredients on his station, along with the bacon, and onions, and dumped them into the eggs. He reached to his left and grabbed two prepared pie pans, and then carefully poured the mixture. He sprinkled a little bit of cheese on the tops, placed them both on a large baking sheet, and put them in the oven. Watching Edward in his element was thrilling; he looked how I felt when I was baking – at peace and content, even through the intense concentration.

"Morning, Bella."

I jumped. I didn't realize he had seen me come in. "Um, morning. I didn't want to interrupt," I nervously said.

"You didn't. I don't mind people watching," he smirked, as he started wiping off his work table.

I glanced away, a little embarrassed and a lot intrigued by him.

"I see you couldn't wait to get here and check out your space," he teased.

"Well, when I got home last night, I just started thinking about how all of this would work, what kind of cupcake menu I would create, and how it would work with everything you already do. Plus, I wanted to see what kind of baking utensils and appliances were here, not to mention ingredients."

He tossed his cloth into the soapy sink and walked toward me. "We have a convection and a conventional oven," he pointed to the side wall, "and obviously an industrial stove. The mixer is next to the work table against the far wall, near the fridge and freezer."

He walked me over and showed me where all the attachments – paddles, whisks, dough hooks – were, mixing bowls, measuring cups and spoons, and general baking utensils. I asked about piping bags and tips, but they didn't have any. Cakes, apparently, weren't their specialty. I quickly jotted down some of the items I would need to get. I could use my own tools until we were able to place an order.

"So, this space over here," he pointed to the second work table, "is for you. Do you think it will be enough?"

It was certainly smaller than his work table, but I didn't anticipate a problem. "Yeah, that'll be fine. Thanks," I said with a smile. "So in terms of ingredients, what do you have?"

"Well, the basics – flour, sugar – both brown and white, and baking powder and soda. I'm assuming you'll need powdered sugar, butter and eggs?"

"Of course. You can't make cakes or buttercream without it," I smirked.

I added a handful of other items to my list – vanilla, different icing gels, special decorating sugars – and looked around. I realized he hadn't mentioned pans. "Do you have cupcake pans? Liners?"

"Actually, good call, no we don't have pans or liners. Add them to your list. Let me know when you're ready, and I'll place a special order so they arrive by mid-week. As you get into a routine and can start anticipating what you'll need, I'll add your supplies to the standard order we place each week."

"Ok, thanks. That sounds great!" I was beginning to feel comfortable in here. Edward was like a completely different person than he had been last week, and if I were being honest, since I met him. He had been nice, but cool and slightly distant. Today, however, he was being friendly and even a little flirty. There was definitely something about him and this kitchen that I couldn't put my finger on, and I was determined to figure it out.

I spent the rest of the morning working on a cupcake plan. I really wanted to make sure there were a couple of staples – like vanilla and chocolate cakes with a mixture of icings. I also wanted to set up a rotational plan for specials, maybe something local or holiday specific. I sketched out my idea for how to present them - the refrigerated case out front would be fine for most of them, but I really wanted to have a tall, covered cake plate to sit at the end of the bar, like in the movies. I decided I wanted to have a menu board, similar to Edward's daily special where I'd post the standard cakes, as well as the weekly special. My head was swimming with ideas and I could feel the excitement coursing through me. This was definitely the right move for me.

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The salted caramel cupcake recipe is on my blog, as our pics of the Cullen House and the cars Emmett is/has restored! http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

If you are so inclined, feel free to follow me on Twitter: Jessypt

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Leave me some love!


	5. Chapter 5

I am absolutely stunned and amazed by all the reviews. Thank you so much for sharing your ideas and kind words with me. It absolutely brightens my day, and I'm sorry I have been so fail at replying to them this time. I'll get there, I promise!

Special thanks and Confetti cupcakes to Sunfeathers, Ohio Girl USA, and lyta7 for their extra special lovin' and for pimpin'! You girls make me wanna make buttercream!

Cupcake lovin' to my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW. They challenge my ideas, keep my comma usage in check, up the UST, and make my words beautiful! I giant puffy 3 them!

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight and The Cupcakery owns these awesome cupcake names and ideas.

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**Chapter ****5**

**EPOV**

When I walked into the diner, I was accosted by the smell of grease and freshly baked cake. I looked around and immediately noticed the soft creams and browns decorating the inside of the refrigeration case. It was filled with cupcakes, each with their own unique name: The Tuxedo – a chocolate cake with vanilla icing, garnished with a mini Oreo cookie; Double Chocolate - a chocolate cake decorated with milk chocolate icing and a Hershey kiss perched on top; and Confetti – a vanilla cake with vanilla icing, topped with round disc sprinkles. Bella had mentioned these three cupcakes would be her standard daily offering, but she had also decided to create a special cupcake each week. This week it was a red velvet cake with vanilla bean butter-cream-cheese frosting trimmed with a chunk of snickerdoodle cookie that she was calling Big Red.

Squatting down in front of the case, I inspected them closely. They were beautiful. The icing on each cake was swirled flat with a smooth tip, giving each one just the right amount of frosting. Her workmanship was phenomenal, and her attention to the tiny details was impeccable. I had always thought bakers were artists, making beautiful creations from the simplest ingredients, and Bella proved that point through and through. Standing up, I noted that not only were there cakes in the case, but she had placed a covered cake stand at the end of the bar and filled it with an assortment of cupcakes. Next to the dish, she had placed a small chalkboard listing the four cupcakes for the week.

I glanced around and didn't see anyone and went straight to the kitchen. I rounded the corner and saw her leaning over the large work table icing a row of cupcakes. My breath caught in my throat as I stood there watching her, much like she had done to me earlier in the week. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, although a few pieces had started to fall out and hang softly down the sides of her face. She was absolutely gorgeous, standing in a white ribbed tank and pink apron. She was making beautiful white swirls on the top of what looked like vanilla cupcakes.

I stood watching her for what seemed like an hour, when in fact, not even a few minutes had passed. I thought back to the barbeque and how flirty Bella had been; it was surprising and totally hot. Up until last week, she had been quiet and very standoffish with me. I knew I wasn't the most approachable person, and God knows I had been a total dick to her, so I definitely didn't expect that little display over her cupcakes. She wanted to come… work with me in _my_ kitchen. _My damn. _

Throughout the week as we got ready for her cupcake debut, she had been warm, talkative, and sweet. She had constantly been asking my opinion and was still a little skittish but had really mellowed out around me. I would catch her watching me from time to time, and if I were being honest, I had been checking her out too.

She was hot in a very unassuming way, and I was intrigued by her. She didn't share much about her life or what brought her here from Phoenix. I didn't really want to ask her outright, but I was really curious. Alice hadn't mentioned anything, which made me think that Bella hadn't even told her. _Interesting._ For now, I was content to let things play out at their own pace. We definitely didn't need anymore drama, especially since this kitchen wasn't that big and we were going to be together a lot.

As if sensing my presence, Bella turned her head and glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

"Morning," she said, turning back to the work table to finish icing the cupcakes. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I've got biscuits to make. I wanted to see if you needed any help, but after seeing what you did out front, I can tell that you don't. It looks really great!"

She grinned, as her cheeks turned a soft pink. "Thanks."

_Beautiful._

We worked in relative silence for the next hour. I mixed up the biscuit batter while she repeatedly filled her piping bag with more frosting. Occasionally, she would glance up and look over at me, but when I made eye contact or smiled, she would quickly turn her attention back to her cupcakes, her face turning pink from getting caught. When she finished, she carried the tray over to the refrigerator and placed them inside along with two other trays.

"So, how many cupcakes did you make?"

"I made six dozen. I hope that's enough."

"What are those mini-cakes?" I asked, pointing to the tray on the table.

Her eyes darted toward the mini-cakes and she looked worried. "Well," she said, swallowing, "those are something I made for today only. They are mini-cakes that we can serve with everyone's lunch as a way of previewing and hopefully enticing them to order the full-size version." She paused, worrying her lower lip. "Is that okay? I didn't mean to presume that we could just give out free food, but I…"

"Bella," I interrupted. "It's fine. I was just curious. I think it's a great idea," I said trying to put her at ease. I knew she was still nervous and uneasy around me from my previous outburst and I was determined to do what I could to reassure her that I wasn't going to freak out on her like I did the other day.

She let out a breath and smiled, "Oh, okay, thanks.

Before I could really analyze her reaction, Alice breezed into the kitchen wearing that ridiculous pink outfit that Rosalie insisted the waitresses wear. She looked at me and then over at Bella who was putting the finishing touches on her mini cakes.

"Bella! What are you doing? We have to be out there in like five minutes and you aren't even dressed!" Alice scowled with her hands on her hips.

"What!" Bella screeched, yanking at her apron strings and knotting them up. "I completely lost track of time," she said in a panicky, frustrated voice.

I walked over and pushed her hands away. "Relax, Bella. Let me help you; you're just making it worse." I quickly unknotted the strings and started to unwrap them when my fingers brushed against her waist. I could feel the buzz of electricity radiating from the contact and wanted to draw her in, but when I felt her stiffen, I quickly pulled my hands back. "Besides, it's not that big of a deal. We haven't even opened the doors yet, and Alice can cover while you change."

I looked over at Alice and quirked one eyebrow.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest with a huff, "Of course I can cover for her, Edward!"

She looked over at Bella, "Just go get ready! Today's your big day and I want you to be there for all of it. Everyone's going to loooove your cupcakes! Now get going!"

"I'm going. I'm going," Bella said as she walked into the bathroom with a huge smile on her face and her uniform in hand.

Alice turned and looked over at me with a wicked grin. "So, I was thinking, Edward..."

I knew this was bad news. Whenever my baby sis started a thought with, "I've been thinking," I knew she was up to no good. "What is it this time, Ali?"

"Well, today is Bella's big day, and I was thinking we could make a little bet," she grinned and then winked at me.

"What kind of bet?"

"How about we all say which cupcake will be the most popular, and whoever the loser is has to buy dinner!"

I shrugged. "Fine, you're on. I choose the Confetti cupcakes," I said with a smirk. These were by far Bella's best cupcakes – _and my favorite – _and once people got a little taste, they would go like hot cakes.

"Fine… I choose the Tuxedo. So when we're done for the day, we'll tally the sales and the loser has to buy Chinese."

I was just about to respond when I saw the bathroom door open and Bella walk out. My throat went dry as I watched her walk over to us. There was something about her in that uniform that hit me in all the right ways today. It wasn't like I hadn't seen her wear it every day for the last month, but the way the skirt hugged her hips and ass, and the tiny pink buttons strained against her chest had me shifting casually behind my work station.

Alice gave me a funny look that I ignored as I filled Bella in on our little bet.

"So, which cupcake do you pick, Bella?" Alice asked.

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes slightly closed in thought before she looked back at me, "Big Red."

"Ok, then. Edward's got Confetti, I've got Tuxedo, and you've got Big Red," Alice recapped. "Embry, which one do you want?"

"I guess I'll take the one that's left."

"OK, so Embry's got Double Chocolate, then. So at the end of our shift, we'll see who won, and then we can meet up over at…"

"You can come to my place if you'd like," Bella offered. "Charlie's working a double, so we'll have the house to ourselves."

"Sounds good," I said. I was curious to see where she lived. I mean I knew she lived with her dad, but being in someone's personal space could be very telling. Bella was an absolute mystery, never sharing any information about herself or where she was from. The little information I did know was surface level and relatively inconsequential. I gave her one last glance, "Ok, let's get to it."

The breakfast crowd came and went without incident. Our pancake special – pecan, chocolate chip, blueberry, and banana – was a hit. I had found a local farmer who made his own syrup and wanted to give this a try; I'm glad I did.

Alice and Bella flitted into the kitchen, both seeming eager to shift gears.

"It's time!" Alice bounced.

"Time?" I asked.

"For cupcakes, silly," Alice snorted.

I looked over at Bella and she had a huge smile on her face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and she looked excited, too. "I decided that we should try each of them to make sure we didn't want to switch our picks around," Bella offered as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out four cupcakes.

She carefully sliced each cake into quarters, and we each reached over and grabbed our piece. The taste of sugary, buttery goodness and soft, moist cake overwhelmed my senses. These cupcakes were really amazing.

"I'm still going with Confetti. They'll all amazing as hell, but the vanilla is my favorite," I said, giving Bella a pointed look.

I watched as her cheeks turned red and she smiled, "I'll keep that in mind."

_Damn, she's cute when she does that._

Alice, Embry, and Bella all kept their original choices. We took a final count of the cupcakes to make sure we knew how many there were of each and got ready for lunch. Bella pulled out the mini-cakes and asked me to put one on each plate before it was delivered to the customer. I quickly nodded and turned back to the stove.

Much like breakfast, lunch passed quickly. The customers were raving about the cupcakes, and Bella's mini-cake idea was a huge hit. In between tables, Bella refilled the cupcake case and replenished the cake stand at the end of the bar. As the hours ticked by, I could see Bella's eyes grow brighter and her cheeks flush with color. As a cook, there is nothing more exciting than watching and hearing people enjoy your food. Bella was on the receiving end of that pleasure today, and I was thrilled for her and The Diner.

We cleaned and restocked the restaurant while the last few customers finished eating. The afternoon cooks, Felix and Demetri, showed up and quickly took over for us. I pulled off my apron and walked over to Bella's station.

"So…?"

She grinned up at me and my breath caught in my throat. _Beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. _Her eyes were full of life and energy was radiating out of her. "It looks like they liked them," she said, smiling.

"It damn sure does. So what's the count?"

Alice and Embry walked over just as she happily announced that the most popular cupcake had been the Confetti. I did a little happy dance and smirked at them.

"Looks like I know a good thing when I taste it," I laughed. "So, who's buyin' me dinner?"

Alice rolled her eyes and Embry punched me in the arm, "You're such an ass, Edward."

I just laughed.

"It looks like you're buyin' dinner for us, Alice. It appears that people here aren't crazy about chocolate cake," Bella said.

"Fine. I can lose gracefully," Alice sulked.

"Oh, come on, Alice; you can't always win. This just means you get to pick the restaurant," I said casually.

"Fine," she snipped again. "I'm picking up Golden Gate. What do you guys want?"

I ordered my favorite, Beef a la Szechuan; they had found a way to make the beef really crispy, and it paired extremely well with the carrots, celery and sauce they used. I could feel my mouth start to water just thinking about it. Bella ordered chicken fried rice and a side of spicy green beans.

She looked around, "Do you guys want to order lettuce wraps? I'll pay for them since they're extra."

"Mmmm, that sounds great!" I replied.

"Definitely! Let's make it a double, and I'll chip in for them, too," Embry added.

Just as Embry was about to order, his phone rang, and he walked away. When he came back, he grabbed his jacket and said he had to go. Apparently there was some kind of issue back on the Res and he needed to get home. I gave him a strange look, but he didn't really acknowledge it. I shrugged and figured it probably had something to do with his dad. _Next time._

Alice walked back into the kitchen with a mischievous grin and grabbed her bag, "Ok, so we'll all meet over at Bella's place at 5. I'll bring Jasper and the food, and we can maybe just watch a movie or something. Sound good?"

We all agreed and walked out.

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I pulled up in front of Bella's and parked my Audi in her driveway. I stared at her house and thought back to earlier in the week when I couldn't even make my sorry ass apologize. _What a douche. _Things had definitely been better… a lot better, since our conversation at the barbeque. Having her in my kitchen had been extremely pleasant. She wasn't super talkative but she wasn't quiet either – a little unsure sometimes, but nothing that struck me as overly odd.

I grabbed the six-pack of Affligem from the passenger seat and got out of the car. I had discovered it in one of the many cooking classes I had taken; we had often experimented with different beer and wine pairings. I thought this one went well with spicy Chinese; it was subtle enough to complement the heat and really drew out different flavors in the food.

I made my way up to the door and quickly knocked. Bella opened the door with a smile. She was wearing a soft grey shirt that accentuated her tiny waist and pair of skinny jeans that were ripped up and very well worn. Her hair was down, curling softly around her shoulders. She looked very relaxed and amazing. "Hi," she said shyly.

_So we're back to this? _

"Hey. I brought beer, "I said, holding up the six-pack.

"That's cool. Come on in," she said, stepping aside so I could pass through the door.

The house was older and a little sparse; that's not to say it wasn't nice, but Charlie had lived by himself for a long time. It definitely needed a woman's touch. I followed her into the kitchen and could see that this is where she probably spent the majority of her time. There were pans, tips, and bowls piled in the drying rack, and her red KitchenAid mixer was sitting on the counter, shiny and clean. She opened the fridge and put the beer inside but handed me one first.

I opened it and took a long pull, the cold liquid coating my mouth and throat. "You gonna have one?"

Bella shook her head. "I'm not really a big drinker. In fact, I rarely drink at all."

I could tell there was more to this than her just not being a big drinker, and I immediately felt bad. I had no idea what her story was, but I hoped this wasn't going to be an issue for her. "Oh." I looked at her and moved toward the sink, "I'm sorry."

She reached up and put her hand on my arm in an attempt to stop me from pouring the rest of it down the sink. "Oh, it's nothing like that; I've just had a lot of bad experiences with alcohol. It's not a big deal; you don't need to do that."

I looked closely and could tell she was telling the truth, but again, there was something deeper there. I was about to ask her, but the doorbell rang, breaking the very uncomfortable tension that had developed over the last few minutes. Bella opened the door and Alice shoved the food in her face. "I can't stay. Jasper had a situation come up and he needs me. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow."

Alice gave me a quick glance and I could tell she was up to something.

"Oh, well, okay then. Is everything okay?" Bella asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I've gotta run. I'll see you tomorrow." She turned and jogged back to her car.

Bella turned around and looked at me. "Well, I guess it's just you and me. Hungry?"

I swallowed, feeling nervous again and not really sure why. "Sounds good."

She opened the bags and quickly pulled everything out. I could tell she was nervous. Hell, I felt nervous. She handed me my box of beef and then a box of rice. "Do you want a plate or bowl?"

"I'll take a bowl," I said.

She walked over to the cupboard and grabbed two bowls, handing one to me. I dumped my rice and topped it with my beef and reached for a package of chopsticks just as Bella reached for a fork, our hands brushing in the process. I drew my hand back, feeling that strangle tingle again.

"You don't use chopsticks?"

She looked over at me and laughed, "Definitely not."

"What do you mean, 'definitely not'?"

"Well, in the words of Miss Piggy, 'you don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles,'" she deadpanned.

I looked at her in shock, and then she smiled. We both burst out laughing washing the tension away. We sat down on the couch and ate in silence for a few minutes. Eventually she looked up and asked me how I got into cooking.

I paused and thought about how I could tell the story without sounding like a complete failure. I didn't want her to think I was a quitter but I also couldn't lie. Lies had basically gotten me where I was and I had no place for them in my life anymore. I set my bowl on the coffee table and took a deep breath.

"Well, it really all started when I went to Chicago to study medicine. My dad is a doctor and it was always an expectation that I would be one, too. So when I got accepted into Northwestern, my dad's alma mater, it was pretty much a done deal. Freshman year was rough; I really struggled with the chemistry and math classes and got really far behind. I ended up needing to take some summer classes to catch up and somehow became friends with a group of people who called themselves "foodies." I had never heard that before, but basically they just really enjoyed eating and cooking good food. Not one to turn down food, I quickly joined up with them. I started going out to really nice restaurants or over to people's houses for dinner parties. I really got into it and started trying tons of new foods and even began cooking my own. I looked into several cooking classes, but didn't really do much about it until one of the guys in the group randomly mentioned that he was going to take a Thai cooking class. That class literally changed my life," I smiled thinking back on the memory.

"Wow, that's really cool. So, I'm guessing since you're not a doctor, that you didn't stay pre-med?"

"_Hmmpphh_. Yeah, I didn't finish. About halfway into my sophomore year, I realized I just didn't want to be a doctor. I had taken several other cooking classes and couldn't get enough. I glanced down sheepishly and started picking at my jeans. I often, um…, I can't believe I'm telling you this," I said, embarrassed, "watched cooking shows and tested recipe after recipe from cooking magazines. The more I cooked, the more I wanted to learn."

She looked at me with a confusing expression. I couldn't read her at all, and it was very disconcerting. "So what happened next?"

I grabbed my bowl and took a few bites before continuing. "Well, I looked around and found several culinary schools in the area; I applied and was accepted. I started the next term."

She leaned forward a little and I could see the wheels turning in her head. "So… how did your dad take it?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and scratched the back of my head. "Well, he wasn't happy about it. When I first told him, he flat out told me I couldn't quit Northwestern for _culinary school_. I was pissed and told him that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted since I was over 18. He threatened to stop paying for everything, but I knew I was doing the right thing and told him I didn't need his money." I paused, looking down, not quite sure how much detail to go into, especially given how rocky things still were. I decided to keep it simple, "I started the very next term."

Glancing up at her, I was surprised to see genuine concern and interest reflected in her eyes and the soft of her mouth. I knew she wanted to know more, and I was surprised to find that I kind of wanted to tell her more. I had never really been one to talk to people, especially people I didn't really know. There was something about her that drew me in and made me want to share, and inexplicably I continued.

"Once I started, I knew it was my calling. I loved every second of my time in school. The things that people hated, like sanitation and all of the grunt work, I craved. The more I did, the more I wanted. I spent hours in the kitchens on campus experimenting and testing out different ideas."

I noticed that as I was talking, Bella had moved closer to me, our knees touching, as if she was trying to get more out of the story. She was completely engrossed, leaning forward, and I just felt all the words tumble out. "Being in the kitchen is so exhilarating, energizing, and relaxing all at the same time. I can't really explain it."

She perked up and placed her hand on my knee. I could feel my skin tingling beneath her touch and forced my eyes to meet hers. "I know exactly what you mean. I feel the exact same way when I'm baking. I love the meticulousness of it – the art and the science of it. A tweak here or a tweak there could mean the difference between a muffin and a cupcake," she said with a grin.

"And we definitely wouldn't want that to happen," I said through my laughter.

The more we talked, the more comfortable I felt with her. I could see her visibly relaxing as the evening wore on. She shared stories about her time in the kitchen with her Gran and how she loved baking in Phoenix. She had really honed her recipes and decorating skills there.

As she talked, I found myself only half listening. She was so expressive when she wanted to be; it was strange how one minute she could be open and the next so closed off. I noticed how she constantly tucked her hair behind her right ear and how she chewed on her lip when she was thinking. The more I listened and watched her, the more intrigued by and drawn to her I was. I wanted to know more about her.

As if sensing that I wasn't fully listening, she stopped. It took me a minute to realize that she was staring at me with a strange look on her face. I looked at her, embarrassed that she had caught me daydreaming. Not knowing what to say, I said the first thing that came to mind, "You're really pretty, you know that?"

_What? Wait, what did I just say?_

The look on Bella's face was nothing short of shock. She stared at me and then dipped her head down, "Thank you."

I could feel her starting to withdraw and I reached over and put my hand on top of hers. The connection was immediate and she looked up at me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just…"

"Thank you, Edward. I think you're pretty hot, too," she grinned.

_What?!__ She thinks I'm hot? Wait, come again?_

Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, even though I had no idea why I was. My head was cluttered with a million thoughts as my heart raced. I never got embarrassed about stuff like this, but being near her put me on edge. I looked away but was pulled back into the moment as her fingers wound through mine. I inhaled sharply as I watched the way our hands and fingers came together, and my eyes jerked up to meet hers. I was completely sucked into her deep brown eyes; I had no idea what she was thinking, but I knew in that moment that I wanted more. I needed to know _her _- what brought her here from Phoenix, why she sometimes had sad eyes, where she got her inspiration from, and what she wanted to do in the future. I had never really felt this strange intensity with anyone else – ever – and I wasn't sure what to do with it.

I wanted to run my fingers through her hair and to taste her sweet lips. Needing to make this moment, this feeling more real, I reached up and quickly tucked a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. _So soft._ I really wanted to run my fingers through it but knew that would probably be too much. Her eyes locked with mine and I could see the same longing I felt reflected there. I memorized the soft lines of her face, my eyes stopping at her lips before I unconsciously licked my own. I reached up and ran the pad of my thumb across her bottom lip and her eyes fluttered closed in anticipation. I could feel her warm breath as I slowly brought my lips toward hers.

The shrill sound of Bella's phone jolted us back into reality and I jerked my head back.

_Fuck! _

I could see the same expression written on Bella's face, and I wanted nothing more than to throw that damn phone across the room and get back to where we left off. The mood was broken though and I knew the moment had passed. _Damn! Damn! Damn! _She quickly picked up her phone glancing at the caller ID.

"Alice."

I groaned. _Of all the freaking times to call. Alice really did have the worst timing sometimes._

Bella sent it straight to voicemail. We looked at each other and I could see her shy mask starting to reappear. I quickly stood up and mumbled something about needing to head home and having to take care of some stuff. She nodded, clearly holding something back.

We dropped our stuff in the kitchen and her shoulder brushed mine as she walked me over to the door. I walked out and turned around to say goodnight and was once again stunned by how pretty she was. The soft light from the moon cast a silvery shadow across the porch, illuminating her face and making her hair shine. I moved toward her, drawn to her like a moth to the light. She was nervously chewing her bottom lip, and I gently tugged it out from between her teeth. She quickly looked down, and in the process, a piece of her hair fell in her face. I reached up to tuck it back behind her ear just as her own hand did the same. Our fingers touched, and it was like we were back on the couch, the energy buzzing between us, drawing us together.

"Bella, you are so beautiful," I whispered, my eyes locking with hers before she dipped her head in embarrassment.

I gently tilted her chin up so I could see her eyes again. They were dark and soft. I looked at her lips, pink and glistening as her tongue instinctively ran across them. I gently cupped her cheek and looked back into her eyes, hoping for some kind of indication that this was okay. I could feel the tension between us, thick and electric. I was about to make my move when she shifted ever so slightly and just like that, once again, the spell was broken.

With a final caress, I dropped my hand and stepped back. I quickly tried to mask my disappointment with a small smile, "Good night, Bella."

"Good night, Edward," she whispered as I slowly walked to my car. I glanced back up at her before opening the door and raised my hand in goodbye. She smiled sweetly and with a little wave, walked back inside.

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The cupcake names mentioned in this story (except for Big Red – it's all mine) are the creation of The Cupcakery here in St. Louis and a couple of other places throughout the U.S. Check out their website for some lovely, simple cupcakes. They are absolutely divine!

www(dot)cravethecup(dot)com

I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks to those of you who review regularly and if you haven't already, put me on author alert. I'll be posting a special o/s on Sunday, unrelated to this story, from the Haiti compilation that MsKathy put together.

Don't forget to check my blog for recipes and fun pics of the cupcakes mentioned in this chapter! http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

**Press that button and leave me some love****!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all so much for your reviews and for putting this story on alert! I'm still amazed that people are reading this. I'm sorry it took a little longer than normal to get this chapter to you. Between my inability to figure out how to write this chapter and RL drama for both me and my sweet betafish, LexyW, we needed a little extra time. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you like this!**

**Special thanks and cupcakey goodness to Sunfeathers, MsKathy, Subtlepen, and Ohio Girl USA for helping spread the word about The Diner! **

**As always, thanks to my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW for making this chapter better than it started. I love you girls!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight and The Cupcakery owns these awesome cupcake names and ideas, but this plotline is all mine… as is Big Red.**

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**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

I pulled into The Diner parking lot and noticed immediately that there weren't any other cars; I breathed a sigh of relief. I quickly gathered my decorating case, walked to the back door, and let myself into the building. I immediately went about my normal routine of preheating the ovens, pulling the cold ingredients out of the fridge so they could get to room temperature, and filling the sinks with hot water and cleaning solution. I loved having the kitchen to myself in the mornings; there was something about being able to move around the room unhindered, selecting the music I wanted to listen to, and having the ability to think without the constant clatter of pots and pans and people shouting that got my blood flowing through my veins and allowed my head to clear.

I looked around trying to decide what to do first, and my eye was drawn to the giant chalkboard hanging on the wall with the tally marks from yesterday's bet. I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face as I realized how successful my cupcakes had been – even if the chocolate ones hadn't been as well received as the others, people still liked them. I still couldn't get over the fact that almost 70 people had actually paid money for my cupcakes. I'm not sure why this was a big surprise given that I had done this very thing in Phoenix for several years, but something was different here. Maybe it was that I actually knew people here personally, and despite what I wanted to tell myself, I did, in fact, care what people thought.

I turned back to my station and decided to double the number of Confetti and Big Red cupcakes because they had been the most popular and reduced the Tuxedo and Double Chocolate by half. I knew getting the formula right would take some time, so I was anxious to see how they would all sell today.

I walked over to the stereo, flipped through my iPod, and decided to go with my favorite playlist. It was an eclectic mix of hip-hop, classical, country, and pop; it was perfect when I was in a relaxed, anything goes mood. The gentle beat of _She is Love_ echoed in the kitchen and I sang along, gathering the remaining ingredients I needed and making all the necessary preparations.

I quickly whipped up the vanilla, chocolate, and red velvet cake batters and got them in the ovens to bake. I could smell the rich sweetness of cake wafting through the air and smiled. I paused for just a second and looked around the kitchen and sighed in satisfaction; I still couldn't believe I was here, doing what I loved, and working with people I really liked. My mind shifted through the faces of the people that had taken me in and treated me as if I were practically part of their family. Alice had become so dear to me, even in the short time I had known her. After that first day in The Diner, I went back home and dug through my old year books and found her. I had wracked my brain for memories of her and only recalled seeing her towards the end of the year. I had even asked Charlie about her, and he told me that the Cullens had moved here late in my junior year, so it wasn't really a surprise that I didn't know her very well. We ran in different social circles, and I had pretty much kept to myself. I wish I would have known her back then; we probably would have been great friends.

I thought through the other faces that had become so important to me - Embry, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward. _Edward. _I felt the heat creep into my cheeks and a smile pulled across my face as I thought back to last night. He was surprisingly different than I had given him credit for when I first met him. His story about how he had gotten into food and then ultimately into culinary school was really interesting and certainly not without sacrifices. I didn't press the issue about his father, Dr. Cullen, not being supportive of his choice, but I could tell that there was still some tension. I was intrigued that he hadn't mentioned his mom in the conversation, but again, I didn't press him for any answers. The more he shared the more I wanted to learn. I hadn't felt that interested in someone in a long time, and I just wanted to know more about him. He was different from anyone I had ever met before – brooding, smart, sexy, and a phenomenal cook. I could see the passion he felt for cooking as he shared how he had started experimenting and just couldn't get enough. I had felt that way many times, and the more he talked, the more I was drawn in. I didn't even realize I had scooted closer to him until our knees were touching on the couch.

Grabbing the five-pound bag of powdered sugar, I made my way over to the mixer and began making the vanilla buttercream. I watched as the beater whipped through the butter and sugar and flashed back to the intense look on Edward's face when he realized I had stopped talking and he was just staring at me. When he blurted out that he thought I was really pretty, I was completely caught off guard. No one had told me that in a really long time and meant it like Edward obviously did. James was constantly telling me I was beautiful but it never made me feel that way; if anything, it made me feel ugly and weak. After his outbursts, especially the more… intense ones, he had made a habit of kissing my bruises and telling me I was everything he needed and would ever want. Waves of nausea washed over me and I shivered, pushing aside those memories in favor of new, unexpected ones.

I flipped the off switch on the mixer and pulled the bowl out of the base. I swiped my finger in the icing to check the consistency and flavor. _Perfect!_ I checked on the cupcakes and gave them another two minutes. I still wasn't used to these ovens and how long my normally perfect 18-minute cupcakes needed to bake. Scampering around the kitchen, I got the mini-Oreos, chocolate kisses, and snickerdoodle cookies ready for when I eventually got the cupcakes iced.

I heard the buzzer go off and made my way over to the ovens. The hot air blasted across my face as I pulled open the door and tested the cakes once again. Grabbing the oven mitts off a nearby table, I pulled them on and took the first tray out. I leaned down and breathed in the perfectly domed, vanilla cakes; they smelled of warm sugar and rich vanilla. _Mmmm._ I turned to put it on the wire rack and jumped backwards at the sight of Edward standing in the middle of the kitchen watching me. My arm bumped into the open oven door, and I immediately felt the searing pain of the hot oven door against the soft skin above my elbow. I watched, frozen and shocked, as the tray of freshly baked cupcakes fell to the ground.

Edward was immediately by my side. "Bella, damn, are you okay? I thought you heard me come in!"

I could feel the heat from the burn radiating off my arm. I quickly sidestepped the ruined cakes and made my way over to the kitchen sink. I hissed as the cold water rushed over the tender skin. I twisted my arm around to get a better look and saw the thick, bright, pink welt stretching angrily across the entire back of my arm.

"Bella," he said anxiously, "are you okay? I'm really sorry; I didn't mean to scare you."

I finally looked over at him and gave him a weak smile.

"Can I take a look?"

I nodded, and he gently pulled my arm out from under the cool, soothing water. His fingers were soft and warm as they gripped my elbow and he examined my burned flesh. I heard his sharp intake of breath, just as I felt the beginnings of a dull, throbbing pain. I winced as his fingers brushed across the surface of the burn, and he leaned down and blew cool air on it, trying to offset the heat radiating from my arm. I could feel my checks flame as I thought about his lips so close to my skin and tried to imagine how they would feel against my own, forgetting the blistering pain momentarily. I licked my lips and blushed even harder when I looked up to see his eyes on mine.

"We should probably put something on that," he said with a smirk, dropping my arm. I watched, embarrassed that he caught me staring at his lips, as he walked over to the large first aid kit hanging on the wall and pulled out a couple of packets. He moved to the other sink, filled a glass with water, and made his way back over to me. He held out his hand for me to take the two ibuprofen tablets and I popped them in my mouth, washing them down easily. He turned off the water and grabbed a clean towel next to the sink and gently patted my skin dry. I gritted my teeth as the fibers rubbed against my marred skin. I took a deep cleansing breath and looked up at him. He looked genuinely concerned for me, and I started to feel embarrassed by my reaction.

"I'm okay," I said, my voice trembling, my face flushing.

He looked me right in the eye, never saying a word, and then grabbed the gauze on the table. I watched as he unrolled a long piece, gently wound it around my arm, and added a few pieces of tape to keep it closed. I felt his hand brush down my arm as he grabbed my hand and placed it on the edge of the sink. His touch was feather-light as he traced small, soothing circles on the back of my hand, and I felt myself start to relax, even as my heart beat erratically. I was overcome by Edward's tenderness. I couldn't remember the last time someone had taken care of me like he was now, and I had no idea what to say or do.

I looked up to find him staring intently at me, his green eyes full of worry and something else I couldn't quite figure out. I felt the pink creep into my cheeks. "Thank you, Edward," I whispered.

We stood like that for a minute before he finally tore his eyes away from mine and released my hand.

I looked down and noticed the cake disaster on the floor in front of the oven. I groaned, "Dammit! Now I'm going to have to start all over again!"

"Need some help?" Edward asked.

"I just need to get this cleaned up and then I'll make…Shit!" I whirled around and ripped open the oven door and found the remaining trays of cupcakes were burnt and crusty on top. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Once again I felt the tingle of Edward's hand on my shoulder and a hint of a smile on his face, "Bella, let me clean this up. You go pull the cakes together, and then you can tell me what else needs to be done, okay?"

"Don't you have things you need to get done?" I asked, not wanting to put him behind schedule too.

"I've got time. Just go!"

I turned and quickly pulled all the ingredients that I had already put away back out. Within ten minutes, I had the batters remixed and the cakes poured into the cake tins that Edward had so graciously washed and lined for me. I took extra care as I carried them over to the ovens, placed them on the racks, and closed the door. I stood there looking at the ovens, feeling nervous all of sudden, and then turned around.

"Thank you, Edward. I really appreciate your help this morning."

He moved closer to me, and the air felt thick and tense, "Bella, we're a team in here. If you need help, just ask, and I'll do the same."

I smiled and nodded, "Okay."

He turned and walked over to his bag and pulled out his notebook, flipping through the pages, making notes as he went. I had noticed him doing this each morning and was curious. I walked over and leaned against his station, "So, what's on the menu today?"

He looked up and smiled, "I'm going with a sausage theme today. For breakfast, we're having frittata with potatoes, carmelized onions, roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, and sausage; and for lunch I think I'm going to try out a new pizza recipe I found. I'm not really sure how it'll go over here, but I want to try it out."

"What kind of pizza?"

"Manchego and Chorizo. It's not your typical pizza, but I found a really nice wedge of cheese when I was at the market. Plus one of the farmers I typically buy from had some fresh broccoli rabe that I thought would work well with it," he shrugged.

"It sounds really good. Let me know if I can help you get ready. Everything's in the oven for the next," I glanced at the clock and then back at him, "14 minutes."

"Actually, yeah, would you mind chopping some of the veggies? Embry will be here soon, but we'll need the bulk of them for the frittata."

"Sure!" I said, reaching for one of the knives in his case.

"Wait! Um, could you use this one instead?" he asked, handing me one from the knife block.

I gave him a strange look as he reached into the knife case and pulled out one for himself.

"What…is that like your super special knife stash?" I asked jokingly.

He looked over at me and then down at the knife he held in his hand. "Actually, yes, it is," he said sheepishly. "I don't share my knives."

"Ever?"

He shook his head giving me an embarrassed half smile.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Well, at least you're honest."

"What? These are the knives I got in school and I just…"

"Edward, seriously, it's not a big deal. I'll just use this average knife and hope I do a good enough job cutting the veggies," I said with a smirk.

He looked over at me, surprised, and then laughed. He had the most beautiful laugh and smile. His face was relaxed and carefree, his eyes bright and sparkling; it was a nice change from his normally serious face and focused eyes.

"So, do you want me to wash and peel these?" I asked pointing, to the potatoes by the sink.

"Just wash them; I want to keep the skin on. Then if you could chop them into small chunks that would be great."

I nodded, turned to the sink and began scrubbing the potatoes. The kitchen was silent except for the instrumental music playing in the background. The soft sounds of piano were soothing and my mind wandered back to last night once again. Our moment on the couch and then again on the porch was intense. I closed my eyes and thought about his warm breath brushing my face, his fingers curling around mine and the way he gently tucked a piece of my hair behind my ears. I had wanted him to touch me, kiss me, anything to keep the moment alive.

When we were on the couch and he was telling me his story, I could tell there was more to it and that he didn't talk about himself very much. I felt honored that he would open up to me when he didn't know me that well. I mean, yes, we had spent time together at The Diner and then again at the barbeque, but we had never been alone. So last night was definitely not the way I thought things would go but had been pleasantly surprised how easy it was to be with him. I should have known Alice would try to pull something crazy like that; she and I would definitely be having a chat.

I glanced over my shoulder and watched as Edward's brow furrowed in concentration and his tongue peeked out between his lips as he diced the onion. He was absolutely gorgeous. I have always had a thing for chefs, but Edward was beyond anything I had ever seen. He had a sharp jaw that had just enough scruff to be sexy but not grizzly, and his hair, like always, was a mess of unruly, wayward locks. I watched as the muscles in his forearm and wrist flexed as he rapidly chopped the onion. I turned back around, not wanting him to catch me staring and sighed.

I finished washing all the potatoes and carried the very full bowl over to his station. "Do you mind if I work over here? I don't want to get my station messed up," I said, setting the bowl down.

"Sure," he nodded.

I set about chopping the potatoes just as he asked, the music in the background the perfect accompaniment to the sound of our knives tapping the cutting boards. I glanced over at Edward and noticed the tears streaming down his face.

"Onions?"

He laughed, swiping his arm across his eyes. He looked at the pile of mutilated potatoes in front of me and grinned. "I like your potato wedges."

"Shut up!" I busted out laughing and bumped my shoulder into his. "I never said I was a chef! I just bake, okay?!"

We continued the back and forth banter until the timer on the oven went off. I walked over and turned the annoying buzzing off and grabbed my mitts. Just as I started to pull the oven door open, I felt Edward brush up against me in an attempt to stop me. "I think you better let me get this batch out. We don't need any more accidents today," he said with a grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes and shoved him out of the way. I opened the door and carefully removed each tray of cakes, setting them on the wire rack to cool.

"Those look great!"

"Thanks. I'm gonna let these cool. Is there anything else you want me to do?"

He shook his head as Embry strolled through the back door. "Nah, looks like the help has finally arrived."

"The help, my ass," Embry grinned. "Morning, guys! Looks like you've been productive," he said, waggling his eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if you call dropping or burning eight dozen cupcakes productive, then yes, we have."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm blaming it all on Edward," I said with a laugh. "He scared the living daylights out of me when I was attempting to take the cupcakes out of the oven, and I burned my arm and dropped a pan of cakes."

"Damn! Are you alright? How bad is it?" he asked, looking between me and Edward.

"It's nothing I haven't had before, just one of the many hazards of being a baker," I offered with a smile. I walked over to my station and started preparing my icing bags, tips, and couplers.

"So, you're just going to abandon your potato wedges?" Edward asked with mock seriousness..

"I think Embry can handle it from here," I laughed.

I could see Embry watching us trying to figure out what was going on and why we were acting so bizarre. I was definitely more playful and talkative than usual, despite the throbbing burn on my arm.

After getting everything ready, I pulled the cooled cupcakes out of their pans and set them on the counter. The kitchen was quiet except for the sounds of knives on cutting boards and The Archie's singing "Sugar Sugar." I bopped along to the beat as I swirled icing on the tops of each cake. I glanced over to find Edward watching me, and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face; he gave me a crooked smile in return and got back to work.

I loved that smile and his lips. Our almost kiss – twice – was both exhilarating and nerve racking. I had wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips press against mine, warm, soft, and needy. The connection last night was undeniable. In fact, it was unlike anything I had ever experienced; but as he got closer, I felt the anxiety well up inside me and I couldn't help but pull back. I could see the disappointment cross his face, but I just wasn't ready. I had no idea who Edward really was, and the little that I had seen was so contradictory. In the kitchen, until this week, he had been distant, volatile, and focused, and now that we'd spent some time together, I found that he was warm, funny, and kind. All of these conflicting characteristics were making it difficult for me to reconcile and sift through all of my emotions. My marriage to James had been full of lies and had left me gun shy and afraid of relationships, especially those where volatile tempers and emotions were present.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped, jerking me out of my thoughts.

"Morning," we all said in unison.

She walked over and rested her forearm on my shoulder, "So… how was last night?"

I looked at her and could see her eyes twinkling with mischief. She had just confirmed what I had suspected; she totally set last night up. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing how close Edward and I had come to kissing or even how pleasant our evening really was. "Wouldn't you like to know," I teased back.

She smirked. "You know you'll tell me everything," she called out over her shoulder as she walked toward the dining room.

I rolled my eyes and quickly turned back to my station and saw Edward staring at me intensely with a warm smile on his face. I gave him a small smile before quickly finishing up the cupcakes.

x-x-x

I bustled through the dining room gathering dishes, refilling water glasses, and delivering food to our customers. It had been a long morning and my arm was killing me. I lifted my elbow and glanced down at my gauzed covered arm. _Arg!_ I hated being injured or hurt. You would think between the bakery in Phoenix and James I would be used to it, but the aches, burns, and bruises were always fresh and always hurt. I needed to remind myself that this wasn't the same situation, that this was all me, and that I wasn't going to have to go home tonight and wonder what was going to happen.

I grabbed a wet cloth from the bin and walked over to the vacated table I had just cleared. As I bent over to wipe it down I felt the strange sensation of someone watching me, the kind of feeling that gives you goose bumps and makes you sick to your stomach. It was immediate and unnerving. I quickly stood up, my heart pounding, and looked around. I looked at the faces of the people in the dining room and even glanced at the parking lot but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of the visceral reaction I was having and quickly finished wiping the table.

_He isn't here. I'm safe._ I repeated this to myself as I walked back into the kitchen in a daze, not seeing, only feeling my stomach rolling and my head starting to pound.

"You hungry, Bella?" Embry asked.

"Bella?" he asked again, before walking over and tapping me on the shoulder. "Bella? Are you okay?"

"What?" I asked, snapping out of my daze.

"I just wanted to know if you were hungry," he said concerned.

"Oh. Yeah, I am. Is that the frittata Edward made? It smells wonderful!"

"Yep! The sausage and roasted tomatoes really go well together," he said, taking a bite.

"_Mmmm_," he hummed.

I laughed. "Well," I said with my hands on my hips, "hand my piece over, will you?"

He handed me a plate with a huge slice of frittata and I could smell the way the flavors melded together; it was very enticing. I looked over to see that same concerned look on Embry's face and smiled. I was surprised at how startled I had been over a random fleeting feeling. I didn't want to walk around in fear anymore, and I reassured myself that I didn't have to. I was in a new place, surrounded by my family and new friends, and I didn't have to be afraid.

With that realization tucked away, I took a small bite and let the flavors and textures dance in my mouth. _Oh God, that's good! _Edward really did know how to cook; I was really impressed with his ability to take random local ingredients and come up with creative ideas that always came together well. I wanted to learn more about his experience in culinary school and what he had done once he finished. Had he done an internship at a local Chicago restaurant or worked with any famous chefs? Lots of thoughts tumbled around in my head, and I wondered what my life would have been like had I gone to culinary school instead of marrying James. I had always loved to cook and had toyed around with going for a pasty arts degree, but _he_ had convinced me that we should get married and just work someplace to get _real-life_ experience. _I got plenty of that… that's for sure._

Not wanting to go down that path, I finished up my frittata and looked around, realizing that Edward wasn't in the kitchen. "Where's Edward?"

"He had to go to Port Angeles. So, I'm king of the kitchen for the rest of the day," he said with a huge grin on his face and his arm extended like he was holding a scepter.

"Yeah, well, you better not let Edward hear you say that; this is _his_ kitchen." We both busted up laughing and quickly got back to work.

By the time I made it home later that evening, I was exhausted. After getting up early to prepare the cupcakes, burning my arm, and being on my feet all day, I wanted nothing more than to soak in the bath and my bed.

x-x-x **A Few Days Later**

When I woke up, I laid in bed thinking over the last few days. Edward and I had gotten into a relatively comfortable routine, each day following a pattern similar to the day before. We both arrived early each morning – he made fun and unique breakfast and lunch plates and I made cupcakes. We spent most of the time in quiet partnership, but always with music in the background. It seemed music, as cliché as it sounded, was like a window into his soul. Depending on his music choice for the day, I could tell whether or not he had had a good night or a bad night. I was always intrigued but couldn't quite bring myself to ask what had happened. I figured if he wanted to talk, he would.

I knew he was curious about me, but like me, he didn't pry. I could often feel his eyes on me and I guessed that he could probably sense when I was watching him as well. Even though the kitchen was big, I could feel the energy buzzing between us, held at bay by our unconscious, self-imposed distance.

Despite the strange dance Edward and I seemed to be engaging in, life at The Diner was the highlight of my day. I loved spending time with Alice, even if we were mostly working. Of course, after the sneaky stunt she pulled with the non-date date, I realized we needed to get pedis and have a chat.

"_Bella, why are you looking at me like that?" Alice asked with innocent, doe eyes._

"_Don't give me that sweet, innocent look. You know what you did."_

_She crossed her arms in a huff, but with that ever-present mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, fine! I admit I set up the non-date."_

"_And just how did you manage to get Embry to back out?" I asked, crossing my own arms across my chest._

_Alice looked at me and smirked. "Bella, I'm not going to tell you all my secrets. Just let it be. I set up the non-date, as we're now calling it, so that you and Edward could get more comfortable with each other. I can't help you have a little crush on him, and to be honest, the sexual tension in the kitchen is getting ridiculous." _

_I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times and somehow managed to sputter out, "No, it…I so do not!"_

"_Yes. You do."_

"_Alice… we work together. I don't have a crush on him. He's nice, but I don't know anything about him."_

"_Exactly. That's why I wanted to get you two together."_

_I just sat there, speechless, as the nail technician scrubbed my feet and trimmed my nails. Did I really have a crush? I mean, yeah, he's hot… like very hot, but I am so not even ready for a relationship or anything close to it. And if I'm being honest with myself – which I am for a change – he scares me a little. He has some of the same behaviors as James – volatile personality and possessive, controlling tendencies – and I just wasn't ready to get sucked into that kind of craziness when I had just gotten free. _

_I looked over at Alice and she was casually flipping through a magazine, head bopping along to NKOTB's new song, Summertime. She looked up, "What?"_

"_Nothing," I said, shaking my head._

"_Look Bella, I don't know what happened to you before you came to Forks. I have an idea, but I'm not going to pry. When and if you want to tell me, I'm here to listen. But Edward is a great guy. Yes," she said, holding up her hand before I could interject, "I'm a little biased because he's my brother, but we have gone through a lot together over the last few years. Just give him time… and a chance."_

_I looked at her a little shocked by her sudden plea on Edward's behalf, especially since I hadn't said a thing. I had so many questions, but I wanted to think through everything she had said before I asked her to explain. _

"_Alice," I said looking away, "I'm just not ready. I haven't really told you much, and like you said, you at least have an idea – and it's probably right. I will tell you when I'm ready and I really appreciate that you aren't asking me a ton of questions about it." I paused for a second, trying to think of the right words. "As far as Edward goes… well, I'm not ready for that either. I think once you hear my story… maybe, it'll make more sense."_

_She nodded and gave me a small smile. "I guess that's what road trips are for, huh?"_

I smiled thinking back on the conversation and was glad that I had someone like her in my life. I rolled over and looked at the clock… Alice and Rosalie would be here in about an hour for our "girls' trip" to Seattle, and I knew I wouldn't get away with nuanced conversation this time. At some point the details were going to have to come out, and I just hoped they'd still want someone like me in their life.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**I wanted to give a special thanks to Ms Kathy because she was the original inspiration for the frittata idea. In a desperate shout out on twitter, I asked for ideas for how to use eggs, potatoes and onions, and she threw out this idea. I have since tweaked it to include some of the yummy goodness you see above. Try making one… they are yumtastic, as we say at our house, and super easy. I'll include a quick recipe for this, as well as the Manchego & Chorizo pizza on the blog**** shortly. http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**

**Thanks also to lobsters4ever1, leannelrh3, and all the girls on twitter for fun song recs!**

**So what do you think Edward's story is? What happened in his past? We're about to start getting more bits and pieces and I'm curious what you think happened to him.**

**Reviews = cupcake love. Press the green button, and you'll find yourself with a little teaser for chapter 7!**

**. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, here were are again! This chapter was fun to write and I hope you like it. A word of warning – there is a pretty hefty chunk that references abusive relationships. Please read with caution if this is a sensitive subject.**

**I would be lost on this chapter without the help of Aerobee. She so graciously opened up her life and history of abuse with me and validated the words I wrote. Thanks for sharing your story with me, sweets.**

**Sunfeathers… as always, thanks for the pimpage! Love you, bb!**

**As always, thanks to my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW. She puts up with all my comma mistakes and never says a word! I love you girls!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight and Erin McCarley owns the lyrics to Sticky-Sweet.**

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

At 9:00 a.m. sharp, Alice and Rosalie pulled into my driveway and honked – twice. I grabbed my bag and ran down the front steps and jumped in the back.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Bella," they both said simultaneously.

"Are we ready?" Alice said in an almost squeal.

I rolled my eyes and tried to stifle a giggle. As much as I hated shopping, I was really looking forward to girl time today. In Phoenix, I really didn't have many friends, and after spending time with Alice and Rose, I realized how much I had missed having other women in my life. It was so life-giving to have people who didn't push you to talk or probe too deeply but were content to just have fun and hang out.

I feigned unhappiness, "As much as I'll ever be…"

"Oh, shut it, Bella. You know you're excited!" Rose challenged.

"Ok! Ok! Yes, I'm excited… not about the shopping, but definitely for girl time!" I couldn't help the big, cheesy smile that was spreading across my face. I could feel the energy in the car and knew today was going to be a great day.

Alice spent the first part of the drive chattering on about wedding plans. She and Jasper were getting married in two months in a small, private ceremony at her dad's house. She had pretty much everything picked out and just needed to do the final fitting at Demetrios in Bellevue.

"I can't wait for you to see this dress, Bella. It's absolutely gorgeous!" Alice gushed.

"How did you find it?" I asked.

"Oh, Rose and I were dress shopping in Seattle and were having a very bad day. We had probably been to what," Alice paused and looked at Rose questioningly, "at least 8 different stores. I honestly wasn't really looking for anything specific, but nothing was really hitting me. So we wandered into Marcella's, this ultra-high end boutique in downtown Seattle and were greeted by the snobbiest saleswomen we had ever encountered. And let's be honest, I've run across a lot of them, but this girl was unbelievable."

Rose nodded her head vigorously, "Yeah, I seriously wanted to scratch that woman's eyes out."

"What was her name again?" Alice asked.

"Victoria. She was this tiny little thing with bright red curly hair, and she seriously thought she was the shit. I mean, literally, from the minute we walked into the store, I felt like we were being watched. And then, when we found a couple of dresses and Alice wanted to try them on, the girl gave us this lecture about how expensive the dresses were."

"WHAT! Are you kidding me?" I said stunned that anyone would act like that, especially to Alice and Rose who were always wearing the latest designs from obscure, high-end designers.

Alice was practically bouncing in her seat, "Oh yeah, Bella. It was unbelievable. I mean seriously, I think I know how to shop, and I definitely know how to handle high-end merchandise. After basically telling her to kiss my ass, I walked out of the store."

"So did you even try on the dresses?"

"Oh. Hell. No! I wouldn't give them the satisfaction."

"That is awesome! I would never have done that…," I mused, amazed that they were both so bold and empowered.

"Trust me, Bella. You would have walked out of there. No one deserves to be treated like that, much less a paying customer. I swear I felt like I was Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, without the hooker wear, of course," she said with a laugh.

Rose and I busted out laughing and spent the next few minutes going over our favorite scenes from the movie and laughing at how only Julia Roberts could get away with singing Prince or the Artist formerly known as Prince or whatever his name is or was in a bathtub full of bubbles. That's just classic.

We sat in silence as the music continued to play in the background. "So, Rose, how did you and Emmett meet?" I asked.

"Well," she said with a smile, "it's kind of a funny story, actually. I was trying to find a replacement part for my cherry red '74 Corvette and stumbled into Emmett's body shop. I had already been to all the auto parts stores in Forks and Port Angeles but couldn't seem to get what I needed. One of the guys recommended I try Lines & Lights, Inc., Em's place, since he did a lot restoration work. So I walked in and found him underneath a car, covered in grease and some Rage Against the Machine song blaring in the background. He didn't notice me walk in, so I stood there until the song was over, before I eventually cleared my throat. He totally," she giggled, "smashed his head when he rolled out from under the car. It was absolutely hysterical."

She was beaming from the memories and I laughed along with her.

"After that, we just kind of hit it off. He asked me out to dinner that night and we started seeing each other pretty regularly."

"So, was he able to get the part you needed?" I asked.

"Oh, yep! In fact, that's another funny story. It wasn't funny at the time, but it definitely solidified our relationship."

Alice giggled and I looked at both of them in confusion. "And…?" I said expectantly.

"Well, when I went back in to pick up the part he had ordered, a loan shark was there harassing him."

"A loan shark? What?"

I must have had the craziest look on my face because Rosalie just laughed.

"I know, a '40s gangster movie, right? But seriously, yes, a loan shark. Apparently, Emmett had made some really bad financial decisions in his _younger_ years, and when he wanted to open the shop, he couldn't get financing. So, he borrowed some money from this guy, Laurent, but Em couldn't keep up with the payments as things got slow at the shop. Anyway, when I got there, Laurent was threatening him and then me. Em got really pissed and told him to get the hell out of his shop, which really didn't help things. They were practically on the verge of beating the shit out of each other when I asked Laurent how much Em owed," she said, pausing to look at me pointedly. "It was a lot."

I nodded and swallowed, feeling kind of anxious. "So what happened?"

"I offered to loan Em the money so he could pay the guy off. Of course, Em refused and said he'd figure it out. We got into a huge fight there, in front of Laurent, and he eventually said he'd come back tomorrow. I convinced Emmett that he was being stupid and that he should just let me do this, that he could pay me back, and that it wasn't a big deal. I mean, The Diner was doing really well, and I had money that my parents left me when they died. Plus, I knew Em and I were going to be together forever."

"Wow… that is definitely a story!" I said with a laugh. "I can't believe you had a run in with a loan shark! That's just crazy."

She laughed, as did Alice.

"Bella," Alice grinned, "if there's one thing you need to know about Rosalie, it's that she doesn't put up with people's shit."

"Damn straight," Rosalie shouted.

We all burst out laughing. I was in awe of the confidence she oozed. She was strong and beautiful, and Alice was the same, but in her own unique way. I wished I had that kind of strength and that I didn't always feel so weak. Sure, I had walked away from James, but it had taken me forever, and in all that time, I had just grown weaker. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I had let someone, especially someone like James, have that kind of control over me, and even more that I had wasted some of the best years of my life on him.

"What about you, Bella?" Rose asked, pulling me from my self-deprecating thoughts.

"What about me?" I asked, knowing full well that it was my turn to talk and tell my story… and feeling kind of sick to my stomach.

"Don't play coy, Bella," Alice said, glaring at me through the rearview mirror.

I swallowed nervously and tried to keep in perspective that these were my friends and that they weren't going to think less of me because of what I had become when I was with James. I looked at both of them and felt the bile rise up in the back of my throat. I swallowed – hard – and took a deep breath. They must have sensed my nervousness, because Rose turned around in her seat and put her hand on my arm.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded and smiled. I was about to say something when Alice interrupted, "Listen, Bella. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. We get it."

I looked into her warm, brown eyes and could see nothing but honesty and compassion. Even Rose's normally icy blue eyes were soft and concerned. I shook my head and squeezed Rose's hand.

"I'm sorry. I want to tell you; I just need a minute. I've never talked about my life in Phoenix with anyone, and I'm just…" I looked down and picked imaginary lint off my jeans. "I'm just afraid that you will look at me differently once I tell you about my past."

The car was silent as I waited to hear what they would say.

"Bella…" Alice attempted to say before I held up my hand.

"I'm… I just need to get this out, okay?"

They both nodded and I took a deep breath. _Here goes…_

"I met James for the first time at a flee market in Phoenix. He was charismatic and very cute, in an all-American kind of way. You know, blonde hair, blue eyes, a surfer body (even though he didn't surf), and a very charming smile. I was instantly captivated by him; he wasn't like anyone I had ever met, and when he asked me out, I couldn't help but say yes. On our first date, we went to dinner at a cute little restaurant and had a great time chatting and getting to know each other. He was easy to talk to and made me laugh; everything about him put me at ease. So when he asked me to see me again, it was a no-brainer," I looked at them and smiled sadly. "Our second date went much like the first, and as they say, the rest is history. James proposed as we walked hand in hand over the bridge in Encanto Park, one of Phoenix's many parks, and of course, I said yes. Looking back, there were lots of little hints and red flags, but taken individually, they were just random instances in time. It wasn't until well after the wedding that I realized the person I married was nothing like the charming, all-American boy I had been, or rather thought I had been dating for the last year."

I paused and looked at them. Alice's eyes were flicking back and forth between the road and the rearview mirror and Rose was sitting in the front seat with her body turned facing me. They both looked anxious, but not completely disgusted. _Not yet. _"It started out with small differences – the way he would talk to me or tell me to do things, almost ordering me around. Then it grew into him being very over protective and jealous. I mean he had always been a little possessive, but this was like nothing I had ever seen. He was always asking me where I was going or had been, wanting to know who I had talked to at the restaurant. He was constantly dropping in on me, always saying that he missed me and just wanted to see my pretty smile," I laughed bitterly and continued.

"At first I shrugged it all off – it felt good to have someone be protective over me, to miss me while I was away… but then he started following me and keeping tabs on my whereabouts, constantly calling to find out when I'd be home or questioning me when I was late. He would always tell me that I was his and that he loved me so much that he couldn't be without me. I, of course, rationalized all of this, telling myself that I loved him too, and that I couldn't be without him either."

I looked at them both again, sure that I would see disgust, but again, I only saw compassion. My eyes filled with tears and I blinked, trying and failing to keep them from falling. I looked down as Rosalie, once again, placed her hand on mine, giving it a little squeeze. "Are you okay, Bella? You don't have to tell us anymore, if you don't want to."

I shook my head, "No, it's okay…I want… no, I need to tell someone." Swiping the tears away with my free hand, I gave them a small smile and took a deep breath.

"James became increasingly oppressive and quick to anger. I remember this day about three years into our marriage when my car broken down at work. I tried to call him at the office, but he didn't answer. Not really having any other choice, I waited by the car until one of the regulars, an older man named Jonas, walked out and offered to give me a ride. I should have known better. James didn't like me spending time with other men, but I also knew I needed to get home to get dinner ready; James hated coming home to find that dinner wasn't ready. Unfortunately," I shivered involuntarily at the memory, "he was already at home waiting for me, and when he saw Jonas walk around and open the door for me, he completely freaked out," I paused again, feeling completely overwhelmed and sick at the memory. "He told Jonas to get the hell off our property and never touch or talk to me again." I felt my face flame in humiliation as I thought about it – and the look on Jonas' face, awash in pity, was always too much to remember. I wanted to die of embarrassment and wished for the ground to open up and swallow me. But that would have been too easy.

"Oh, God, Bella! What happened next?" Alice begged, while Rosalie leaned closer to me and had unconsciously gripped my hand tighter.

I was torn. I wanted to tell them but knew that once I did, I wouldn't be able to take it back, and that all of my secrets would be out in the open.

_Take me home to your secret. _

_Take me home, to your wild sanctuary. _

_I don't wanna hold off, because you're sticky, sticky sweet on me. _

_I don't wanna hold off cuz I'm inspired by your off beat dreams. _

_You make me never forget how it feels to be that fortunate someone. _

_I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna hold off, you're gettin' to me._

I closed my eyes as the words of the song reinforced the irony of my marriage to James. I thought he was my sanctuary, that he loved me… and maybe in his own sick, twisted way, he had, still did. I felt fatigue wash over me as I tried to figure out how to explain what had happened next. I hadn't breathed a word of this to anyone, and I didn't even know if I had the words to say what had happened.

I knew they could sense my anxiety and indecision and I wanted to help ease the tension in the car, I just didn't know what to do. In an unspoken show of support, Alice pulled the car over to the side of the highway and shut it off. She and Rose unbuckled their seat belts and climbed into the back seat with me. Rose pulled me into her side and I laid my head on her shoulder, as she gently rubbed up and down my arm. Alice grabbed my other hand and squeezing it tightly. I let the tears roll unhindered down my cheeks, letting myself cry over the life I had lost and all the dreams I had when I first got married.

Buoyed by their strength, I whispered quietly, "After Jonas pulled out of the driveway, James walked over, grabbed my arm, and pretty much dragged me into the house. The argument was one-sided as he yelled at me for letting another man driving me home, telling me I was a whore, and that I was his," I sniffled as Alice gently wiped my tears away. "I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen to anything I said," I mumbled, weakly. "I was terrified. I had never seen him like that before and no matter how hard I struggled against his grip, he wouldn't let go. Eventually, when the pain in my arms became too much, I stopped fighting him. I don't really even remember what he said, but I'll never forget the fear I felt at his words. I felt trapped and alone. I had already pretty much turned my back on Charlie. I mean, I hadn't really talked to him much over the years, and I didn't know what to do," I said quietly. "Those were the first bruises I got from him." _But they paled in comparison to what was to come. _I shivered at that last thought, unwilling to go further with them. After a deep breath and a small smile, I simply said, "It took another two years for me to leave."

The girls sat in silence trying, I'm sure, to process everything I had just told them. My mind was abuzz with thoughts and fears. The longer we sat in silence, the more I started to regret sharing with them.

"Bella," Rose said tentatively, "you know that this isn't your fault, right?"

Before I could say anything, Alice chimed in. "B, James was obviously a sick, controlling bastard that thrived on exercising power and authority over you."

She grabbed my chin and forced my downturned face to look at her. Unwilling to meet her eyes, she forcefully said my name, "Bella. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Do you hear me?"

I could hardly breathe at her statement and was trying desperately to get my feelings under control.

"Bella? Did you hear me? This isn't your fault."

Rose squeezed my hand in affirmation, and I looked at both of them, wanting desperately to believe them but filled with the doubt and weakness that had plagued me for years. The girls spent the next few minutes whispering their love and support, and I sighed in surprised relief, amazed that they were still sitting here holding me. Not wanting to ruin our trip any more than I already had, I nodded with as much determination as I could muster, "Thanks, girls. That means a lot to me."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before I finally said, "Ok, enough of this. Let's focus on something happy, okay?"

Rose and Alice exchanged concerned looks before nodding their agreement and climbing back into their seats in the front.

In my best excited voice, I told Rose to give me the iPod and said it was time to change the mood in this car.

The rest of the drive was much happier and upbeat as we danced to all kinds of crazy music. We steered away from all of the heavy topics from the first half of the morning and relaxed into a very comfortable, easy conversation.

x-x-x

Alice walked out of the fitting room at Demetrio's and I stared, stunned at how beautiful she looked in her dress. The gown was an ivory silk, floor length gown with a deep v-neck that fit her small, perky breasts perfectly. It was simply embellished with sparkly, glass beads and beaded spaghetti straps. Her jet black hair offset the softness of the gown and she looked stunning.

"Alice," I whispered in awe, "you look so beautiful."

A huge grin broke out across her face as she twirled around, her eyes never leaving her form in the mirror. Her eyes sparkled as she took in every detail, knowing that she looked like the perfect bride.

She squealed, "I'm getting married!"

Rose and I both laughed and pulled her into a hug. The saleslady walked up and pulled out a very delicate looking hair comb covered with a spray of flowers. It was accented with small crystals and baby pearls. She stepped in front of Alice and gently inserted the comb into hair, just above her left ear. The lady took a step back, handing Alice a handheld mirror for closer inspection. Alice turned her head every which way to make sure it was the perfect for her dress, and then looked over at us, her eyes lifted up in questioning approval.

"Stunning. There's nothing else to say, Ali. You look absolutely amazing!" Rosalie chirped.

"Jasper is going to melt the minute he sees you. Rose is right; you look amazing!" I said.

"Yay! I love this dress. It's exactly what I wanted for my wedding – simple and elegant."

We all squealed as Alice made her way into the fitting room to take off the dress. Once she was fully clothes, we made quick work of tying up loose ends – picking out simple accessories, selecting a delicate pair of shoes that paired perfectly with her dress, and finally paying for everything.

x-x-x

The little café in downtown Seattle was simple and elegant, much like Alice's idea for her wedding reception. The patio where we were sitting had a gorgeous view of the Sound, and the cool breeze blowing in from the water was refreshing. Glass bottles with wildflowers adorned the antiqued turquoise tables and multi-colored bench seats.

I took in a deep breath allowing the salty air cleanse my senses. I was still stunned at how the girls had accepted me, even after hearing my story. Thinking back on the moment Alice pulled the car over and they both climbed into the backseat to help me get through it was almost more overwhelming than actually telling the story. Almost.

"It's so beautiful out today. I almost hate to go inside for our massages," Rosalie said with a sigh.

"Are you sick, Rose? You have never passed up a chance at a massage," Alice asked, tilting her head to the side and raising her eyebrows.

With a snort, Rose said with complete and utter disdain. "I didn't say I wanted to forego them, silly. It's just sunny for a change, and I'm enjoying being outside."

"Me, too," I offered. "I miss the sunshine."

"I can imagine moving from Phoenix to the constant rain and drizzle would take some getting used to," Alice said.

I nodded and looked out over the Sound. "Yea, but it's hard to beat this view," I said, smiling.

Our food finally came and we spent the next few minutes in silence, hungrily devouring our salads and sandwiches.

"So, Ali, can I ask you a question?" I paused, still not sure how she would take my question. "It's something I've been wondering about, and I don't' know how to ask without being insensitive… if that's even necessary," I said with uncertainty.

She put her fork down and looked at me. "Sure. Just ask, Bella."

I took a quick drink of my sparkling water and looked at her. "What happened to your mom?"

Rose quietly set her fork down and leaned back in her chair. I immediately felt like I had stepped into a potential landmine. I was afraid my asking about her mom would result in this kind of awkward, strained silence. I couldn't help but wonder, though. I had noticed the sadness that crept into her eyes the times she referred to her mom at the barbeque, and Edward never even mentioned her when he told me how Dr. Cullen hadn't approved of him going to culinary school.

I watched her take a deep breath and that same whisper of sadness flashed in her eyes. She looked down and I tried to backpedal and salvage this already very emotional day. "Look, Ali, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry… I…" I muttered.

"It's okay," she whispered. "I just wasn't expecting you to ask that question, truthfully," she said with a tight smile. After taking another deep breath to calm herself, she continued, "My mom died a couple of years ago in a car accident. It was very unexpected and completely devastated our family."

I could see the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over, "I'm so sorry, Alice." I had no idea what it was like to lose a parent, but I ventured a guess from the way she talked in hushed, emotional tones, that her mom was absolutely central to the family. Alice swiped her hand across her cheeks and gave me a small smile.

"Sorry about that. I don't usually get that emotional when someone asks. I guess I was just caught off guard."

"I'm so sorry, Ali… I didn't mean to pry or ruin our lunch…" I said, shaking my head. I looked over at Rose for help and she nodded before sitting back up to the table.

"Okay, girls, enough of this emo-talk today! I can't take any more tears. Let's go get our massages," Rose demanded.

We all agreed and quickly finished up the remainder of our lunches, paid and left.

x-x-x

We walked into the spa and I was immediately ill at ease. This place was absolutely gorgeous with warm chocolate brown walls, soft cream and light blue fabric hanging from the ceilings, and subtle mood lighting. I could hear the tinkling of chimes and strumming of guitar on the overhead speakers and the distant sounds of flowing water. I looked over and noticed a cluster of overstuffed brown leather couches and the blue and orange flames dancing in the fireplace.

"Reservation for Cullen," Alice said, pulling me from my exploration.

"Ah yes, Ms. Cullen. I have massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures for three. Is that correct?" the young, Asian man behind the counter asked. He was very metro-looking with his white and blue button-down collar peaking out from a midnight blue v-neck sweater. He had spiky, short black hair and thick-rimmed black glasses. He was, in my mind, what I expected from an Asian guy working in spa. _Wow, Bella, judge much?_

"That's correct."

I looked at Alice like she had grown two heads. I couldn't believe we were getting all of this done. I mean, I knew she and Rose had said we were coming to the spa, but I assumed it was just for manis and pedis or something simple. This seemed over the top… especially since I had never really even been to one before, and I definitely hadn't had a massage before. That ill at ease feeling I had gotten when I walked into the spa intensified as I started to wonder what all of this entailed.

Rose looked at me and asked what was wrong. I quickly shook my head and just muttered, "I've never had a massage before… um, what do I need to do?"

Now it was her turn to look at me like I'd grown a second head. "What do you mean you've never had a massage before? It's like a beauty regimen must!"

I started to feel embarrassed by my general lack of know how and felt my face flush. This was how I had felt when Alice practically died when I told her I had never had a pedi before… only worse! "Um, well, I guess I just never had an occasion to do it," I said looking away, searching for something to keep from seeing that look on her face.

She walked over and playfully pushed my shoulder, "Bella, silly girl, I'm not making fun. I'm just surprised is all."

When I didn't respond, she nudged me again, "Bella. Hey!"

I looked up at her and could see the laughter in her eyes and grin on her face, "You are in for a real treat. Massages are like little bits of heaven on earth… trust me!"

"Alice. Make sure Bella gets a woman; this is her first time," she said with a smirk.

A giggle burst from my throat, and I couldn't help the big smile that burst across my face. Alice just grinned and nodded, probably not even remotely surprised since she had popped my pedi cherry a while back.

I walked over to one of the displays and looked over all the beauty products and accessories. There were candles of all different scents and colors, bottles upon bottles of creams, shampoos, lotions, and a bunch of things I had never even heard of, much less even think about their use.

A really beautiful girl in khaki pants and a black fitted tee with the spa logo walked over and offered me a bottle of water. I quickly took it and mumbled a quick thanks. I looked over and Ali and Rose were sitting on the couches in front of the fireplace chatting and looking perfect at home in the very relaxing atmosphere. Ali waved me over and I sat down gingerly on the couch, loving how soft the couch was and how I sank comfortably down into it.

"So, Bella. Since this is your first time, don't feel like you need to take off your panties. You can keep them on and the masseuse will work around them," Rose offered with a smile.

"Huh?" I asked in confusion. "My panties?" I was going to have to get naked? Like completely naked?

Alice looked at me, amused, and quirked her eyebrow at me. "Duh, silly. How else are they going to get to your back and stuff. Trust me, you are going to lalalalove it," she chirped.

"Okay," I said, feeling myself relax a bit in anticipation. The girls did this all the time, so I was just going to go with the experience. I mean, they hadn't led me astray yet with this beauty stuff.

Rose quickly tacked on that the lady was doing my massage knew it was my first time, so she would talk with me first and just make sure I was comfortable.

"Bella," I looked over to see a small girl with long black hair pulled up into a high pony tail.

I stood up, and with a glance back at the girls, I followed her. As we walked down a long, softly lit hallway, she introduced herself as Charlotte and told me she would be doing my massage. She pointed me to a dressing room and pointed out a plush white robe folded neatly on a bench against the wall, and then handed me a pair of slippers.

"Go ahead and get undressed and put on the robe and slippers. There are lockers just around the corner where you can put your clothes and bag. Just come outside when you are ready."

She walked out of the room and I quickly undressed. I decided to go with the flow and got completely naked. I mean, if Rose thought to bring it up, she probably went completely nude, too.

I walked out of the dressing room and found Charlotte leaning against the wall looking over some paperwork on her clipboard. She led me down a different hallway, stopping at room #5, opened the door, and waited for me to enter.

"So, this is your first time getting a massage, correct?" she said with a warm smile as she looked over my paperwork once again.

"Yes," I said feeling a little nervous but also excited.

"Okay, well it says on here that this is for relaxation," she said, almost in the form of a question. I nodded and she continued. "Are you having any pain or tension in any specific places – back, neck, shoulders?"

I shook my head, "No, not really."

"Okay, great! Let me give you a quick run down of how this will go. In a few minutes, I'm going to step out; you can disrobe and hang your robe over there," she said, pointing to the hook on the back of the door. "Climb onto the table – face down - and get under the blankets. I'll knock before I come back in. Also as we go along, make sure you let me know if anything feels uncomfortable or if you want more or less pressure. Sound good?" she asked.

"Yes, that sounds good," I said with a nod.

"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes," she said as she walked out of the room.

I looked around once more and then quickly kicked off my slippers and pulled of my robe. I clambered up onto the table and slid in between the sheets. I noticed immediately how soft they were and that it was warm. _Interesting._ I put my face in the headrest and took a deep breath. The music played softly in the background, this time the soft strains of piano floated through the air, and I felt my body start to relax. I heard a quiet tapping on the door and said it was okay to come.

Charlotte moved quietly around the room as she took care of the final preparations. I could hear the opening and closing of a door the tinkling of little bottles clinking together. "Bella, I'm going to start with your back and arms, and then I'm going to move to your legs," she said as she folded the blanket down so that it sat just at the top of my butt. I felt the cool air float over my back and shivered a little.

"Are you cold?" Charlotte asked.

"Um, no… I'm okay. Thanks," I quickly replied, my voice muffled by the headrest.

I heard what sounded like the pumping of lotion and then felt warm, strong hands gently caress my back. Her hands glided up and down my back, her fingers pressing firmly into my muscles, kneading and loosening my muscles. It was heaven.

I felt all the tension and anxiety from the day melt away as her fingers worked through the knots in my neck and shoulders. I had always carried stress in my shoulders and the way she was working me over, I knew I had been more stressed than I thought.

After what seemed like forever, she pulled the blanket up over my back and moved to my legs. She rubbed her hands up and down my legs and then slowly, gently kneaded my calf muscles. By the time she got to my feet, I was floating in bliss.

My thoughts naturally turned to Edward and our time together in the kitchen earlier this week. I was still touched at how he had taken care of me when I burned my arm. His touch had been so soft and gentle, warm and insistent, as he carefully inspected and wrapped it up. There was something about his touch – it was electrifying and made my mind go blank, and when it stopped, I was left wanting more. And it wasn't just his touch that I craved more of – even though we hadn't had a lot of it, but it was his mind and soul. As if he sensed my need or maybe just acting on his own, he had been especially attentive all day, checking on me and taking a look at my arm. It was nice… no, more than that, it felt really good to be taken care of like that.

"Okay, Bella. Go ahead and turn over," Charlotte said, interrupting my revelry.

She held the sheet up and allowed me to roll over and then laid the sheet back over me. She got to work immediately on my arms and then moved on to my neck, head, and face. At one point, lost in the moment, I think I might have moaned, out loud, but I didn't feel embarrassed; it was just that good.

Charlotte finished off my massage by gently wiping a hot, wet cloth on my feet and face, effectively removing all the lotions and oils. Once done, she told me to rest for a few minutes and when I was ready, to get up and make my way down outside where she'd be waiting to take me to get my facial.

I quickly whispered my thanks and gingerly climbed off the table and wrapped myself in the soft, fluffy robe. I opened the door to find Charlotte waiting with a warm smile and a bottle of water. I gratefully took it and drank about half of it down in one go.

"Thank you. That was just… amazing," I gushed.

She smiled again, "Great! I'm glad you enjoyed it. You ready for more pampering?"

I nodded and she led me down the hallway to the facial room. I didn't see Rose or Ali and assumed they were still getting their massages.

A tall, striking blonde greeted me with a smile at the door. "Hi, I'm Jane. I'm going to be giving you a facial today," she said, glancing down at my sheet. "And it looks like this is your first time."

I nodded, "Yes, it is."

"Okay, great! You're in for a real treat. I can remember the first time I ever got a facial. Bliss," she said with an ear-to-ear grin.

"I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Come on in. In a second, I'm going to ask you to take off your robe and then climbed under the sheets, much like you did with your massage. Once you're settled, I'll come back in, and we'll get started. Throughout the process, I'm going to be using a series of cleansers, lotions, and other treatments. I'll be applying some with my fingers, others with brushes, and we'll also be using some hot steam. If at anytime you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. Sound good?" she asked nicely.

"Sounds good," I said, feeling very excited to get going.

She left shortly thereafter and I got naked and climbed under the sheets, pulling it up over my breasts, letting my arms rest on top. Jane knocked and opened the door when I gave her clearance. She quickly got to work and began by rubbing a cool cream on my face. It was amazing how different it felt to have someone else wash my face… _who knew?_

Throughout the process, just like she said, I felt hot steam mist across my face, the silky stroke of brushes painting creams on my face, and warm, wet cloths gently wiping it off. At one point while a masque was tightening on my face, I felt her begin to massage my neck, chest and arms. This felt different than the massage I had just had, but just as good.

By the time she finished with everything, I don't think I had ever felt more relaxed and pampered in my life. I definitely needed to make this a very routine part of my now budding beauty regimen. I made a mental note to thank Rose and Ali for expanding my horizons; I needed and wanted to do something special for them. _I'll have to think on that one._

"Bella, we're finished. Go ahead and get your robe on once I leave and then meet me in the hall. I'll take you to the mani/pedi room where you'll get to meet up with your girlfriends," Jane offered.

"Great… and thank you. That was really phenomenal. Thank you!"

I opened the door once I was dressed and was greeted with yet another bottle of water. Jane handed it to me and nicely commanded me to drink, "It helps flush the toxins released from the treatments out of your body."

"Ahhh… thanks."

We made our way back down the main hall, the same warm, brown walls guiding us to the mani/pedi room.

"Bella!" Alice and Rosalie cheered. "How do you feel?" Alice asked with a huge grin on her face.

"That was un-freaking-believable! How have I been missing out on this my whole life?" I said, sweeping my arm around to indicate the whole experience.

They both giggled. "Come sit. Time for more pampering," Rose chirped, her voice an octave higher in her excitement.

I couldn't help the bout of laughter that bubbled out of me. "You guys are seriously the best! Thank you so much for bringing me here, against my will."

Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes at me.

"Bella, when are you going to learn to trust us? We know best, trust," Alice gloated.

I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance, "Yeah, yeah, Ali. Whatever you say."

The rest of our time that afternoon was spent in very animated chatter. We talked about our childhoods, our high school and college years. It turned out that Rose and I were both in the same sorority – Kappa Alpha Theta – and we had both squealed at the realization that we were sisters!

Eventually the conversation drifted to boys, and this time, it was light-hearted and fun. We talked a little more about Alice's wedding plans and I was surprised when she asked me if I would be willing to make cupcakes for her. Of course I agreed and we decided to spend some time talking later about what she and Jasper might want. Experimenting around with the perfect cupcake or maybe even a couple of different kinds would be a lot of fun.

Rose talked about how much she and Emmett were looking forward to starting a family. They weren't quite ready yet, but they both knew they wanted lots of little ones running around. "I have always wanted to be a mother; the idea of kids underfoot is so exciting to me." She was so animated and lively; I could see her eyes sparkle, full of life.

The girls both paused and Rose finally asked the question that I knew they were both dying to get an answer to. "So, do you like Edward, Bella?"

I thought for a minute, grinned, and gave a small nod. I could feel the very familiar rush of warmth trail up my neck and into my cheeks. "Yeah, I do… but," I said with uncertainty, "I just don't know if I'm ready for something like this, you know?"

They both nodded. "You know, you should talk to Edward. I'm pretty sure he feels the same based on the way he watches you in the kitchen and gets flustered sometimes when you're around…" Alice offered.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he likes me…," I said, trailing off and already kicking myself for the can of worms I had just opened.

"They both snapped their heads to look at me, "WHAT! How do you know?" Rose and Ali practically shouted.

"Well… we might of, sorta of, um, you know… almost kissed." There was no doubt my face was beet red.

"I knew it! I knew something happened that night!" Alice screeched, bouncing in her seat and earning a glare from the lady painting her toes.

"Spill! Now!" Rose ordered.

I felt the gentle vibration of my phone in my pocket and reached down to pull it out. "Well, speak of the devil," I said, looking down at the Caller ID. With a huge grin and maybe a quirk of my eyebrow at the girls, I flipped open the phone, "Hi, Edward."

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**I posted a fun, new recipe on the blog, as well as pics of Alice's dress and hair clips. **

**http:/jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/03/chapter-7(dot)html**

**So…**** tell me some of your stories about the spa… best and worst! I just had the lovely pleasure of my first brazilian! Fun times with the little Russian lady in Beverly Hills! Thanks lexiecullen17 for taking me while I was there for a visit!**

**Leave me some love and tell me what you think of the girls and of their stories! Edward is up next! I'll send you a teaser in my review reply! Now… go push that button!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sunfeathers… as always, thanks for the support and the pimpin'!**

**MsKathy… thanks for the **_**sous-vide**_** idea!**

**Thanks to my baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight and Wikipedia owns much of the **_**sous-vide**_** lecture. See the link below for more information.**

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**Chapter 8**

**EPOV**

I drove down the highway as I made my way to Port Angeles, _My Chemical Romance_ blaring. My thoughts were completely consumed by her – her brown hair pulled high up on her head, her long slender neck, her rich, chocolate eyes, her smile, and her laugh… God, I loved her laugh and could listen to the warm, bell-like sound forever. _Damn, Edward! What is wrong with you?! Bell-like sound… what are you a girl now?_

I shrugged off my own internal monologue and realized I really didn't give a shit if I sounded like a dope. I was completely intoxicated and intrigued by Bella; she was warm, sweet, and so damn cute. Her blush alone was enough to do me in.

She was different than the girls I had messed around with over the last couple of years; most of them quick, easy lays that resulted in fulfilling the need I had at that moment, but it never went beyond that. I didn't want that with her… well, I wanted her, there's no doubt about that… and I had a feeling she wanted me, but she was so hesitant.

I chuckled quietly to myself as I drove down the highway and thought about the disaster that was this morning. She was hilarious and flirty all day... well, she was after we got her burn dressed and the mess in the kitchen cleaned up. I felt really bad for scaring the shit out of her, causing her to burn her arm, and drop and burn all of the cupcakes. Yet, at the same time, I didn't feel that bad, because that little kitchen disaster allowed me to touch her soft skin and to have her near me all day.

I could feel the energy radiating between us as she watched me from the sink and as we worked side by side at my station. I thought back over our time together and couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face when I didn't give her one of my good knives and her snarky comment about my _super special knife _stash and then the way she mutilated the potato wedges. In true Bella fashion, she took it all in stride.

I pulled into the parking lot of Peninsula College, turned off the car, and quickly gathered my stuff. A familiar sense of calm washed over me as I walked into the Culinary Arts wing. Walking down the hall, memories from Chicago flashed bittersweetly before me – all the friends I had made, the experiences I had, and the opportunities I would never get now. Shrugging off the disappointment like I always did, I quickly made my way down the long hall filled with kitchens, all gleaming brightly with stainless steel appliances.

When I got to my own class, the room was abuzz with energy as everyone tried to figure out what we were going to be doing today. I looked around and noticed immediately the new equipment that had been placed at each of our stations. A familiar current of excitement ran through me as I stood at my station staring at the thermal bath unit on the table. I wasn't exactly sure what we were going to be doing today, but I kind of hoped we were going to learn the _sous vide _technique. I knew several of the high-end restaurants in Chicago used it, but I hadn't had the opportunity to really learn much about it.

The room quieted immediately as Chef walked into the kitchen and welcomed everyone to class.

"Good afternoon, Chef," we all replied in unison.

"Today we're going to be learning about _sous vide_. Have any of you heard of or used this technique in the past?"

I did a mental fist pump and looked around the room, noticing mostly blank stares and a few raised hands, including my own.

"_Sous vide_ literally means "under vacuum" in French. It is a cooking method intended to maintain the integrity of ingredients by heating them for an extended period of time at relatively low temperatures. Food is cooked for a long time, sometimes well over 24 hours." He paused, taking a moment to look around the room at each of us. "Some of you may be wondering how this is different from cooking food in a slow cooker. _S__ous__vide_ cooking uses airtight plastic bags placed in hot water well below boiling, usually around 60°C or 140°F," he said with authority.

"This method was made popular in the mid-1970s by George Pralus. He and a number of other great chefs, through a significant amount of trial and error, have taught us how long and at what temperatures certain foods must cook in order to prevent bacteria, primarily botulism, from forming. At your stations, next to your thermal bath machines," he paused, lifting a copy of the information packet for all of us to see, "you will find a copy of Douglas Baldwin's 'A Practical Guide to Sous Vide Cooking.' This is considered the bible of _sous vide_ safety and technique. In it, he outlines the appropriate temperatures and preparation times needed for safe food preparation."

As Chef continued talking, I casually flipped through the packet and was stunned by the amount of detail Baldwin had gone into on safety, pathogens, and techniques; he had even included an entire section of recipes. I felt my heart start to pound in anticipation. I loved being in this environment, surrounded by like-minded people, all just as eager to learn as me. I immediately lost myself, for the second time today, in memories of Chicago and culinary school. I had absolutely thrived there, constantly experimenting and learning. I felt the same pang of regret, sadness, and anger course through me as I thought about the phone call that changed my life and brought me back home. _And the lies, Cullen… don't forget all the lies._

I looked up and noticed that Chef had stopped talking and was bent over, fiddling with the thermal bath unit at the station across from mine. He looked over at me and nodded his head. He was already aware of my past and that I had essentially taken all of these classes before. I nodded back at him and continued to pay close attention as he demonstrated for the class all the ins and outs of the machine. I turned around and started messing with my machine, getting familiar with all the knobs, dials, and switches.

"Chef," a petite, red head called out, "why would someone use this technique? I know you mentioned that it helps maintain the integrity of the ingredients, but couldn't another method be just as effective and less strict?"

He looked thoughtful for a minute, and I wasn't really sure how he was going to respond. Chef was generally pretty good about answering questions, but sometimes when students asked questions that had fairly obvious answers, he got annoyed. Chef looked around the room and his eyes finally settled on mine. "Edward, why would someone use this technique?" he asked. _Ahhh yes, the Socratic method._

I could feel the room tense and even saw a couple of people roll their eyes. I swallowed, shrugging it off, and quickly offered, "This method often results in intensely flavorful food, and allows foods to remain ultra tender, in a way that other methods don't. If you think about food that is cooked over a smoker or in a crockpot, it's hard to really control the quality of the food, especially the color and texture. Brisket and other meats that require long, low temperatures for cooking, for example, often result in mouthwatering flavors and tenderness when cooked using _sous vide_." I looked over at Chef and saw him nod his head in approval, and I had to fight to keep the smirk from crossing my face as I looked over at the girl. _Damn right! I know my stuff._

"Edward is exactly right," Chef added. "Using this method often results in tender, more flavorful, more colorful foods. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts become silky, carrots turn tender and sweet, but stay beautifully bright; fish and shellfish stay succulent and flaky. This method, however, is not for everyone. It is difficult to ensure that food does not generate bacteria, and as a result has not become a mainstream cooking method. Today, I'm going to show you how to properly prepare the vacuum bags and submerge the food. By the end of class today, you'll get the opportunity to taste several different foods that I started late last night and early this morning."

I spent the majority of class vacuum-sealing chicken, a piece of brisket, some spare ribs, and a variety of different vegetables. Chef popped over a couple of times to check, patted me on the back, and told me to continue as I was. It felt good to be given some autonomy in the classroom.

"Edward," I heard Chef call out, "could you come over here, please?"

"Yes, Chef," I said, wiping my hands on the towel tucked into my apron strings and walked over to stand in front of him.

"How are things going?"

"Chef?"

"Edward, I'm well aware that much of your experience here is a rehash of what you learned in Chicago. I also know about the internship that you didn't get the opportunity to complete…"

"Chef," I attempted to say, before he held up his hand telling me he had more to say.

"I don't normally do this, but if you are willing or interested, I'd be happy to work with you personally at C'est Si Bon. We can work around your class schedule and your job at The Diner in Forks."

I just stared at him, completely dumbfounded. He wanted to take me under his wing? I had just assumed that I would finish up with classes and then eventually have to move to Seattle in order to get all the experience I would need to be competitive in the high-end restaurant business; his offer was almost too good to be true. I realized I hadn't said a word and quickly tried to recover.

"Chef, wow! I really don't know what to say…," I drifted off, stunned and speechless.

"I see a lot of potential in you, Edward. Had you had the opportunity to stay in Chicago, you would definitely have been successful. Like I said, it's not a perfect solution, but I'd be glad to have you work a couple of evenings at my restaurant here in Port Angeles."

"Thank you, Chef. This is certainly unexpected, but I am honored and humbled that you would even consider doing this for me," I said, reaching down to shake his hand. "I would definitely like the opportunity to learn from you. Let me know when you'd like me to start and I'll be there."

I could hardly contain the excitement I felt as we worked through the remaining details; I was going to start in two weeks. Chef Juhasz was a legend, as was his wife, Michelle. Both originally from France, they supposedly made some of the best French food outside of Europe. I definitely need to check this place out before I started working there, just to get a feel for the atmosphere and the food. _Maybe I can get Bella to come with me. Wait, where did that come from?_ _Wherever it came from, it was a damn good idea. _I looked over at Chef and grinned, still amazed that he had offered me the chance to study under him.

The rest of class passed in a blur as I thought about my time in Chicago and how even though I hated that I was basically repeating my entire culinary school experience again, I was still getting the benefits of being in this environment. When I had attempted to transfer my classes from Chicago a couple of months ago, the school registrar told me that too much time had passed, and that I would need to complete the bulk of the classes again. I was furious when she told me that and had stormed out of the office trying to breathe before I did something I would regret. The thing that made this whole thing so infuriating was that when I was forced back here, I was just about to start my internship at the most coveted restaurant in Chicago, Charlie Trotter's. I was going to get to study under the world-famous Chef Trotter, author of over ten cookbooks, recipient of countless awards; he was even the host of a television cooking show.

When I got the call that I had been chosen by _him_ to cook in _his_ kitchen, I was ecstatic. I had spent hours studying and cooking, going above and beyond in every class to ensure that I got a good internship. Any kind of success in this business was based on who you knew or worked under; so, to be _chosen_ by this particular chef was nothing short of a miracle.

I raced down the highway back to Forks, my thoughts consumed with how to get Bella to come to dinner with me without making her feel awkward. We had come a long way since we first started working together, but I knew she was still nervous about moving things forward with me. _What are you talking about, Cullen? Moving things forward with you? You don't really even know her, and she doesn't even know you! Of course she feels that way. _

I ran my hand through my hair in exasperation. Whenever I got near her, I could feel the tension radiating between us, and to be honest, I was a little bit confused by the signals she was sending. One minute she was flirty and sassy, the next quiet and withdrawn. I knew there was a story there, but she was very hard to read and it was really frustrating.

I pulled into the driveway and immediately noticed Carlisle's car. Surprised that he would be home already, I looked at the bright red numbers on the dashboard and couldn't believe it was already after ten. I had no idea where the time had gone; I was normally home by 8:30 or 9:00 at the latest, and as a result, carefully managed to avoid talking to my father.

With a sigh, I made my way quickly and quietly into the house. The main living room was dark and as I walked up the stairs, I noticed the light to his study was on, the door slightly ajar. Hoping to pass unseen, I practically tiptoed down the hall.

"Edward? Is that you?" he called out.

With a groan, I quickly replied, "Yep, just got back and am heading to bed."

"Oh…"

I could hear the yearning in his voice. We really hadn't talk much in the last couple of years. Any conversation we did have often resulted in yelling, and I really didn't want to deal with that tonight. Feeling a little guilty, even though I didn't want to, I backed up and pushed the door open. "Did you need something?"

"Oh. No, son. I just haven't seen you around much and wanted to make sure you were okay," he said with a small, inquiring smile.

I shifted a little to my right, leaning against the door frame, and ran my hand through my messy hair. "Well," I said, not really sure what to tell him. It's not like we were really on that great of terms. I mean we were civil, but I just couldn't get past what he did to me and the way in which he handled the whole situation with my mom. "I've been pretty busy at The Diner and have been taking some classes in Port Angeles."

A look of confusion, surprise, and maybe even a hint of disappointment crossed his face before he quickly replaced his cool mask. "Well, it definitely sounds like you have been busy. I assume you have the classes covered?"

I cocked my head in question, knowing full well what he was implying, but wanted him to have to say it… out loud. "I'm not sure what you mean, dad," I said coolly.

He shifted uncomfortably in his plush, red leather chair, and rested his elbows on his desk, hands clasped, resting under his chin. "I mean the tuition, Edward."

"Yep, got it covered." Taking this as my cue to leave, I mumbled good night and made my way to my room as I heard him call out good night. I definitely did _not_ want to rehash that conversation with him again. The last time we had talked about money for school, he had essentially called my dreams a passing fad. Just thinking about it made me furious all over again.

I really had no desire whatsoever to talk to him about school, or anything else for that matter. Hell, the only reason I was even living in his house was because Alice practically begged me to. I knew she just wanted to keep the family together now that mom was gone, but the minute she marries Jasper, I'm moving out. I had been looking at several different places – mostly condos and small two-bedroom homes around the area – and was waiting for the right moment to talk to Alice… and Carlisle about it.

I threw my stuff on the black leather couch by the window and quickly changed out of my clothes. Between burned and flirty Bella, school and the offer from Chef Juhasz, and the brief interaction with Carlisle, I was ready to crash. With a quick brush of my teeth and a wash of my face, I collapsed into bed, exhausted from the day's events.

x-x-x

I woke up late the next morning feeling refreshed and surprisingly happy. Pulling on a pair of running shorts, a t-shirt, and my beat up running shoes, I made my way downstairs and out the back door. The dewy morning air was cool and the normal daily fog hung densely on the horizon. I trudged down the hilly slope of our backyard toward my favorite trail, sliding a little on the wet grass.

With a quick stretch, I popped my earbuds in and cranked up the volume. I started out with a slow jog but could feel my legs aching to break out. With a quick inhalation, I let myself pick up the pace. My feet pounded the hard, pine needle-littered trail and music blared in my ears as I ran through the forest. I didn't notice the stray branches that whipped at my arms or the leafy green ferns that brushed against my legs as I let my mind wander.

Like every morning lately, my first thoughts were of Bella. Today, however, my mind quickly shifted back to my life since leaving Chicago. The last few years had been a long, painful journey. The stuff with my dad not accepting my decision to go to culinary school, then the stuff with mom… the move back here, and the lies I had been told… a fresh wave of anger at it all, but especially my dad surged through me. I ran harder, faster, feeling my lungs beg for relief, but needing to work through the tension. He had stolen the truth from me, truth that I deserved as her son. We managed to keep things civil, but the tension was always bubbling underneath the surface. Every conversation was tainted by it, even our seemingly innocuous conversation last night. I had nothing to say. I mean, what was there to say after he stole her from me.

I ran until I couldn't feel anymore and eventually walked my way out of the trees and up to the back deck. The house was quiet as I made my way into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out the cartons of blueberries and strawberries, as well as the yogurt and milk. I grabbed a banana from the big yellow bowl on the island.

I loved working in this kitchen. It was cozy and warm, with rustic cabinetry and a vaulted log ceiling. There was an inordinate amount of counter space and all of the appliances were state-of-the-art. My mom had been meticulous about the design of each space in this house, particularly the kitchen. She wanted it to be the lifeblood of our home, and it was, or at least it had been. I had so many happy memories with her in here and couldn't help the warmth that ran through me as I thought about all the laughs we shared and messes we made.

I pulled the lid off the blender and quickly tossed everything – stems and all – into the glass pitcher, pressed the puree button, and watched as the blues and reds blended together. I grabbed my favorite glass, well, plastic insulated cup, and poured the soupy purple concoction. There was nothing nearly as refreshing after a long, hard run than a cool fruit smoothie. _Edward, seriously, dude, what is your deal? You act like you're on an infomercial or something. Cut the sappy bullshit!_ Ignoring my inner monologue for a change, I chugged the perfectly sweet, creamy concoction, and finished it off with a very satisfied, "Aaaaahhhh." With a quick rinse, I loaded the cup in the dishwasher and went back upstairs to my room to shower and get ready for the day.

I turned on the shower and quickly shed my sticky, damp clothes. Stepping under the hot spray, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, allowing the water to run through my hair and relax the residual tension in my shoulders and neck. The water felt great as it ran down my body, washing away the sweat and dirt from my run.

I squirted shampoo in my hand and quickly scrubbed my head, removing bits of leaves from my hair. Steam and heat surrounded me and my thoughts wandered to the kitchen… and Bella, her warm brown eyes staring at me cautiously from across the room, pink staining her cheeks when she realized she'd been caught staring.

I grabbed the bar of soap, lathering it between my palms, and started washing my body. Soap rolled down my chest and legs as it mixed with the hot water. As I swiped my hands over my body, I imagined her small, lightly calloused hands washing my arms, my back, and my chest. I imagined her trailing hot, wet kisses across my chest, down my stomach, her tongue tracing small circles around my belly button. I imagined her on her knees, soap in hand, washing up my calves, quads, and stopping at my thighs to look up at me, her eyes dark and needy. Flashes of her fingers, her lips wrapped around me, her tongue swirling were all I could see as I leaned my head and arm against the cool tile. I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach and increased my pace, tightening my grip, losing myself in the memory of her soft, warm skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned as the smell of cupcakes, strawberry, and Bella pushed me over the edge, my body tensing and releasing. I stood there, feeling overcome and a little guilty that I had just jacked off to images of Bella. Not wanting to dwell, I quickly turned off the shower, toweled off, and walked out of the bathroom.

x-x-x

I sat at a table, staring out the window, sipping my coffee. Machines whirred all around as the barista ground fresh coffee beans, frothed hot milk, and brewed the café's most popular blend of coffee. I looked around, noticing for the first time, how crowded the place had gotten since I arrived late this morning. There were people reading books, chatting casually with friends, and a couple hunched over, hands clasped, talking quietly. I watched as a smile formed on the girl's face, her eyes dropping down before the man gently pulled her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. I was completely drawn in by their small, yet public display of affection.

I pulled my eyes away from them, feeling as though I were intruding on a private moment, and looked at my textbook-covered table. With a sigh and hand through my hair, I picked up my pen and started reading. Chef Volturi, my _Food Writing_ instructor, had given us an assignment last week to critique three articles that demonstrated three different writing styles. I had chosen articles by three chefs that I respected – Elizabeth David, M.F.K. Fisher, and Anthony Bourdain. All were prolific food writers in their own right, and the more I read from each one, the deeper my respect grew.

Chef had also given us another assignment – write a review of a local or new restaurant. I had originally planned to drive to Seattle to ensure that I didn't duplicate another student's restaurant choice, but now that I was planning to start at _C'est Si Bon_, I figured it would be easy to kill two birds with one stone. Now, I just needed a way to get Bella to agree to come with me.

I put my head in my hands, elbows resting on the table as I tried to think up a plan. I didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable. I couldn't let this issue go. Plus, we had to work together, and I didn't want her to feel like she was obligated. _Obligated, Cullen? Come on… why would she feel that way?_

"Ugh," I groaned, tugging on the ends of my hair.

"That bad, huh?"

I jerked my head up and saw Jasper chuckling quietly as he clapped a hand on my shoulder.

With a tight, grim smile I motioned for him to join me. "Hey, Jasper."

"I don't want to interrupt your obvious agony; I just wanted to say hi," he said, smiling brightly.

"No, it's fine," I said, gathering up my books so he could sit down at the table. "I was just thinking about an assignment, and am not sure how I want to handle… certain parts of it."

He stared at me for a second, knowing full well that I wasn't being totally straight with him. Jasper and I had been friends since my family had moved here; he was the first person I met and we just clicked. He knew me probably better than anyone… well, except for Alice. Jasper had literally been a rock for me during all the stuff that went down in Chicago, and subsequently here. He was there to listen when I needed him most and pushed me when I was stuck in rut. He was practically a brother to me, and I was glad he was marrying my baby sis.

"So… are you gonna tell me what's really going on, Edward?" he asked, going straight for the kill.

I swallowed and looked down at the table, picking at my fingers nervously. "It's stupid, really… I just… I want to invite someone out to dinner with me, but I'm not sure if she'll come. I guess I'm just nervous is all," I said, pulling roughly on my hair yet again.

Again, he sat there quietly taking it all in. "And I assume she has no idea this is coming?"

I shook my head.

"Well, do you think she would want to go with you? Is it a date or just something for school?"

Hmmm. I knew I wanted it to be a date, but like I had said earlier, I just wasn't sure if she would go for it. She was so skittish when it came to stuff like this. I mean, I still couldn't get over how close we had come to kissing before she pulled back. "I guess it could just be for school," I said, uncertainty coloring my voice.

I knew Jasper well enough to know that he, once again, knew I wasn't being completely honest. I also knew he wouldn't push it. He nodded his head and simply said, "I guess you better call her and see if she can help you with your _school project_, man."

I rolled my eyes and sarcastically muttered, "Yeah, I guess I better."

We chatted a bit longer before he left, heading out to the hardware store to pick up some supplies for the next phase of renovations on his house. After he left, I tried working on my paper again but couldn't concentrate. I just wanted to call Bella and get this over with.

I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that it was already after 5:00. I gathered all my things and refilled my coffee; I still had work to do tonight. I walked out to my car, threw my bag in the passenger seat, and sank into my own. I sat there and without really thinking, picked up my phone and called Bella.

I could hear the phone ringing and I felt my stomach twist in nervous anticipation. Thinking it was going to voicemail, I was about to hang up when I heard her sweet, sultry voice, "Hi, Edward."

Letting out a nervous, relieved breath, I replied, "Hey, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm good. Just out with Alice and Rose in Seattle."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can call back later if this isn't a good time," I said, my stomach knotted and anxious again.

"It's fine," she said with a giggle. "We're actually getting ready to head back to Forks."

"Okay… well, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me."

_Silence__... Silence…Silence… _

I immediately regretted asking her. This was exactly what I did NOT want to happen. I started to backpedal, "I mean, it's just… you don't have to…I need to do a restaurant review and I thought…"

"I'd love to, Edward."

"Really?" I asked, not sure I had heard her correctly.

"That sounds great. When did you want to go?"

"Oh, um…are you free tomorrow night?"

I heard quiet whispering on the other end of the line and a few giggles, and I didn't even want to imagine what was happening.

"Yes," she breathed excitedly, "tomorrow night works!"

"Okay, great! I'll pick you up at 5:00. We are going to Port Angeles to a French restaurant called _C'est Si Bon_."

"That sounds great!"

"Okay, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow night, Bella."

I ended the call and grinned, not one of those small, kind of happy grins, but a big, full-toothed grin. I knew I looked like a total dope, but I couldn't help it. _She said yes!_

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**I found the bulk of the information about sous-vide through Wikipedia. It's a very cool cooking method. ****http://en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/Sous-vide**

**Check ou****t the blog for links to the restaurant in Chicago and pictures of Esme's kitchen. ****http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**You guys had some hysterical… and gross stories about the spa! Seriously, for those of you who haven't been, go! Now! It's worth every penny!**

**Now… tell me about your ideal date or maybe a special date night that you went on! Okay, leave me some love and I'll give you some back. Teasers = win!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sunfeathers… as always, thanks for the support!**

**Special thanks for Lexiecullen17 for standing in to beta this chapter, along with baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW.**

**Lobsters4ever started a thread over at Twilighted! Go check it out. I'll be posting teasers and all kinds of goodness there! **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight, but I own this date night!**

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**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

I clicked the phone closed and giggled. Alice and Rose were staring at me with bated breath, waiting for me to spill the details of my conversation. With the biggest grin plastered on my face, I grabbed my purse from the car and said, "We need to go shopping!"

The car was a cacophony of sounds as they squealed and laughed while I told them all the details about my upcoming date with Edward.

"I cannot believe you want to go shopping, Bella!" Rose looked at me in disbelief but with a smile still on her face.

"Well…I just…" I stuttered.

"We know, silly!" Alice said through her laughter, saving me from having to explain. "Let's go get you a dress for tomorrow night!"

We spent the next two hours trying on dress after dress, none of them really fitting the bill. I wanted something that was me – simple and pretty and affordable. After I pulled the last dress over my head, I called a time out for dinner. I needed a break to regroup and get rejuvenated. Shopping was sucking the life out of me like it always did, but we couldn't leave the mall without finding _something_ decent.

Once we got to the food court, we broke up in search of food, all agreeing to meet at one of the tables in the center of the room. The place was absolutely crazy; it was crawling with kids just hanging out on a weekend night. I pushed my way past a group of kids and was almost to the table when I heard a sound that made my blood run cold. I stood frozen in place listening to _his _laugh, the one that made my skin crawl. I scanned the room, searching for him, trying to find _his_ face in the crowd. I could feel my heart pounding, my breaths getting shorter, my head growing foggy with fear. I gripped my tray tighter, praying that I wouldn't drop the contents all over the floor. I felt the bile rise in the back of my throat and swallowed the same bitter feeling of fear and anxiety I felt whenever he was around. I scanned the room, searching for him. Panic welled up inside me, and then my eyes found him. Only it wasn't him; it was a young, acne-covered kid joking around with his friends.

I don't know how long I stood there, so many emotions running through me. I hated that fear was coursing through me, that his voice could affect me in such a profound way… especially when it wasn't even _his_ voice. Relief washed over me as reality began to set in; it wasn't him. _It wasn't him. You walked away, Bella. You were the strong one. _I heard someone call my name and looked up to find Rose waving me over to the table. _He's not here. You're safe. You have friends that care and are watching out for you. _With a quick deep cleansing breath, I pushed all my emotions away and walked over to them.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked before I could even put my tray down. "You aren't having second thoughts about this date are you?"

I looked around the room again and tried to shake the lingering revulsion I felt. "No. I'm nervous about it… but…" I trailed off.

"What is it, Bella?" Rosalie asked, concern lacing her voice.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down. "I thought I heard _him_, _his_ laugh," I said quietly.

"Well, should we be worried about him coming after you?" Alice asked, her lips set in a firm line and her eyes clouded with worry.

"Um, well… I'm not sure. I mean… it's a possibility. I never really know how he'll act. I mean, he didn't know where I was going when I left." I really didn't want to get into the specifics of how things had gone down. I had already told them how horrible things had been… well, at least some of it.

They both scanned the room, and for some reason, I burst out laughing. They looked at me like I was crazy. Through gasps of air, I managed to spit out, "You don't even know what you're looking for!"

And like that, the tension and fear was gone. Looking at them get defensive and laugh with me, I realized I would be safe, that I didn't need to fear him anymore. We quickly shoveled food into our mouths, and Alice laid out a plan for the remainder of our time at the mall.

Three stores later, we still hadn't found anything. I was feeling exhausted and discouraged. "Look, I probably have something in my closet that will be fine. I mean, I don't even know why I'm getting all excited about this anyway. He said he was just asking me out for a school project," I said.

"Bella, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Alice said, smoothing a stray hair before resting her hands on her hips. "Edward just needed an excuse to actually call you. He may have a school assignment, but trust me, he likes you."

"I know there's definitely something there…" I said, my voice trailing off.

"Puh-lease, Bella," Rose jumped in. "That boy is crazy about you. I have never seen him behave the way he does with you."

I looked over to see Alice nodding her head vigorously in agreement.

"Okay, okay! Let's just go. I'm sick of shopping."

Just as we were about to round the last corner, I looked over and noticed a white dress hanging on one of the racks by the door.

"Hey, wait a sec. I wanna take a look at that dress over there," I said, pointing to my left.

We made our way over and I immediately knew it was perfect. I grabbed it, checking the tag, and grinned. "It's my size!"

I walked over to the dressing room and stripped down quickly. The dress hit just below my knees and hugged my curves. I ran my hands down the sides, smoothing the thick white bands that ran down the length of the dress. Beautiful red, white, and blue beads in some kind of Native American pattern decorated the neckline and shoulder straps. I turned around, looked over my shoulder and saw that the beads ended just under my shoulder blades. _Perfect!_

I opened the dressing room door, and Alice and Rose just stood there, stunned.

"You look amazing!" Rose said, quietly.

"That is perfect, Bella!" Alice tacked on. "Edward is gonna die!"

"I really love it. Do you think it's too much? I mean we're just going to dinner… for a class project," I added sarcastically.

"Um, definitely not! He is going to love it!" Rose and Alice said at the same time.

With a grin, I dashed back into the dressing room while Alice shouted out that she would meet me in the shoe section.

I gathered all my stuff up and made my way over. Another thirty minutes, and no less than twenty pairs of shoes later, we found the perfect match – a strappy pair of shiny silver heels. I looked at the whole outfit laying on the counter as I checked out, and I couldn't help but feel the excitement bubble up inside me. _I was going on a date with Edward Cullen._

x-x-x **EPOV**

I took a deep breath and rapped my knuckles on the rough wood of Bella's front door. I shifted awkwardly as I heard the soft clacking of her shoes as she made her way to the door. As it opened, I felt my breath catch. She was absolutely stunning.

I just stood there, staring. She was a vision in white, her gorgeous brown hair framing her face softly. I scanned her slowly, indiscreetly, allowing my eyes to take in all the subtle details of her outfit and the way it fit her perfectly.

She smiled shyly and said quietly, "Hi, Edward."

I jerked my head up to meet her eyes, quickly stammering, "Bella… you are absolutely breathtaking."

She giggled, "You look really nice, too."

"Um, these are for you," I said, awkwardly handing her the small bouquet of purple tulips.

She grinned at me in surprise and stepped aside, motioning for me to come inside. "Let me just put these in water. They're really lovely, Edward. I love tulips. Thank you."

I watched her hips sway subtly as she walked into the kitchen. Her white dress clung to her body in all the right places, accentuating her legs. Her legs were… amazing. Of course, I had felt like that since I realized how hot she looked in her waitressing uniform and tonight was no exception… especially with those heels. _Damn, she's hot!_

"Would you like something to drink?" she said with a smirk.

I knew she had caught me ogling her. "No, thanks," I said with a semi-apologetic look on my face.

She pulled the flowers out of the clear wrapping, trimmed the ends and placed them in water with a pinch of sugar. I quirked my eyebrow at her and she answered without even waiting for me to voice my question. "It helps keep them alive longer… at least that's what my Gran always told me."

"Ahhh, I see."

With a final adjustment, she picked up the vase and put it on the table. She grabbed her small bag and a shawl and smiled at me expectantly. "I'm ready."

I led her out of the house, my hand gently gripping her elbow as we walked down the front steps. Her skin was warm and smooth, and I couldn't help but imagine how she would feel curled up beside me, her small body pressed against mine. I shoved that thought out of my head as quickly as it came. If I had even half a hope of getting through this evening, I needed to focus on something other than her body against mine. _Dammit!_

I quickly opened her door and waited for her to get in before closing the door after her. I jogged around to my side, climbed in and started the car.

"Feel free to pick out some music," I said, pointing to the iPod in the docking station.

She scrolled through the menus as I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward Port Angeles. She finally settled on my U2 mix, and we both sat in silence as Bono rocked out to _The Fly_.

"I love this album. It's one of their best," I said, glancing over at her.

Her eyes met mine and she smiled. "It really is. Most people prefer _Joshua Tree _and their newer stuff, but I've always loved _Achtung Baby_."

I grinned. _Oh my God, she's a U2 fan!_

Before I could respond, she asked, "Have you ever seen them live? I would love to see them in concert sometime. I heard their _Pop_ tour was phenomenal."

"Yeah, I didn't go to that one, but I did see them in Seattle a couple of years ago when they were on the _Atomic_ tour. They had some really cool special effects and the lighting was amazing. It was very cool!"

"It sounds like it. I saw a video of it on Youtube, but it's not the same."

"Well, we'll have to go when they come here on their next tour. I think they may be doing a second round on their _360°_ tour," I said, feeling a little giddy. _Already making future plans, Cullen?_

The next few minutes were spent in comfortable silence as we both sang quietly along with Bono and The Edge. I glanced over at her and caught a glimpse of the burns on her arm. They looked awful.

"So, how's your arm?"

She looked over at me and then back down at her arm as she lifted it up, showing me the angry red marks. They had scabbed over but were outlined in pink. She ran her finger across them gently and I couldn't help but remember how I had done the exact same thing just a few days ago.

"Better. They still burn," she said as her eyes met mine, "but they were well cared for…." Her eyes twinkled in mischief and I couldn't help the laugh that busted out of me. "Thank you, by the way, for helping me the other day. With this," she said, lifting her arm again, "and the cupcakes. It's nice to have a partner in the kitchen."

My face split into a grin. "Well, we are a team, Bella. Plus, I felt bad for practically causing the accident in the first place," I offered and then glanced back at the road.

"Well… if you work with me long enough, you'll find out that I'm a walking disaster in the kitchen. If I'm not getting burned, I'm cutting myself or dropping stuff. It's really ridiculous," she laughed.

I decided that I should probably fill her in on the plan for the night. I knew I had told her it was for a school project, and it was; I just didn't want her to think that's all that it was.

I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling really nervous. Bono crooned in the background, and I took a deep breath. "So, you're probably wondering what this is all about, huh?" _Seriously, Cullen? Man up!_

She cocked her head in confusion, and I was again drawn in by her soft, brown eyes.

"What I meant to say, was my asking you to dinner."

I could see the anticipation on her face, and I continued. "Well, I don't think I ever mentioned that I was taking classes in Port Angeles. It's kind of a long story, but in a nutshell, some stuff happened while I was in Chicago. I didn't get the chance to finish up and had to basically quit. So, a couple of months ago, I found out that Peninsula College has a Culinary Arts program," I said, glancing between her and the road. She watched me, smiling, waiting for me to continue. "Anyway, I have to take most of the classes I took in Chicago over again; one of the classes requires me to write a review of a restaurant, which is _one_ of the reasons we're going tonight."

I saw her shift in her chair and look down, an emotion I couldn't quite identify rolling off of her. Disappointment, maybe? Not wanting her to get the wrong impression, I reached over and brushed my fingers against her arm. I felt her shiver beneath my fingers, and with a gentle nudge, urged her to look at me. When her eyes met mine, I continued.

"But that's not the reason I asked you to come with me. The other night, the same day you burned your arm, I had a Food Techniques class with a local Chef. After class, he pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to intern a couple nights a week at his restaurant, _C'est Si Bon_, in Port Angeles. I, of course, said yes but still wanted to check it out. I really couldn't think of anyone I wanted to go with…" I said quietly, feeling the familiar fray of nerves clench in my stomach, "except you."

I looked back at the road, afraid to meet her eyes, not knowing how she would take my semi-admission. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see her studying me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"That's really exciting, Edward!" she said finally. "Congratulations! And…I'm glad you asked me to come with you," she said sweetly, resting her hand on top of mine gently.

A rush of emotion rippled through my hand and arm, and I pulled my eyes from the road. She knew… or at least I hoped she knew that this was more than just a school assignment. She looked so beautiful, her smile and eyes radiating happiness. I drew my hand out from under hers and entwined my fingers with hers. All of my movements were tentative. I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, her face a mask of hidden emotions.

"Is this okay?" I asked, wanting to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting anything.

With a gentle squeeze of my hand, she simply whispered, "yes."

The remainder of the drive passed quickly with us talking about family and friends but staying away from subjects that neither of us was ready to share. Truth be told, it wasn't really clear what those subjects were, but I could tell whenever I was nearing one because she tensed up; I was sure I did the same.

Eventually, we pulled off the highway and followed the old road leading to the restaurant; I felt like we were going back in time. The restaurant was nestled among a forest of trees and flowering bushes. I noticed there were a fair amount of cars in the parking lot, especially for a Sunday evening. _That must mean this place is good._

I parked, got out quickly, and made my way over to open the door for Bella. I offered her my hand and she took it, her small, delicate fingers gripping onto mine as she swung her legs out of the car door and stood up. She straightened her dress, and I saw her cheeks blossom into the prettiest pink when she realized I was staring at her again.

I reached into the car and grabbed her wrap and gently laid it around her shoulders. My fingers brushed the tops of her shoulders, and I fought the urge to sweep her hair to the side and place a kiss there.

"Thank you, Edward," she said sweetly.

"You're welcome, Bella." I placed my hand on the small of her back as we walked up to the front door.

We were greeted enthusiastically by a portly older woman. "Welcome to _C'est Si Bon_," she said warmly.

"Reservation for Cullen," I said with authority.

"Ahhh yes. We've been expecting you. Please follow me," she said with a sweep of her arm.

As we walked through the restaurant, it was like walking through a French cottage. A very large gold gilded mirror hung on the entry wall and was adorned with a sash of lace, flowers, and pearls. The room had thick wooden beams and pepto bismol pink-painted walls. Walking into the main dining room, I immediately noticed a series of old, wooden musical instruments – mandolins, guitars, trumpets, oboes, and violins – hanging next to the rafters. This place felt feminine but not uncomfortably so.

Our hostess stopped in front of a table covered in a white linen cloth, a small lamp, salt and pepper mills, and a simple flower in a glass vase resting on top. A full place setting of china, silverware, and crystal glasses adorned the table elegantly. I pulled Bella's chair out and waited for her to sit down. My mother taught me manners, and I was definitely going to use them tonight. After I sat down, our hostess told us our server, Eric, or _Ereek_ as she pronounced it, would be by shortly.

"This place is very… flowery…" Bella said, a smile plastered across her face.

"Um yeah… It's a good thing I'm not afraid of a little pink." We both laughed.

"So, what do you know about this place?"

"Well," I said, looking around, "not a lot. I did a quick search of other reviews and most people really like it. Supposedly, they serve some of the best French food outside of France… which means this dinner is going to take a while. I hope that's okay…"

"Of course! I'm excited; I'm not sure I've really ever had authentic French food. So this is a first for me," she said with a grin.

Just as I was about to respond, _Ereek_ walked up. "Welcome to _C'est Si Bon_. My name is Eric, and I'll be taking care of you tonight." He handed us each a menu and highlighted a couple of the specials for the evening. Then, he handed me a thick book and casually explained that they had a very extensive wine collection. He left us and said he'd be back with our water.

Bella had already picked up her menu and was studying it carefully. It was simple with a few hors d'oeuvres, a couple of salads, and six entrees. The entire menu was in French with a simple English description beneath. I couldn't help but watch as her brow furrowed and she gnawed on her bottom lip in concentration. She looked up, and I quickly looked down, not wanting her to catch me staring at her for the third time tonight. I glanced up, and she smiled.

"I have no idea what to order, Edward," she said sheepishly.

"I'll just order for us. I think that might just be easier." I didn't want to come off as some egotistical, chauvinistic prick, but I had a pretty good idea of what to order for us.

I noticed her shoulders sink just a little, and I wasn't quite sure if it was my imagination. I kept staring at her, and when she didn't say anything, I tried to backpedal quickly. "Bella, I didn't mean that the way it came out. I just meant…"

"Edward, relax. I'm just… it's totally fine." She smiled warmly, but I could tell it wasn't the same as the ones she'd given me earlier. Her eyes didn't have that same sparkle, her eyes somewhere distant, and I was dying to ask her what was going on, but I couldn't find the right way to go about it. So with a smile, I reached over and gently placed my hand on top of hers. I didn't want this date… yes, this date, to get thrown off track.

She shifted slightly, and her eyes focused on mine. "So, what should we order?"

I paused at her question and really looked at her before pulling my hand back to grab the menu again. "So, I don't know exactly what you like, but I was hoping to try several different items tonight. What do you think about each of us ordering hors d'oeuvres and our own dinner entree and then we just share it all?"

She nodded her head thoughtfully. "That sounds great. What did you have in mind?"

"Well," I said reading over the menu again. "What if we get the Escargots Curnosky and the Soupe a l'Oignon Gratinee Au Champagne as our starter? Does that sound good to you?"

"Um, in English, please?" she said with a smile and a hint of mischief.

"Snails and French Onion soup."

"I've never had snails, but I'm willing to give it a shot," she said as she tried to hide the subtle grimace. "Are they really slippery? You know, like in Pretty Woman?"

I laughed. She blushed.

"Yeah, they're slippery little suckers," I joked. She laughed.

"Ok, so we'll go with those. And then for our entrees, I was thinking, if you like seafood, that maybe we could go with the Scallop Flambees with Cognac and the Filet with Dungeness crab."

I looked up at her and she nodded. "That sounds good to me," she paused and put her hand on her stomach as it growled, "and my tummy. I'm hungry."

I reached over and grabbed the wine list. It was extensive and contained not only French wines but also many local to the Pacific Northwest. I finally settled on a bottle of burgundy and closed the menu just as Eric returned to take out order. I ran through our chosen meal and wine quickly, and I asked him to bring some bread or something for us to munch on while we waited on our meal.

I turned back to face her and smiled. "I'm really glad you agreed to come with me tonight, Bella."

Soft hints of pink colored her cheeks, and she shifted slightly in her chair. "Thank you for asking me; I was excited that you asked."

I did a mental fistpump at her admission but couldn't prevent the huge smile from bursting across my face. Like in the car, I started asking her random questions about her family, what college was like for her, and how long she had lived in Phoenix. After she answered each of my questions, she threw out one of her own, and we launched into a game of back and forth twenty questions as we munched on bread and ate our salads.

Watching her talk and smile and laugh left me with an unexplained feeling of happiness. She was incredibly animated as she talked; her facial expressions – especially her eyebrows – and her hands provided the perfect accompaniment to her stories. Our conversation felt natural and easy; it was very refreshing.

Eric stopped at our table and set two wine glasses down. He showed me the label on the bottle, and after I nodded, he made quick work of opening it. He poured a small taste into my glass, and I picked it up, inspecting the color. With a vigorous swirl, I brought the glass to my nose and inhaled the rich aroma of cloves and fruit. With one final swirl, I allowed the velvety liquid to fill my mouth, coating my tongue. It was bright, just slightly sweet, and tasted of black cherry, earth, and tobacco. It would be perfect for our meal.

I nodded my acceptance to Eric and he quickly moved to pour wine in Bella's glass. "Oh, um, none for me," she said, covering her glass with her hand, embarrassed.

"Are you sure you don't want to try just a little? It's really good, and it will compliment your steak," Eric offered kindly.

She looked at me, confusion in her eyes, and I could tell she was torn. And then I remembered the conversation we had in her kitchen a few months ago and realized that she didn't drink. I quickly told Eric to leave the bottle. He sat it down, giving me a strange look in the process, and walked away.

"I'm sorry, Edward… um, I can try a little, if you want…" She immediately started playing nervously with her fingers and her eyes clouded in confusion and anxiety before she dropped her gaze and then her hands into her lap.

I didn't want to be the cause of that look in her eyes or the defeated posture she had taken on. I had never seen her behave like this, and I wasn't really sure what to do. "Bella?"

Nothing.

"Bella, please look at me." I waited until she looked up and my stomach clenched. I had no idea why she was so nervous, and I wanted to ask. I just didn't know how or what to say. "I'm sorry. I completely forgot you don't drink. Please don't feel like you have to have a glass. We can order you something else; it's really not a big deal." I refused to have the evening ruined by stupid misunderstandings.

She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth and stared at me. She simply nodded. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's just that… well, I don't usually drink because of…" She trailed off and looked down into her lap again.

"Bella, let's just order you something else. It's really not a big deal."

I slowly reached across the table and brushed my fingers lightly against hers. "Hey," I said softly. "Let's order something else. I don't want this to be an issue, because it's not. Please look at me, Bella," I said, my voice pleading with her.

She looked up finally and with a hint of determination in her voice quietly said, "Thank you for being so kind about this, Edward. But, I think I'm going to try a little. You're not… this is a different situation… and I want to give it a try, okay?"

I was completely confused by the turn of events and simply nodded I watched as she poured the deep red liquid into her glass and then followed the same process I had just gone through - swirl, sniff, swirl, taste.

"That's actually really nice," she said, a hint of a smile forming. "It has a dark, fruity flavor."

Not sure what to even say, I grabbed my glass and was about to tell her that she really didn't need to do this, but the look on her face told me otherwise. So with a smile, I picked up the bottle, poured myself a glass and then took a drink.

Our food arrived shortly thereafter, and we spent the time talking and tasting each other's food. She loved the escargots; they were rich and coated in an herb and garlic butter sauce and were cooked to perfection. One of my instructors in Chicago had spent an entire lecture on the appropriate technique for cooking snails. The French onion soup was superb. It has just the right amount of cheese, the onions were caramelized and sweet, and the crusty bread sealed the deal. I quickly jotted down a few notes and put my book aside, turning my attention back to Bella.

"So what's your favorite book?"

She cocked her head and smiled. "That's easy. Wuthering Heights."

"Really?"

"Uh yeah, really. What's your problem with it?"

She was giving me a little bit of stink eye, and I held up my hands in defense. "Nothing… it's just… so depressing."

"Have you even read it?"

"Um yeah," I said, giving her a look of pure indignation.

"Hmm," she muttered under her breath. "Fine. What's yours?"

"Well… truthfully, I don't have one. I read a lot and could never really pick," I said with a shrug.

With a hint of humored annoyance, she dragged out, "Okaaayyy, well, what are you reading right now?"

Matching her sass with a smirk, I replied, "Right now I'm not reading; I'm having dinner with you." I couldn't help it. She was making this too easy.

"Ow!" I said, jerking my leg under the table as her heel jabbed into my shin. "What the hell?"

She smirked at me, her brown eyes twinkling, "That's for being a smartass. Now, what are you reading?"

She was good. "I'm reading 'Doomed Love' by Virgil. Have you ever heard of it?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but I haven't read it. Is it good?"

"I'm not very far into it, but it's good so far."

Our dinner arrived on a small cart. Eric placed Bella's filet in front of her and waited for her to cut it; it was perfect, just slightly pink inside and looked really moist and tender. Her steak was topped with a beautiful display of Dungeness Crab and a colorful array of mixed grilled vegetables rested off to the side. She grinned and quietly said, "It's perfect, thank you."

He nodded and then turned back to the cart. He sprinkled a pinch of what looked like cinnamon on top of my scallops and then artfully poured a generous shot of Cognac over the dish. I watched as he lit a match and touched it ever so slightly to my dinner, creating a large burst of fire, effectively finishing the scallops. As the flames burst upward, Bella jumped back in her seat, completely caught off guard. I couldn't help but laugh and she looked over at me. I just smiled. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"What was that?" she asked in awe.

"Flambé."

She stared at me blankly.

"It's a cooking technique designed to finish off food. A lot of people really like it because it's so visually dynamic."

"Thanks for that very technical description, Chef."

"You're welcome," I said, smugly. "There's a lot of debate about whether or not it actually impacts the taste of food."

"Can _you_ tell a difference?"

"Truthfully, no. If there is a difference, it's incredibly subtle."

Eric plated my food and set it before me. I looked it over and nodded. "This looks great; thank you."

We ate and chatted easily through the rest of dinner. The food was absolutely outstanding, and I was really excited to work here. Chef Juhasz was going to be an excellent teacher.

After we had finished eating, Eric cleared our plates and asked if we wanted dessert. "We have a really beautiful crème brule, as well as a chocolate torte, peach sorbet, and an assortment of French pastries.

I looked over at Bella, and she shook her head. "I'm stuffed. There's just no way I eat a single bite of anything."

"No, thank you. We'll just take the check please," I said to Eric.

With a final nod, he turned to get our bill.

"So, I was wondering if you'd want to walk down to the pier. There's a live jazz band playing tonight. And," I said, glancing down at my watch, "with the sun close to setting, the view will be really pretty."

"That's sounds great. Let me just run to the ladies room before we go, okay?" she said as she stood up and grabbed her small bag.

"Sure. I'll just meet you in the foyer." I watched her walk away, and I was struck again by how beautiful and perfect she was, and even more, how lucky I was that she agreed to come out with me tonight. I paid the bill and collected our things – my jacket, her wrap –

and walked out to the foyer to meet Bella.

The walk to the pier was quiet and comfortable. I really appreciated that Bella wasn't one of those girls that always needed to talk or to fill the silence. She seemed perfectly content to let things move at their own pace; truthfully, she seemed pretty introspective – just like me. I was again struck by how mysterious she seemed sometimes, like the whole thing with the wine at dinner… her not wanting any and then clearly feeling bad that I had ordered a bottle for us – which was stupid on my part – and then filling up her glass and drinking some. I glanced over at her and felt the same warm rush I always felt around her.

Her hair was blowing softly in the breeze, little tendrils catching in her eyelashes. She gingerly reached up and brushed it out of her eyes. She caught me staring, and this time I didn't look away; honestly, even if I wanted to, I couldn't have pulled my eyes away from her face. She had the cutest nose and the sweetest mouth. _I will kiss her tonight…_ Her eyes held mine for a second before she looked away. A shiver rippled through her, and even though she had her shawl wrapped tightly around her, I pulled off my jacket and draped it around her shoulders, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.

"Does that help?" I asked.

"It does," she whispered. "Thank you."

I placed my hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the crowd at the pier. I had reserved us a table in hopes that she would take me up on my offer. The rich, deep sounds of an old blues song floated in the air as I walked us over to the hostess stand.

"Reservation for Cullen, please."

The young girl did a double take and then smiled, blushing. I looked over at Bella, and she giggled. _Interesting reaction._ I was used to girls fawning all over me, but my other dates had always gotten irritated about it. This was just another illustration of how different Bella was and one more reason I liked her.

"Follow me, please," she said, leading us through the crowd.

The view of the water and sun setting was spectacular. I scooted my chair right next to Bella's, leaned in, and whispered, "Beautiful, isn't?"

She turned to face me and her hair brushed against my cheek. It was soft and smelled like strawberries, and it was all I could do to keep from running my fingers through it. "It really is. Thank you for bringing me here, Edward."

The silence stretched between us as we listened to the music and watched the sailboats float by; it was perfect. I reached over and slowly took Bella's hand in my own; she looked at me with a smile and gave it a gentle, tentative squeeze. Encouraged by her words and the events of the evening, I leaned down and softly brushed my lips across the back of her hand. I felt her tense slightly and then relax, leaning into me.

We sat through a couple more songs and eventually decided to walk back to the car, both of us feeling a little tired and antsy. As we walked side by side, she reached over and grabbed my hand, tangling her fingers with mine. Something about it, as cheesy as it sounded, just felt right. I loved that she felt comfortable enough with me to take the initiative.

When we got to the car, I paused, wanting to pull her body into mine, but I wasn't sure if the timing was quite right or how she would react… until she looked up at me, the last bits of sunlight creating a warm glow around her, and smiled. I tugged on her hand, pulling her closer to me and brushed the backs of my fingers across her cheekbone. Her eyes fluttered closed, and her breath hitched in her throat before she leaned in, pressing her cheek into my hand.

"So beautiful," I whispered, my voice husky and a little rough. She took a small step toward me and placed her hand on my arm, igniting a firestorm of emotions and feelings. I could feel my body reacting to her touch, and I shifted slightly before I wrapped my arm around her hip, resting my arm on her back, her arm sliding up to my shoulder. We were pressed together loosely, and I could feel the heat radiating off of her, could see her pulse beating rapidly on the side of her neck. Her cheeks were flushed, her breath slightly erratic, and her eyes a darker shade of brown than normal. She tilted her head up, and without even pausing, I leaned in and tentatively brushed my lips against hers. They were warm and sweet, and I pulled back, licking my bottom lip before leaning in again and pressing a firm kiss against her lips. She shuddered, her lips parting slightly, allowing me to capture her bottom lip between my own. She responded eagerly, our tongues moving together, exploring hesitantly, as she opened her mouth to me. She tasted so good, and I couldn't help but kiss her hungrily, shifting us back against the car, effectively pressing her body tightly against my own. I tried to shift, once again, discreetly, but I knew she felt me and the effect she was having on me. I wanted more but didn't want to make a scene. I pulled back and trailed kisses across her cheek before resting my forehead against hers, and watched as her lips curled into a lazy, satisfied smile.

"I've been wanting to do that all night," I breathed out.

She giggled, clearly embarrassed. "I'm glad you did," she said, a huge grin breaking out across her face before she pulled back to look at me closely.

I wanted to tell her how much I liked her, that I thought she was gorgeous and intoxicating, and that she was all I could think about. But I knew, for whatever reason, that she wasn't ready to hear it. So I settled for tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, placed a kiss on her forehead, and then stepped back and opened her car door. She slid in and looked up at me, her smile still in place and her face still flushed a beautiful shade of pink.

Our drive back to Forks was easy and light. We talked about whatever came up – favorite movies, books, artists – you name it, we discussed it. On the last leg of the drive, feeling emboldened by our earlier kiss and the simple intimacy we seemed to have formed, I took a chance and asked about Phoenix.

"So, what made you move back to Forks?"

Silence.

I looked over at her, her body instantly stilled and the breath whooshed out of her. Her body straightened and then hunched over as she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist, a pained expression flashed across her face before a cool mask of nothingness replaced it. It was as if I had punched her in the gut. _Way to fucking go, Cullen. _I wished I could pull the words back in, but I knew it was too late.

Silence.

I had no idea what to do to reclaim the earlier mood or even get us out of this horribly awkward silence. I pulled into her driveway and watched as she unfastened her seatbelt. She gathered her things quickly and turned to me with the saddest expression on her face. She whispered quietly, so quietly I almost didn't even hear her, despite the very loud silence in the car, "I'm sorry, Edward. I just… I can't… I had a really nice time tonight."

And before I could say anything, she opened the door, bolted out of the car, and was up the front steps of her house. Just as she opened the door, she looked back at me, and I thought I saw a tear glisten on her cheek. And then she was gone.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

I sat there in stunned silence for I don't know how long before I slowly put the car in reverse and pulled out of her driveway. How the hell did our amazing evening together turn into a total fucking disaster within a matter of seconds? My mind was racing, trying to put the puzzle pieces together, but I couldn't make sense of it. What had happened in Phoenix to make her respond that way? I mean, it couldn't have been that bad… could it? I was just so stunned. Images of her smile, her eyes bright and full of light, her neck, her blush, her shoulders sitting pale against the vibrant blue and red beads of her dress… ran through my mind, and I wanted to reclaim them. I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, causing the car to veer sharply. "Dammit!" I yelled into the night, quickly righting the car.

The closer I got to my house, the more anxious I became. I had such different plans for tonight. I had kissed her… for real… and pulled her into my arms, felt her body warm against my own… and with one fucking question, I had ruined it. My heart sank at the thought of how awkward things were going to be tomorrow morning at The Diner, and I couldn't bear the thought of us returning to the way things used to be between us – her on edge and me crazy nervous around her.

I had to fix this… just like I had to fix it before when I'd fucked up. I was so pissed that I had caused this and furious that the rest of my night was going to be total shit. Instead of one last sweet kiss, the one I had been thinking about giving her, I was going to spend the rest of the night in my room, thinking and dwelling on her and how much of a fuckup I was. I didn't want that. I didn't want the night to end this way. I was almost to the end of my driveway when, without a thought, I whipped the car around and raced through the streets of Forks back to her house. I had no idea what I was going to do, what I was going to say… I literally had no plan. All I knew was I couldn't leave the evening this way; I couldn't leave without making it better.

I pulled into her driveway for the third time today and jumped out, adrenaline coursing through my veins, and I barely remembering to turn off the car. My head was swimming with ideas and images, and before I knew it, I was in her house. Charlie bolted out of his chair, and I paused. _Did I just barge in?_

"I'm sorry, sir. I have to talk to Bella," I said frantically.

Without waiting for his response, I bounded up the stairs and pushed open her door. It never occurred to me that she could be undressing or that she might not want to talk to me; I just had to get to her.

When I walked in, she was by her closet, squatted down unbuckling her shoes. She bolted upright and stared at me in disbelief.

"Edward! What are…"

I didn't stop to think; I walked over, pulling her body roughly against mine, feeling all of her curves molding perfectly against mine and crashed my lips against hers. She was perfectly still as I moved my lips against hers, tasting, taking, begging her to open up to me. I was desperate, but I wasn't going to give up. And then I felt her respond, her lips parting, opening up to me. I ran my fingers through her hair and then cupped her face in my hands, tilting her head slightly, deepening our kiss. I felt her tongue meet mine, and my head and body exploded as I sucked, nipped, and explored her. God, she tasted so good, and I couldn't get enough. Gasping for breath, we broke apart, both trying to get ourselves under control, before I leaned in and recaptured her pink, swollen lips. This time my kisses were gentle, sweet, unhurried. I felt her arms wrap around my neck and shivered at her touch.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I choked out.

She shook her head, placing her finger against my lips, silencing my apologies. "No… don't apologize, Edward. I'm the one that's sorry. I just… there's so much I need to tell you, but I'm just…," she looked up at me, fear and sadness in her eyes. I hated it and never wanted to see that look in her eyes again. "I just need more time."

I sighed, pulling her head against my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around her waist, my chin resting on top of her soft hair. "There's no pressure, Bella. Take all the time you need… I'll take anything you're willing to give."

She pressed herself against me before pulling back, placing soft kisses along my jaw line before rising on her tip toes to capture my lips with her own. This time, she kissed me with purpose, using her lips, her tongue to tell me how she felt, even if she couldn't find the words.

I didn't know how long we stood in her room by the closet, but I eventually pulled back and breathed a sigh of satisfaction and relief.

"I should probably go. It's late, and I know your dad is probably wondering what the hell is going on," I said, chuckling and feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden.

She grinned, and her laughter rang out, "Yeah, you're probably right. Let me walk you out; Charlie's probably sitting downstairs waiting with gun in hand for you to leave."

"God, I hope not," I said.

I grabbed her hand, and we walked downstairs together. Just as we predicted, Chief Swan was waiting for us. He quirked an eyebrow and cleared his throat, "Everything okay, Bella?"

"Yes, Dad," she said. "Edward just needed to clear something up."

He looked at me, his expression hard to read, before looking back over at Bella. I looked at her and groaned a little at her slightly disheveled appearance. Her hair was mussed a little and her lips were red and swollen, her jaw and cheeks pinkened from the little bit of stubble that had already appeared on my face.

I turned to him and extended my hand in a peace offering, "I'm sorry, Chief Swan, for barging into your home like that. It won't happen again."

He paused, his eyes looking at my hand and then into my eyes. He extended his hand and with a huff simply said, "Well… no harm, no foul. Next time, just knock first."

"Yes, sir," I said sincerely.

And with that, he turned back to the game he had been watching on the television, effectively giving us some privacy. Bella walked me to the door and stopped on the porch.

"Thank you, Edward. Tonight was… yeah…" she said with a blush.

I laughed. She was so damn cute. I mean, we had just spent the last who knows how long engaged in a fuckhot makeout session, and now she was shy all of a sudden. It was one of the many things I loved about her. _Loved?_ I reached for her, pulling her into my arms and planted a tender kiss on her forehead before bending down and softly kissing her lips.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night, Edward."

I pulled back reluctantly and slowly walked to my car. This time, as I looked back at her from the door of my car, I saw a smile break out on her face. I sighed in relief and slowly climbed in, not really wanting to leave her, but knowing it was time.

The drive home was much different this time as flashes of Bella's lips, her smile, her body pressed against mine flew before me. I could still taste her on my lips and couldn't help the very satisfied grin from stretching across my face. This evening was, in a word, eventful.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**I'll be posting their outfits and some other stuff on the blog later this week. ****http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I hope I got everyone when I replied to reviews. If I missed you, I'm so sorry. **

**Well… tell me what you think?! I think this deserves a little love, so leave me a review!!! I wanna here about your first kiss stories. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Sunfeathers, lyta7… as always, thanks for the support!**

**Special thanks for leannelrh, along with baby sis and pre-reader Catie22866 and my beta-love LexyW. Not only did they did beta this, but they helped me really flesh out the next 4 chapters! Hopefully more updates sooner!**

**More on the bottom…**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight, but I own this date night!**

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

I flopped on my bed and let my inner Julia Roberts break free in a fit of giggles, flailing arms, and kicking legs. Edward Cullen freaking kissed me tonight! I was so giddy, and I had no idea how I was going to fall asleep… and I really needed to fall asleep. I had to be at The Diner early tomorrow to get the cupcakes in the oven and ready, especially since I was changing out the special menu.

I rolled out of bed; my cheeks still flushed from the intensity of the evening, and made my way to the bathroom. I took my time washing my face and brushing my teeth, somehow hoping to prolong the excitement of the evening. Walking back toward my room, I heard Charlie trudging up the stairs.

"You heading to bed, Bells?" Charlie asked somewhat gruffly.

"Yeah. I've gotta get up early tomorrow morning."

"Well, good night. And make sure the Cullen kid knocks next time. He almost gave me a heart attack."

I almost laughed at his characterization of Edward as a kid. It's not like I was in high school anymore. "I will. Sorry about that, Dad," I apologized again, stifling a chuckle.

He nodded, and with a grunt, walked to his room.

As I closed the door, I pressed my back against the hard wood, leaning my head back and grinned. Tonight was so much better than I had expected. I mean, I didn't really know what I was expecting, but everything was literally perfect - from the awkward flower ceremony, to the easy chat in the car on the way to Port Angeles, and then the dinner itself. The food was truly amazing, and I was excited that Edward was going to get the opportunity to study under the Chef at _C'est Si Bon_. There were several times throughout the evening where Edward had taken control, and I still wasn't sure how I really felt about it. On one hand, I was grateful that he navigated the menu for us and chose our dinner, but I think he felt bad when he sensed my hesitation; it was truly a reflexive response to something James had always done. He never let me order my own meals. I could think of so many times where I said I was going to order something, and he told me that I needed to choose something different. He always ordered for us, and I hated it. So, when Edward took charge, a part of me wanted to fight it; but, I realized when Edward noticed my response, he quickly backpedaled and tried to explain himself. In a way, it was very endearing.

I glanced at the clock and groaned. It was already close to midnight, and I had no idea how I was going to drag myself out of bed in time to be at The Diner by 5 a.m. I switched off the light next to my bed and noticed a red light flashing on my phone. I flipped it open and saw that I had four messages. I scrolled through them quickly and laughed to myself as Rose and Alice pounced.

**AliceC: Bella! I hope date night was awesome! Call me!**

**Rose: Just wanted to see how tonight went! Hope he treated you like a princess. Call me tomorrow! I want details.**

**AliceC: I can't believe you haven't called me yet! I hope this means the night was perfect! You're gonna spill tomorrow! Be prepared!**

**EdwardCullen: Good night, Bella. **

But it was the last one that made my heart skip a beat and sent my mind into overdrive. As I reread the text, I couldn't help but think about the way our night ended the first time. I was so caught off guard when Edward asked what brought me here from Phoenix; I just didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him about James, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What would Edward say when he found out that I had lived like that for so long, that I had been too weak to walk away when it happened the first time, and as much as I wanted to believe deep down that I was truly free, I feared James would show up here and try to take me back to Phoenix? How could I even begin to talk about all of that… on our first date? The panic I always felt thinking about James and of people finding out was making it hard to breathe and my heart beat erratically.

When Edward finally pulled into my driveway, it was all I could do to get out of the car without having an emotional breakdown. As I ran up the stairs and into the safety of my room, I realized I was going to have to see Edward tomorrow and every day after that. The utter mortification and embarrassment at having left like that, without explanation, was almost too much to bear.

Of course, I didn't get the chance to wallow in my misery for long before Edward barged into my room and gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced. At first, I was stunned and didn't even know how to respond, but as he continued pressing his soft, warm lips against my own, instinct took over. His hands were in my hair and then cupping my face as I opened up to him, our tongues tentative and then moving, tangling together. All I could think about was how good he felt, strong and warm against me, and how I didn't want it to end. Edward's broken apology was almost too much to bear, and I knew I needed to give Edward an explanation of what had happened and why I had shut down at his seemingly innocuous question. I just couldn't yet; I knew I wasn't ready to tell him all about James… or to see his reaction to me. His promise to give me whatever time I needed, and that he'd take whatever part of me I could give was heartbreakingly sweet and refreshing. Not knowing what to say or how to tell him thank you without it sounding trite, I placed soft kisses along his jaw, the beginnings of stubble numbing my lips in the most delicious way. When I finally kissed him, it was with purpose and with passion. I wanted him to know exactly how I felt, and I transferred all my thoughts and feelings into it, hoping he'd understand that I wanted to tell him what happened and that I would, just not yet. When we finally broke apart, I looked into his deep green eyes and knew he understood what I was trying to say.

With a brush of his fingers across my cheek, he pressed his forehead against mine and said we probably needed to get downstairs; there's no doubt Charlie was probably wondering what the hell had just happened.

The confrontation downstairs was… interesting. I could see the weird tension between Edward and Charlie - Edward feeling guilty for barging in without knocking or even offering a word and Charlie wanting to, strangely, play the part of protective father. In a way, it was really endearing given that I was a grown woman and hadn't lived with him for well over ten years.

I looked back at the phone in my hand and reread the message from Edward. I quickly typed out a message thanking him for a great evening and told him I'd see him the next morning. Setting my phone on the night stand again, I rolled over and fell into a peaceful sleep, my body finally relaxing from the evening's events.

x-x-x

I walked into The Diner the next morning and found Edward already hard at work. I called out a quick good morning, and we both looked at each other, not quite sure what to do. He wiped his hands on the towel hanging from his waist and made his way over to me.

"Good morning," he said with a smile.

"Morning," I said, smiling in return. I felt the annoying heat creep into my cheeks and wished my emotions weren't always so obvious.

We both stood there for a second before Edward leaned in slightly and placed a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips before pulling away quickly. He smiled sheepishly and mumbled quietly, "Probably shouldn't be kissing you at work, huh?"

I laughed awkwardly, my face fully in flames. "Yeah, probably not."

With one last wistful look, he turned and made his way back over to his station and continued preparing for the breakfast crowd. I put my stuff away quickly and got to work assembling ingredients, heating the ovens, and changed the cupcake board on the counter in the restaurant. I had decided to try out a fruity cupcake this week, and after seeing the strawberries at the local market, I settled on a Strawberry Pie Cupcake.

I spent the next hour de-stemming and chopping three pounds of strawberries, crumbling graham crackers, and cooking strawberry syrup before I pulled the rest of the ingredients together. This recipe was probably one of the easiest berry cakes I had ever made; it was basically a vanilla cake with fresh strawberries. These cakes were different than most because of the graham cracker crust the cake sat on. Once I had the cakes in the oven, I set about getting the remaining batters mixed, cups filled, chocolate melted, and icings whipped.

A couple of times I caught Edward watching me, but for the most part, we were both lost in our thoughts. My mind easily drifted back to last night and how tender and passionate he was. I knew when I got up this morning that today would probably feel awkward. I mean, we had basically made out like teenagers last night against the car and then in my room. Today was bound to be interesting. But like yesterday and the other times things had started out strangely, Edward had a way of making things feel normal. The kiss this morning was case in point. It was sweet and chaste, while acknowledging the way we both felt and effectively caused the tension to dissipate.

When they were finished baking, I poked a few holes in each of the strawberry cakes and drizzled strawberry syrup inside, and then let them cool and soak up the syrup. Once they had all cooled properly, I topped each of the standard cakes with my signature buttercream swirl and topped them with their respective decoration.

The strawberry pie cakes, however, required a little extra care. Rather than use buttercream, I had to create a special strawberry whipped cream, using pureed strawberries, heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla. I watched as the mixer whipped the cream until thick, and then loaded it into my pastry bag to dollop on top. Not one to leave a cake unfinished, I simply added a few fresh strawberries, drizzled a little more syrup, and sprinkled a few crushed graham crackers on top. I stepped back, admiring how well they turned out. They were absolutely stunning, the red of the strawberries contrasting beautifully with the rich white of the whipped cream.

I took one over to Edward. "You wanna split one with me?"

He looked at the cupcake and grinned. "Have I ever turned down one of your cakes, Bella?" he said, laughter in his voice.

I pulled the wrapper off and held it up for him to take a bite. His eyes darkened as he looked between me and the cake, surprised probably at my boldness. He opened his mouth and slowly took a bite, his teeth and lips cutting easily through the cream and cake. His eyes closed involuntarily, and a moan escaped as he savored the sweet, strawberry goodness.

_Was that a moan? God, watching him eat my cakes is hot!_

"So, I guess they're pretty good, huh?" I said with sass and a smirk.

"You know they are, Bella. The truth is, you just wanted to see me eat your cakes, didn't you?"

For some unknown reason, all this talk of him eating my cake was making me blush violently.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I said, before picking up the cake to take my own bite. I had never really been one to flirt like this, but something about Edward's moan and darkening green eyes caused me to lick my lips and swirl my tongue seductively, or at least what I thought might be seductive, in the cream.

I heard Edward's breath hitch and watch his eyes open wider as he watched me slowly take a bite before moaning for effect. Without breaking eye contact, I set the cake on the table, and quirked an eyebrow before licking my lips.

"Mmmm. That was good."

"Bella…" he growled and pulled me toward him, his lips crashing into mine, as he sucked and licked the remaining cream off my lips.

Breathless, we both pulled back, but not before he smirked his own sassy smile, "Mmmm. Now _that_ was good."

And without a word, he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Wow. I had no idea that cupcakes could be this hot, but damn, that was intense. In somewhat of an Edward's lips-induced haze, I walked back to my station, loaded up the cakes, and took them out to the refrigerator case in the dining room.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Alice was like a little hummingbird flitting for nectar as she pumped me for information about last night's date. I gave her enough to appease her, without giving away all the subtle little details. I didn't really want her to know that I had freaked out when Edward asked about Phoenix, or that he stormed into my room and kissed me until I was forced to respond. Those were little details I wanted to keep between me and Edward. Of course, the glow and flushed tone of my skin gave me away. There was no hiding the girly giddiness I felt welling up inside of me.

"Hey, Bella," Edward called out.

I looked over at him and was stunned again by how beautiful he was. He had removed his apron and was standing by the door wearing his normal jeans and t-shirt.

"Yeah?" I said as I walked over. The closer I got, the thicker the tension became. It was strange how I always felt this buzzing energy whenever he was near. Of course, that could be leftover remnants from the little cupcakes session we had earlier, or it could just be him.

"What's up?" I said, suddenly feeling nervous and excited at the same time.

"Um," he looked down, stalling and maybe slightly nervous. Eventually his eyes met mine and he continued, "I was wondering if you would want to get together tomorrow night? You know, for dinner and maybe a movie or something?"

I had no idea why he was acting nervous, as if I wouldn't want to go out with him. "I'd really like that. What time do you want to meet?"

"How about I pick you up at 5:00? Would that be enough time for you to get home from work and change and stuff?"

I smiled. "That's plenty of time. I assume we're going casual, right?"

"Uh, yeah. I was thinking about maybe taking you to get pizza at Chicago Ru's…" he said, watching me intently. "Would that be okay?"

"That sounds great! I haven't had pizza in a while."

"It's really good. I think you'll like it. It's Chicago style – you know, thick crust."

"Yum!"

"Ok, well, I'm off to class, but I'll see you here tomorrow morning."

With a quick nod, I said okay. We stood there, staring at each other, both trying to figure out what to do. Feeling empowered from our earlier kiss, I quickly leaned on my tiptoes and placed a soft, open mouthed kiss on his lips. Before I could pull away, I felt his arm encircle my waist, pulling me against his body, as he kissed me back, needy and intense.

I heard the double doors to the kitchen push open, and I quickly broke away from him and smiled nervously. "I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. Have fun at class."

This time he nodded and walked out the door.

I didn't even have to turn around to know that Alice was walking toward me. I knew her eyes were boring into my back, and she was probably vibrating with enthusiasm.

"O.M.G. Bella!" she squealed.

I couldn't help the laughter that burst forth from me. We collapsed into a heap of giggles. "I know, okay. God, you're brother is such a great kisser…"

"Um, Bella. No… I _sooo_ can't go there. It's my brother! No details, please!"

"Fine, fine! I get it! But, seriously, he is!"

She shrieked and punched my arm before walking away, tossing a grin and wink over her shoulder.

I finished putting my stuff away, swiping down the last few tables, and then gathered my stuff, perma-smile still plastered on my face.

x-x-x

The next few weeks were a blur of girl time, date nights, and cupcake baking. As we neared the date of Alice and Jasper's wedding, I got sucked into helping with wedding prep. Alice had every single detail planned, and truthfully, she really didn't need our help. With Alice, it was always a matter of want. If she wanted our help and pressed hard enough, we couldn't resist her wily charms.

We had spent the last week making centerpieces for each of her tables, creating simple chair decorations to run along the outside aisles, and assembling the programs. Alice was uncharacteristically mellow much of the week, despite the sweet smile that graced her face. I imagined that it had to do with her mom not being here for all of this; so, Rose and I did our best to fill in and keep her occupied and smiling. The plan was to hold the wedding on the back deck of the house. It would be a simple, elegant affair, with just close friends and family.

Originally, Alice had placed an order for a really beautiful cake, but not long after I started making cupcakes at The Diner, she asked if I would be willing to make a variety of cupcakes, all unique flavor combinations, for the wedding. Of course, I had agreed because I love her and wanted to help out with her wedding, but also because it was good business opportunity. In Phoenix, I had often wondered what it would be like to own a bakery or catering business. Given my situation at the time, I had shoved those thoughts into the deep recesses of my mind as I just tried living one day at a time, without dreams. I didn't want to be disappointed anymore than I already was with my life. Now that I'd been here for a while and was baking at The Diner, those dreams had been resurfacing. I'd had a couple of customers ask if I was for hire, and at the time, told them I was still looking into how to make that work practically. This was actually looking like it might be a real opportunity to showcase what I could really do when given the time and resources.

When Alice had asked me, I didn't really have a good plan for where to make that many cupcakes. I could certainly have done it in Charlie's kitchen, but after mentioning it to Rose one night over dinner, she offered The Diner's kitchen. I really couldn't imagine a better scenario, and I was really excited.

When Edward had called later that night, I told him about Alice's request and Rose's offer, and he was just as excited for me. I had come to really appreciate how supportive Edward was of my unspoken dreams. I certainly hadn't mentioned my desire to own a bakery at some point in the future, but in many ways, I think it was implied. As a fellow chef, he understood it was part of the dream to have your own kitchen.

Of course, that line of thinking took me back to the early argument, if you could call it that, about _his_ kitchen. We had certainly come quite a ways since then. We had spent a good amount of time together in the last few weeks. The bulk of that, of course, was at The Diner in the kitchen together, but when he wasn't scheduled at _C'est Si Bon_ or in class, we spent much of our free time together. It was never anything fancy, a fact that both of us were more than okay with. We had dinner together a lot, watched old movies, and even played mini-golf and hiked through the woods.

Our time together was always fun and… intense. From the moment he stormed into my room and roughly pulled me into his embrace to the hesitant kisses we shared in the kitchen at The Diner to the more passionate make-out sessions we had, I could tell that Edward was tender and complex; there was always something beneath the surface that I couldn't quite figure out. I would often watch him cooking in the kitchen and see him in a sea of calm, but there were other times where his mood was brooding and stormy. Of course, he probably thought the same thing about me. I knew we both had secrets that we weren't really ready to share.

One Saturday about two weeks after our first date, I had come really close to just putting all my baggage on the table for him to see, pick over, and then pass up in favor of something, or someone, better. We were sitting in the family room at his house late one evening. Carlisle was at the hospital, and Alice was at Jasper's. I was lying with my head in his lap, his fingers running through my hair, as we talked about his childhood and his time in Chicago. After a lull in the conversation, he hesitantly asked me about Phoenix. I tensed a bit, and looked at his eyes; I felt myself relax slightly when I saw only encouragement and warmth. As I thought about what to say, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against my lips and told me to take my time, that he didn't have to know right now, and that when I was ready to tell him, he would be here to listen. My eyes had filled with tears and rather than let him see them fall, I buried my face into his stomach. He just held me while I shed quiet tears, all the while whispering that it was okay, his hands continuing to ruffle through my hair. When I finally had the courage to look him in the eyes, I told him simply that the last six years were the worst of my life, but that it was over now. I recounted just briefly the day I left Phoenix and how the girls at the restaurant had finally pushed me to do it, saying I didn't deserve or have to live the way I was. Of course, they had been telling me that for a good two years, but for some reason, that day, it clicked. I packed up everything I could fit in my car and took care of something I had wanted to do for a while and drove here.

When I had finished telling my very abbreviated and vague story, he pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. I was grateful he didn't ask questions, even though it was clear that there were many that he could have, and I'm sure, wanted to ask. With my head resting against his chest, his heart beating in a relaxed rhythm, I couldn't help but compare him to James. He was everything James wasn't. He was certainly kind, tender, and funny, but more importantly to me, he made me feel valuable and beautiful, smart and competent. He valued my thoughts and opinions and never made me feel like I was less of a person when they differed.

It wasn't long before he pulled back enough that he could see my face. He tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his emerald gaze, and brought his lips down to mine. There were no words; there was no hesitation, only openness, as we allowed the intimacy of the moment to bring us together. It started out gentle and needy, and quickly turned into hungry, heated kisses of lips, teeth, and tongue colliding together forcefully. His lips brushed my neck and exposed shoulders, along my collar bones before finding their way back to my already swollen lips. Our hands explored freely, bodies shifted to find warmth and friction, and tongues tasted the salty, unique flavors of skin. Eventually we pulled apart, both wanting more, but neither willing to cross that line at this point in our relationship. Lying on the couch wrapped around each other, I fell asleep in Edward's arms for the very first time.

The next morning, I woke up alone on the couch, covered with a blanket. Feeling a little unsettled by Edward's absence, I made my way into the kitchen, the sounds of pans brushing on the burner and glass being placed in the sink alerting me to the activity there. I saw that Edward had whipped up an entire breakfast spread for us.

He looked up when I walked in and smiled.

"Good morning, beautiful."

With a blush and a simple smile, I whispered my own good morning. I walked over, wanting to be near him, and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. I could feel it rise and fall with each breath, his heart beating quietly. He wrapped his arms around me and trailed soft, warm kisses across my face, pressing a light kiss on my lips before burying his nose in my neck. I could feel his breath and the smile form against my skin as he asked if I slept well. I nodded. Pulling back just slightly, I ran my fingers through his hair and gathered his face in my hands and kissed him chastely. The need for more welled up in me, and I deepened the kiss, tasting hints of sugar, butter, and maple syrup.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Looks like someone got into the French toast," I said with a huge grin on my face.

He just smiled. "I'm the chef here, and I'll do as I please in _my _kitchen," he said with a smirk.

We both burst into laughter.

I smiled as I thought back on that night. If I had doubts about Edward, or even my newly budding feelings for him, they were certainly put to rest when he pulled me into his arms and held me, no questions asked.

A few days after that, I was buzzing around trying to tidy up the house and noticed that the blanket that was normally draped over the back of couch was folded neatly and laying in the seat of Charlie's recliner. I walked over and gathered it up, thinking it was strange that Charlie would use this blanket. He was typically pretty hot-blooded, but the nights, I reasoned, were getting cooler, and this was an old house with terrible insulation. I unfolded it and laid it back across the couch, and then walked up to my room.

Feeling grimy from cleaning and from being in the same clothes since yesterday, I quickly got naked, pulled on my robe, and walked into the bathroom. Oh, the joys of having one bathroom in a house you share with your father. I had been thinking about getting a place of my own recently. I was grateful that Charlie had allowed me to come back home, but up until a few months ago, I had been living independently. So, it was sometimes hard to share a space.

After my shower, I flopped on my bed and tried to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. I didn't have anywhere pressing to be, and I had already cleaned the house. I thought about calling Alice, but then realized she and Jasper had gone to Seattle together for the day. I was so excited for them; they really were the perfect couple. It was like they were placed on this earth for each other; their simple touches and smiles were often the only words they needed with each other.

I had been thinking a lot about their wedding and by default, the cupcakes I was going to be making for the reception. Alice said they were expecting around a hundred people, which for a small wedding at their house, seemed like a lot. But then again, the Cullens knew a lot of people, so this was probably small by their standards.

Alice had pretty much given me free reign, except for asking me not to use chocolate or yellow cakes. Not being a fan of either of those myself, I happily agreed. I had been experimenting with different cake recipes and ideas, all of which were being consumed by the guys at the station. Alice didn't have a particular theme for the wedding, but since she was a little non-traditional, I decided to go with some of my more unique ideas. I knew that she really liked champagne, and decided to create a mimosa cupcake. I toyed with whether to make the cake orange or champagne flavored, and after several trial runs, decided to go with orange cake soaked with champagne syrup and then topped with champagne frosting. To be honest, I was completely blown away by how amazing they tasted. So when Alice screeched her agreement, I was thrilled!

I was still undecided on the other two cupcakes I was planning to make, but had at least narrowed it down to five different cake options: Chai and Honey, Rosewater and Raspberry, Sour Cherry-Almond, Vanilla-Vanilla with black, red, and white currants, and White Chocolate and Raspberry. My plan was to create all five and let Alice and Jasper try them out. Based on their thoughts, I would go from there.

I rolled over and looked at the clock, surprised that so little time had passed. All this talk of cupcakes and weddings had reminded me that I still needed to get them a wedding gift. Without really thinking, I jumped off the bed, grabbed my bag, and walked out the door.

The drive to Port Angeles had gone faster than I anticipated. As I pulled into the shopping district, I realized I had absolutely no idea what to get them. Their interests were quite different, but I knew they liked having fun together. I meandered through shop after shop, sometimes seeing something that might resonate, but never really finding the perfect gift. I continued down the street until I reached the end of the block. The path seemed to dead end, but as I looked around, I noticed another street with a few stores just across the way.

As I made my way through the open area, I started to feel that same nervous sensation I felt that day in The Diner, the one that creeps up your back, leaving you anxious and a little jittery. I continued walking with purpose, my eyes darting around erratically as I scanned the surrounding area. The further I walked, the more the feeling increased. I stopped and turned around thinking maybe someone was following me, but didn't see anyone. Not sure what to do, I continued walking, my stomach in knots, my heart pounding in my chest. When I finally made it onto the next street, I realized that it was mostly an industrial street with a few random bars. A group of guys were sitting astride motorcycles in front of one place, and I quickly moved across the street to the place that looked the safest.

Frantically pushing the door open, I rushed inside, and was greeted by an overly enthusiastic young, doe-eyed girl. "Welcome to Joy's Wine Bistro."

I looked around and tried to calm my racing heart. I plastered a smile on my face and asked for a place at the bar. She pointed me over to the bar area and told me to make myself comfortable.

After placing my order, I finally started to breathe. I had no idea why I was so worked up. No one was out there ready to jump out behind a corner. Of course, I knew my surface level thoughts were only preventing me from looking at the thing I feared the most – that James would eventually find me and drag me home. _Home._ No, Phoenix was no longer home, and I had done my best to sever the ties I had to it. I had put an end to my marriage before I left that day, and things were different here. Every day I woke up with a sense of peace and a refreshed spirit. I didn't always have that nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong, and I wasn't constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. But the doubt was still there. After that feeling I got of someone watching me that day at The Diner, I had become even more cautious. I always scanned the room whenever I walked into a new place, always watching to make sure he wasn't there. I locked my doors and windows, and always pulled the blinds closed. Just thinking about someone looking in on me gave me goose bumps. I hated feeling like the shoe was going to drop or that I still felt like I had to do things the way he had required.

I finished my meal and paid. Once I was out the door, I realized I was going to have to walk back to my car. The darkening sky filled me with dread as I looked up and down the road, trying to find a good way to get over to the next street. Not seeing any other options, I made my way back to the open field. The closer I got the same sensation that had plagued me earlier returned. My mind was screaming out at me to get help or at least find someone that looked trustworthy to walk with me, but I really just wanted to get to my car and get home.

I turned the corner and scanned the area quickly, while slowly increasing my pace from a fast walk to a jog to an all-out run. I made it to the other side and didn't stop until I got to my car. I jerked the car door open and slid inside, locking the doors. Remembering what I had learned in one of those self-defense classes I had taken in college, I started the car and got on the road. It wasn't until I was halfway to Forks that I felt myself start to relax. By the time I pulled into Charlie's driveway, I was berating myself for being paranoid and for not even coming close to getting Alice and Jasper a wedding gift. What a waste of a trip.

The weekend came and went, without a lot of fanfare. Edward and I had spent much of Saturday and Sunday together, hanging out and making out, and enjoying every minute of it. When he dropped me at my house on Sunday evening, he kissed me sweetly and said he'd see me the next morning.

I woke up the next morning in a panic. The bad dreams I thought had gone away were back. I hated waking up feeling edgy. Not wanting to dwell, I quickly got up and dressed and left for work.

I arrived at The Diner well before 5 a.m. It was cloaked in that calm, pre-dawn darkness that I had come to appreciate as my time to think and create on my own. I climbed out of the car and grabbed my decorating kit from the trunk. As I made my way over to the back door, I heard a noise around the corner. Feeling a little anxious, I juggled my stuff and fiddled with the keys, trying to get inside. In my agitation, however, I dropped the keys and in my attempt to catch them, hooked the latch of my decorating box on nail that had worked itself loose. In an instant, the box had popped open, and couplers, decorating tips, and jars of coloring gel scattered all over the ground.

"Shit!"

I bent down and tried to gather everything up, when I heard it again. This time, it was closer, and sounded like a pair of boots hitting the concrete. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my skin prickle, images from my dream flashing before me. The uncomfortable sensation of adrenaline began to course through me as I quickly turned around, scanning the parking lot. I knew I was probably imaging things, but the paranoia from the other day in Port Angeles was feeding my nervousness. The longer I stood there, the closer it sounded. Anxiety, now full fledged and hammering, crept up my back, my imagination now completely out of control, and an overwhelming feeling of dread settled in my stomach. I whirled back around in a panic and wildly jammed the keys in the door. I twisted them in frustration, not able to get the door to open. Gripping the knob, I rammed my body against the door; it crashed open, and I tumbled into the kitchen, busting my knee on the cold, hard concrete floor. I scrambled over and slammed the door behind me, ignoring the pain in my knee and my stuff still scattered all over the ground outside. I pressed my back against the door and sank to the floor, my head in my hands, trying to catch my breath. My heart was pounding and the emotions I had lived with every day for the last six years washed over me, drowning me in fear. I hated this. I hated the constant fear that he would come back, that he had reduced me to this kind of anxiety and paranoia. I thought I had put an end to this, and yet here I was, curled up on the floor of the kitchen at work trying to pull it together. Tears of frustration, anger, and relief rolled down my face and what started out as a natural stress release turned into body wracking sobs.

The longer I sat there, the more upset I became. I was completely lost in my own mind when I heard the door knob rattle. Seized with fear I sat there, frozen.

I heard heavy pounding and my name, and the urgency of it broke me out of my stupor. I scrambled up, and searched the kitchen for something to shield me from him. The little bit of rational thought I had left told me that I was safe here, that he couldn't get me, but the pounding and the yelling complexly pushed me over the edge of panic. My head filled with images of what he had and would do to me when he got in here, and I couldn't let him get me, drag me back to Phoenix. I'd die. I looked around the kitchen in my haze, not really seeing anything.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

"Dammit, Bella! Open up!"

I screamed and ran into one of the heavy wooden prep tables, busting my side against the hard edge. I sucked in a breath, and bit my lip, my eyes welling up with more tears.

_Bang. Bang. Bang.__ Bang._

I could see the door straining with each beat, and realized I had to do something to prevent him from getting in here. Feeling the table at my side, I rolled it over and blocked the door. In a brief moment of clarity, I locked the wheels so that it would be impossible for him to move it.

"Bella! Open the fucking door!" The sound came out garbled, and I couldn't quite make out all the words.

"Oh, God," I whimpered.

The haze of fear enveloped me and I ran into the alcove near the door, and pressed myself into the corner. I could hear the pounding and him calling my name, and it was like I was in our bathroom in Phoenix again. He was calling out at me, telling me I was a stupid bitch, and that I was his, that I'd never get away. I buried my head in my now tightly folded frame and tried to block it all out. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want him getting me. I couldn't go back there.

More pounding, more shouting, this time louder and more violent.

I had to stop him from getting me. I couldn't let him hurt me again. I couldn't miss two weeks of work. I couldn't… Fear, once again, gave way to sobs, and I wanted to be back on the couch with Edward, his warm arms wrapped around me, his lips pressed to my forehead. I wanted to do so many things, to start over, and be happy, for real, for once. It was almost like I could feel his presence calling to me, but all I could hear were the gut-wrenching sounds of my terror-filled, broken-hearted sobs and the pounding and yelling at the door, and then it stopped.

The silence was terrifying. I knew he was out there, but I had no idea what he was doing. I sat there, my heart thundering in my ears, straining to hear any little sound that would give him away. I started to breathe, my heart beat slowing slightly.

_Ding,_ the bell on the front door chimed, heavy footsteps coming into the kitchen.

"Oh, God! Please…"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**::Grins evil grin:: **

**I'm sorry I was totally fail at replying to reviews. Real life has been CRAZY, and I figured you would rather just have this chapter instead. I'll be better next go!**

**I am participating in an amazing event this June to raise money to fight childhood cancers through The Fandom Gives Back – Eclipse. I will be offering up two one-shots from this or any other story. Heck, I may be convinced to do something completely new. So, be thinking about what you might want, bid on me, or get a group to do it! This is an awesome thing we are doing to help little kids! More details later.**

**Cupcake Recipe on the blog: ****http://jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/04/chapters-9-and-10(dot)html**

**I'm going to be creating a poll on my profile page with the 5 wedding cupcake choices! Make sure you vote!!!**

**Ok, tell me what you think****, press the button… I'm dying to know!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to il_bel_mondo & TwiFicPromotions for Rec'ing The Diner! I've got cupcakes and milk for you!**

**Thanks to Sunfeathers, lobsters4ever, teacher1209, larin20, and many others for chatting about it on twitter and the thread and for continuing to support this story!**

**A dozen Strawberry Pie Cupcakes to my darling beta loves lexyw and catie22866!**

**Epic A/N at the end! Please make sure you read it.**

**I don't own Twilight, but this story is mine.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 11**

**EPOV**

I stood in the kitchen at _C'est Si Bon_ listening to Chef Juhasz walk through the special menu. I had been working here for almost two weeks and was already amazed at how much I had learned and accomplished.

Chef had been incredibly patient as he spent the first week bringing me up to speed on the menu, the basics of French cuisine, and the most common cooking techniques to prepare it. Each day I came in, he spent the first hour lecturing me on topics that would be relevant for the evening. I had learned pretty much everything about sautéing, braising, and blanching all kinds of food. He consistently gave me both the theory and practical with every lesson, and it was exciting to learn things in new and different ways.

"Tonight, Edward, we are going to focus on poached foods," Chef said, as he pointed me toward the stove.

I nodded and walked over to stand next to him.

"As I'm sure you know, poaching is the process of simmering foods at low temperatures in some form of liquid. Tonight, we are going to serve a poached chicken stew, as well as poached pears with a port chocolate sauce, so I want you to be well versed in how to do it. You are going to be the lead tonight."

I nodded again, the familiar zing of excitement vibrating inside, and waited as he reached for a large, deep skillet. He set it on the stove and turned the burner on high; the flames jumped out as the igniter caught the gas. He grabbed a large container and ladled out what looked like chicken stock.

"So, I've put in about six cups of chicken stock. If you recall from one of your previous classes, the poaching liquid is called the court bouillon, often consisting of an acid, aromatic, poaching liquid, and mirepoix."

I looked at him, and wanting to be sure, I simply repeated what he said. "So, just to be clear, the court bouillon should contain some form of acid, like vinegar, herbs, a liquid like a stock or water, and a mix of carrots, onions, and celery. Is that right?"

He nodded. "Exactly," he said, before turning back to the stove. "We're going to boil the chicken stock, and then add the mirepoix, a bay leaf, and the chicken breasts. While we wait for that to boil," he walked over to one of the prep tables, "can you prepare the pears?"

"Sure. I assume you want them peeled and then sliced in half?"

"Yes. And while you're doing that, I'll pull the other ingredients together for the poaching syrup."

We worked in relative silence, although the kitchen was never really quiet. The other line chefs were busy preparing ingredients for the evening service, chattering back and forth about who they thought would make the playoffs. Of course, the Mariners were out; they had played like total shit this year and were practically at the bottom of the division.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Chef." I turned to see Chef standing in front of our stock mixture and made my way over to the stove to watch closely. "Now that the liquid is boiling, I'm going to add the remaining ingredients. I should have mentioned earlier that the mirepoix, in this case, has been sautéed in butter for added flavor and depth."

I watched as he dumped all the ingredients into the boiling stock, stirring quickly, and then carefully placing the chicken breasts into the liquid. He placed the lid tightly on the skillet and mentioned that we'd check it again in about ten minutes.

Not wasting any time, he pulled out a heavy-bottomed skillet and turned the flame on high. "Have you ever poached pears, Edward?"

"Yes, Chef."

"Good. So, in this case, we'll get this going quickly, and I'll let you take the lead."

"Thank you, Chef."

I quickly walked over and assessed the ingredients he had already set out. Strips of lemon peel, a cup of sugar, cloves, peppercorns, and a cup of water. I carried the prep tray over to the stove and poured the water, sugar, and lemon peel into the pan. Keeping a close eye on it, I stirred the sugar pretty frequently. The last thing I wanted to do was burn it, especially with Chef standing right beside me. Once the sugar was dissolved, I added the cloves and peppercorns and waited for it to boil. When it was ready, I reduced the heat and let syrup simmer for five minutes.

While we waited for the syrup to thicken, I walked back over to the other stove and checked the chicken. Chef watched as I took charge, his watchful eye making me nervous, but also giving me confidence. I knew how to do all of this, but it had been a while since I had been in a kitchen where I wasn't in charge. So, for now, I was content to be in student mode. I flipped the chicken over, replacing the lid.

I moved back over to the syrup and placed the pear halves in, cut side down and narrow end facing outward. I would never forget one of the chefs in Chicago yelling at a girl in my class for putting the pears in her pan cut side up. Yeah, I wouldn't be making that mistake… ever. Once the syrup was simmering again, I put the lid on and went back over to check the chicken.

I made my way back and forth between these two dishes until the chicken was done. At one point, just as I was about to take the chicken out of the pan, Chef asked me what the internal temperature should be to be considered safe for consumption. The answer was, of course, at least 165º.

To be honest, I was slightly annoyed by the question. I mean, I was currently working in a kitchen, as the head cook, and I was basically repeating culinary school. I really didn't think it was necessary to quiz me on the basics.

As if he read my thoughts, Chef simply reminded me that the art of cooking well requires you to know the basics intimately, and that it never hurts to be reminded of them.

With a nod, I lifted the lid on the pears and inserted a toothpick to test them. It went through the delicate flesh easily, and I quickly transferred them to the waiting dish. Turning back to the stove, I turned the heat back up and waited for it to come to a boil, just like I had with the chicken. Once there, I reached for the port sauce, looking over at Chef for permission. With his nod of approval, I slowly poured and stirred, testing the flavor occasionally. Once the port flavor was strong enough, I removed the pan from the heat and poured it over the pears.

"Go ahead and plate it, Edward."

I grabbed one of the porcelain white plates and poured a little sauce in the center. I scooped two pears onto the plate, cut side up this time, and filled the center wells with more port sauce. Taking a chance, I walked over to the freezer, grabbed some vanilla ice cream, placed a small scoop next to the pears, and drizzled a little more sauce over the top of everything.

I inspected the plate for any stray bits of syrup that were "misplaced" and handed the plate and a fork to Chef. He looked it over carefully, nodded, and then cut the pear with the side of his fork. That was actually the real test; poached pears should always be tender enough to be cut with a fork, but not soft enough to fall apart into a mushy mess. I watched as Chef lifted the pear to his mouth and chewed slowly. I felt my heart rate pick up as I waited for his feedback. You'd think after all this time I wouldn't get nervous, but I really wanted to do a great job and Chef's opinion of me was important.

"Edward, this is very well done. Grab a plate for yourself and then we'll gather for our team meeting."

I nodded. "Thank you, Chef."

My inner rock star came out for a brief second and jumped off the stage in excitement, fist pumping the entire time. I plated my serving of pears and ice cream and scarfed it down. _Damn, that is good._

The team meeting and dinner service went really well. I spent the bulk of my time poaching chicken and preparing the French Chicken Stew. By the time service was over and the kitchen was clean, I was dead on my feet. I had spent essentially the entire day on my feet, and my back was killing me.

With coffee in hand, I dragged myself to the car, already dreading the hour long drive back to Forks.

Once on the road, I quickly dialed Bella's number. This had become somewhat of a ritual for us on days where I worked at the restaurant or was at class late. On several different occasions, she had mentioned how worried she was that I would fall asleep at the wheel driving home after such exhausting days. The phone rang several times and then went straight to voicemail. _That's odd_.

"Hey, Sweets. It's me. Just calling… um, call me back okay. I'm on my way home," I said before hanging up. I drove in silence, appreciating the quiet of the night. About half way home, I passed the turn off to one of the many state parks in the area and smiled.

Last weekend, I had convinced Bella to go hiking with me. I knew she wasn't opposed to being out in nature, because we had taken lots of walks on the trails behind my house, but they were well traveled and essentially packed dirt and pine needles. Bella wasn't uncoordinated, and I really wouldn't even call her clumsy, but she stumbled a lot while we were hiking in the woods. Of course, I didn't really mind. It meant I got to keep a constant hold on her, not that I needed an excuse, but it was still nice.

I loved touching her. She was soft and beautiful and damn, she always smelled good. At one point, as we were walking into this big open field, full of colorful flowers and surrounded by beautiful trees, she tripped over a branch on the ground and fell over, causing me to stumble and almost land on her. We both burst into a fit of giggles.

"You think this is funny, do you?" she said, rolling over on top of me, trying to hold me to the ground.

"Uh, yeah, sweets, I do. And I think it's hysterical you _think_ you can hold me down by sitting on me," I said with a smirk.

"I can hold you down, baby. Have no doubt!"

Before I could react, she leaned down and nuzzled her nose into my neck and whispered, "You smell so good."

I felt my skin prickle as her warm breath brushed against my skin. Placing feather-light kisses along my neck and jaw, behind my ear and on my Adam's apple, I couldn't help the shiver that rippled through me. She moved her way to my earlobe, gently sucking it into her mouth. My body instantly reacted to her mouth, her tongue, and even her teeth as she nibbled softly.

In an instant, she was flat on her back. "I told you; you can't hold me down, baby."

Her eyes widened in surprise, a flash of something I didn't recognize crossed her face, before her body stilled underneath me. With a deep breath her eyes met mine and a small smile formed on her lips. I felt her legs squirm and her push against my arms until I leaned into her, pressing my body flush against hers and smiled. Her eyes bulged as I brushed my lips all over her face, her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, and her chin, everywhere except her mouth. I could feel her straining against me, trying to reach my lips with her own.

"_Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. _I'm in charge here, baby." After the little display of power she had put on, I was gonna tease her mercilessly until she begged for more.

I had never been this overt with her. I mean, it's not like we hadn't made out and stuff, but it was always much slower, more tentative, both of us holding back a little. Having her on top of me, sucking on my earlobe, lying in the dirt was like every man's dream. Of course, now she was underneath me, and I knew she could feel me against her. There was no mistaking what her body did to me every time she was near me.

I buried my nose in her hair, breathing in her naturally sweet scent and the earthy smell of damp leaves. Dragging my lips down the side of her face, her jaw, the column of her neck, and to the top of her tank top, I kissed, tasted, and savored her. Her chest was moving up and down, her heart racing, and I heard her moan softly. With a groan of my own, I traced my way back up, nipping and licking the sweet spot behind her ear, before I crashed my lips onto hers. Her mouth was hot, and with a lick of her bottom lip, she instantly opened, her tongue meeting mine, as we explored each other. It was full of passion and heat and desire, and it was all I could do to not take her right there.

I let her hands go so I could touch her, feel her, and her hands immediately found their way to my hair, around my neck, up and down my back, and eventually on my shoulders. I could feel her pressing her body against mine, begging me for more.

Wanting her to lead, I rolled us back over, her now on top, her tiny frame straddling me, chest pressed against mine. I ran my hands down her back, along her waist, and stopped at her hip, pulling her closer to me, letting myself drown in the feeling of her body against mine.

"God, Edward…" she moaned.

I cupped her face, bringing it down to mine and kissed her with everything I had. I felt her hips thrust into mine as instinct kicked in and the need for more friction won out. Grabbing her hips, I pulled her closer into me, her body now fully flush against mine, as we breathed as one. Tracing my hand down the back of her thigh, I could feel the heat radiating off of her, and I wanted more, needed more. I traced my hands along her sides, brushing the sides of her breasts and heard her gasp and then moan.

Taking my cue, I rolled her over, this time, the other direction, and just as I was about to put my full weight on her, she shrieked and jerked away.

"Baby… are you okay?"

"Something's jabbing into me," she said, her body tense.

I pulled her up, and sure enough, there was a pointy, jagged rock right where her back had been.

"Go figure! Just when I was about to get to second base, a pointy rock stabs you in the back," I said through my laughter. She giggled, her already flushed skin turning red in embarrassment.

I couldn't help but laugh as I pulled her into my lap, brushing leaves and a twig out of her hair.

"That was pretty damn hot!" I said, leaning in to place a soft kiss on her swollen lips.

The loud ringing of my cell phone jolted me back to the present, and I looked down to see it was Bella. I shifted in my seat, trying to relieve the tightness even in my loose uniform.

"Hey, love," I said.

"Hey, Sweets. Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was helping Charlie downstairs, and I didn't hear my phone ring."

"That's okay. How was your day?"

"Good. I spent the rest of the afternoon testing out cupcakes for Alice and Jasper's wedding and finally settled on at least one – the Mimosa."

"Oh, really? Please tell me you saved one for me."

She laughed. God, I loved that sound. "Of course I did, silly. How was the restaurant?"

I told her it was good and rehashed much of my evening. She was excited that I had been given more autonomy in the kitchen, and that I was really enjoying my time.

"I missed you, though," I said, really meaning it. I had found myself thinking about her more and more. I sensed her cautious approach toward me sometimes, and I think that contributed to mine. _Not when you tried to take her in the woods, you Neanderthal._

"So, I was wondering if you want to get together tomorrow. Are you working at the restaurant this weekend?" she asked sweetly.

"My weekend is completely free, and yes, I definitely want to do something with you." I couldn't help the hint of sass that slipped into my voice and made its way over the phone; and I knew she could tell.

"Yeah, I bet you would, mister!" she laughed. "So, are you almost home? I hate that you have to drive so far when you've spent all day on your feet."

I loved how endearing she was; always worried about me and trying to make sure I was okay. "I am, baby. In fact, I'm just pulling into the driveway now."

"Okay, good," she said, relieved. "Call me in the morning?"

"Absolutely. Night, sweet girl."

"Night, Edward."

I closed the phone and couldn't help the sappy smile that spread across my face. _God, I'm such a puss._

The rest of the weekend passed with us mostly just hanging around one of our houses and make out; it was quickly becoming my favorite part of the week. Not just for the make out sessions, but because I loved spending time with her. She was one of the most intriguing women I had ever met - open, honest, warm, kind, but still a bit of a mystery.

x-x-x-x

I woke up to my alarm blaring on Monday morning, and was surprised that I had slept an extra thirty minutes. I jumped out of bed, showered quickly, and threw on some old jeans and a t-shirt, needing to get to The Diner to get things going on the steel cut oats I was planning to make today. I grabbed my keys, my iPod, and backpack, and walked out to the car.

I ran through the recipe for the oats as I was driving into work, hoping that I had purchased enough apples. I was anxious to see Bella. Yeah, we had spent the entire weekend together, but the more time we spent together, the more I wanted of her. I knew she'd probably already be there; she was trying out a new cupcake recipe today, and from what she'd said, it was more involved than some of her other recipes.

I pulled into the lot and felt that strange sensation, the one you get when something is off, but smiled when I saw her car parked in her usual spot. Unbuckling my seat belt, I opened the door and got out. I scanned the parking lot, looking for something out of the ordinary, but nothing really stood out. I gathered my stuff out of the car and started toward the door, and that's when I noticed Bella's decorating box and its contents scattered all over the ground. My heart started pounding as I immediately pushed on the door and twisted the knob.

Locked.

I rattled the knob again and pounded on the door. My mind was in overdrive trying to figure out what was going on. I pounded on the door again, this time hearing shuffling on the inside and then silence.

"Bella!" I said, pounding on the door again.

Nothing.

Panic was starting to course through me. I looked around the parking lot again and still didn't see anything. I had no idea why she would have dropped her stuff like this, and certainly why she wouldn't have picked it up. _Unless someone or something scared her._

_Bang. Bang. Bang. _

Pounding again, I yelled, in hopes that she could hear me and would open up, "Dammit, Bella! Open up!

Frustration coursed through me. _Why isn't she opening the damn door! _I heard a scream, and I started ramming into the door, trying to get in, desperate to get to her.

_Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang._

The door was straining against the frame, but no matter how hard I pushed, I couldn't get it to open, and I was pretty sure something was blocking the way. I screamed at the door, "Bella! Open the fucking door!"

Nothing. No movement. No noises. I tried to calm my mind, tried to force myself to think rationally, to figure out how I could get into the building. I was pacing back and forth, my hands running through my hair as I tried to figure out what to do. I looked over at the window above the sink, but quickly realized I wouldn't be able to fit through it. I looked at the other door in the back and the realization hit me.

_The front door!_

Without a thought, I ran around the side of the building and searched through my keys, my hands shaking, for the right one. Finally, I inserted it into the key hole, missing several times, and had to use two hands to get it in properly. I turned the key in the lock quietly, my heart roaring in my head and fear coursing through me as I didn't know what lay on the other side of the door.

_Ding._

_Shit! _I looked around the dining room, frantic, not wanting to tip off whoever had blocked the back door.

I made my way into the kitchen and barely heard someone whimper. Anger coursed through me, overriding the fear, at the thought that someone would hurt her.

I charged into the kitchen and yelled for her, "Bella!"

I walked through the kitchen, over to the back door and saw one of the heavy tables pushed up against it, the wheels locked. I scanned the room, looking for her, wondering where the whimper had come from.

"Bella! Dammit! Where are you?! It's me!"

I pushed the table out of the way, not bothering to unlock the wheels, and cringed at the harsh sound of metal scrapping across the floor. Once it was back in its place, I walked around to the little alcove beside the door, and my heart stopped.

Bella was curled up tightly, her body shaking, barely contained sobs being tightly held as if she didn't want me to hear her.

"Bella?" I said, my voice filled with desperation. I had no idea what had happened, but the worst images and ideas flashed through my mind. Had she been attacked or God forbid, even worse?

I walked over, knelt down beside her and grabbed her arm.

She released a blood curdling scream, and I jerked my hand away.

"Please…" she begged. "Please don't do it. I swear I'll be better next time. I'll open the door."

I had no idea what she was talking about. It was like she wasn't even aware I was there, or more importantly, who I was. I tried, using my most soothing voice, to get her to hear me.

"Bella, baby, it's me, Edward."

"Please…"

"Baby…" I said, reaching over again, taking the chance again that by touching her, I could jolt her back to reality. "Bella, I'm here, love. Please look at me. I'm not going to hurt you."

She pulled away, but this time, didn't scream. "Bella… it's Edward. Baby… please look at me," I said, this time pulling her against me.

I felt her whole body tense in anticipation of something. She stayed tightly curled into herself, breathing rapidly, eyes screwed shut, whimpering and pleading that I not hurt her. Watching her like this, in my lap, broke my heart and filled me with all kinds of emotions. What had happened to her that caused this kind of reaction? I wracked my brain for anything she might have said in the time we'd been together to give me even little hint, but I came up blank.

"You're safe, baby," I said, gently brushing her hair out of her face and placing soft kisses on her forehead.

I felt her snuggle against me, body still tense, and mumble quietly, "You can't get me here. I'm safe here."

At first I didn't think I had heard her correctly. Of course she was safe here. Why wouldn't she be? And then something clicked. I looked down at her tiny form, shaking, repeating that she was safe, and occasionally throwing in a plea for me not to hurt her again, and I realized that she must have been through this before with someone. Confusion consumed me. Did she have a crazy ex that had hurt her? Just the thought of someone hurting even one stray hair on her head filled me with rage.

I tightened my arms around her and sat there, holding her, rocking back and forth, whispering that I was here and that she was safe, that I would always keep her safe. I kissed her head over and over, buried my nose in her hair breathing her in as she slowly started to calm down and the tears stopped falling.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Bella… what?" I asked in confusion.

"I just… got so… scared. I thought…" I watched her pause, a flash of fear crossing her face, and swallow. "I thought you were… _him_," she said in barely a whisper.

And I knew it… knew that my suspicions were correct, that she had been with someone that had done horrible things to her.

"You're safe, baby. I'll never do that to you. I'll never hurt you," I said, my heart breaking at the thought that I even had to say it out loud. I tightened my grip on her and sat there for a while, breathing, trying to figure out what to do.

Eventually, she pulled back and stared into my eyes, tears welling up, before she looked down at her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, Edward. I… I didn't want you to find out like this… to see me like this…"

With those few words, my heart cracked again. I brushed my hands in her hair, down her face to her chin, and forced her to look back up at me. Tears were streaking down her face, and I gently wiped them away, before placing a single kiss next to each eye. "Bella, this doesn't change anything. I don't know what happened, although I have a pretty good idea. I want to know, but you don't have to tell me right now. I can't bear to see you like this… you mean so much to me. And I meant what I said, I'll never hurt you. You. Are. Safe. With me. Do you understand?"

Her eyes closed and her shoulders relaxed, before she looked back up at me. Her voice, broken and raspy from all the tears, "I really want to believe you, Edward…"

"Then do. Because I mean it, Bella. I will never hurt you like he did." My voice was firm and emphatic.

She nodded, pressed her face into my chest, and let out a deep breath.

I have no idea how long we sat there, but it wasn't until I heard the back door open and felt Bella tense up again, that I realized it was probably close to 7 a.m.

"Hello? Where is everyone?" I heard Alice call out. "Why is Bella's stuff on the ground outside?"

"We're over here, Alice," I said, "in the alcove."

Alice popped her head around the corner and abruptly stopped, her eyes widening in concern. "What's going on, guys?"

"It's nothing, Alice. Can you please start two big pots of water boiling, each with a gallon of water?"

She looked like she wanted to press the issue, but a shake of my head and the look on my face must have told her to let it go. She knew I'd fill her in later.

I could hear Alice moving around the kitchen, the water running as she filled the pots.

"Edward," she said, peeking her head around the corner, "do you want me to start the ovens for…"

"No, I think I'm going to take Bella home…" I said, before Bella cut me off.

"No. Please set them to 350º."

"Baby, you don't need to stay here today. Let me take you home. You are exhausted."

"I don't want to go home, Edward. Please… I want to stay here… with you," she pleaded. "Please."

I couldn't even bear the idea of her begging me to let her stay; I didn't want her to feel like she had to ask my permission for anything. "Of course, you can, Baby. You don't have to ask… I just thought you might want to rest. If you want to stay here, of course I want you here."

She placed a kiss on my chest, and whispered her thanks. Slowly, she crawled out of my lap and looked at me again, her eyes sad. I watched her walk over to the restroom and then stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"What the hell is going on, Edward!" Alice whisper-yelled.

"Ali, I can't go into it right now. But it's not good, and we definitely need to talk."

"Fine. But I want details soon. I can't take the suspense."

"I'm going to pick up Bella's stuff outside. She and I are going to need help getting things ready this morning; we are way behind schedule. Call Embry and make sure he gets here soon," I said as I walked toward the back door.

Once outside, I leaned against the back of the building and took a few deep cleansing breaths. My nerves were shot and I felt exhausted. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts as I tried to piece together everything that had happened and how it all fit with what I now knew to be true… at least in some part. As I picked up couplers and decorating tips, I thought back over our time together and felt the pang of regret as I realized there were definitely times when I might have come off overprotective or controlling. I desperately didn't want her to think of me in that way… at all. I knew we would have to talk about this; I just wasn't sure what she would say or how she would react toward me. I didn't see her any differently, but given how timid she was sometimes, I wondered if that was why she didn't tell me in the first place. Grabbing the remaining color gels from the entry way, I carried everything back inside.

Bella was standing at her station, her hair pulled in a ponytail and iPod in her hand. She was scrolling through her music, and I could only imagine what she would be listening to; I mean, how do you recover from a mood like that? Of course, if she was like me, when I'm tense or anxious, I cook. So, my guess is that she probably really did need this.

"Bella, I got your stuff from outside. I'm just going to wash all the tips and couplers for you," I said, placing the box on her station.

"Thank you, Edward," she said with so much sincerity that I knew it was for more than bringing her stuff in.

I pulled her to me and felt her melt against me. "Bella, I…" I couldn't even finish my statement without my voice cracking. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I really was overcome with emotion.

"I know, Edward… me too."

Stepping back just slightly, I cupped her face in my hands and placed a tender kiss on her lips. It was gentle, soft, and warm, and said everything I wanted to say – you're safe with me; I'll never hurt you; I care about you so much it hurts; I can't imagine what would have happened if whatever scared you had gotten to you before I could… so many thoughts and feelings were poured into that simple kiss, and yet, I know she knew what I was trying to convey.

I released her and with one last brush of my fingers across her cheek, I walked over and started cooking.

The rest of the day was quiet. Bella didn't say anything; she kept her earbuds in while she prepared the cupcakes. She was methodical, even more so than normal, as she prepared strawberry syrup and the new strawberry cupcakes. I could tell she was okay, though, because she would occasionally peek up at me and give me a sweet, shy smile.

I watched Bella closely as she started her shift officially. She had changed into her pink uniform, and this time, I felt irritated that Rosalie had the girls wearing these stupid outfits. I knew Bella didn't like wearing it, and I definitely didn't want some asshole thinking he could just grab her or whatever. She was quiet and polite as she interacted with the customers, but still jumpy and on edge.

The day came to an end, and it was time for me to head to class. I pulled Bella over and told her I was going to stay home today. She looked at me and shook her head.

"Edward, you have to go to class. I'll be fine."

"But…"

"Edward," she said, placing her finger on my lips, "I need some space. I have to figure out what to do and how I feel, and how to talk to you about this…. And I just… I need some space."

I didn't want to give her space. I wanted to know what the hell happened out there this morning, and more importantly, what had happened in Phoenix. I knew that was the root of everything and why she tensed up every time it came up. I also didn't want her to close off, and not feeling like I had much choice, I reluctantly nodded my agreement.

"Thank you, Edward. I promise I'll explain everything."

With a small smile, I semi-joked, "I'm gonna hold you to that, Baby."

She smiled back at me and pressed her lips to mine. "Have a good day, Sweets."

"I will. I'll call you when I'm on my way home, okay?"

"Mhmm. Sounds good."

I grabbed my stuff and with one more quick brush of my lips to hers, I walked out.

I got in the car and drove to Port Angeles. Truth be told, I had no idea what happened on the drive; I didn't remember anything about it. Class passed in much the same way. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around the lecture on restaurant management or on the proper way to make special sauces in my Techniques class. I was anxious to get back to my car, so I could call Bella. I was sick of being in my head and wondering about all of this stuff. I wanted to know what had happened, and more importantly if we were okay.

The later question was starting to weigh heavily on me. I'm not really sure why I was concerned about it; Bella certainly hadn't given me any indication that there was an issue, but I just wanted to make sure we were okay. Somewhere between last night and this afternoon, I started to realize how strong my feelings were for her. I had never felt like this about anyone else, and after today, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to her. Even her request for space was almost too much to bear when I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and burrow my face in her hair and neck.

As soon as Chef dismissed class, I bolted out of the classroom and turned on my phone. When I finally got a signal, I noticed I had a voice mail. Pressing the button, I waited.

"You have two messages," the automated voice told me. I quickly pressed 1 to get to the first message.

"Edward, it's Ali! Call me! I want to talk about today!"

I quickly deleted it and pressed 1 again.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice. "Edward, it's me. Call me. We, uh, we need to talk."

Something in the pit of my stomach twisted, and I listened to the message again. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something felt off. Deleting the message, I hung up and dialed her number.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

I was just about to hang up when she finally picked up. "Bella! Thank God! Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she quietly.

"Bella, what's going on? Your message is kind of freaking me out." I knew my voice was riddled with panic, and I tried to rein it in, but my mind was conjuring up the worst scenarios, and number one on that list was her wanting more space.

"Edward… I just… I think we need to talk. I'm not sure…"

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"But…"

"No, Bella. I have been stressed out and worried all day thinking about you, and I just need to see you. I have to talk to you."

"But Charlie's here…"

"Bella, I don't give a shit about that. I want to know what happened today. Baby," I felt my voice crack, but I didn't care. "Seeing you like that… I just… it broke my heart."

"Edward," she whispered, clearly emotional as well.

"Can I please come over, Baby?"

"Okay, but seriously Edward, I'm not ready to talk about what happened today… I just need some more time."

I paused, feeling frustrated, but recognizing that I couldn't force her to talk about whatever the hell had happened this morning… and in Phoenix. "Okay, but I'm still coming over. I'll be there in a few minutes."

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**I am participating in an amazing event this June to raise money to fight childhood cancers through The Fandom Gives Back – Eclipse. I will be offering up two one-shots from this or any other o/s. Heck, I may be convinced to do something completely new. So, be thinking about what you might want, bid on me, or get a group to do it! This is an awesome thing we are doing to help little kids! More details later.**

**Now to a more serious subject. This story hits pretty heavily on the topic of dometic abuse. I have not experienced this personally, but believe strongly that no person should have to live through that experience. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, ethnicity, education or income level, or marital status, and can exist in many forms. To be clear, abuse is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another. Battering is a behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish or forces them to behave in ways they do not want, and can include the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation.**

**If you are in a situation like, please seek help! There are resources in most cities, as well as national resources. I'm including information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. Here is the national number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). I'm also including a link from their website that contains information for each state. ****http://www(dot)ndvh(dot)org/get-help/help-in-your-area/**

**I couldn't find any non-country specific international resources. So, if you are living outside the U.S., please search for something in your area.**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

**Twi Thread: ****http://bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad**

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**Leave me some love. Tell me what you think of Edward in this chapter!!**


	12. Chapter 12a

**Thank you all so much for supporting this story. Thank you for putting it on alert and reviewing. It means so much!**

**Special thanks to Lobsters1128 and Jessica1971 and kdc2239 for the bakery names laced with sexual innuendo!**

**As always, love to my darling betafish – Catie22866 and Lexyw28.**

**Aerobee is a jewel who once again has opened her life to me and is responsible for making this story more realistic and credible. Thank you, bb!**

**This is the first half of Chapter 12. The second half will be coming sometime early next week. This was the only way to do this chunk of the story.**

**I don't own Twilight or the lyrics to the song, She Will Be Stable Here by Everett Thomas, but this story is mine.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 12a**

**BPOV**

I stood still and watched Edward walk away, feeling that double edged feeling of sadness and relief. I was horrified that he had found me like that, at my absolute worst, a crying inconsolable mess. I knew he had questions, and like always, I wanted to tell him, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bear to see the pity in his eyes, or worse, the look of rejection that I knew would come. I mean, who would want someone like me, with all the baggage of an abusive past. Despite my fears, a part deep inside nagged that he wasn't like that, that he wouldn't just walk away and reject me. I could still feel the warmth and comfort of his arms as he held me against his chest, constantly whispering that I was safe and kissing me softly. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling exhausted and numb. I wanted to go home, take a long hot shower, and climb into bed.

I turned to get my stuff and found Alice staring at me in concern.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked, her voice tinged with worry.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just tired and ready to go home."

She shifted awkwardly, and I knew that she was wondering what had happened this morning. Alice was never this tentative… about anything, and I was pretty sure she had pieced things together, especially if she had talked to Edward at some point when I wasn't around.

"Alice…" I attempted to preempt the conversation but was cut-off as she called out my name.

"Bella, I know something happened here this morning. I'm worried sick about you, and my imagination is running wild. Please talk to me," she pleaded.

I had no idea what to tell her. I mean, thinking back on it, it just sounded stupid. I had basically gotten spooked by what turned out to be nothing, and then ended up a freaked out mess. I also knew, though, that she was safe, and that she knew about James, and more importantly, that when I told her about my past she had been nothing but supportive… and defensive. The memory of her and Rosalie climbing into the backseat of the car made me smile and my walls drop a little.

"Okay," I said tentatively, "but not here. Can you come over?"

"Of course! I'm almost done here; I just need to close out a few tabs and wipe a few tables."

"Me, too."

An hour later we were in my room, sitting on the bed, hot mugs of tea in our hands, making small talk in an attempt to ease the awkwardness I was feeling. Finally, Alice sighed and looked at me with a sad smile.

"Okay, Bella. Spill it. We've been sitting here for ten minutes talking about how to use loose leaf tea in cupcakes; I know you don't even care, so stop procrastinating, and just tell me what happened today."

I set my tea on the nightstand and started pulling on a string that had worked itself loose on my comforter. I tried to gather my thoughts to make some sense out of what I was going to say without feeling like a paranoid freak. With a deep breath, I looked up at her, and was greeted with her wide eyes, patiently waiting for me to start.

"When I got to The Diner this morning, I got spooked. It was the weirdest feeling, Ali. It was like someone was watching me, and then I heard this noise that sounded like footsteps coming around the side of the building, and I got so scared. Somehow, when I was trying to get into the building, my decorating box flew open, my stuff scattered all over the ground, and I panicked. Once I finally got inside, I just sat there, frozen, trying to get myself together. It sounds like nothing when I say it like this, but I was so scared; I couldn't think about anything other than the fear. Just as I was starting to calm down, the pounding on the door started, and he…"

"Who's he?" she interrupted.

"Well, at the time, I thought it was whoever was around the building, but it turned out to be Edward. I guess he saw all my stuff on the ground and panicked, too. Anyway, he was pounding on the door and calling out for me to open up, and it… it just… reminded me of something that happened back… in Phoenix," I finished weakly.

I felt her shift on the bed and scoot closer to me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it reassuringly. Knowing she was there for me, I told her the rest of the story. "Alice, it was awful. It was like _he_ was there; I couldn't think or breathe. I just sat there, on the floor, frozen…" I trailed off, not wanting to admit the worst of it. "I was paralyzed with fear, Ali. I just… ugh… I just sat there like I always did with _him_, willing to take it, to do whatever he wanted, because I was too weak… and Edward… he saw me like that," I said in a hushed whispered. My entire body flushed with humiliation, shame, and sadness. "I didn't even recognize his voice… ugh," I said in growing frustration, my voice now filled with so many emotions, all of them begging to escape. "He just kept saying, 'It's me, Bella. It's Edward. I'm not going to hurt you; you're safe here.'" I could feel my body shaking, overcome with emotion, and knew that I couldn't take much more.

Feeling exhausted, I laid my head on her shoulder, her fingers running soothingly through my hair. "You know he's not here, right? Bella, you left him."

I nodded. _I left him. I left him. _The wave of confidence that came with it was quickly overshadowed as I thought about the one time I had tried to leave before. Somehow he found out I was staying at a local shelter, practically stalked my movements, and when he got the chance, he dragged me home. He beat me within an inch of my life; it took weeks to recover and three more years to even remotely get the courage to think about doing it again. He told me then, and I still believed it to my core, that he would never let me go. That's why I had come to Forks; he had never been here, and I don't think he even really remembered that my dad lived here. The only person who even knew was Angela, and I knew she would never tell a soul.

"But?" Alice prompted.

I twisted the comforter tightly in my fingers, and barely managed to whisper, "James told me he'd never let me go. That…" I gulped, trying to push away the tears in my throat, "if I ever got away, he'd find me and make me pay." Once the words were out, the tears escaped and rolled down my pale, sad face. "And I know he will, Alice. He… already did that… once... before," I said brokenly.

With a fierceness I had never seen, Alice pulled away and stared into my eyes. "That. Isn't. Going. To happen! Do you hear me, Bella? You are safe here with us. James can't get you here," she said emphatically. I had never seen her this focused and sure, and while it was reassuring to a degree, I knew she had no idea what James was or could be like. "But, Bella, you need to tell somebody besides me and Rosalie. You need to tell Edward what is going on. I know he's freaking out. And does Charlie even know?"

I didn't even bother looking up at her and shook my head.

"You have to tell one of them, at least. I mean, I hope you tell Edward, because he cares for you… a lot. Like a lot a lot," she added with a smile and another squeeze of my hand. "But truthfully, you really need to tell Charlie. He's the Chief of Police, for heaven's sakes, and, more importantly, your dad. He can help here. He can help you."

I knew she was right. I had planned on telling Charlie from the beginning, but I never really found the right time, and after a while, things were going well; I felt normal for a change, and I didn't want to drudge it up.

"I know I do, Ali. It's just, I feel so… I just feel so ashamed and weak… and I don't want people to think of me like I'm just one of those women who didn't have the strength, courage, or self-confidence to walk away. I mean I tried…" More tears spilled down my face, and I angrily wiped them away. "I don't want to be that person, Alice. I'm… I'm not that person. I never wanted to stay with James… I just didn't know what to do or where to go. I was too ashamed to come back here, afraid of what people would think… what Charlie would think…" I couldn't even bring myself to finish. I felt the weight of my secrets bearing down on me and knew that my reasons weren't really valid anymore. I had already told Alice and Rosalie, and I knew that they didn't think those things about me. I just didn't know how Charlie would react; I mean he was normally very even tempered, but something like this was not going to go over well.

I realized Alice hadn't said anything for a while and finally looked back up at her. She was staring at me, her expression hard to read. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking, and was even more surprised when her lips pressed into a firm line, her brow furrowed, and her voice picked up. "Bella… I love you. But I'm only going to say this once. You are _none_ of those things. You are _not_ weak. You did _not_ deserve this, and you _didn't_ ask for it to happen. You did _nothing_ wrong. And if I ever hear you say anything like that again… I don't even know, but I will think of something, and you won't like it. I can promise you that!"

I was completely taken aback by her reaction. I had never seen Alice get this upset or defensive, and I was a little afraid. Not afraid that she would actually do something to me, but that she could know and feel so strongly that I wasn't any of the things I felt about myself.

"Do you hear me, Bella? _You_ left. _You_ walked away and ended things. _You_ started a new life, here, on your own. _You_ are a successful baker, and you have people here who love you. You have me, and Rosalie, and Edward. And we all love you. Yes, _all_ of us! Edward loves you… even if he doesn't recognize it. So _enough_ of this. You are a strong, beautiful woman, Bella Swan," she said, punctuating each word of the last sentence.

Buoyed by the force and strength of her words, I looked up at her eyes and saw a fire, passion, and sincerity that I longed to feel myself. Seeing her like this made me realize once again how lucky I was to have her in my life, and more importantly, reignited the bit of confidence I had in myself.

"You're right, Ali. It's just really hard sometimes to remember that when I lived with _him _telling me different every day for six years."

"Well, then, I'm gonna tell you all day, every day, how amazing and beautiful and strong you are, so that I can make up for _his_ bullshit! And… I know Edward already does," she finished with a wink.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Thank you, Alice. I love you," I said, pulling her into a tight hug, hoping that I could convey how much she meant to me, even though I didn't have all the words.

"I love you, too, Bella."

We talked for another few minutes before we walked to the front door.

"Thanks again, Ali. I'm so lucky to have you!"

She giggled. "Yeah, you are!"

"Ha!" I said with mock indignation. "See you tomorrow!"

I closed the door and felt freer and more exhausted than I had in a while. I looked at the clock and knew Charlie would be home in an hour; I needed to get dinner going.

Walking into the kitchen, I opened the cabinets and looked in the refrigerator trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I settled on tacos and quickly started pulling all the ingredients out. Chopping up the lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, I realized it was too quiet. I pulled out my iPod and sifted through it until I landed on one of my new favorite musicians, Everett Thomas. He was mellow, but always made me feel good. Plugging in my earbuds, I walked back in the kitchen and continued prepping the food.

_Anabelle looks to the stars for a sign_

_She waits for explosions as people pass by_

_For broken down dreams to come alive in her skies_

_Or for her ship to come_

As I hummed through the first song, I thought about Edward. I couldn't help but wonder if what Alice had said was true. He loves me? I mean, I know he likes me a lot and we have a lot of fun together, but love? It just seemed so unbelievable that he could love me without knowing all of me… but I had never been with someone like him before. He was literally everything I could want in a man, and more importantly, he was everything that James was not. Everything about Edward oozed grace and passion and beauty. He listened to me and was interested in the things I cared about, and encouraged me to pursue them.

A smile involuntarily broke across when I thought back to our conversation about what we were going to do when we finally grew up. When I had casually mentioned the idea of opening my own bakery at some point in the future in one of our many early morning conversations, he told me I should go for it. He didn't make me feel stupid for having dreams or for wanting more. He had even shared his own desire to one day own his own restaurant. We dreamed together and I couldn't help but laugh at some of the names he came up with for my bakery Bella's Buttery Goodies, Bite This, The Buttered Bun, and Creamed were just a few of the ridiculously funny, or in his words, best selling ideas he had.

I grabbed the package of meat from the fridge and quickly put it in the pan on the stove, adjusting the flame so that it would brown gently. I had no idea how I was going to tell Edward what had happened. The doubts that Alice's talk had pushed away slowly started to filter back in. Despite what she had said, I just couldn't fathom how Edward, or Charlie for that matter, would deal with this kind of information.

_She stands at the door with a watered down smile_

_Says liberation will come if I give it a while_

_But she doesn't believe it_

_I can tell by her eyes_

_And she waits for her ship to come_

Feeling the tension that always came when I thought about Phoenix… and _him_, I decided to bake the one thing that represented comfort and love in my life. Gran's sugar cookies. I gathered all the ingredients – butter, eggs, sugar, vanilla, flour, and of course the secret ingredient, plain yoghurt. Almost forgetting about the meat, I quickly gave it a final stir and added the water and seasoning before turning it down to simmer.

Turning back to my cookies, I mixed the dry goods together in a bowl. I grabbed the bowl and blade for my mixer and couldn't imagine what Gran would think of this monstrosity. She had always made everything by hand and with such grace and pride. I dropped in the sticks of butter - still a little hard from being in the refrigerator - and sugar, and creamed them together. I loved watching the blade of the beater slice through the butter, embedding the granules of sugar throughout, turning it into a soft, yellow cream.

_She finds the tears on her broken down faith_

_And a shallow planted seed that was watered too late_

_And a razor blade story of obsession and pain_

As I stood there, completely lost in my own thoughts, I felt the hairs on my neck prickle. I spun around and screamed, as Charlie jerked his hand back from the pile of cheese on the counter. He jumped, surprised by my outburst.

"God, Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you."

I couldn't breathe. My heart was racing and it was like I was back in The Diner, sitting on the cold tile floor. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and overflow without my permission.

"Bella? Honey, are you okay?" he said, coming over and pulling me into his arms.

I froze. I knew in my head that that he was safe, that he was Charlie… my dad. But, I couldn't get my mind out of memories, of all the times James had come in unexpectedly, catching me off guard and pulled me to him just like this. Panic welled up in me, and I pushed against his chest.

"Please, let me go. Please," I pleaded.

He immediately released me, hurt and so many questions filled his eyes.

"Bella, what is going on?"

I couldn't say anything, even though I desperately wanted to tell him.

"Isabella Marie," he said quietly. "I don't know what is going on, but we are going to talk about this. I'm not going to let you run anymore."

I looked up at him, dumbfounded. He wasn't going to let me run anymore? What did that even mean? Did he actually even know what was going on?

"Dad… I…"

"No. Stop. Bella, you have been here for a while now. I've given you space; I haven't asked any questions or made any demands of you, even when I wanted to. I deserve to know what is going on, what brought you here, and hell, what happened here tonight."

I knew he was right. I could hear Alice's voice in my head telling me to talk to him, to finally tell him, to let him help me. I saw Charlie walk toward me and flinched as he raised his hand. Understanding flickered in his eyes, and he quickly dropped his hand.

"God, what did he do to you?" he asked, anger and heartbreak in his voice.

"Dad…" I sobbed.

Before I could say another word, he pulled me into a crushing hug.

"Oh, God, baby. Why didn't you tell me? I would've… I would've come, Bella."

I couldn't bear to look into his eyes and buried my head into his chest, tears pouring down my face, sobs wracking my body.

"I wanted to… I just…I was so ashamed. I didn't want you to… think less of me." All of the strain and emotion of the day came crashing down on me, and I felt so exhausted, so tired of fighting, and knew in that instant that I had to tell him everything.

I talked about how James and I met, how it had seemed like a fairy tale at the time, but that there were so many red flags. I told him about the overprotective and jealous tendencies and how they morphed into more controlling behaviors and then eventually… verbal and physical attacks. I told him how James found me when I tried to escape and how he had punished me for leaving… for being disobedient, for forsaking our marriage vows. I told him about Angela and the other girls at the restaurant in Phoenix, encouraging me to leave and covering for me when I was "sick." I told him how they helped me get all the paperwork and did the research so I could file the papers and flee, and I told him about the day I did it. The day I walked away and drove here, to Forks. And I told him about all the moments I had felt that weird tingling feeling, about today… and Edward.

I could see him trembling, his body tight with tension, and I knew he was angry. But when I looked up in his eyes, all I saw was sadness as tears filled his eyes.

"Dad?"

"Bella… I need a minute."

"I'm sorry... I just... I know I should have…"

"Bella. Stop. I am not upset with you. I am so angry that _he _would even think about doing that. I'm angry at myself for never noticing, even in the few calls we had. I'm a trained professional. I'm supposed to be able to detect this stuff. It's what I do for a living. And I failed you," he said, his voice cracking as tears ran down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"Dad! You didn't do this to me. He did. And I kept it hidden. I did this. This is my fault!" I practically screamed.

"That is absolute bullshit! I never want to hear you say that again. None of this is your fault, and I won't let you believe that! People who beat their wives are sadistic fucks who deserved to be horsewhipped and locked up for life!"

I gasped in surprise. I had never heard Charlie swear – at all – and had never seen him lose his temper.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have said that, but dammit, that's how I feel. You're my…" he paused and looked down trying to collect himself, "you're my baby girl… and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

His arms tightened around me, and I felt all the pain disappear for a second. I knew I was safe here in his arms.

_Now stand at the door and see her sails ablaze_

_With a dire freight train_

_Flames in my veins_

_And sing her goodbyes as I walked away._

_She prays for my ship to come_

We sat there for a long time before I pulled away. "So… what are we going to do?"

He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. It made me think of Edward and I could hardly stifle the small smile that played at the corners of my lips.

"I'm going to put out an alert at the station with the guys. It would probably help if you came down to the station and gave us a detailed description of what he looks like. I will call the Phoenix P.D. and see if he has left town. They can be discreet about it. Beyond that, truthfully, there isn't much we can do," he said with a huff of frustration.

I nodded, not really knowing what else to say.

"Have you told any of your friends?" he asked.

I nodded again. "I told Rose and Alice. They know the whole story."

"And what about Edward? I assume you're together?" he asked, tentatively.

"Yeah… well yes, we're together, but um… no, I haven't, um, told him."

Charlie looked at me in disbelief. "Bella, of anyone, he should know the truth. He needs to know what he's dealing with here…"

I gasped in surprise. This is exactly what I was afraid of – why I didn't want Edward to know.

As if he realized what I was thinking, he quickly grabbed my hand and said quietly, "That's not what I meant, Bella. Edward needs to understand who James is and what he's capable of… that's all I meant, sweetheart."

I inhaled, closing my eyes, and nodded.

"You need to tell him, Bella. And I'll be honest, if you don't, I will," he warned. "I don't want to tell him; it's your story to tell, but in this case, he needs to know."

I knew he was right. I needed to do this. I could do this. I needed to trust Edward. He had been nothing but supportive; I owed him that.

"I will. I'll call him when I get upstairs and we can talk tomorrow."

"I know I don't say it enough, Bells… but, I love you. Thanks for telling me."

I was taken aback by Charlie's display of emotion. Neither of us had really even been very good at sharing our feelings, and tonight was a stretch for both of us.

"I love you, too, Dad," I said, sincerely, before turning to walk up the stairs. As I passed by the kitchen I realized that we had never gotten to dinner, and that at some point in the craziness, Charlie had turned off the stove.

"I'll clean up, Bella. Go on upstairs," Charlie called out from the living room.

I made my way into my room and flopped onto the bed, exhausted and drained. I stared at the ceiling, bare and white, and tried to pull all my thoughts together. A glance at the clock told me that Edward was almost finished with his classes and would be heading home soon. Without another thought, I picked up my phone and called him, knowing I'd get his voicemail.

"Edward, it's me. Call me. We, uh, we need to talk," I stumbled through the message and then hung up.

_She'll be stable there_

_She'll find hope again_

_She will find love is there_

_Fields of magnolias_

_Where fools think us alike_

_We come alive_

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

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**Leave me some love. Tell me what you think of Edward in this chapter!!**


	13. Chapter 12b

**Thank you all so much for supporting this story. I absolutely adore your reviews; they are thoughtful and always make me stop and think! Keep 'em coming!**

**As always, love to my darling betafish – Catie22866 and Lexyw. Special thanks to Lexiecullen17 for beta'ing as well! She's awesomesauce!**

**I don't own Twilight or the lyrics to the song, She Will Be Stable Here by Everett Thomas, but this story is mine.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 12b**

**BPOV**

My stomach churned nervously as I waited for Edward to return my call. I sat in the middle of the bed; my knees pulled into my chest and laid my head down on top of them. I was absolutely exhausted; it had been a very long and emotionally draining day, and I really wanted to take a long hot bath and pass out in my bed.

I still had no idea how I was going to tell him about all of this. While my conversations with both Alice and Charlie had reinforced the little bit of hope and courage I had, I still feared that Edward wouldn't be able to handle this. I wanted him to be able to handle it, though. The rational part of my brain told me he could, that he already had, that he already knew and still wanted to be with me, but the emotional side told me that it wouldn't be long before he got tired of having to deal with my baggage. The thought of him walking away was almost too much to bear; I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Alice said he really cared about me… that he even loved me and just didn't know it. A warm tingle filtered through me as I thought about all the simple little moments we had shared - the sweet kisses, the heated embraces, and the happiness I felt when I was with him. Was this love? Is this what it was supposed to feel like? James had told me countless times that he loved me, but his version of love was always accompanied by harsh words and pain. If that was what love looked like, I definitely didn't want it.

_You're safe, baby. I will never hurt you like he did, Bella. _I heard his voice repeating those two phrases over and over as I thought back on the morning. Just thinking about being wrapped in his arms made my insides ache and beg to be there again. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to love him. I wanted to trust him, but the broken and hurt woman inside me wasn't ready. Was she? Was I? It was scary thinking about fully trusting that a man, this man, Edward, wouldn't hurt me like James had. Things with James had started out sweet and warm and kind of like they were with Edward…

Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts aside. Edward had never done anything to warrant that kind of mistrust. If anything, he had demonstrated repeatedly how trustworthy he was and how he was nothing like James.

I looked down and saw my phone light up. I flipped it open, and before I could even get a word in, Edward frantically blurted out, "Bella! Thank God! Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, still lost in my thoughts.

"Bella, what's going on? Your message is kind of freaking me out." His voice was edgy and full of panic.

"Edward… I just… I think we need to talk. I'm not sure…" The more intense his voice became, the more anxious I became. James had constantly called and would be frantic over something, hounding me for information. Shivers of doubt coursed through me again. The confidence that had given me courage earlier in the evening had dissipated. His panic and my doubt were a terrible combination, and I knew I couldn't tell him tonight.

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"But…"

"No, Bella. I have been stressed out and worried all day thinking about you, and I just need to see you. I have to talk to you."

"But Charlie's here…" I said weakly, hoping it would be enough to keep him from coming over here. I wanted an excuse to not have to talk about this with him.

"Bella, I don't give a shit about that. I want to know what happened today. Baby," I heard his voice crack, "seeing you like that… I just… it broke my heart."

"Edward," I whispered, too overcome with nerves and desire, pain and longing to say more.

"Can I please come over, baby?" he begged.

"Okay, but seriously, Edward, I'm not ready to talk about what happened today. I just need some more time."

The line was silent, and I was afraid he had hung up, finally giving up on me.

"Okay, but I'm still coming over. I'll be there in a few minutes."

The line went dead for real this time, and I groaned. I sat up and decided to take a quick shower before he arrived. I felt disgusting and just wanted to wash away the stress and emotion of the day.

My mind was racing as I started the water and eventually climbed in, the hot water scalding my skin. I stood there, water beating down on my head, neck, and shoulders, feeling some of the tension melt away. I knew I wasn't going to get away with not telling him anything. Edward could be very persuasive when he wanted to be; it must have been a gene he and Alice shared. Turning off the water, I toweled off and wrapped myself in my big white robe before heading back to my room.

At the top of the stairs, I could hear the low murmur of voices coming from the living room, and I knew he was here. I couldn't really hear their conversation, but as I stood there waiting for Edward to come up, I heard him mention something about this morning. Starting to feel anxious at the turn of this conversation, I grabbed the railing and was about to step down when Charlie said I had been in a bad situation in Phoenix. I froze, a feeling of dread settled in my stomach, and irrational fear and anger started to course through me. Why was Charlie telling Edward about James? He told me he would give me the chance to tell Edward on my own, and here he was spilling my story. What the hell! And why wasn't Edward asking me these questions? Why was he standing down there talking to Charlie… about me? About this morning?

Fuming, I marched into my room and slammed the door. I stripped out of my robe and scrambled into my hot pink flamingo tank top and matching blue sleep pants. Too furious to do anything else, I turned off the light and climbed into bed, my head and heart pounding from anger and exhaustion.

I heard the quiet sound of someone tapping on my door and ignored it. For someone who was so desperate to see me twenty minutes ago, he sure took his time getting up here to see me.

"Bella?" I heard through the door. "Can I come in?"

I didn't respond.

He knocked again, this time a little louder.

"Bella? It's Edward. Are you okay?"

I yanked the covers back and jumped out of bed, stubbing my toe on the corner of my desk. "Damn it!" I muttered tightly.

"What do you want, Edward?" I seethed as I jerked the door open.

He took a step back, confusion all over his face.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"No! Don't even pretend you didn't just have a conversation with Charlie about what happened in Phoenix! I cannot believe you would actually do that when I told you I wanted to talk, but I needed more time."

He tried to interrupt, but I wouldn't let him. "No, Edward! Don't. I should have known better. Just… just leave!" I said, hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Bella… wait! That's not…"

"Just go, Edward. I don't want you here," I said emphatically, all the anger and exhaustion of the day breaking through, and closed the door.

I dragged myself back to my bed, my body, mind, and soul aching with loss. I buried myself under the covers and let the pain overtake me. Deep, gut-wrenching sobs wracked my body as I cried for all the hurt and pain I endured in Phoenix, the betrayal of my own father, and the loss of Edward… the love… the trust… now gone.

x-x-x **EPOV**

I stood outside her door, completely dumbfounded by what had just transpired. I had never seen her so angry; the look in her eyes was full of hurt and betrayal, and I had no idea what had happened in the twenty minutes it had taken me to get here.

I leaned against the door, my forehead and palm pressed against the grains of wood, and felt my heart sink. The horrible feeling that had been nagging all day was finally turning into reality, and seeing her like that was almost too much. I yearned to bust through the door and make her hear me out. Why would she just cut me off like that? It just didn't make sense. After everything that had happened today, I was not going to let some stupid-ass misunderstanding keep me from her.

Hesitating slightly, I knocked on her door. I waited and got nothing back. I knocked again, hoping maybe she'd realize that I wanted to make this right… whatever that was.

I couldn't figure out why she was so upset with me for talking to Charlie. If anything, I would have thought she would be happy that I had actually knocked this time. I wracked my brain for some clue as to what had happened but couldn't think of anything.

Feeling irritated, I turned and walked downstairs.

"What are you doing down here, Edward?" he asked, quirking his eyebrow in curiosity.

I shook my head in confusion. "She flipped out on me when I knocked on the door. She went off on me for talking to you… I really have no idea what just happened."

Charlie grunted. "Well, what did she say?"

"She acted like you and I had some kind of conversation about what happened to her in Phoenix."

Realization flickered across his face as he sat forward in his recliner. His eyes locked with mine, and I could see the battle waging in them. I was on edge. What was going on here? Did Charlie know everything? Why wouldn't she tell me? Was he going to tell me? I ran my hand through my hair a couple of times before sitting down on the couch, putting my head on my hands.

"Look, Edward, this is not my story to tell. I know what happened this morning, and I know you were there for Bella. And I'm grateful. But I don't think you know the full story or what happened in Phoenix."

I nodded my head in agreement. _What the hell had happened in Phoenix? _ This whole subject was starting to irritate the hell out of me. "No, Sir, I don't know what happened in Phoenix, but I've been trying to get Bella to tell me. Truthfully, I don't really even understand what happened this morning. I literally just found her in the kitchen, hysterical and unresponsive. That's why I came over here tonight. After what happened this morning… I feel like I have a right to know."

"You may not have the right, but you need to know, son. I told Bella that she had to tell you, or I would. I'm assuming she thinks I was talking to you about it down here before you went upstairs."

Realization dawned on me, and I felt sick. I had told her repeatedly this morning that she was safe with me, that she could trust me, and that I would never hurt her. And here she thought I had really violated her in the most basic way.

I stood up and started pacing back and forth. I had to fix this. I couldn't let her go to bed thinking I would do that to her. Damn it… I loved her… I would never do that. _Love? Where did that come from?_

My hands were in my hair, tugging furiously as I tried to figure out what to do. I wanted to go upstairs. I wanted to barge into her room and pull her into my arms. I wanted to kiss her until she realized that I would never do anything to hurt her… and that I loved her. I stopped in the middle of the floor and turned to face him. "Sir, may I go into her room? I have to set the record straight. I can't let her think we talked about that… not after what happened this morning," I said, my voice laced with urgency.

He frowned, unsure. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Edward. She didn't let you in earlier…"

"Sir, I know that. But… look," I said, running my hands through my hair, frustrated, "I really like her a lot, hell, I think I could say my feelings…" I trailed off. I didn't want to tell Charlie I loved her. Hell, I didn't even know if that's what this feeling was, but if it was, I wanted Bella to be the first to know. "Sir, I care about her deeply, and I just can't let her think I would violate her trust in that way. Please," I practically begged.

"Hmmm," he said with a sigh.

"I promise if she asks me to leave, I will. I won't force her to talk to me if she doesn't want to. I just want to check on her and hopefully, set the record straight." My heart was pounding as his eyes scanned mine. I tried to imagine what he must see in front of him – a lunatic boyfriend, panicking over a little fight – but I couldn't be bothered with appearances right now. I needed to know that Bella trusted me; I needed her to reassure her that she could trust _me_. He cleared his throat, and I knew before he offered his approval that he had agreed.

"Alright, Son. But don't cross the line. I know she's a grown woman, but this is my house. I don't think I need to say more," he said giving me one more penetrating look.

"Yes, sir. I understand. As soon as she asks me to leave, I will. Thank you."

He turned and walked towards his room and then stopped. I turned around and walked back over to him, extending my hand, "Thank you again. I really appreciate you giving me this chance."

He nodded, and I turned to walk up the stairs. "Edward, after she tells you about Phoenix, come talk to me. You'll understand why when you find out what happened. Oh, and lock up when you leave, okay?"

I nodded in understanding and made my way up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I stopped outside her door, hesitating before I knocked again. Of course, she didn't answer; I didn't expect her to.

Placing my hand on the knob, I paused and took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Would I always be storming into her room to fix my mistakes? I hoped not; I hoped we'd learn how to talk to each other without shutting down or running away.

I opened the door quietly and walked in, closing the door softly behind me. The room was dark except for the little bit of moonlight filtering through the window. I stayed by the door until my eyes acclimated to the darkness and then scanned the room. I could make out her tiny form, curled into a tight ball under a mound of blankets, and I walked over to her.

"Bella," I whispered.

She didn't move, and I knew she was deep in sleep. I was torn. I wanted to fix this right now; I wanted to make her realize I was safe and trustworthy. The other part of me wanted to let her sleep. I knew she'd had a very emotionally taxing day, but perhaps the real reason I didn't want to wake her up now that I was in here was fear. Would she even listen? Would this push her too far? A sick feeling, maybe anxiety, overtook me as I stood there watching her sleep.

After a while, I started to feel a little weird. What would she say if she woke up to find me standing over here? God, she'd probably flip out. With a sigh, I looked around the room. Up against the wall near the window was an old wooden rocking chair. I quietly made my way across the room and sat down. _Oh, right… and this is so much better? _Not wanting to dwell there, I looked out the window, ignoring my inner dialogue.I knew my intentions were innocent, and Charlie had technically given me permission to be in here. _That's a stretch, Cullen. He gave you permission to talk to her, not gawk at her all night._

Time passed slowly, and my mind was in overdrive. I hated controversy, and more importantly, I hated lies. I never wanted Bella to think I had lied to her or more importantly, that she couldn't trust me. I knew what that felt like… _Carlisle_… and I never wanted that for us.

The rustling of blankets pulled me out of my reverie, and I heard her whimper softly. I sat on the edge of the chair, not sure whether I should go to her or stay put. Then I heard it again, and her mumble something about not hurting her and that she would be better next time. I shivered.

"Help… Edward…." Her voice was barely a whisper, but it had a note of panic in it.

In three long strides, I was sitting on the edge of her bed, gently brushing the hair out of her face.

"I'm here, baby."

She rolled onto my hand, and I gently tugged it out from under her. Her eyes blinked open in surprise.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" she asked, confused.

"Baby… I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay," I said quietly.

She furrowed her brow in confusion before her eyes widened and her mouth formed into a firm line. "I told you I didn't want to talk to you. Why are you in here?" she asked, scooting away from me.

"Bella… listen to me. I know you think Charlie told me about Phoenix, but he didn't," I blurted out, desperate to get through it before she kicked me out.

"What? But I heard you talking…"

"Baby, he was just asking how my day was and how things were going at the restaurant in Port Angeles. Bella, I would never violate your trust in that way. I… I…" I paused. I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt about her. It was confusing, but I knew I had never felt like this for anyone else.

"Charlie didn't tell you about Phoenix? Really?" she said in surprise and disbelief.

I shook my head no. "He asked me why I was over here so late, and I told him I wanted to check on you after everything that had happened today… and I wanted to figure out what had happened in Phoenix."

"But…" she attempted to jump in, but I pressed on.

"Bella, I would never have asked Charlie to tell me. All he said was that you had a bad situation in Phoenix, and that it was your story to tell. Baby, I want to hear it from you… I want to know what happened, but I'm guessing, I think pretty accurately, that it was bad. So… tell me when you're ready, okay?"

Tears welled up in her eyes and the soft light of the moon caused them to sparkle.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she barely managed to say, her voice cracking from the tears. "For everything… especially after today… I shouldn't have just assumed…please… please forgive me?" she asked quietly.

"There's nothing to apologize for, love. Come here," I said sincerely, pulling her into my lap.

I held her in my arms for a long time, running my hands through her silky hair, which was still damp from the shower. The front of my shirt was wet from her tears, but I didn't care. She was in my arms. We were okay.

I looked at the clock on her night stand and saw that it was almost midnight. "I should probably go, baby," I said reluctantly.

"I don't want you to go, Edward," she said, borderline whined.

"Baby, I don't want to overstay my welcome. Charlie made it pretty clear to me that I shouldn't take advantage of you, his rules, or his house. I want to respect that."

"I just… I don't want to be alone…Please stay" she begged softly.

Feeling unsure, but not one to deny her anything, I toed off my shoes and scooted us into the center of the bed, lying down and pulling the covers over us. I would make sure she went to sleep and then sneak out. She rolled onto her side, pressing her back against my chest. Our legs tangled together as I pulled her against me, resting my arm on her side. I buried my face into the crook of her neck before placing a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder and felt her burrow into me.

Having her snug against me, finally, was exactly what I needed. Laying there with her in my arms, the blankets just warm enough, I felt myself relax and start to doze off. Her soft voice pulled me back from the brink of sleep.

"I was so scared, Edward," she whispered.

Instinctively, I tightened my arm around her and whispered that she was safe.

"I know. I just hate that you saw me like that this morning. I just can't imagine what you must think about me. I wanted to tell you about… everything… in a different way," she said, her voice hesitant and unsure.

Placing tender, reassuring kisses on her shoulder and neck, I sighed. "Bella, baby, I don't need all the details right now… I just need to know what happened so I can keep you safe. Charlie mentioned that things were pretty bad in Phoenix and that you would tell me… and I think I have an idea, but I can wait if you need me to, baby. I never want to see you like that again. This morning…" I trailed off. I knew I was rambling, but I was afraid if I stopped talking she would clam up again. At least this way she was still listening to me.

She turned to face me, placing her hand on my cheek before kissing me softly. "Thank you for being there, Edward, even when I…," she paused, "even when I didn't quite realize it was you."

Leaning in, I brushed my lips against the tip of her nose before pressing my forehead against hers. "What happened, baby?"

She pulled back and then buried her face in my chest. I could feel her body tense in my arms, and I prayed she would just tell me, that she wouldn't withdraw.

Her voice was muffled as she started talking. "I was in a bad relationship in Phoenix and… it's over now… but,…"

I tightened my grip on her and placed reassuring kisses on the top of her head, reminding her that she was safe with me.

"I'm scared, Edward. I'm scared he's going to come after me… that's what… this morning was about. I thought I heard someone on the side on the building, and I panicked."

"Oh, sweetheart…" I said, feeling my heart break for her. I hated that she was scared or that she felt like she couldn't get away, that she wasn't safe… and even though I didn't know the details, it was clear that the person she was with had hurt her badly. "He can't hurt you anymore. I'm not going to let that happen. Do you hear me, Bella?" I tipped her chin up and forced her to look in my eyes. Even though it was dark, I could see the sadness and the fear left from the day and the years of pain. "You are safe with me, Bella."

She nodded, but I wasn't sure she really knew. I brushed my lips softly against hers, undemanding and tender, letting her know that I wouldn't force anything from her. She responded hesitantly at first, and then pressed against me, deepening the kiss. I pulled her even closer, my legs weaving with hers, my arms circling protectively around her as I tried to reinforce that she was safe with me. Her lips were soft and warm, and they tasted a little bit salty from her tears. Trailing the tip of my nose across her cheek, along the curve of her jaw, I nuzzled her neck, behind her ear, feathering tender kisses along the way. I heard her sigh in contentment and felt her body relax against me.

Knowing she was tired and in desperate need of sleep, I whispered into her neck, "Sleep, my love. I'll stay with you."

A few minutes later, her breathing evened out, and I knew she was asleep. I held her for a long time, not wanting to let her go. She looked so at peace in her sleep. All the tension and fear that marred her beautiful face were gone. My heart swelled at the thought that this woman in my arms could trust me, given all the horrifying experiences she had. She hadn't given me much, but it was enough to know what I was dealing with. The thought of another man touching her, hurting her, made my chest constrict in anger. I would never let him… whoever he was… get close to her again… ever.

I knew I needed to leave. I had to respect Charlie's boundaries, and I knew sleeping here would be crossing the line, even in this situation. I didn't want to leave her. I loved having her in my arms and knew in that instant that I couldn't be without her. In the months that we had known each other, she had somehow worked her way into my heart; she had literally become my world. My heart was filled with so many emotions, and I felt like I might die if I didn't release them. Letting my fingers trail lightly over the translucent skin of her face, I placed a final kiss on her forehead and whispered, "I love you, Bella."

I managed to extricate myself from the tangled mess of our limbs and got out of bed and felt her absence immediately. Pulling the covers up around her chin, I gently tucked her in. I walked over to her desk and found a piece of paper laying there; I quickly scribbled a note letting her know that I left after she was asleep, wanting to respect Charlie's rules, but would come pick her up for work in a few hours. I stared at the paper and wasn't sure how to sign it. Deciding to play it safe, I signed it, "Love, Edward."

I quickly walked back over to the bed and placed the note next to her pillow. With one last glance at her beautiful sleeping face, I walked out.

x-x-x

The next morning came too early, and I scrambled to get dressed and over to Bella's, running a little later than usual. Bella was at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in hand, reading the newspaper.

"Morning, love," she said, kissing me sweetly when I sat down next to her.

"You ready, baby?"

"Mhmm," she murmured as she finished the last of her coffee.

The drive and the morning at The Diner were quiet. Both of us were focused on our respective tasks. Neither of us mentioned the events that had transpired last night, but I could sense a difference between us. She was more affectionate, giving me shy smiles or casually touching me. It seemed like her way of communicating her feelings, and it made me feel all the more certain about the emotional realization I had made last night.

I loved this woman. In fact, it was the only thing I could think about as I drove to Port Angeles for my shift at C'est Si Bon. I was sure Chef Juhasz noticed the silly smile that was plastered to my face as he lectured me on the merits of braising meat, but he didn't say anything. Truth be told, it didn't affect my performance in the kitchen. If anything, it enhanced it.

When I walked into the house, dark and quiet, at the end of what had been a very long night, I noticed the soft glow of a light coming from the kitchen and walked to the doorway. Alice was sitting at the bar, eating a bowl of cereal. She cocked her head to the side and smiled.

"You're home late," she said, more a question than a statement.

I nodded and walked in, grabbing a bowl and pouring myself some cereal. "Busy night at the restaurant."

"Ah, I see," she said, taking another bite of cereal.

The room was silent except for the tinkling of spoons against bowls, both of us lost in our thoughts.

"So, why are you still up, Ali?" I could see her wedding notebook spread open in front of her, and I hoped she wasn't obsessing over the details. She had planned everything out to a T, and I knew it was going to be perfect for her and Jasper.

"Oh, just working on some last minute details."

"You aren't getting cold feet are you, baby sister?" I asked, only half joking.

She giggled. "Of course not! Jas and I are perfect for each other. I can't wait to be married to him," she said as her eyes twinkled.

I laughed. "No kidding. I've never seen two people better matched than you two." It was amazing how perfect they were for each other. I knew the first minute I met Jasper that he would be the perfect balance to Alice, and I was excited to call him my brother in two weeks.

"How's Bella?" she asked, trying to pretend that it was an innocent question.

I grinned. "She's great," I said, not willing to give her anything.

"Oh, come on, Edward," she huffed. "I know you're in loooove, so cut the crap and give it up!"

To say I was shocked that she had pegged my feelings for Bella so perfectly was an understatement. "How did you...? I mean, Alice…I…" I stammered, completely caught off guard and not sure how to answer or what to say.

"So, you really like her a lot, don't you?" she asked quickly, trying to deflect some of the awkwardness.

I nodded, letting my eyes drop to the now very interesting milk left in my bowl.

"And?" she prodded.

"God, Ali, I've never met anyone like her. My feelings are all over the map. I mean, after what happened yesterday, just the thought of seeing her like that again makes me sick." It really did. The more I thought about everything that went down yesterday, the more disgusted and angry I was. I didn't want that for her. I didn't want her to be afraid anymore.

"So, have you talked to her? I mean, has she told you what happened?" she asked in a way that alerted me to the fact that she knew more than she was letting on.

I scratched the back of my head and crossed my arms against my chest leaning against the counter. "Well, she told me a little about what happened in Phoenix, but it was very vague. I mean, I can pretty much deduce what happened; I just don't know how bad it was. All I know is that she was really upset yesterday, and I will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening again." I looked up at her; she was twirling her hair, and I knew that meant she knew something.

"What is it, Alice?" I said in my best you-will-tell-me-now voice.

"Edward, I really can't say anything. Bella told me and Rose some stuff about her past, but she specifically made us promise not to tell anyone. I want to, but I just can't. You're gonna have to hear it from her."

"Arg," I groaned in frustration. "She told me she was in a bad relationship in Phoenix and, based on her reaction, I can only assume it was abusive. Despite my best efforts, she hasn't told me that, and I really don't want to assume or make up stuff."

Alice nodded and looked at me gravely. "Edward, what happened to Bella in Phoenix.. was really bad. I don't think I would be giving much away to say that she was in a _very_ abusive and controlling relationship… and she's scared he's gonna come back and get her."

I felt my chest constrict in much the same way it did last night when she alluded to this guy coming after her. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I knew that wasn't going to happen; I sure as hell wasn't going to let him anywhere near her. As if she sensed my anxiety and frustration, Alice placed her hand on my arm in an attempt to calm and ground me.

"She's gonna need time, Edward. She really is scared… and I think she's afraid if she tells you everything that you won't be able to deal with it. Do not push her," she said emphatically. "I know it's hard not knowing, and trust me, if I could, I would tell you. But you have to hear it from her."

I had no idea what to say, but I wasn't surprised. In part, I was anxious and worried about Bella, and a part deep inside was sad that she didn't feel like she could fully trust me with her story. I didn't want to dwell there. I knew Bella had her reasons, and she would tell me when was ready.

I glanced up at Alice and noticed her yawn.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm tired," she said as she carried her bowl over to the sink.

"Thanks for talking to me, Ali. I'll be patient with her. Hell, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm certainly not going to let her get away from me," I said with a smirk.

"You are so in deep, big brother," she said, patting me on the chest.

With a grunt, I pulled her into a tight hug and placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head. "Night, Ali, and thank you."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and gave me a tight squeeze. "Anything for love, Edward," she said with a giggle. "Night."

I watched her walk out of the kitchen and knew she was right. I was in deep. I picked up my own bowl and rinsed it before placing it in the dishwasher. I switched off the light and made my way upstairs.

Once in my room, I stripped off my clothes and pulled on my blue and red flannel pants. Climbing into bed, I reached for my phone and sent Bella a quick text telling her good night and that I would pick her up the next morning, just as I had this morning.

A few minutes later, I heard my phone beep. I picked it up and smiled.

**Sweet dreams, my love. I wish I was in your arms again tonight.**

With one last tug of the covers, I fell asleep to images of my girl, asleep in my arms. Her hair splayed out on the pillow, her eyelashes long and delicate as her eyes moved in sleep, and her lips parted in relaxation. Her absence was palpable. I missed the warmth of her body pressed against mine, her delicate scent subtly overtaking all my senses, and the slow inhale and exhale of her breath on my face. Yes, I wished she was in my arms, too.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

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	14. Chapter 13

**Thank you so much for continuing to read this story. Special thanks to those of you who review. I love reading your thoughts and feelings towards these two kids.**

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** x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 13**

**EPOV**

The car was quiet as I drove to Port Angeles for dinner. Bella and I were meeting up with everyone – Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose – to hang out before the craziness of the wedding set in. I was originally planning to spend the weekend absorbed in Bella. We had talked about going out for a hike and a picnic, and I was really excited to show her one of my favorite places to go when I needed to think.

Well, those were the plans until Alice begged us to come out to dinner, claiming she had a surprise. When Alice had a surprise, I never knew whether to be excited or worried. I couldn't imagine what she could possibly do or, more importantly, what she would make _us_ do, that would be above and beyond the wedding weekend, so I decided not to think about it.

Disappointed, Bella and I reluctantly agreed to go, postponing our plans for another time. It was clear she felt the same way I did.

The last few days with Bella had been great. I'm not sure what changed between us, but after "the incident" at The Diner, she had become extremely affectionate. She found ways to brush up against me or touch me every opportunity she had; it was always subtle, but it had my body on fire.

Each morning, she wrapped her arms around my waist, kissed me a few more times, and then buried her head in my chest. She had done it every morning this week, and I loved it. I loved how affectionate she was being and that she felt comfortable enough to do it.

Of course, it wasn't just physical. When we weren't together, we were texting back and forth or on the phone with each other. We talked every night as I drove back from Port Angeles and well after I arrived home. She was more open and shared more freely, telling me more about her family, a little more about her fucked up mother, and more of her plans for opening a catering business. Her openness made me feel a little guilty that I still hadn't really filled her in on my life. I knew my feelings were a little ridiculous, because she still hadn't really told me what had happened in Phoenix, but I didn't want to press the issue. She would tell me when she was ready and almost did the other night before she got choked up and couldn't continue.

Like always, I told her to take her time, that she could tell me when she was ready and that I wasn't going anywhere. I actually thought about sneaking into her room that night, but decided it was probably a little overbearing. She definitely didn't need any more of that in her life, especially from what I little I knew about her past.

I glanced over at her and felt my heartbeat quicken, the thumping ringing in my ears the way it always did when I was with her. My eyes flicked back and forth between her and the road. She was gorgeous, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, especially when she licked her bottom lip and pulled it in between her teeth innocently. Her warm brown eyes captured mine, and my breath hitched. They were bright and danced with a carefree happiness that had just recently appeared. I looked at the rest of her and smiled. Her hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail which allowed me a great view of her long, slender neck, and I could feel my body responding to the very idea of my lips against her throat. I looked back at the road and swerved suddenly to avoid an animal in the road and heard her giggle.

"You better keep your eyes on the road, Chef," she laughed. "I don't think Alice will be very happy if she doesn't have cupcakes on her wedding day because you were checking me out," she said with a smirk as she reached over and put her hand on my thigh.

I felt my whole body tense at the heat of her hand on my leg. Trying to act cool, I muttered, "Well, Alice doesn't have an incredibly sexy, utterly mouthwatering woman sitting beside her, now does she?"

"So, I'm sexy _and _mouthwatering?" she asked, a wicked grin on her face, as her hand made tiny patterns on my thigh. _Evil vixen!_ I shifted awkwardly, having a very hard, _no pun intended_, time concentrating on the road. My body was responding to the fiery trail she was burning on my thigh, and I tried to think about anything other than her hand and where I would love to have it and what it would feel like… _Not helping, Cullen!_

Picking up her hand, I brushed my lips across the back of it. I didn't want her to think it didn't feel good, but there was no way I could show up at the restaurant sporting a massive hard-on.

"Actually, I was just kidding. I think you're an ugly hag with warts," I said with a straight face.

"Oh, shut it!" she said with a playful punch to my shoulder.

I grabbed my arm in mock pain and started moaning. "I don't think I'm going to be able to drive us the rest of the way; it hurts too bad," I joked through gritted teeth and scrunched up eyes.

"Well, you better pull over so I can check you out," Bella said seductively. I looked up at her and felt my heart kick into gear and my pants get tighter. Bella was staring at me through her long lashes, head cocked to the side, and her tongue peeking out from between her very pink lips. _Holy shit! She really is trying to kill me_. Not one to pass up an opportunity where she takes the lead, I pulled over and looked at her expectantly.

"I think I'm gonna need you to fix me up, Ms. Swan," I say, playing the part of innocent, naïve victim.

Her eyes were darker than their normal chocolate brown, and her cheeks were slightly flushed.

She reached over and gently gripped my arm. Her fingers were warm and gentle, even through the fabric of my shirt. "Let me take a look, okay?"

She gingerly prodded my arm as if it was really hurt, and in truth, I kind of forgot that I wasn't. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the head rest, allowing myself to get lost in the sensation of her touch. I heard her moving but didn't open my eyes, wanting to let her explore and play.

"Edward, I need to take a closer look," she said, her voice husky and thick. "So, I need you to scoot your seat back."

My head jerked up, and my eyes flew open to meet hers. Did she just tell me to scoot my chair back? Oh sweet hell, was she going to do what I thought she was going to do? A surge of lust course through me; she really was trying to kill me.

"What!"

"You heard me. Scoot your seat back."

I was stunned but did as she asked. Up until this point, Bella had been tentative and certainly hadn't initiated anything. She crawled over the center console and into my lap. Her hands were in my hair and her lips were pressed against mine with a passion and fire I had never felt from her. I was immediately caught up in the sensation of her body against mine as she shifted to straddle me, her core pressing against my now rock hard erection.

Gripping her ass, I pulled her even closer, tighter against me, and groaned as she ground against me. Fuck, she felt so good, and I wanted to devour her. Lost in the intensity of it all, I tore my lips away from hers and began trailing hot, wet kisses down the side of her neck. I heard her moan quietly as I dragged my tongue against her collar bone. Her scent was intoxicating, and I couldn't get enough of her. "Bella… damn… you are…" I stuttered, too breathless and overwhelmed with the feel of her to get the rest of it out.

I knew we shouldn't be doing this on the side of the highway in broad daylight, but I couldn't make myself stop. Having her dominate me like this was one of the hottest things I had ever seen. She was rocking slowly against me, desperate for friction, and damn, she felt good. Her hands were all over me – my face, in my hair, on my chest, trailing up and down my arms – and her lips found mine again, desperate for more as our tongues tangled together.

"Edward… I just…" she said, her voice raspy and rough.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Bella. I want you so damn much," I murmured into her neck while feathering tender kisses across her jaw and behind her ear. I didn't want to stop, I wanted to take her right here, in my car, on the side of the road, with the windows fogged up and the car hot and thick with the smell of sex.

A glance at the clock on the dash told me were already late for dinner, and we still had another fifteen minutes to go. Pushing against her gently, I grudgingly said, "But we have to stop if we're going to make it to dinner."

With a groan, she leaned forward, breasts pressed against my chest and her forehead on my shoulder as she tried to catch her breath.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me. I knew we needed to get back on the road, but I didn't want to break our connection. I needed her to know how much she affected me and how badly I wanted her – in every way. I ran my fingers through her soft hair, wanting to be tender and loving. She was so precious to me, and I needed her to know that, even if I couldn't quite say the words to her.

After a few minutes, she sat back against the steering wheel, her knees still on either side of my legs and stared into my eyes shyly before looking down. "I have no idea where that came from… but, damn, you are so hot, Chef," she said, her eyes meeting mine and a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Do we really have to go to this dinner? I'd rather go somewhere else…" she trailed off and bit her bottom lip nervously.

Not knowing why or how she could be shy after what just happened, I kissed her again. There was no way I was going to let her retreat or feel embarrassed, especially when I wanted her to do that again. "I wish," I said with a somewhat bitter chuckle. "I think Alice would kill us both if we didn't show up, and we're late as it is," I said.

She attempted to move toward the console, but I caught her hips and pulled her back against me, wanting her to know how much she had affected me and how much I still fucking wanted to do this. Her hands slid around my neck, her fingers playing with my hair as our lips met again. This time our kiss was slower but no less passionate.

As we pulled apart, our foreheads came together and our eyes met once again. "I want to continue this later tonight, baby," I whispered as I brushed my lips against hers once, twice, and a third time before pulling away and helping her back over the center console.

We both attempted to adjust our now extremely wrinkled clothes. As I put the car into gear, Bella pulled out her lip gloss and swiped a little across her very swollen, red lips. I did an inner fist pump knowing that I had done that to her, and she to me. Yes, something had definitely shifted between us, and I couldn't wait for more.

x-x-x

We pulled into the restaurant parking lot, and we both looked at each other and busted out laughing. There was no way we just were going to slip into the restaurant without being noticed; it was definitely going to be clear what we'd been doing. With a quick kiss, I jumped out of the car and jogged around to open the door for her. _Oh, sure, Cullen. You practically rip her clothes off in the car and now you play the gentleman. _

Ignoring my inner monologue, I offered my hand and helped her out of the car. She attempted to straighten her shirt and press out a few of the more prominent wrinkles before giving up.

Grabbing her hand, I placed a soft kiss on her cheek and whispered, "You are beautiful, Bella, especially when your cheeks are flushed such a lovely shade of pink."

We walked into the restaurant, and I immediately spotted Alice and Jasper at a table in the back corner. As we made our way toward them, I asked if she was ready for the craziness to ensue. She just giggled.

When Alice saw us, she put her hands on her hips and glared. "Where have you guys been? You look like…" she stopped abruptly as the realization spread across her face. "Well… I guess I'm glad you could make it," she said with a huge grin.

Everyone at the tabled cracked up, and the potential awkwardness was gone. We sat down, and Ali and Rose immediately jumped all over Bella, going on and on about how they needed to go shopping for some last minute wedding stuff. I noticed their half empty drinks and glassy eyes, I knew we were later than I realized. They had obviously been here for a while. My suspicions were confirmed by the empty bottles in front of Jasper and Emmett.

Jasper clapped me on the shoulder, "Have a nice drive, man?" I could see the mischievous glint in his eyes and laughed.

"Fuck you," I said playfully.

"Speaking from experience?" Emmett smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Flipping him off, I ordered a beer from the server who just happened to walk by. I needed to catch up to these two.

We bantered back and forth about Em's shop and the renovations Jasper was making to the house. He was almost finished and would have everything ready before the wedding.

When our food arrived, I asked about their honeymoon plans. "Did you guys pick a place?"

Jasper smiled and pressed a kiss to Ali's cheek. "Yeah, actually, we're going to Barbados for two weeks."

Alice squealed. "I am so excited! They make Malibu there. Did you guys know that?" she asked everyone.

I laughed and looked over to see Bella grinning, straw between her lips. My brain went to shit for a second as I imagined what it would like to have her lips…

"Edward, did you hear what I said?" Rose asked.

I snapped out of my daydream and caught Bella smirking at me. She knew exactly what I was thinking, and as if I needed confirmation, I felt her hand graze my thigh under the table. Trying not to give anything away, I shifted subtly, my hand brushing the top of hers.

"I said, how are things going at the restaurant?" she repeated with a mischievous glint in her eye and her eyebrow raised knowingly.

I proceeded to tell them, as best I could manage with Bella's hand now dangerously near my very hard dick, about Chef giving me a lot of freedom in the kitchen and him asking me to take on some extra shifts while he prepared for the upcoming festival.

"Don't let him downplay what's going on," Bella cut in. "Chef J loves him. He has been given more responsibility that the other line chefs, and he's the newest one there. He's doing an amazing job!"

My chest welled with pride at her words and the knowledge that she was proud of me. Everything she said was true, but I would never admit that to anyone other her. The fact that she was bragging on me filled me all kinds of crazy feelings – surprise, excitement, pride – and if I had ever had doubts about her feelings, they were immediately abandoned. My girl was proud of me. The guy inside was fist pumping and whooping, and the boyfriend on the outside pulled her in for a quick kiss and a whisper of thanks.

As dinner started to wrap, Alice stood up and grinned.

"Okay, everyone, listen up!" Alice said, commanding everyone's attention. "Next weekend, we're all going to Seattle for our bachelor/bachelorette party," she squealed. "No arguments!"

Everyone at the table looked around, half surprised and half clearly expecting Alice to pull a stunt like this. Before anyone could say anything, she passed out personalized packets of information to each couple. Bella reached over and grabbed ours. She looked over at me and smiled before ripping open the envelope. I leaned into her, the ends of her hair tickling my arm as I slid it across the back of her chair. I could smell her delicate perfume wafting subtly toward me as I pulled her into my side. Her head turned slightly toward me, and I could see the smile that played at the corners of her lips before she leaned further into me. My lips brushed her temple before she turned back to the envelope in her hands. I loved it when she was like this, and I couldn't get enough of it.

As Bella pulled out the card, I rolled my eyes at Alice. Of course she would go over the top with this party. She had literally planned the entire weekend for everyone.

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Join Us For A Weekend Of Fun, Pampering, And Dancing!

Depart: Friday, 13 August, 3pm

Where: Edgewater Hotel, Seattle

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Saturday

Ladies: Spa Day at Gene Jaurez Salon & Spas

Gents: Rock Climbing &Wings at Vertical World indoor Climbing Gym

Dinner: Restaurant Zoe, 7pm

Dancing: Venom

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Sunday

Brunch: Six Seven 10:30am

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I looked at Bella, and she had a small frown on her face, although I had no idea why. As if she realized I was staring at her, she quickly put a smile on her face and looked at me. I could tell something was off. I flirted with a bunch of random ideas – her not really wanting to go, concern about spending the weekend with me in a hotel – but nothing really made sense. She was clearly uncomfortable, and I wanted to put an end to it right now.

I nudged her shoulder and offered her a warm smile. She turned again to look at me and gave me that same fake smile… the one I hated. Not wanting the distance that had suddenly formed between us to go on any longer, I whispered quietly in her ear, "What's wrong, baby?"

She shook her head and gave me the look I knew meant she would tell me later. I sighed quietly in acceptance and nuzzled my nose against her neck.

"Hey, love birds. You guys want to join the rest of the table?" Emmett joked.

Bella pulled away just slightly, her cheeks bright pink, before I pulled her back against me. "I like you right here," I murmured seductively, before telling Em to shut it.

She giggled, and I knew she was okay... for now.

Alice spent the rest of the night talking about every little detail she had planned for our upcoming weekend. She talked about how awesome this hotel was and how it was famous for celebrity sightings.

"I mean, how awesome would it be if we got to see someone famous?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Maybe we'll see that hot Pattinson kid from those vampire movies," Rosalie chimed in. "He's sexy as hell!"

"Hey," Em said, jabbing a finger in her ribs. "I thought I was sexy as hell?" he asked, pouting playfully.

"Oh, Em, you are, you sexy man! But he's a celebrity and on my freebie-five. You know I like to look… but you're the only one who can put up with my sassy ass," she said lovingly before leaning in and pressing a reassuring kiss on his lips.

His grin told everyone she was forgiven, and we all laughed.

Alice prattled on about the club and private booth she'd reserved, as well as the girl-guy events she had planned for us.

"I mean, we are going to have soooo much fun, you guys," Alice chirped. She was clearly tipsy, and truth be told, so were the rest of us… well, everyone except Bella.

"I have wanted to go to this spa forever!" Rosalie said emphatically. Bella shifted away from me like she did earlier and again I wondered what about this trip would make her feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the trip to the spa? I really couldn't figure out why it would be an issue; I mean she had gone with the girls before and had a great time. I definitely wanted to get to the bottom of this.

Alice reached over and grabbed Bella's hand. I saw her jerk slightly at the sudden movement and something flash in her eyes. I knew that Alice wouldn't even notice the tension in her body or the wary look that now graced her face, but I did. _Definitely going_ _to talk to her about this when we get out to the car._

"Can you believe we are going to spend the entire day being pampered, buffed, massaged, scrubbed, and painted, Bella? It's going to be so much fun!"

"It sounds really great," Bella said, her excited tone belied the look in her eyes.

Rosalie looked at Bella and then back at me; I wasn't sure if she could sense something, and if she did, she didn't let on. Jasper and Em weren't paying attention as they argued over how they thought the Seahawks were going to do this season.

Completely oblivious to the subtle shift in Bella's body language, Alice chattered on, "They're even providing sushi for lunch. I cannot wait for next weekend!"

We talked about what the rest of the weekend would entail – rock climbing for us guys and then what I knew would be a crazy night at Venom.

"Should we bring our own gear?" Em asked Jasper.

"Yeah, I'm going to. I don't want to wear a harness that's had someone else's sweaty ass on it," Jasper chuckled.

"Good call, man," I said, busting out laughing.

Once the last of the drinks were polished off and we'd all sobered up enough to drive, Jasper leaned over and whispered something into Alice's ear. She giggled and looked around.

"Ok, guys, I think we're gonna go," Jasper said with a smirk as he stood and pulled Alice up with him.

Emmett and Rose, cuddled together, stood up, smiling.

I reached over and wrapped my fingers around the bend of Bella's arm and helped her up as I scooted her chair out. "I'm ready to get out of here. You still want to do something?"

"Mhmm." She laced her fingers through mine and leaned into me as we walked out of the restaurant.

The drive back to Forks was quiet as Bella laid her head on my shoulder and toyed with my fingers. I wanted to ask her what had happened at the restaurant to cause her mood to shift, but I didn't want to bring it up and ruin the sweet, flirty mood she was in. Every couple of minutes, she would brush her lips across my jaw or neck, causing me to shiver in anticipation. I could tell she knew what she was doing and how she was affecting me.

With each kiss she placed on my neck, my jaw, my shoulder, I shifted closer to her, kissed her fingers, or trailed my fingers along her leg. When she wrapped her arm around my waist and I felt her fingers slide underneath my shirt to my stomach, I thought I might combust. Her nails were smooth and tickled a little as she dragged her fingers through the hair just above the waistband of my jeans. I closed my eyes just briefly, relishing the sensation of her touch. My head was exploding with thoughts of her body against mine, my hands all over her soft skin, the taste of her lips and tongue, and I knew I had to get her to come back to my place.

"Do you want to come back to my place?" I asked hesitantly, not sure what she was really thinking. Before she could even answer, I added huskily, "I really want you to, baby."

"Me, too," she groaned quietly before nuzzling her nose into my neck before she sucked my earlobe into her mouth.

"Shit, baby," I hissed, gripping the steering wheel tighter. She'd been doing that for the last forty-five minutes and my body was desperate for some kind of release. I was ready to get her out this car and into my room, to feel her whole body up against me, this time without the distraction of the car console or steering wheel.

I was grateful, when we pulled into the driveway and parked, that were alone in the house tonight. Alice was with Jasper, and Carlisle, I assumed, was working at the hospital like he did most nights. I turned toward her and captured her lips roughly with my own, groaning into her mouth.

"Damn, Bella, you taste so good." Her mouth was hot and minty and sweet from the piece of peppermint she had been sucking on.

Not wanting to let her go, I pulled her over toward me, her knee hitting the console on the way over because there wasn't enough room between me and the steering wheel.

"Ow!" she blurted out.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hoping that I hadn't just ruined the mood.

"I'm good," she said before pressing her lips and body against mine. "Let's get out of this car," she gasped, breathless.

I opened the car door and practically fell out trying to get us both out of the driver's seat. Wanting to slow things down a bit and take our time in this very new, uncharted territory, I squatted down and told her to climb on. She giggled as I walked us into the house, the whole time distracted by her legs tightly wrapped around my waist and her lips pressing against my neck as she told me how hot this was.

I kicked my door open and strode over to the bed before unceremoniously dropping her to the bed. "You are going to kill me, Ms. Swan," I said, walking back to close and lock the door.

I turned and stood there, watching her in the dark room. Her hair was a little mussed up from leaning against my shoulder the whole car ride; soft tendrils had worked themselves out of her pony tail and were now framing her face. The moon glinted through the windows and cast her in soft silver light, illuminating her face and the wicked gleam in her eye.

"Like what you see, Chef?" she saucily asked.

I loved how playful she was being; I could definitely get used to this side of her. I wanted her to be this comfortable around me all the time, to take what she wanted, and to make me hers. Pushing off against the door, I slowly walked over to her, strutting a little, and cupped my hand against her cheek.

"You know I do, baby," my voice cracking under the weight of my own emotion and need.

Standing before her, holding her face in my hand, the desire to tell her how deep my feelings were almost brought me to my knees. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I stared into her dark chocolate eyes. Trailing my thumb across her lips, I battled my fears and questions. Was she ready to hear that I loved her? Was I even ready to tell her? Would she feel the same? If she did, would she even tell me? I wanted her to feel that way, to tell me that I was the only one for her. I wanted to show her exactly how I felt about her, needed her, desired her, and wanted her all to myself.

In silent acceptance, she leaned into me, tilting her head to rest against my palm Dipping my head down, I softly brushed my lips against hers, wanting her to see that I wanted, no, I needed more from her than just this simple act. I allowed my hands to travel down the skin of her neck, over her shoulders, and down her arms before I grabbed a hold of her hands and brought them to my lips.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. You mean so much to me, baby. I just want you to know," I said, as I nuzzled her neck and kissed my way down her neck, "how important you are to me."

I knew it didn't even come close to how I really felt, but I couldn't bear the thought of pushing her away; I needed her too much.

She shivered as my tongue flicked against her earlobe before I sucked it between my lips.

"Edward," she moaned softly, her palms pressing gently against my chest.

I pulled back, my nose trailing against her jaw before I planted a kiss against her lips.

"Yes, baby?" I asked, still placing tender kisses on her nose and cheeks.

"I feel the same way," she whispered in a barely audible voice.

At first I wasn't sure if I had heard her correctly, but when I stopped and looked into her eyes, I knew she was telling me the truth. My heart literally exploded with joy and before I could say more, her lips crashed against mine. I was taken aback by the veracity and the passion of her kiss, but I returned it in full force. She whimpered and turned her head to deepen the kiss, our bodies pressing together. Our tongues met, and I was lost in the taste, the feel, the pressure of her lips, her tongue, against mine.

Wanting her to know how much I loved her, I trailed my arms down her shoulders, my lips never leaving hers, and brushed against the sides of her breasts. I felt her shudder beneath my hands and paused, not sure if this was too much but praying that it wasn't, before I felt her press against me again. Feeling emboldened by the noises and her simple gestures, I brushed my fingers across her nipples, and groaned as I felt them harden through the thin fabric of her shirt. With each gentle squeeze and caress, she moaned, and the man inside desperately wanted to hear her moan my name, hear her tell me she loved me, wanted me, and needed me just like I did her.

We finally broke our kiss. Her lips were swollen, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes dark and shining; she had never been more beautiful.

"Breathtaking," I whispered as I reached up to pull her hair tie out, allowing her hair to fall softly against her shoulders and down her back as she sighed.

Leaning in once again, I kissed the soft contours of her neck, my lips nipping and savoring as I made my way down the column of her throat. Her pulse was beating rapidly beneath her skin, her quiet hum like music to my ears.

My hands trailed down to the hem of her shirt, and I ran my hands against her hot skin, wanting her to feel what she'd done to me in the car. I waited, my eyes questioning one more time if this was what she wanted, before I slowly pulled it up and over her head. Dropping her shirt on the floor, I looked back at her and felt the breath whoosh out of me. She was exquisite. I could see the vulnerability in her eyes, and pulled her to me, pouring out my feelings through my touch.

Dragging my fingertips up and down the smooth skin of her back, she shuddered against me, her chest heaving in anticipation as I feathered my lips down her collar bone to the swell of her breasts.

"So beautiful," I murmured, completely intoxicated by her. Her skin was soft and smooth, pale and creamy, and all I could think about was tasting her, touching her, making her mine. As my lips brushed across her lace-covered breasts, she gasped, her body flushing a beautiful shade of pink.

Seeing her like this was almost too much. My body was crying out for release, to claim her as my own. Wanting more, needing more, I reached around her back to unclasp her bra when she stopped me, dragging my hands back around. Not sure what she was doing, I waited, wanting her to take the lead.

"I can't be the only one undressed in here, Chef," she purred seductively.

My stomach tightened in anticipation at her words. I loved that she called me "Chef." She had started it a while back but had consistently been using it this week. The more she said it, the more I wanted to hear it fall from her lips in the heat of passion as she begged me for more.

With a smirk, I watched her slowly unbutton my shirt, placing a kiss on my chest after each one and leaving a searing trail of heat and desire in its place. My heart was pounding; my head swirled with thoughts of love and possession, and it took everything in me not to throw her down on the bed and ravage her. When she finally made it to the bottom, she slowly pushed the shirt off my shoulders, allowing it to fall slowly to the ground, as she dragged her fingers against the tops of my shoulders.

Her hands, lips, and tongue were everywhere - my chest, my biceps, my neck, and down my stomach before stopping at the top of my jeans. Her fingers dipped underneath my waistband, and I inhaled sharply as her fingers grazed against me, and my body tensed with need.

"Fuck, baby," I croaked, my body ablaze and begging for release.

Without thinking, I grabbed her hand and pushed her down onto the bed, my lips devouring hers. I would never get tired of this, the way she tasted like mint and something sweet. I hovered above her, absorbing every detail of this moment, her mahogany hair splayed across the light blue pillow, her deep chocolate hooded eyes, her red swollen lips, and the way my kitchen scarred hands looked at home against her flawless porcelain skin. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything, and her gasps, moans, and sighs spurred me on.

Shifting just slightly, I slid her bra strap off her shoulder and replaced it with a tender kiss and repeated the action on the other shoulder. I felt her shudder beneath me as I sat up slightly, freeing up my hands to unhook the clasp. With a gentle tug, I pulled the soft purple lace away from her body and exhaled.

"Bella…" my voice broken with need, "you are utterly breathtaking and perfect."

Rubbing my hands across her shoulders and down her sides, I gently cupped her breasts in my hands. They were perfect, firm and full without being too much. She gasped, and I groaned, feeling her fingers wind into my hair, tugging slightly. She arched her back as my tongue laved against her.

I broke away to capture her lips again. Her hands trailed down my chest as our lips, tongues, and teeth nipped, tasted, and sucked. My body was on fire with need, my pants tight, and I couldn't help but press my body roughly against her. She moaned my name, and I pressed against her again, desperate to hear her say it again.

"Edward, oh God, you're…" she gasped, her eyes clenched shut as she pushed back against me.

Our bodies rocked in tandem, her breasts crushed against my chest, sweat and heat causing us to slide easily against each other as we both lost ourselves in the sensation of being together this way.

"Baby… I…" I couldn't even speak.

I felt her pace increase as she ground against me, and my hands were all over her breasts, her stomach, her hair. I wanted to consume her, allow her to explode in the safety of my arms, my hands, my lips.

Meeting her pace, I pushed against her roughly, giving into my own desire, my own need to feel her and to make her feel good. Her nails dug into my back, as I felt her body clench, a look of pure pleasure washing over her. I continued moving against her, the denim of our jeans creating their own perfect heat and friction. My stomach tightened, and all of my muscles tensed in anticipation. She felt so fucking good against me.

I felt her hands reach around and grab my ass as she urged me to let go, to allow her to love me, before everything went black as I came against her, falling deeper than I even knew was possible. My head was spinning as her words mixed with the high of my orgasm. She wanted to love me… fucking hell.

I pressed my forehead against her shoulder, placing tiny kisses against her flushed, sweaty skin, and tried to catch my breath. I wrapped my arms around her and rolled onto my back, pulling her on top of me. She stared into my eyes, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman was everything to me. No one would ever make me feel the depth of feelings I felt for her; she was all consuming, and I needed her with every fiber of my being.

We lay there, my arms wrapped tightly around her waist, in silence for a long time. Eventually, the mess in my pants got a little uncomfortable, and I shifted just slightly, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I need to change, baby," I whispered against her hair.

"Okay," she said, shifting off of me.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I can't bear to let you go," I pleaded.

"Me either." Her face lit up in a smile.

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my favorite t-shirt from Chicago and a pair of boxers. Walking into the bathroom, I turned back to see her watching me, her cheek resting on top of her pulled in knees. She looked so beautiful and at peace, and I couldn't help but smile at the fact that I had done that to her.

After we were both cleaned up, we lay curled against each other, her head resting in the crook of my neck while I ran my fingers through her hair. My mind was strangely quiet. Everything that mattered in my life was right here in my arms. I pulled her closer to me, needing to feel her again, to know that she wasn't going anywhere. Her gentle heartbeat, her warm breath mixed with the heat of my own body and the raw need I felt to have her with me always. My heart swelled with need and I couldn't keep it in any longer; I needed her to know, to feel how much she owned my very soul, and before I could stop myself, I whispered into her hair, "I love you, Bella."

She was still for a minute, and my first instinct was to panic and regret saying it, knowing it was too early, but before I could go down that path, I felt her body shift against me and her face tilt up to look at me. Her eyes glistened with tears, and she smiled.

"I love you, too, Edward."

My heart swelled to the point of bursting. I didn't know it could feel this way, how hearing those words fall from her lips could completely rock my whole word, fill all the voids I never even knew I had. Her words were on repeat in my head - Bella loved me! Holy fucking shit! She loved me! I cupped her cheek in my hand and placed a tender kiss on her lips. It was slow, sweet, and gentle, meant to convey how strong my feelings were and how fully she consumed me, made me whole.

When I pulled away, she giggled. I cocked my head in question at her.

"You love me," she said simply.

"I do. So much, baby." I had never been so sincere, so sure, in my entire life. I knew I would love this woman until the day I died. There would never be anyone else for me. She was it.

We lay there for a long time, talking softly and sharing our thoughts and dreams for the future. There were unspoken secrets between us that we both knew needed to be shared, but as our hands roamed freely, touching softly, caressing gently, I knew the love, the need we both felt, would be enough for now. She was all I needed. Our bodies pressed together, limbs tangled and wrapped around each other as we lost ourselves in the euphoria of new love.

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**Tell me what you think! I'm dying to hear it! Next chapter is pretty much written, just working on edits!**

**Leave me some love!**


	15. Chapter 14

**Thanks for all the love and reviews! I love hearing your thoughts and questions! Keep 'em coming!**

**As always, love to my darling betafish – Catie22866 and ****Kikikinz!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight; I own The Diner.**

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**Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

I woke up the next morning, hot and smashed against a soft, small body. I wrapped my arm around her and couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. _Bella._ I pressed a kiss against her shoulder before burying my nose in her hair. _Strawberry._

Bella stirred against me, and I whispered, "Good morning, baby. Sleep well?"

"Mhmm," she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

I pulled her close to me, her back pressing against my chest as my arm lay across her hip. She was so warm, and I couldn't help but smile at everything that had happened between us. Last night was hot and emotional, tender and sweet, and holy shit she loved me. Nuzzling my nose against her neck, I heard her sigh contentedly, and I couldn't help but feel nervous at all the admissions we had made to each other last night. In the daylight hours, without the heat of passion, I wondered if she would still feel the same way.

As I held her in my arms, I tried to push my fears aside and trust her. I wanted to believe that she loved me as much as I loved her, that she needed me like I needed her. Everything leading up to this point made me feel we were on the same page, but the overly analytical side of my brain was plagued with doubt.

Bella's sudden movement pulled me out of my head, and I loosened my arms to allow her to roll over and face me.

"Hi," she whispered shyly.

"Hi," I said just as quietly, my eyes never leaving hers. "Are you hungry? I make a mean Belgian waffle."

She giggled, and I planted a kiss on her nose before pulling the covers back. I loved seeing her in my t-shirt, her hair wild, and her cheeks still swollen from sleep; she really was sexy as hell. She was mine, and she loved me. I'd never get tired of that realization.

I climbed out of bed and pulled her up with me.

"You're awfully smiley this morning, Chef. What are you thinking about?" she asked as her lips pulled into a mischievous grin.

I chuckled. "You. Last night. And how I want to do that again… like really soon."

Her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink, and when she looked up at me through her long lashes and quietly said, "Me too," I realized all my anxiety earlier this morning was unnecessary.

Pulling her to me, I let my fingers trail down her cheek before brushing the hair out of her eyes. The words we'd said to each other last night were on the tip of my tongue, and I desperately wanted to hear her say it again. Cupping her face between my hands, I forced her eyes to meet mine, before I pressed my lips to hers.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered against her lips.

Her eyes dropped down for a split second before meeting mine again. They burned with an intensity and sincerity I hadn't seen before.

"I love you, too."

Her words penetrated to the core, and my heart exploded at the realization that everything we had said and done last night was for real. Pulling her against my chest, I felt her arms encircle my waist. I knew she could hear my heart pounding in my chest, but I didn't care. I wanted her to know what she did to me, how she made me feel, how my body responded to her and her words.

We stood there for what felt like forever relishing the sweetness of our declarations before my stomach growled. She pulled away and laughed.

"Lead the way, Chef."

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It was late when I pulled into the driveway on Tuesday night. I had been swamped with work at the restaurant. Chef Juhasz had called and asked if I could work on Sunday and Monday evenings, in addition to my normal Tuesday and Thursday nights. He was gearing up for a festival at the end of September and needed to devote all of his extra time and resources to planning and preparing for it. I had agreed, knowing that this would be a huge opportunity for me to prove myself, but still felt that ever present mix of confidence and nervousness. Chef had given me the freedom to try out some of my ideas in the form of evening specials, saying how much he appreciated the creativity I had already demonstrated in the kitchen. This experience, though, would be very telling; if I couldn't make it through an internship like this with outstanding reviews from Chef J, then I wasn't cut out to be a chef at all. That kind of pressure kept me on edge, and I hoped that it would ultimately push to excel here.

Of course, the extended hours were severely cutting into my time with Bella, and despite all the excitement I felt about the opportunity at C'est Si Bon, I hated that we couldn't be together more. Bella was understanding, as always. Her love and support for my career, and the pride she felt at my success kept me afloat. My chest still puffed up a little at the way she'd bragged to our friends about my role in the kitchen. She was exactly what I needed.

The house was dark except for the soft glow coming from one of the table lamps. I set my keys on the entry table and kicked off my shoes. I curled my toes into the thick rug, and it felt so damn good. My feet, legs, and back were taking a beating from all the standing I'd been doing. I couldn't wait to jump in the shower, wash off the grime of the restaurant, and crash.

I walked into the kitchen, flicked on the light, and grabbed a bottle of water and a bunch of grapes from the fridge. Just as I was closing the fridge, I heard Carlisle call my name. I froze, knowing I had to acknowledge him. I was exhausted and disgusting, and I really didn't want to stand here and pretend that we actually had a relationship. I didn't have the energy to deal with the tension that would inevitably ensue from any conversation we had.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to face him; my tone clearly indicating that I didn't want to do this right now.

He stood there quietly, quickly taking in my appearance. I was still wearing my whites, and I knew he'd only seen me in them a couple of times. The longer he stood there staring at me with a look I couldn't decipher, the more irritated and uncomfortable I got. I _really_ didn't have the desire or energy to deal with him tonight. The last few times we'd done _this_, it hadn't ended well, and I just wanted to go upstairs.

"Did you need something, or were you just planning to stare at me all night?" I asked, already exasperated from his perusal. I knew my tone and attitude were out of line; he hadn't done anything to warrant it tonight, but I couldn't help myself. I hated that he had never once asked how school was going or even seemed to care about my work at all. Did it not occur to him that maybe showing some interest was something a father should do, even if he didn't agree with my choices? Pulling my fingers through my hair, I looked away, and swallowed the hurt and sadness I felt at the way things had ended up between us. Mom would have hated the way our family had fallen apart.

He cleared his throat, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Yes, sorry. I was just wondering how things were going. I haven't seen you much and wanted to… check in," he said nervously, his voice tentative and unsure.

I had no idea where this was coming from or why he sounded so uncertain; he was always cool and confident, and his hesitation caught me off guard.

"Things are fine. Busy with work and school," I muttered.

I started to walk away, trying to end the conversation, but he continued, not quite taking the hint. "It looks like congratulations are in order."

I stopped and turned to face him. What was he talking about? Despite my desire to end this conversation and choosing to ignore the fact that he purposely phrased his statement this way, curiosity got the best of me.

"For?"

He waved his hand up and down, gesturing to my uniform. "Alice told me you were offered an internship at C'est Si Bon in Port Angeles. Congratulations, son."

I looked at him skeptically. I had no idea what he was angling at or what he hoped to gain from this conversation, but it was too late to pretend that he was happy for me. He had made his feelings very clear when I was still in Chicago and again when he lied to me.

Running my fingers though my hair in irritation, I muttered a quick thank you.

Unphased by my indifference, he pressed on. "You know that was your Mom's favorite restaurant? We used to go there for special occasions or whenever one of us got the urge for a night out," he said, his voice carefree and light.

I stared at him, stunned that he would bring up Mom in this conversation. I wasn't sure what to feel or how to process everything that was going through my head. Mom had been so supportive of my decision to change career paths. While he was ranting about how stupid and irrational I was being, and how I would regret this decision when I ended up working at McDonald's, she ran interference between us. She had repeatedly told him that he needed to let me make my own decisions and had pushed back on many occasions, especially the early ones involving money. She was just as furious as I was when he told her he wasn't going to pay for the rest of my schooling if I chose this path. Rage and indignation coursed through me at the memory, and I refused to let him use her as a pawn to get to me.

My heart clenched at the emptiness I felt without her. She was beautiful, and her laugh could light up a room. No matter what was going on, she made time for me, my concerns, my highs and lows, and everything in between. I missed her desperately, and her missing presence was a glaring void in our family. In many ways, Mom was the glue that held this family together; she was certainly the heart of it, and without her, the family had fallen apart.

My loneliness and longing for her morphed into anger as I glared at him. "Don't fucking do that, Carlisle! Don't bring Mom up just so you can attempt to have a conversation with me. If she were here…" I couldn't even finish, my voice cracking with raw emotion. I could feel the sting in the corner of my eyes and rapidly blinked; I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

I brushed past him and felt his hand grip my arm. Stunned, I whirled around.

"Get your hands off of me," I spat through clenched teeth, my voice cold and hard.

"Edward… I, I'm sorry. Look, I just wanted to talk to you about Alice," he blurted out.

I gaped at him, incredulous that he would use both Mom _and_ Alice to get to me. "What about her?" I growled, jerking my arm away and crossing them across my chest, exasperated that I was still standing here talking to him. _Damn it, I just want to go upstairs!_

"A couple of days ago, I found her curled up on the couch looking through one of the photo albums, crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me how sad she was that your mom wasn't going to be here on her wedding day."

He paused and looked up at me, and I remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"Truthfully, it never crossed my mind that she might be having a hard time with all of this. She's always so bubbly, and I guess I just missed it."

He looked down, shame coloring his face, as he shifted from one foot to the other. My stomach clenched at the sting of my own lack of awareness for Alice's feelings. The thought had crossed my mind a time or two that Mom wouldn't be at my own wedding, but it had never really phased me. I mean, it's not that I wouldn't have missed Mom on my wedding day, I just didn't really think about it, because I had never been in a relationship that was serious enough to contemplate marriage. With Alice though, I knew she and Mom had spent hours playing wedding and dress up when she was little, and even planned her wedding and honeymoon in Home Economics class in high school.

Thinking back over the last few months, I realized that the signs had been there. Alice routinely asked me if I thought Mom would have liked her plans – the flowers she'd chosen, the colors, and even her dress. Not really caring about the details or even understanding why she was asking, I had given her some bullshit answer about how Mom would have loved it all.

Guilt coursed through me as I remembered how I brushed off her request to meet different caterers. I felt sick at how I'd failed her. Alice had been fighting for this family, and I had let her down when she needed me most. The weight of my actions and general lack of awareness settled over me, crushing me and making it difficult to breathe.

With a defeated sigh, I met Carlisle's gaze head on, the regret we both felt reflecting back on each of us. "So, what are we going to do?" I asked, knowing full well that in this instance, I would do anything to make Alice feel better, even if it meant working with Carlisle.

He bowed his head and scratched the back of it as he took a minute to answer.

"Well, I've really only come up with one idea, and I wanted to run it by you," he said cautiously. I felt the remorse roll over me at how shitty I'd been to him; my feelings hadn't changed, but my guilt over Alice had softened the sharp edge of anger I always felt around Carlisle.

"Okay… so, what is it?"

"Do you remember when Ali was little, how she and your mom would play dress up?"

I nodded.

"The other day, I was looking for something and came across the set of pearls that your mom wore on our wedding day, the ones Ali always begged to wear. I thought I could give them to her on Saturday morning after she's dressed; you know, as her something old. I wish there was something more, but I honestly couldn't come up with anything else."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to process everything he had said. Before I could say anything, he continued.

"I was hoping that maybe you could give her a small gift or do something special for her, too."

I nodded again, still lost in thoughts of Mom and Ali playing dress up, Ali tugging on Mom's skirt to get her to lean over so she could whisper something in her ear, Mom laughing, and finally opening her jewelry box and draping the pearl necklace around her little neck. I could still hear their squeals of delight, their laughter, and I knew he was right. Ali needed this, and I was damn sure going to make this day special for her.

Interpreting my silence as dissent, Carlisle quickly added, "Look, Edward, I know that things are strained between us, but let's keep this between us. Let's make this d-"

What the hell was his problem. Of course I wasn't going to let anything ruin Alice's big day. I would do anything for her. "I'll come up with something," I cut him off and turned to walk out.

"Edward."

I stopped and took a deep breath. I wanted to be done talking to him.

"Yes," I said, exhausted and emotionally drained.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and on instinct, my muscles tensed. "I… I miss talking to you, and… I'm really proud of you."

I was stunned… confused… angry. Where the hell was this coming from? Since when did he even give a shit? I had no idea what to say, and honestly, I didn't want to acknowledge his attempt to get back into my life. He closed that door the night he lied to me. Why was he doing this? What was he hoping to gain? My head was completely jumbled, and I desperately needed to get away from him to process the conflicting emotions and thoughts swirling around inside of me.

Without acknowledging his comment, I walked out of the room. I couldn't talk to him anymore. I didn't want to process this shit with him; I needed space. I didn't want to wallow in the sadness that always came after I allowed myself to open that box of memories, or more importantly, allow him to see the effect he had on me.

Walking into my room, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I noticed that I had received another text from Bella. Another wave of guilt crashed over me at how I'd ignored her these last few days. She had left a couple of texts asking if I was okay and a worried voice mail asking where I was. Swallowing the bitterness of guilt, I quickly typed out a message letting her know I was fine and that I was going to bed. I knew it was weak and insufficient, but I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.

I lay there, trying to sleep, but couldn't stop thinking about Mom. I missed her. It was times like these where I desperately needed her. She understood me like no one else did. She knew when to give me space, push the envelope, and how to say just what I needed to hear. In many ways it felt like she had been gone forever, and in others, it was like yesterday. It was hard to believe that four years had already passed, and that at the end of September it would be five. Knowing Alice, we would be doing something special on that day, even more than us just going out to the cemetery and putting fresh flowers on her grave.

I thought again about Alice and how Mom had loved Jasper, how she had treated him like one of her own kids. Truth be told, she had always been like that with our friends, welcoming them into our home, making them feel special, even acting as a confidante and counselor when needed.

I thought about Bella and smiled, knowing Mom would have loved her. She would have loved Bella's sweet disposition and sense of humor and grieved with her over whatever had happened in Phoenix. I felt the familiar pang of sadness and longing build in my chest as I realized she would never meet her, get to see her smile, or bake with her. I finally realized, even if only a fraction, what Alice must be feeling without Mom here.

With a deep sigh of resignation, I roughly rubbed my face with my hands. I didn't want to dwell or think about this anymore. I want her back; I wanted our family back. I wanted things to be like they used to be when everyone loved each other, fought for one another.

x-x-x

I walked into The Diner, exhausted and drained, and was smacked in the face by the sugary sweet smell of baking cake. I grinned as I watched Bella pull a tray of cupcakes out of the oven; this would always be a scent I associated with her – cake and buttercream.

She turned and smiled. "Morning, Chef."

I laughed at the double meaning behind her use of 'Chef.'

"Morning, baby," I said as I walked over, pulled her into my arms, and pressed a kiss against her soft lips.

"What's on the menu today?"

"Well, I am making my mom's steel cut oats."

"Okay," she dragged out. "Is there something special about it? Isn't oatmeal just oatmeal?"

I stared at her incredulously, a little surprised that a baker like her didn't know the difference. "Uh, no. Have you ever had steel cut oats?"

"Well, if it's not like regular oatmeal, then I guess not," she said with a shrug of her shoulders, clearly baffled by my surprise.

Shaking it off, I grinned. "Well, you're in for a real treat then!"

She stood there watching me as I grabbed a huge pot and filled it with water before setting it to boil.

"So, are you going to tell me what makes these oats so special?" she asked with a bit of a huff.

I looked up at her a laughed. She was so cute when she was frustrated. Her hands were on her hips and her head was cocked to the side; a look of mild annoyance spread across her face.

"Well, Miss Impatient, if you must know, I add walnuts, raw honey, apples, raisins, and cinnamon to it. All the flavors meld together, and it is out of this world."

She nodded her head. "It sounds amazing. Can't wait to try it," she said walking back over to her own station to finish up her cupcakes.

I turned back to my table and quickly cored and cubed the apples, sliced the walnuts in half and then added the raisins to the bowl. I topped the entire mixture with sprinkled cinnamon and placed it in one of the refrigerators. I quickly poured the oats into the boiling water and turned the temperature down so they could simmer for about half an hour.

Bella was making the frosting for her new Honey Chai cupcakes, and as always, I loved watching her at work. She had a smooth edge about her. She moved around the kitchen with grace and precision, and gave credence to the statement that baking is both an art and a science.

I thought back to Saturday night and all the bridges we had crossed – the shared orgasms, the 'I love yous' – and got excited thinking about our upcoming weekend in Seattle. I wanted to do something special for her, for us, while we were there. With all the time I'd been spending in Port Angeles, we needed some Bella-Edward time to continue building our relationship.

As I thought about the weekend, her concerned face flickered before me. I still wasn't sure what had happened when Alice handed her the invitation the other day, but I wanted to know. I wanted to make sure she was okay with going and sharing the room with me. I guess in my haste and everything that had transpired between us, I just assumed she would.

"Hey, baby? Can I ask you something?" I felt nervous all of a sudden. What if she didn't want that and was just afraid to say something?

"Yeah. What's up?" she asked as she continued piping frosting on top of the cupcakes.

"I was just wondering what made you frown the other night at dinner when Alice gave us the itinerary for this weekend. You seemed upset or concerned, and I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Not waiting for her to answer, I walked over to the stove and stirred the oats, trying to calm my nerves.

"Oh, um, it was nothing," she said, a hint of reservation in her voice.

I turned to look at her, noticing that she had stopped working and was staring at me.

"It didn't look like nothing," I challenged subtly. There was no way I was going to go forward with this unresolved.

"Well," she said, shifting her weight to her left foot, "it's dumb really. I'll figure out how, but, um, I guess I was just…ugh," she said annoyed. "It's so stupid, Edward."

"Just tell me, then, love." I walked over to stand on the other side of her station, watching her closely.

"I guess… I'mnotsurehowI'mgoingtopayforeverything," she said all in one word, her head ducking in embarrassment.

"What?" I had no idea what she'd just said.

She let out a rough, frustrated breath. "I said, 'I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to pay for everything,' okay?"

I stared at her, watching her face go from pink to red, dumbfounded that she was even worrying about money. "Baby, what are you talking about? Alice and Jasper are paying for the entire weekend. This is a present to themselves, and we just happen to be invited."

"But I can't let them pay for all of that. I mean, did you see where we're staying? What we're going to be doing? It's too much!" In her excitement, her voice had risen an octave or two, her hands gesturing wildly, and her face bursting with color.

I walked around the table and put my hands on her shoulders. "Bella, stop. It's not too much, because Alice and Jasper want to do it. Plus, my dad is paying for the wedding and honeymoon. So, just let it go, okay?" There was no way I was going to allow her to back out now. Alice would be devastated, and given the realization I'd had last night, we were going to figure out a way to make this whole thing special for her.

She shook her head in frustration, and I decided to put it all out there.

"Bella, listen, this is a big deal to Alice, and she needs it." I looked down and really didn't want to have this conversation right now, especially since I had spent much of the night dwelling on it already. "She always imagined her wedding day to be a certain way, and as much as she's planned, there's one person that won't be there… my Mom," I said in a whisper, feeling my emotions get the best of me. "This trip is her way of staying focused on other things so she doesn't have to think or feel my mom's absence. So," I said, pausing and waiting for her to look at me, "she needs you there. And so do I."

She stood there quietly, contemplating what I'd said, and then took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize," she said quietly. "Of course, I'll be there for you both." Her face scrunched up in frustration and she tugged on the loose ends of her ponytail.

"What is it?" I asked, not sure why she would make that face.

"It's just that I should have realized that. I feel like such an awful friend. Alice has been so amazing to me. From the very first minute I walked into this place, she was kind and funny and persistent. I just feel selfish and self-absorbed; I didn't even realize how tough this would be for her."

She looked like she was about to cry, and I knew I couldn't handle her tears given my own heightened emotions.

"Stop, sweet girl. You have been perfect and a great friend to her. Hell, you're even making cupcakes for the wedding… at the last minute, I might add. What more could anyone want?" I asked with a grin before placing a soft kiss on her nose.

She giggled and smiled up at me. While we were on the subject of helping Alice, I decided to go ahead and ask her what she thought I could do to make the actual wedding special.

"So, I talked to Carlisle last night." I could see the shock on her face. I knew she knew things were strained, but we hadn't ever really talked about what had _actually_ happened to cause the falling out between us. Not wanting to go into it here, I continued on before she could say or ask me anything about it. "He said he was thinking we – he and I – should do something special for Ali… you know, to help ease the ache of Mom not being there on her big day."

She looked at me expectantly, and I pressed on. "I was wondering if you had any ideas. Carlisle is going to give her my Mom's pearl necklace, the one she wore on their wedding day and that Ali always played with growing up. But I have no idea what to do for her."

I shoved my hands in my back pockets and looked at her, hoping she could give me something to work with. She was chewing on her lip, her brow knitted together in thought.

Her eyes flicked up and met mine. She paused and then offered, "Well, you could always get her a bracelet to match the necklace Carlisle is giving her. Or… I don't know if you even have something like this, but, is there a picture of your mom wearing them on her wedding day and maybe one of Alice wearing them when she was little? You could get a special frame and give it to her to help add to the moment, maybe have it engraved with something your Mom used to say or call her."

_Sugarpop_. Mom had started calling her that after Alice started popping her suckers in and out of her mouth. Alice used to get so annoyed whenever Mom used that nickname in front of our friends. I chuckled and decided to look into it.

"I like both of those ideas, Bella. Maybe I could give her both - the bracelet just from me, and then the pictures as a way of reminding her of how much Mom loved her. I'll have to see I can find any pictures like that."

I walked back to the stove and stirred the oatmeal just as the timer went off. I was lost in my own thoughts about this idea. Knowing Ali, she would love it. I really hoped I could find some pictures like that, and if not, then maybe something else along those lines.

I opened the fridge and grabbed my apple-cinnamon mixture and gently folded it into the oatmeal, drizzling raw honey across the top. Once everything was properly mixed in, I covered the pot so the honey could melt and the flavors blend together.

The breakfast rushed passed quickly and before long it was the end of the day. I had class tonight, and truth be told, I really didn't want to go. I wanted to spend the evening with Bella; I wanted to tell her about my conversation with Carlisle and how confused and angry I felt, but I really couldn't even articulate it.

She walked over and brushed her shoulder against mine.

"You okay, Chef?"

"Yeah. Just tired and in my head," I said truthfully.

"You know I'm here, right? Whenever you need me." Her voice was so sincere and just hearing her tell me she was here for me made me want to stay with her even more.

I nodded, and swallowed, my voice thick with emotion. "I do, baby. Thank you."

With a brush of our lips, I told her I'd call her later and walked out the back door.

x-x-x

The next couple of days passed, and I got progressively moodier. I was brooding and dwelling and missing my Mom. My conversation with Carlisle was weighing heavily on me. I hated that he had gotten under my skin, that I was even thinking about what he had said. There was nothing he could say that would make me forgive him for what he did to me when Esme died, and yet in some strange way, I felt myself longing to do it.

I still couldn't believe he didn't tell me the truth until I got home. I felt the same anger and pain that I always felt when I thought back on the moment I found out she was dead. There are no words to describe the pain and agony of hearing that your parent has been killed in a car accident. The numbness and shock were a blessing compared to the anger and sadness that came next. Hell, I still felt it. There were days when I felt the blackness threaten to overtake me, and I had to claw my way back from its grips, to find the light and become what my Mom would have wanted me to become.

I scrubbed my hands against my face. "I don't want to think about this anymore," I said to no one. It was late. I wanted to sleep. I wanted Bella, but I knew she was giving me space. I couldn't blame her given my distance and the shitty way I'd been treating her. I cringed at my behavior on the phone with her tonight, and if I were honest, the last few nights.

She had called, like always, as I was driving home from class, and when she asked if I was okay, I recounted the whole conversation with Carlisle.

"I hate talking to him about Mom," I groaned in frustration. "He acts as if our not talking is because of me and my choice not to, but the truth is, Bella, he is the one that walked away from me."

She waited a minute, the phone silent except for the soft sounds of her breathing on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I wish your Mom was still here… for you and for Ali."

Nodding, despite the fact she couldn't see me through the line, I said, "Thanks. That means a lot, baby."

The line was quiet again, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

"Can I ask you a question, love?" she asked hesitantly.

"Mhmm."

"Why don't you want to talk to him? I mean, why not give him a second chance? It seems like he's trying to make an effort, and…"

"What, so you're taking his side now? That's just fucking great!" I screeched in frustration, my mood shifting rapidly. Where was this bullshit coming from? One minute she's telling me she's sorry for my loss, and the next she's taking his side?

"You know, Bella, I would appreciate a little support. I mean, I have stood by you, even when you haven't really given me anything to go on about your life in Phoenix, and here you have the gall to actually question me about why I don't want to reconnect with Carlisle in some kumbaya fantasy bullshit? What the fuck?"

I heard her sharp intake of breath and knew I was overreacting. I knew that I was taking out my frustrations on her and that it was completely wrong to do so, but once the flood gates opened, I couldn't make it stop.

I pressed on.

"The reality is this is his fault. We don't talk unless he wants something or whenever he feels guilty enough to weasel his way back into my life. I'm sick of the bullshit. I'm sick of pretending that everything will be fine. My Mom is dead, Bella, and Carlisle lied to me about it. I can never forgive him for that."

"Edward," she said quietly, tentatively, "what are you talking about? What do you mean he lied?"

Bella, I really don't want to get into the details with you right now. I just… damn it, I just need you to be on my fucking side! Do you think you can do that?" My voice shook with tension as the rage, the pain, and the anxiety from the week poured out of me.

"I just… I'm sorry… I'm not…" she stammered.

"You know what? Just forget it. I gotta go," I said sarcastically and then clicked the phone closed and tossed it into the passenger floorboard. I was done talking about this. I didn't want or need to hear that she was on his side or hear one more person tell me that I needed to make amends, that there had been some kind of bullshit misunderstanding. Carlisle stole her from me… and there was nothing he or anyone else could say or do to bring her back.

My phone beeped, and I knew it was her. I picked it up and felt the guilt wash over me all over again. She didn't deserve my attitude, and I hadn't meant to attack her. She just kept pressing, and hell, I asked her to drop it. How many times had I waited patiently for her to tell me her story? I still didn't even really know the fucking truth about Phoenix, and the fact that she wouldn't tell me pissed me off.

**I'm sorry. I love you.**

Feeling disgusted with myself for treating her like shit and knowing I wasn't going to respond, I turned my phone off and eventually fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning, I woke to a pounding headache. I was exhausted from tossing and turning all night, and my body ached from the tension and emotion of the last few days. As I was getting ready, I reread her texts and listened to her voice mail, and realized that I had been completely out of line. Even after she sent her last text message, she hadn't given up. She left me a voice mail telling me again that she was sorry , that she didn't mean to push me, and more importantly, that she wasn't taking Carlisle's side. She was simply trying to understand what had happened between the two of us. I felt like a fucking douche for hurting her like that, and my stomach lurched as I thought about how I was going to face her this morning at The Diner. I needed to apologize to her. The thought of losing her over my fuckery was too much to bear.

After a quick shower, I threw on my clothes, grabbed my keys and wallet, and jogged out to my car. The entire drive to work was filled with fumbled attempts at practiced apologies. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, I was wound so tight I thought I might explode.

I climbed out of my car and walked to the back door. With a deep breath, I put my hand on the cold metal and turned the knob. My chest was tight, and my heart was pounding. The kitchen was quiet, and I didn't see her. I knew she was here, because I could smell baking cake, and her station was covered with ingredients.

I walked in and was just about to call out for her, when she walked out of the bathroom. She smiled tightly, the only acknowledgement she gave that she'd even seen me. I pulled on my hair roughly, nervous, and sick to my stomach.

I walked over to her, dread and guilt sitting like a brick in my stomach; I could feel the wall between us. She didn't smile, didn't tell me good morning, didn't call me 'Chef.' She didn't acknowledge me, and the thought of her giving up on us, on me, came crashing down on me.

I ran my hands through my hair again and looked at her.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice shaking a little as my nerves got the best of me.

She didn't say anything.

Desperate for her to look at me, I grabbed her hand. She jerked her hand out of mine, her eyes a little wild, as she pulled away from me.

"Baby, please look at me." I couldn't bear that my reaction yesterday had caused her to withdraw from me like this. I hated that I did that to her.

She did, and the hurt in her eyes was almost too much to bear. When I walked closer to her, she stepped backwards, and we repeated this until she was up against the kitchen wall. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked around frantically. Realizing I was freaking her out with my forcefulness, I stepped back.

"I'm sorry, Bella. There's no excuse for the way I treated you. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, and I definitely shouldn't have come at you like this today. Baby," I paused, wanting her to see the depth of my emotion, "I love you so fucking much, and I hate that I did that to you. I hate it, and I am so sorry." I needed her to hear me, to know what I was saying was the truth. I couldn't handle her curling back into her shell over this.

Her voice was quiet as she took the blame on herself. "I shouldn't have pressed. You clearly said you didn't want to talk about it. I'm sorry, too."

Not able to take the distance between us, I pulled her to me, burying my face in her neck, and wrapped my arms around her in a crushing hug.

My eyes closed at the sensation of her in my arms, the gentle scent of her perfume filling my nose. "No. This isn't your fault. There's so much I need to tell you, to explain. It's just complicated, and…"

"I think I can keep up, Edward. And I know I do, too" she said, her voice muffled against my chest.

With a sigh, I simply said, "I know. Look," I pulled her back so I could see her face, "I promise I'll tell you after this weekend. It's a long story, and it's too emotional to tell here. Plus, we have the trip to Seattle. But, baby, I will tell you. Please just…I can't take it when you're mad at me. Please don't be mad at me anymore."

This time she buried her face against my chest, her arms wrapping around my shoulders, her fingers running through the hair at the nape of my neck.

"I hate it, too."

Needing to feel her, to know that we were okay, I pulled her back once again and pressed my lips against hers, needy and tender. Her lips parted as I dragged my tongue across her bottom lip, silently asking her to open up to me, to allow us to come together again as one. She tasted so good, so sweet, and I knew she had probably just tested the frosting before I walked in. Her head tilted to the side and with a quiet moan, our tongues connected, and what was slow and soft before became hungry and passionate.

Damn, I needed her, needed this. She felt so good against me as we communicated everything we had been feeling through our lips and tongues. I never wanted to feel the distance between us like that; I never wanted to be the cause of it. I could feel my body responding to her, our breath coming in gasps, and I knew if we didn't stop now, I'd take her right here in my kitchen.

With a soft sigh, our hands stilled and our lips broke apart. I didn't want to break this connection; it was cathartic and had refilled my soul.

Gazing into her eyes, I saw the fire and passion, the forgiveness and trust, and I knew we would be okay.

I brushed my lips against her and whispered, "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too, Chef."

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**I am participating in an amazing event this June to raise money to fight childhood cancers through The Fandom Gives Back – Eclipse. I will be offering up two one-shots from this ****story ****or any ****of my others.**** Heck, I may be convinced to do something completely new. ****I'd love to hear your ideas for what you'd like to know/read! So leave them in your reviews, please!**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

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**As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Anyone figure out what really happened between Edward and Carlisle?**


	16. Chapter 15

**Thanks for all the love and reviews! I'm sorry I've been so fail at replying lately. I'll do better this go!**

**As always, love to my darling betafish – Catie22866 and ****Kikikinz!**

**Special thanks to Aerobee who once again opened her life up for me and really helped make Bella's story real.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight; I own The Diner.**

**Please note that this chapter contain graphic information about abuse. Please be cautious as you proceed.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

I stood in front of my closet trying to figure out exactly what I should take to Seattle. Alice hadn't given me any instructions other than to just follow my gut. Of course, I guess I couldn't go wrong given that over the course of my time here, my wardrobe had essentially been transformed to include all Alice-approved selections. I thought back over the invitation and grabbed the short black dress, gold belt, and my black and gold heels for dinner and the club. Knowing we were going to spa, I pulled out a pair of dark blue yoga pants and light blue shirt to match, and then grabbed a pair of jeans and a couple of shirts, not sure what we were doing on Sunday, but wanting to be prepared.

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my pink and white stripped bikini, nervous about wearing it, but knowing there would probably be a hot tub or pool at the hotel. I didn't want to be without a bathing suit but didn't have a one piece. I rifled through the drawers for panties – the new pretty ones – I had purchased the last time we were in Seattle, along with the matching bras.

Closing the drawer, I opened the next one, trying to figure out which set of pajamas to bring. I knew Edward and I were sharing a room and knew things were going to be intense given everything that had happen over the last couple of weeks. Hell, I wanted them to be intense. My mind filled with images of his dark green eyes staring deep into mine, his mouth against my throat, his hands brushing across my body, and I shivered just thinking about what was to come. Looking back at the draw full of options, I settled on the little pink tank with matching heart shorts, knowing they would be perfect and silently thanking Alice for making me buy them.

Hearing the door bell ring, I finished stuffing my toiletries and jewelry bag into my suitcase. With a quick glance around the room, I zipped up my bag, and trudged down the stairs.

Edward stood on my doorstep looking every bit of delicious in a tight black tee and low slung dark jeans. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, hair crazy as always, head cocked to the side, and I couldn't help myself. I dropped my bag and jumped up, wrapping my arms and legs around him and hungrily found his lips. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me tighter against him, and returned my kisses with the same force and desire as I was giving. I couldn't help the moan that escaped from my lips as he pulled away.

"Damn, baby," he said setting me down and running his fingers through his hair, a smirk creasing the corner of his mouth. "What brought that on?"

I blushed. "I was just thinking about you earlier, and you look so hot in that shirt. I just couldn't resist." I knew my face was bright red, but his cocky grin eased my embarrassment.

"Well, you can do that anytime," he said with a wink. "Come on," he grabbed my bag, "we better get to the car before a peppy little pixie kills us for holding up the show."

With a giggle, I pulled the door shut and locked it before walking to the car.

The music was blaring, and Alice was bouncing in the front seat.

"It's time! It's time!" she squealed as I climbed in the back seat behind Edward.

Everyone laughed at her excitement, but we all felt it, too.

The drive to Seattle was filled with laughter, singing, and crazy stories about each of us. We talked about life as kids, Jasper's renovations on the house, the honeymoon plans to Barbados, and my plans to start looking for a place of my own.

"Why are you thinking about moving out, Bells?" Em asked. "You've got the perfect set up."

I shrugged. "Well, mostly because I'm a grown woman and up until a few months ago, I had a home of my own. I guess I also don't want to be a burden to Charlie," I said somewhat unsure if that was really even a justifiable reason; he was rarely home. The place was practically mine anyway, but there was just something to having my own space, with my own stuff, the way I wanted it.

As if reading my thoughts, Alice piped up, confusion evident in her tone. "But, he's hardly ever home. It practically _is_ your place. You do whatever you want."

"I don't know; I can't really explain it other than just wanting to have a space of my own… and… to know that I can live on my own without…" I trailed off, looking over at Edward, knowing that I still owed him an explanation about everything. I knew he would see hesitation and fear on my face but wasn't sure how to prevent it.

"Without what, baby?" he asked, concern and the slightest hint of anxiety coloring his voice.

I swallowed, not wanting to get into a lengthy conversation about this in front of everyone. "Without being afraid anymore," I said quietly.

Taking a cue from my barely audible voice, he grabbed my hand, brushed his lips across my knuckles, and smiled cheekily.

"Guess that means I can come over whenever I want then, huh?" He teased, lightening up our mood in the backseat.

"Wouldn't you just love that?" I said playfully, smiling at him gratefully.

Adding another kiss to my hand, he changed the topic of conversation to our plans for the weekend. The energy in the car immediately picked up as we talked about the spa and the guys going climbing. There was no doubt that this was going to be a very fun weekend.

Stretching my body in the cramped space, I leaned into Edward.

"Comfortable now, space hog?" he asked with a laugh.

Grinning, I stretched into him even more and smirked. "I am now."

Jabbing his fingers into my sides, I recoiled and giggled.

"Stop that!" I screeched as he continued tickling me, undeterred by my breathless laughter.

"Maybe you'll think twice before hogging all the space next time, little Missy."

I punched his shoulder and leaned into him again. This time, his arm settled around my shoulders and he pulled me into his side, pressing a kiss to my temple.

A few minutes later, I saw the sign for the ferry. We stopped, drove on, and then piled out of the car. We all needed to stretch our legs and take a much needed bathroom break before hitting the road again.

The last bit of the drive was quiet as we all snuggled and had private conversations with our partners. I couldn't see Em and Rose but knew they were most likely cuddling together in the back, lost in their own thoughts and quiet whispers. I loved watching the two of them together. Individually, they were both a little brash and rough, but when they were together, they clicked in a very special way. It was like their rough and tumble attitude and their ability to fix things made them a perfect match.

Alice was snuggled against Jasper's side, her head leaning on his shoulder. His lips occasionally brushed against her temple, the top of her head, as he drove into the twilight of the evening, and I watched their simple, tender display and smiled at the happiness they had found together.

I squeezed Edward's hand, and his fingers, interlaced with my own, tightened against mine in response. I wanted that for myself. Shifting my body just slightly, I wrapped my free arm around his waist, my head resting on his chest. I could feel his rhythmic breathing, my body rising and falling with each breath he took. Everything about him reminded me how lucky I was to have him in my life. I was so grateful for his patience and for allowing me to be me. He didn't push beyond what I could handle and gave me space when I needed it. My heart swelled at the many memories we had already created, and I couldn't wait to make more.

"I love you," I whispered, breathing in the scent of his subtle cologne.

He pressed a kiss against the top of my head. "And I you."

I titled my head up, kissing and nibbling on his scruffy jaw. His arm tightened around me as his lips met mine. He tasted so good, and when I broke away, I couldn't help the smile that pulled at the corners of my lips.

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life, Chef," I said, looking him right in the eyes.

I'm the lucky one, baby," he said, kissing the side of my mouth sweetly.

I had no idea that my life could take a turn like this. When I left Phoenix, I assumed my life would take on a simple routine - find a job, go in each day and come home each night, repeat. Finding friends and a boyfriend like this were never even on my radar, but now that I had them, they were everything to me.

Feeling the gentle beat of Edward's heart beneath my head, I was reminded again of how amazing he had been to me. I had never felt safer and more loved than I did right now. I knew he deserved the truth about me and my history and vowed again that I'd find the right time to tell him the truth about my life. I didn't want any secrets between us anymore.

We pulled into the parking lot of The Edgewater Hotel, and I was stunned by the beauty of this place. It was nestled along the waterfront and was surrounded by the mountains and Seattle's many skyscrapers. The view of the water was breathtaking as the hotel lights danced across the surface, creating a soft glow against the velvety-pink sunset.

"This is gorgeous," I breathed.

"Isn't it stunning?" Edward asked. "The Olympic Mountains are over there," he said, pointing out the window across the bay.

"I had no idea it would be so beautiful. And look at the water; the boats, and everything!" I was speechless. It wasn't like I hadn't ever seen mountains or water, but all of it together was utterly breathtaking.

"We're here!" Alice said, her voice filled with excitement and a new found energy. "I'll go check in for everyone. Meet me in the lobby!"

Unfazed by Alice barking orders, we all causally gathered our things.

Rosalie sidled up beside me and pulled me into a hug. "This is going to be a great weekend for her."

I knew exactly what she was referring to – Alice needed this. After Edward explained everything to me, I called Rose to ask what she was planning to bring, and before she responded she asked about my discomfort at the restaurant the night Alice told us about all of this.

"_Truthfully," I said, embarrassed that I had even let money be a concern, "I was worried about not having the money to cover everything__. I know it was probably sounds stupid, but I haven't ever really had much and definitely don't now. After Edward finally dragged out the reason for my hesitation, he explained the whole thing to me."_

"_Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But you know, Bella, even if Alice and Jasper weren't paying for this, money wouldn't have been an issue, right?"_

_I cocked my head, not sure what she meant. "What do you mean it wouldn't be an issue? I don't…"_

_She cut me off. "Bella, Edward would have covered it. There is no way he would have let it even be an issue."_

_Something about the thought of Edward paying for me, for the entire weekend, didn't sit well. James had paid for everything, never letting me have much money, and now that I was here, on my own, I was used to paying for everything myself. _

"_Yeah, I don't know. I don't how I would feel about that, Rose. I mean, Edward shouldn't have to pay for everything just because I don't make a lot." _

_I cringed as soon as the words were out of my mouth, knowing that Rose was technically my boss and the implication of my statement._

_Nonplussed, Rose didn't even acknowledge it. "Bella, look, I get it. I know you want to be independent, and you are. But, Edward loves you, and big part of a man's ego is built on his ability to care for you. Edward has money. He's been saving for years, not to mention the inheritance he got when Esme died."_

_Just the mention of his inheritance made my stomach turn. I hoped people didn't think that was why I was dating Edward. I mean, hell, I didn't know his mom had died when we met._

"_I would never want him to use his inheritance on me, Rose," I blurted out forcefully, shocked that anyone would even insinuate I would. "Just the thought that he or you or anyone would think that makes me sick," I said, my voice shaky as anxiety and desperation pouring out of me. "I mean, do people think that? I don't want anyone to think that I'm with him because of that, Rose. I mean, I didn't even know…" _

"_Bella, stop," Rosalie commanded, cutting me off instantly. "__Of course no one thinks that. I'm just saying money isn't an issue. Let Edward take care of you when, and if, needed. That's all, okay?" She tried to soothe the tension, but I still felt awkward about it. _

I looked over at her and patted her hand on my shoulder. "Yes, it is going to be great! I'm excited for our spa day tomorrow."

She raised an eyebrow and stared at me, hints of surprise coloring her face.

"What? After the massage I had in Seattle the last time I came with you guys, I've wanted another one."

She smiled and then laughed. "Looks like we created a monster!"

I laughed with her, grateful once again that I had such great friends. We finished up our conversation quickly as they guys grabbed our stuff as we all walked into the hotel lobby.

The lobby was breathtaking. It had vaulted, wood beam ceilings and a wall of windows overlooking the bay. The city lights twinkled against the water, creating a shimmery illusion of floating candles. A huge tree was the focal point of the lobby. It ran up and through the roof and was surrounded by a dark wood couch covered with red and tan cushions. A large, surprisingly tasteful, antler chandelier cast a soft glow throughout the room and was matched by the crackling fire burning in the fireplace. The familiar smells of evergreen and sage filled the air, and I closed my eyes taking it all in. It was the epitome of a Northwestern hotel, and it was perfect.

Alice's voice calling my name pulled me out of my reverie.

"Here are the keys to your and Edward's room," she said, her hand holding out the old fashioned set of keys. "We are going to settle in for the night, maybe order room service. Jasper and I just want to be by ourselves for a bit."

I nodded. "That sounds great. I assume Rose and Em are doing the same?"

"Yep, they've already gone up. We're meeting tomorrow morning at 8 for breakfast before heading to the spa."

"Sounds good," I said, pulling her into a tight hug. "Love you, Ali."

She squeezed me back and said she loved me too before walking over to meet Jasper.

I looked around for Edward and noticed he was talking with the gentleman at the front desk. I crossed the lobby and stopped a little ways away, not wanting to interrupt whatever they were discussing. Edward had that intense look of determination on his face that I loved so much, and I was dying to know what he was doing.

He turned around and smiled a mischievous smile.

"What are you up to?" I asked in a playfully suspicious tone, grabbing my bag with my right hand and reaching for his with my left.

His fingers laced with mine, and he pulled me along, our bags rolling behind us.

"Noneya."

"Noneya?"

"You know, None ya business," he said, cracking up at my ignorance.

I laughed. "That is the dumbest phrase I've ever heard."

He just looked at me and grinned even wider before shrugging his shoulders.

We waited for the elevator in silence, our thumbs rubbing each other gently, and as we walked on and rode to the fourth floor, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach start to dance. I had no idea why I was suddenly nervous. Well, okay, I knew why. Edward and I had never really been alone before. Of course, we'd been in each others' rooms, but there was always the threat of interruption or someone hearing something. Here, it was just the two of us, and I had no idea what to expectfrom him.

We walked off the elevator and down to our room. I waited while he unlocked the door and held it open for me to enter. I loved that he was such a gentleman, always courteous and respectful. The more Edward treated me like this, the more I realized how horrible life had really been with James; he never, even when we were dating, held the door open for me. Edward practically didn't even let me open my own car door.

"Thank you," I said, dragging my bag in.

I walked into the room and had the same reaction I'd had in the lobby. This room was amazing. A fire was burning in the fireplace, surrounded by a smooth stone hearth and a dark wood mantle. It was decorated with pictures of the mountains, forest, and woodland animals. Walking further into the room, I saw the deep red leather sofa, the cream and tan pillows, and an antiqued coffee table. There were two yellow arm chairs, both with rich brown throw blankets resting across the arms, and soft lights glowing next to them on the end tables. It immediately made me feel at home and comfortable. Thoughts of having my own place filtered through my mind, and I knew I'd definitely take some of these ideas with me.

I looked beyond the furniture and was astonished to see shelves laden with books, more pictures, and some decorative earth green ceramic urns and pots. The windows, just like in the lobby, took up the entire wall and looked out over the bay, affording us a stunning view of the mountains; I knew it would be gorgeous in the morning.

I turned to the left and froze. Our bedroom was rustic and elegant, perfectly matching the décor of the entire hotel. Every little detail was carefully chosen to reflect the simplicity of the Northwest, without being overdone.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Edward asked, staring at me expectantly.

I nodded. "It really is," I whispered, still in awe of everything.

I walked into the room, my bag still in the sitting room, and absorbed the tranquility of the amenities. A huge, four poster bed with a sheer white canopy filled the room. It was flanked by two nightstands, both adorned with a small lamp and flowers.

I stood there, gaping at the beauty and simplicity, when I felt Edward's arms encircle my waist, pulling me back against his chest, his chin resting on top of my head. He brushed his lips against my ear and whispered, "I am so glad you're here with me, Bella."

I turned around inside his arms and stared into his eyes. "Me, too."

And I was. I don't think I had ever felt more at peace and at ease in his presence. He made me want to be more, do more, love more.

His lips pressed against mine. They were soft and unhurried as our mouths moved together.

"I'm really looking forward to some downtime with you. I feel like I've been on the go for weeks, and I'm exhausted." He pressed his forehead against mine and looked right into my eyes, his eyes serious. "Baby, I'm sorry we haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together, and even more, for taking my frustrations out on you lately."

The look on his face as he offered his apology was heartbreaking. I brushed away a piece of hair that had fallen across his forehead and smiled. "Chef, there's no need to apologize. There will always be periods of life where one of us is busier than the other. We'll make it through this phase and deal with the next one when it comes, okay?"

The smile that spread across his face almost made me melt. His eyes sparkled with relief, and I felt the breath whoosh out of his lips.

"Thank you. It means so much to me to have your support, baby. Thank you," he said again, planting a big wet kiss on my lips.

"Hey, now!" I said, swatting his arm and giggling as I walked over to the closet to finish unpacking. We worked quietly, him putting his clothes in the dresser, while I hung some of mine up before putting my toiletries in the bathroom.

The bathroom was just as impressive as every other room I'd walked into. The walls were painted a bright burnt sienna and accented with a white chair rail, adding the perfect balance to the vibrant, rich room. Everything was accented with chocolate browns, colorful, earthy rocks, and simple finishings.

My eyes lit up as I took in the huge glass shower and enormous two-person Jacuzzi tub. I hadn't taken a bath in years and definitely wanted to get in that tub.

_Maybe I can get Edward to join me._

I blushed just thinking about our naked bodies sliding against each other as bubbles surrounded us.

"Bella, baby, do you want me to order us some dinner?" he said, a smirk forming at the corners of his mouth, when he walked into the bathroom and caught me staring at the tub.

"Oh, yeah, sure," I said, my face flushed with embarrassment. I knew he knew what I had been thinking.

"In the mood for anything in particular?" he asked, and I didn't miss the double entrendre behind his words.

Attempting to get the focus off of me for a second, I decided two could play at this game. Leaning over, I kissed his cheek, and with a wink, simply said, "You know what I like," before walking back into the bedroom.

"Right," he said sarcastically, turning back to the menu in his hands.

I finished hanging my things in the closet and put my suitcase away.

A little while later, a knock on the door brought me back into the other room, and I saw that Edward was already letting the gentleman from room service in. The cart he pushed into our room was loaded with plates, a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine sticking out, wine glasses, and a bottle of San Pellagrino. I smiled at his thoughtfulness; he never made me feel bad for not drinking much or any at all. It was another simple reminder of how fortunate I was to have him in my life.

Dinner was spent talking and laughing about everything that had been going on. It was easy and natural, almost like we had both come home at the end of a long work day. We were tired but still wanted to spend time together. The more we talked, the more I felt the weight of my secrets. I didn't want to have this thing between us anymore. I wanted him to know me… even if the secrets would be excruciating to relive. _Soon._

After dinner was over, we watched the flames dance in the fireplace. It was so relaxing, and I knew the perfect way to finish off the night. I quietly walked into the bathroom and started the water in the tub. Stripping, I pulled on the plush, white robe provided by the hotel. It was so soft against my skin, and I almost didn't want to take it off. My thoughts turned to Edward, and my stomach twisted in anticipation. I hoped he would join me and walked back into the living room.

I found him staring at the bookshelf, and I stood there for a while watching him run his hands over the spines of several different books. It was a familiar gesture, one I had seen him do in his own room on occasion. He was lost in thought, and I could help the warmth and love rush through me.

I loved every part of this man. I loved how smart he was and how he poured all of himself into work and school. I loved how he wanted to make this weekend and next extra special for Ali. But mostly, I loved how he could wipe away my frustrations with a smile and get my body aching for him with a simple kiss.

Sensing my presence, he turned toward me, taking in my appearance with a grin.

"Well, don't you look comfy," he said, his question more of a statement.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and that little bit of awkwardness I always felt when I could tell things were about to heat up between us.

"I was just going to have a bath. Um..." I shifted awkwardly, leaning against the frame of the door. "Do you want to join me?" I asked nervously, knowing it was silly to feel it, but feeling it just the same.

He strode over to me, pulling my body roughly against his, and planted a trail of kisses along my jaw. My skin prickled beneath his lips, and I giggled.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Grabbing his hand, I walked us into the bathroom. The air was hot and humid from the running water, and the smell of Cyprus trees and honeysuckle hung thick in the air.

When I turned to face him, I felt my knees get weak. His eyes were smoldering emeralds, hair crazy as always, and I'm not sure he had ever looked sexier. My heart picked up as I realized we'd never been naked together and that in a few minutes our bodies would be pressed together, separated by nothing but bubbles and hot water.

I leaned up and placed a tender kiss on his lips before dragging my fingers down to the hem of his t-shirt. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I wanted him to know how much I needed him, how much I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to know me, every part of me, with no barriers or walls between us.

Trailing my fingers against the hot skin of his stomach, I felt his breath hitch as I pulled it over his head, my hands taking full advantage along the way.

Once his shirt was off, I took a step back and stared. He was utterly breathtaking. His chest and abs were chiseled and hard, his arms solid without being brawny. My heart was pounding as I reached out and ran my fingers through the soft hair on his chest before feathering my fingertips down to the waistband of his jeans. I had no idea what his reaction would be, but when I reached the top, I felt his stomach tighten and he groaned.

_Holy shit! Did he just groan?_

"That feels so good, baby."

I hummed in anticipation. I didn't trust myself to talk as I felt my own body start to respond to the feel of his skin underneath my fingertips.

Feeling emboldened by his response, I unsnapped the button and reached to undo the zipper when his hands caught mine. Looking up in surprise, I was startled by his lips crashing down on mine. A moan of pleasure escaped from me or him, or maybe both of us as our tongues tangled and danced together. His cologne and the heat of the room swirled around me, and I desperately wanted more. My head was filled with a million thoughts, all grappling with the reality that we were going to do this.

Any nervousness I had felt earlier melted away as the belt of my robe loosened and the sides opened, warm, damp air hitting my skin. His eyes met mine silently asking my permission. I nodded and barely managed a very quiet, "Please."

With a deep breath, he slowly pushed the robe off my shoulders and down my arms until I stood bare before him. Standing completely bare before him, I felt all the walls I had built crumble. I wanted him to have all of me, to give him all of me.

"You are beautiful, Bella," he groaned.

My body flushed the same shade of pink as my face, but this time, it wasn't from nerves or embarrassment. I needed him.

His tongue flicked across his bottom lip, and without thinking, I pulled him to me, my mouth begging for him, as my lips captured his again. He was so sexy, and his skin was soft and smooth against mine, the hair on his chest tickling my breasts. I could feel his chest moving as he gasped for air, our lips finally breaking apart.

With a brush of his fingers tips, he pushed my hair behind my ear before leaning down to suck the sensitive skin behind my ear. I gasped in pleasure as heat sizzled through my body.

"Edward," I whispered, barely managing to get it out. His lips, his tongue were indescribable.

Not willing to wait any longer, I reached for his pants again and paused slightly, wanting to make sure this was okay. His soft lips against mine was the answer I needed as I unzipped them.

He took a step back and quickly shed his jeans and boxer briefs. I couldn't keep my eyes from dipping down, taking him all in. I took a deep breath and pursed my lips, dying to reach out and touch him.

"Like what you see, sexy?" he said, a cocky, confident smirk, the same one that was often on his face in the kitchen, pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"You know I do, Chef. You're the beautiful one." I couldn't help repeat the exact words he had said to me minutes earlier. He was perfect, all muscle and smooth skin.

He walked over to me, his hands ghosting down my neck and shoulders until he reached my hand, holding it so I could step into the tub. _Always the gentleman._ I waited for him to get in behind me and sat down between his legs, my back pressed against his chest. His arms wrapped around me, and I couldn't help but relax against him in the hot water, the bubbles crackling softly as we moved in the water.

No words were spoken between us as he grabbed the sponge sitting off to the side and dipped it into the water. Dragging it along my neck and chest, he squeezed the hot water on me in a tender gesture of care. With every dip of the sponge, he pressed kisses along my shoulder, the back of my neck, and along my collar bone. I was lost in his whispered words of love and passion. With every pass of his hands, his lips, his words, my body blazed. The more he gave, the more I wanted.

Overcome with emotion, I leaned my head back onto his shoulder, lolling my head to the side, as he dragged his hot mouth across my skin. He licked and nibbled along my jaw, the spot behind my ear, and down my shoulder until I was practically panting with need. I couldn't think; I could only feel – his lips, teeth, tongue – and I knew I would never get tired of this.

I could feel him, hard against my back, and I knew he needed this too. His hands continued, scorching a trail of heat and need along my stomach, my rib cage, before his hands cupped my breasts.

I couldn't help the moan that escaped as his thumbs flicked across my taut nipples. I had never felt such intensity, and my skin prickled as it coursed through me.

"Edward…" I barely managed to get out.

His lips continued pressing against my burning flesh as his hands trailed down my stomach and into the water, his lips murmuring my name. My body jolted as his hands touched my thighs and moved, gently kneading sensuous circles. I couldn't help the noises coming from me as my body, heart, and mind were overcome with emotions and so many thoughts.

_I love this man, so much._

I cried out as his fingers brushed against me, his hands cupping me, as my body rocked involuntarily against him. I raised my knee out of the water, my foot on the floor of the tub as I tried to get better leverage.

"More… please…" I whispered breathlessly, desperate to feel more.

Without hesitation, he inserted one, then two fingers, and I thought I was going to explode.

"So good… so… good…"

He moved his fingers in and out, his thumb brushing, flicking in all the right places. His lips brushed against my ear. "I love you, baby," he hummed, the vibrations sending a shock wave through my already heightened body. I could feel my body tightening, the familiar tension deep within.

I knew he knew I was close, and with a twist of my nipple and the curl of his fingers I let go, my body floating in ecstasy. He continued moving his fingers and hand until my body sank back against his, spent and sated.

I lay there, breathing deeply, trying to get control. I had never felt anything so amazing and utterly satisfying.

"Bella… there are no words for what it was like watching you just now. You are so fucking sexy and beautiful. So damn beautiful," he growled, shifting us both so he could capture my lips. He was voracious as our mouths moved together, hungry and desperate for more. Needing to feel more of him, I shifted and felt him, hard, against me just as he groaned, "Damn… baby."

Wanting to give him what he gave me, I moved again, this time causing him to press against me in response. We continued this back and forth, until he groaned, this time not in pleasure, but frustration, his hand rushing through his hair.

"What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong?" I asked, a new found nervousness taking residence inside me.

"No, baby, it's not you. I just… this..." he sighed, his head leaning back against the edge of the tub, "let's get out of here, okay?"

I nodded, reading between the lines; the water was cooling and this wasn't a good position. It wasn't uncomfortable for him or me, but it wasn't going to get the job done. Pushing myself up, I climbed out of the tub and grabbed a towel. I quickly dried off, set it aside, and grabbed another one. I knew what I was going to do and energy and excitement coursed through me at the thought of my hands on him.

He stood up and stepped out onto the red bathmat and reached for the towel in my hand.

"Let me, love," I purred, determined to make him feel everything he made me feel.

He dropped his hand, his eyes smoldering with want and need.

I gently reached for his arm and ran the soft towel against him, trailing kisses as I moved across his stomach and then on to his other arm. Walking behind him, I brushed the towel down the sharp curves of his back, before leaning in to taste his skin, licking away the beads of water I'd missed.

He gasped sharply and grunted my name.

I loved hearing him like this and knowing I was responsible. I continued downward, drying and tenderly kissing each part of him before making my way back around to the front of his legs. I wanted him to know how much I cherished him, all of him.

I didn't look up at him as I gently rubbed the towel across his shins and up his quads and thighs. I was determined to care for every part of him, just as he'd done for me. I knew if I looked up, I'd lose it.

Leaning in, I placed a tender kiss against his inner thigh and then another and another, moving upward until I pressed one against this tip of his erection. I felt his hands tangle in my hair, trying to pull me upward to him, as my hand wrapped around his hard length. The groan that escaped from him was the rawest, most sensual sound I had ever heard, and I wanted to hear it again.

"Baby… what are you…" his words came out stunted and jumbled.

I looked up at him, my eyes meeting his. I could see the warring emotions – need, want, lust and the gentle sweetness he always had when looking at me. I wasn't sure what to do with all of them, but I knew I wanted to do this.

"Baby, you don't have to…"

"I want to, Edward," I said, using his name and hoping he saw the sincerity in my eyes.

Dragging my fingers up and down his thighs, I massaged one softly as I reached over and grabbed a bottle of lotion from the basket on the tub. With a quick look up at him, his expression intense and unreadable, I leaned in again, this time, trailing wet kisses along the entire length of him as he sucked in air. Making another pass, I dragged my tongue against him savoring the softness of his skin, the heat radiating off of him, and the cypress and honeysuckle scent lingering from the bath.

"Holy shit, baby, that feels…"

I flipped the lotion open, squeezed out a small drop, and rubbed my hands together before gripping him tightly, my hand sliding easily over him. His hands pulled on my hair, the only leverage he had as I continued moving my hand, up and down, over the head and back down.

I felt his body tense as I softly cupped him, squeezing gently, as I tightened my grip and slid it over the head of his erection - over and over. The quiet, needy sounds coming from him spurred me on, filling me a newfound sense of need. I wanted to make him feel so good, to call out my name, to feel everything he made me feel.

"I'm gonna… baby… Bella" he cried out, his orgasm rocking through his body. I watched in absolute fascination as he pulsed into my hand, his face the picture of ecstasy. I waited until he finished and quickly cleaned us both up before leaning in and placing one last kiss against him.

His eyes were bright and all the tension and fatigue that had been there earlier in the day was gone. He reached down, pulled me up, and pressed his lips tenderly against mine.

"Thank you, baby. That was… amazing."

I smiled, relishing the tenderness in his eyes and kissed him again.

"Thank _you_, Edward. I love you." I could barely choke out the words, all of a sudden overwhelmed with emotion. This moment was the picture of us being bare and open with one another, and I knew I would tell him. Tonight. I had to tell him tonight.

We stood like that for a long time, my head resting on his chest, as I tried to figure out the best way to tell him everything. As if he knew, he wrapped his around me reassuringly and placed tender kisses on the top of my head.

"I love you, too, my love," he whispered with a smile against my temple.

After we got dressed, Edward and I curled up on the couch in front of the fire, basking in our post coital glow. I had never felt more at ease and at peace with another person. His love and acceptance were beyond anything I could have ever hoped for when I left Phoenix, and I knew now was the right time.

"Chef?" I asked tentatively.

"Mhmmm," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I shifted so that I was looking right into his eyes. "I'm ready."

He cocked his head to the side in question. "Ready?"

I pushed myself up and sat facing him, my legs crisscrossed in front of me, before I grabbed his hand. I could see the concern etched across his face, and I smiled nervously.

"About Phoenix."

Recognition dawned on his face and his hand reached for mine.

"Okay, baby. If you're sure…" he trailed off, his agreement both a question and an acceptance.

Not wanting to wait any longer, I took a deep breath and dove in.

"When I moved to Phoenix ten years ago, I was excited about all the hope and possibilities there. I was young and carefree and ready to take on the world. I wanted to be successful and to explore, and life was good, for the most part. I had a few friends, but I've always been somewhat shy and haven't always made friends easily. So, when I met James," I paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, knowing that I was about to put it all out there. "He… James completely swept me off my feet. He treated me like a princess, gave me everything I could need or want; he made me feel special and… loved. At least that's what I thought at the time. But looking back, I can see all the red flags, all the warning signs that I missed.

He was…" I trailed off, already feeling a little sick to my stomach. I wanted to tell him all of this. No, I needed to… for him, for me, for us.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly and waited, not saying a word. I looked back at him and saw nothing but love and acceptance. I knew he knew; he just needed me to tell him.

So with another deep breath, I continued. "It started off with him controlling little things, what we ate, where we went. I didn't really care at the time, because I loved him and truthfully, I thought it was normal. I liked the feeling of having someone watch over me, take care of me. I mean, why wouldn't I after taking care of my dad after Renee left? I didn't mind doing it, but it felt good to have someone take care of me for a change, you know?"

He nodded.

"After we got married, he…" Edward's sharp intake of breath caused me to stop. I could see the anger and confusion in his eyes, and the sinking feeling I always felt when I thought about telling Edward always stopped me from going on.

He smiled tightly. "It's okay, Bella, I had a hunch but didn't know until now. Just… just keep going."

I couldn't fully read his expression, but I trusted him. I nodded and pressed on. I hated my story. I hated myself for allowing this to happen to me, for ever thinking any of my life with James was normal, and for the baggage I was now having to lay at Edward's feet.

"After we got married, it got worse. I mean, at first, it was fine. We were happy, and I even thought he was changing for the better. But it didn't take long before things started to shift. It was little things at first – him wanting to know where I was at all times, who I was talking to, or how I was spending _his_ money. I mean, he had sort of been like that the whole time, but this time it was different.

Everything was more intense. He got angry faster, irritated at the smallest things… and," I hesitated, gulping down the lump that was forming in my throat. "harsher with me, and eventually more…violent. It didn't take me long to realize that things were not going well, that what I thought was normal, definitely was not. We fought a lot. He never seemed satisfied with anything I did. I didn't like how he told me who I could or couldn't see, what I could do or eat, but it wasn't until…" I didn't want to go on. I felt my whole stomach clench. I didn't want to look up and see the anger and hurt and disgust in his eyes. I didn't want him to pity me or look at me any differently. I hated this. I hated that I had to talk about this, had to tell him and relive all of the pain and shame and agony of it. I hated that I was so weak.

"Baby, look at me," Edward said, grabbing my chin and tipping it gently up to force me to meet his eyes. When I finally did, I didn't see disgust or pity; I only saw love and compassion. "Nothing you can tell me will change how I feel. I love you more than my own life, Bella. Please trust me," he barely whispered.

His gaze darkened and the sincerity and fire in his eyes gave me the reassurance I needed to continue. Taking in a deep cleansing breath, I continued, knowing that my thoughts and feelings were going to be jumbled and rambling.

"The first time he left bruises was one of the worst days of my life up…until that point. There are so many instances…," I mumbled, "It was always the most unpredictable things that set him off – like if I didn't clean the house the way he wanted, fold his laundry the way he liked, or if he didn't like what I made for dinner, or even worse, if he thought I was doing something behind his back. I was constantly in fear, walking on egg shells. I did everything he asked of me, when he asked me, never trying to anticipate what he would want, because every time I did, it was wrong.

I rarely left the house for anything other than work at the restaurant, groceries, or other errands that he would send me on. Edward, it was awful, but… I didn't know what to do or who to turn to… I pulled away from all of my friends…" I trailed off, my throat choking on the tears. "It was just easier to keep it all to myself and not bring anyone else into my personal hell."

The words poured out of me as I told him story after story of what my life was like. I could feel him tense, his face darken in anger as I told him some of the worst parts. I told him the story I told Rose and Ali – the one about him dragging me into the house for the first time, and the first time he hit me.

I bowed my head, tears streaming down my face, my breath catching in my chest. I tried to get my breathing under control, but it was too much.

"Baby, stop, you don't have to do this… I get it," Edward pleaded, begging me to see that he understood and shared my pain.

I shook my head, knowing I had to tell him everything. He needed to understand what had happened so that we could move on… so I could move on. I wanted him to understand why I was like I was, and why he was so important to me.

As I continued to talk, he listened quietly. Occasionally he would tighten his grip on my hand, but would slowly ease off as he got his emotions under control, his thumb returning to make soothing circles on the top.

"The day you found me in the kitchen at The Diner… was a horrible day for me," I said quietly. "The footsteps I heard in the alley, the banging on the door… all of it reminded me of the time I locked myself in the bathroom, trying to protect myself from one of his drunken rages, the ones that never ended without bruises… or blood."

Edward was completely still, watching me, his fingers running over my hand in a silent gesture of solidarity and support. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I knew from the look on his face that it wasn't good.

"I don't even know what I did to set him off, but I do remember the sinking feeling that consumed me when he walked in the door that night. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he gave me the same perfunctory kiss he always gave. I don't remember if I pulled away or said something he didn't like, or maybe he didn't like what I made for dinner, or even more likely, he was just drunk and mean… but I remember feeling the hair on the back of my neck as he called my name. I knew better than to hide, but I just didn't want him to hurt me anymore.

So, I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Of course, when I didn't respond, I heard his feet trudge toward the bathroom door, and the fear that spiked through my system as I tried to curl into a tiny ball in the corner of the bathtub consumed me. I remember him pounding on the door, calling out my name and telling me I was a bitch and that I would never get away from him again…that I needed to open the fucking door. But I couldn't do it. I knew what would happen when I eventually came out or when he broke through the door… but I couldn't make myself… I couldn't do this anymore."

"What do you mean, again?" Edward asked, interrupting me.

I was startled by the interruption, because up until now he had been completely silent. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what he was referring to, and then it dawned on me.

"Oh," I said, looking down at my fingers knotted together in my lap. "Um… I tried to get away one time... went to a shelter, but he got me as I was leaving one day…and…" I trailed off, not even sure how to say that he had almost killed me.

"It's okay, Bella…" he said, this time trying to reassure me without pressuring me to say more.

"He… b-beat me," I stuttered. "I wasn't able to move or walk for weeks, the pain was too intense, the bruises deep, purple and dark covered my entire body. He told me he would kill me the next time I ever tried to leave him again… and I believed him," I sobbed, my body hunched over, my arms wrapped around my waist. "I didn't try to do that ever again… until I left for Forks a couple of months ago."

I knew there was more to tell, but I felt exhausted and drained. The images and the pain I felt flashing fully before me; I felt defeated and ashamed, sick at all of this. Edward pulled me onto his lap and held me close, his hands running through my still damp hair, trying to calm me, soothe me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Edward. I am so ashamed of what I allowed myself to become… and I was just… afraid that you," I stopped, a sob wracking my body, as the weight of the burden was lifted.

"Bella, this wasn't your fault. This James, your husb-…"

"He's not my husband anymore. I took care of it before I left Phoenix. I'm not his anymore… I'll never be his again," I said emphatically, tears still on my cheeks as resolve formed inside me.

A wave of relief flashed across his face; his face and shoulders relaxing just slightly. "None of that matters to me, Bella."

I inhaled sharply, shock emanating from me. "But…"

"No. It doesn't matter. That was then. It wasn't your fault. And I'm never going to let anything happen to you again. Baby," his voice cracked as he pulled me into his lap. "You are everything to me."

With his admission, I felt the last of the very heavy weight fall off of me and tears run freely. It didn't matter to him that I had been weak, that James had controlled and abused me, that I was broken but trying to heal.

I nestled my head into the crook of his neck, his arms pulling me tightly, protectively against him.

"Thank you, Edward."

"For what, love?"

I hiccupped, the tears finally dry. "For listening, for accepting… and for loving me."

"Baby," he said shaking his head, "I know what he did to you, and I would never hurt you or think less of you just because of something that sick fuck of an ex-husband did to you. He'll never get you again, Bella. I promise I'll keep you safe, that you don't have to live in fear anymore."

His sincerity rocked me to the core. I pulled out of his arms and brushed my fingers tenderly across his jaw and cheeks, relishing the simplicity of the moment and the feeling of being completely open, bare, and vulnerable before him. I pressed my lips chastely to his, knowing that nothing more was needed.

With my final deep breath of the night, I unfolded my legs and stood up, holding my hand out to him. "Let's go to bed, Chef."

x-x-x

I woke early the next morning, the sky just beginning to lighten, and felt lighter than I had in a long time. Edward lay beside me, sheets tangled around him, arm flung across his face, and hair in total disarray. His deep, rhythmic breaths told me he was still sound asleep.

All of the events of the night before washed over me, and I smiled triumphantly. I had finally told him my story, and he didn't push me away. Everything about it had turned into such a pleasant surprise – our intimacy in the tub paving the way for me to finally open up to him completely.

I had seen hints of his anger, frustration, and protectiveness in his face and posture, but it was the sadness and agony of the hurt and pain I had suffered, the love and compassion in his eyes that took my breath away. All my fears about his reaction has been completely unfounded, and I felt stupid that I had waited this long to tell him. I should have known he wouldn't have pushed me away. Deep down I knew his love ran deeper than my secrets, and when he pulled me into his arms last night and let me pour it at his feet, I knew that we would be okay, that I would be okay.

We still had a lot to work through, details to discuss, but this was enough for now.

Rolling over, I curled up against him, my fingers brushing through his soft hair, as I pressed a tender kiss against his barely exposed cheek.

"I love you, Edward."

**x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x****-****x**

**I did this before, but given the nature of this chapter, I wanted to include this information again.** **Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, ethnicity, education or income level, or marital status, and can exist in many forms. To be clear, abuse is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another. Battering is a behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish or forces them to behave in ways they do not want, and can include the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation.**

**If you are in a situation like, please seek help! There are resources in most cities, as well as national resources. I'm including information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. Here is the national number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). I'm also including a link from their website that contains information for each state. ****http:/www(dot)ndvh(dot)org/get-help/help-in-your-area/**

**I couldn't find any non-country specific international resources. So, if you are living outside the U.S., please search for something in your area.**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

**Twi Thread: ****http:/bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad**

**Blog: ****http:/jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I am participating in an amazing event this June to raise money to fight childhood cancers through The Fandom Gives Back – Eclipse. I will be offering up two one-shots from this ****story ****or any ****of my others.**** Heck, I may be convinced to do something completely new. ****I'd love to hear your ideas for what you'd like to know/read! So leave them in your reviews, please!**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on Bella's story or anything else in this chapter!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Hello to all the new readers! A huge, huge thanks to Alice, feathers_mmmm****, for rec'ing this story in her last chapter of Wallbanger. Love ya chickie!**

**Cupcake lovin' to my betaloves, kikikinz & Catie22866.**

**See huge A/N at the bottom.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

The week after we got back from Seattle was hectic. Alice took the entire week off, leaving the bulk of the work at The Diner to me, Edward, and Embry. Rose had asked if we needed reinforcements, but the three of us were sure we could handle it, and as a result, by Tuesday we were dragging.

It was rough for all of us, but I felt even worse for Edward. Not only was he swamped with work here, but he still had classes to attend, and of course, his internship at C'est Si Bon. He had been working almost non-stop since we got home in order to take time off for the rehearsal, dinner, and the wedding. Between his schedule and mine, we were like two ships passing in the night, and I really missed him.

"Order up!" Embry shouted at me, as I rushed over to refill an older gentleman's coffee.

The place was packed this morning, and Edward and Embry were barely keeping up with the orders. I was all over the place, trying to keep people's cups filled and deliver food to them quickly.

I looked over and smiled, acknowledging that I'd heard him before he backed out of view. Swiping my hand across my forehead, I wiped the perspiration off my forehead and walked toward the kitchen window.

"Is this for table 12?" I asked, really hoping it was.

"Yep! I even added a side of bacon, extra crispy, just the way Mr. Banner likes it. I know he's not going to be happy he had to wait," Embry said apologetically.

I looked over at table 12 and grimaced.

_Yeah, I can already tell he's not happy._

"Thanks," I said and grabbed the tray of food and the carafe of coffee before heading over to greet Mr. Banner, the oldest, richest, and crotchetiest man in Forks.

"Well it's about damn time!" He yelled when I sat his food in front of him.

"I'm sorry for the wait, Mr. Banner, but there's not need to yell. Besides, Embry threw in an extra side of bacon for you, no charge, because of the wait. Plus," I said, adding my sweetest smile in attempt to mollify him, "I've got a special cupcake in the back I want you to try. I need an opinion."

He looked me over, grimace still in place, and grunted. "Fine. Bring it here. And get me some more creamer. The real stuff. Not this crap from a plastic container," he scowled, lifting up the little white creamer cup.

"Yes, sir," I added smartly. I had learned early on that he was more bark than bite, and with a little sweet talking, he could easily be won over.

I took a deep breath as I walked into the kitchen, grateful for Embry's bacon and my cupcakes.

"Nice save, Embry!" I said, patting his shoulder as I walked by.

He shrugged and smiled.

I looked around and didn't see Edward. I had hardly said a word to him in days; so, I cherished the crazy hours we got to spend together at work.

"Hey, where did Edward go?"

"Boo!" He whispered in my ear, his arms wrapping around my waist and his nose nuzzling my neck.

"Hey, Chef," I murmured, sinking back against him, allowing him to nuzzle a little more, as my fingers instinctively brushed against the two hearts dangling around my neck.

He twisted me around so I was facing him, and I practically melted as his smoldering green eyes met mine. "I miss you, baby. Can we go back to Seattle?"

"Mmm, yes, please," I said, pressing a kiss against his smiling lips and momentarily forgetting about the madhouse in the dining room. "I want you all to myself again."

This time, as Edward's lips brushed against mine, I drifted back to our time in Seattle. Intense doesn't even begin to describe the trip, the truths that had been revealed, the new level of intimacy we reached, or more importantly, the much needed fun we had together.

_After I left the hotel room on Saturday morning, the girls and I had spent the day at the spa. It was absolutely stunning inside. Every need was anticipated and expected. The entire experience was… there really were no words to describe how perfect the day was. The massage was great, but the facial, body polish, and their signature aromatic foot soak was pure bliss. Plus, all the girl time was great. We cackled and giggled over the stupidest stuff, but it was perfect. I could tell from the expression on Alice's face that this was exactly what she needed, and I grinned at Rose as we walked out, acknowledging that I finally got it and that she'd been right all along._

He took a step back and smiled. "Hello? Where'd you go?"

I blinked and smiled. "I was just thinking about the weekend. I had so much fun with the girls… and you. I miss you."

He nuzzled his nose against mine and hummed. "I miss you, too, baby. Saturday can't get here soon enough!"

"I know! I am really looking forward to life being less hectic… and maybe some Bella-Edward alone time." I couldn't help the nervous giggle that popped out. No matter how close we were or what we'd done together, I still felt that same electric energy, and it always made me feel awkward… in a good sort of way.

He nodded in agreement. "Mmhmm. Yes," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "I could definitely use some Bella-Edward alone time."

With a quick peck on the lips, I whined, "I guess we better get back to work. Mr. Banner is probably starting to wonder where his cupcake is."

"Ha! Yeah, you should," he said, swatting me on the butt, as I moved toward the refrigerator.

"Hey, now!"

"Baby, you know-" Edward started to say, before Embry cut him off.

"Bella, Mr. Banner just stood up and is walking back here. You better get that cupcake ready, like now."

"Shit!" I said, grabbing the cupcake and a plate and walking toward the kitchen doors just as Mr. Banner's face appeared in the round windows.

"Where's my cupcake?" he bellowed.

I stuck the plate out in front me, the rim pressing against the buttons on his chest. "Here you go!" I exclaimed, just as passionately. "This is one of my new flavors – Chai and Honey. I hope you like it."

He reached for the cake and lifted it, inspecting it, for what, I don't know. I waited patiently for him to peel the paper away from the cake and take a bite. He chewed, his face revealing nothing, before breaking into a crooked, half smile, if you could even call it that.

With a grunt, he simply said, "Tastes alright. Don't make me wait so long next time."

Embry, Edward, and I stood there and watched him walk away.

"Well, I guess that's about as good as it gets, huh?" Embry said.

"Yeah, I guess so." Shaking my head, I set the plate on the counter and walked back out to finish waiting on my tables.

x-x-x

On Tuesday, after the lunch rush died down, I spent the remainder of the afternoon getting ready for Alice and Jasper's cupcake tasting. I had given them several options, and I needed them to whittle down the list. We had already gone through one tasting, but Alice couldn't decide on three.

I draped a cream cloth over one of the tables in the kitchen, set out six small plates, and added an example of the cupcake topiary I would be using for the actual event. I had toyed around with a bunch of ideas for how to display whichever cupcakes she and Jasper chose but finally settled on the idea of the topiary. Alice's entire "theme" was all about nature. So, I wanted the cupcakes to blend into the design, but still stand on their own.

I put a simple earth green card with the cupcake names in funky script on the table in front of each plate. I had originally given her ten flavor combinations to choose from, and she and Jaspser had managed to narrow it down to six after the first tasting. _Mimosa, White Chocolate Raspberry, Sour-Cherry Almond, Vanilla with Tri-Colored Currants, Rosewater and Raspberry, and Chai and Honey. _ All of these flavors were unique and created especially for Alice and Jasper, and I was excited to see which ones they would pick.

I quickly added the cupcakes to the appropriate plate and stepped back, taking in the look of the table. I nodded in satisfaction, a small smile playing at the corner of my lips. It looked really nice, and despite my nerves, I was really excited to see what they thought.

I knew Alice wouldn't think all of this preparation was necessary, but I had decided to make this as professional as possible. It was my first _real_ tasting, and if I had any hope at all of being a serious baker or even opening up my own shop someday, I would need pictures and experience doing this. This was a great way to start.

Grabbing my camera, I snapped a few photos from several different angles, trying to accurately capture the look and feel of this event.

"That looks great, Bella!" Embry said, sneaking up behind me.

"Hey! Thanks! I'm really pleased with it."

I brushed a few imaginary crumbs off the table, and he laughed.

"Are you nervous or something? You know this is for Alice, your best friend, and Jasper. I seriously doubt you have anything to be worried about," he scoffed, playfully.

"Of course I know it's for Alice and Jasper," I replied snidely. "I just want it to be perfect and professional. I've got to start somewhere, Embry. Duh!"

He quirked his eyebrow at my sarcasm and punched me in the shoulder. "Duh, yourself, B!"

I rolled my eyes and turned around, hearing the back door of the kitchen open and voices filter in.

"Jas, I know, but I just… what if everything's not ready?" Alice said, her voice hinting at the stress she was feeling. She had been going non-stop since we came back from Seattle, and all the pressure was starting to take its toll.

Jasper was calm, as always, when he grabbed her hand. "Baby, everything is going to be perfect. Stop worrying, okay?"

"Bu-"

"No, buts, Alice Cullen. I want you to take a deep breath and relax. This is the fun part, okay?" He looked at her, his eyes pleading softly, and smiled, forcing a stressed giggle out of her.

"Hey, guys," I said, fidgeting in the entryway, wanting them to know that I was here, and that I could hear them. The tension in Alice's voice had amped up my nerves a bit, and I really hoped this went well. I didn't want to add any more stress to her shoulders; this was supposed to be one of the fun parts of the wedding.

"Hey Bella," Alice said, looking around me, trying to see the table. "Is that… is that for us?" she practically squealed, the worry lines around her eyes disappearing as she grinned.

"Of course, silly. Are you guys ready to get started?"

"Yeah, just let me get the guys. I want them to be here, too. You know I can't make up my mind." Alice said over her shoulder, chuckling as she walked into the kitchen.

I laughed. Yes, that was definitely clear given that we were having a second tasting.

A few minutes later, Edward and Embry walked in and stood in front of the table next to Alice and Jasper. I could see the surprise on Edward's face as he looked over the entire set up. He had seen it coming together, but I purposely told him I didn't want him in here while I was working. I needed to do this on my own, and I wanted him to be just as surprised at the finished product as everyone else. His smile told me he was, and I beamed back at him, pride and pleasure written all over my face.

"Okay," I said, clapping my hands together lightly to get everyone's attention. Everyone looked at me, and I smiled. "Alice, Jasper, we have six cakes to taste, based on the ones you selected last time. So, today, I'd like you to pick your top three, and I'll make all of them for the wedding. If we need to make some adjustments we can do that, as well. Sound good?"

Everyone nodded and looked at me expectantly. Embry stared back at me, his normally cocky smirk replaced with a look of awe, as I started my presentation, while Edward was all smiles and pride. His green eyes were bright as they watched me move with ease in front of the table, and an overwhelming sense of peace, that this is exactly what I was supposed to be doing, took over and spurred me on.

"These look amazing, Bella," Jasper offered.

I thought so, as well. In fact, I was really pleased with the end product, but hearing Jasper say something really made my day. He wasn't one to give compliments freely, so I knew he must really like them.

"Thanks, Jasper. I really appreciate that," I said with a shy, but confidant smile.

Turning back to the table, I picked up the _Vanilla_ cupcake. It was the simplest of the six with vanilla cake and vanilla buttercream, topped with red, white, and blue currants. It was elegant, but fresh and would be a nice end to the summer season. I said as much to the group and sliced the cake into fourths and handed everyone a napkin with their portion on it.

They all chewed silently, savoring the flavors and nodding, and offering up praise.

"Here's the next one. This is _White Chocolate Raspberry_. These have a vanilla cake base, a fresh raspberry syrup that, as you can see, will soak into the cake, and a white chocolate buttercream. They are finished with a thick shaving of white chocolate."

Jasper groaned and Alice giggled. "I already know I want these," Jasper laughed, taking a bite.

We followed this process with the remaining four cupcakes, and it was clear from the reactions I had seen that everyone loved the orange cake and the champagne frosting on the _Mimosa_ and the sweet raspberry syrup in the _White Chocolate Raspberry_ cakes. They needed to choose one more cake, but Alice was torn between the _Chai and Honey_ and _Sour-Cherry Almond_.

The guys were pretty much all in agreement that any of them would be great.

"Alice, you choose, babe. I'm good with whatever you decide. My favorite was the _White Chocolate_ and we're already getting that one," he said when she asked him to help her choose.

"But, I can't decide. I don't know which one to get!" Her voice was starting to climb, a hint of hysteria in her voice.

I looked at her and smiled. "Alice, take your time. If you can't decide, we can always do four. It won't be that much more work."

She looked back at the table as I placed a second cupcake in each of those flavors on the plates; I hoped her looking, and maybe even tasting them again, would help her decide.

The tension in the room sky-rocketed as we watched her frantically look at each of them, even going so far as to inspect them closely, looking at all the details before she smelled and tasted them again, but the whole time she kept shaking her head, frustration evident on her face.

"Ali?" I asked, concerned. "You know I would be happy to make both if you'd like. It's not a big deal at all."

I really wanted her to know that it wasn't a big deal and would probably mean maybe an hour or two more in the kitchen.

"But I don't want you to have to do that! I have to know which ones to get! I have to figure this out!" She practically screeched on the verge of hysterics.

Everyone watched as she had a meltdown. Embry quietly walked back into the kitchen; I think he knew this was a family matter, and I appreciated the privacy he gave us. I looked over at Edward and could tell he was taken aback by her outburst. I was secretly urging him to do something when Jasper grabbed her hand and she completely lost it, taking in a deep breath before she broke down sobbing.

"Baby, shhhh, calm down. Ali baby," he cooed, frantically attempting to calm her down. His hands were cupping her face, forcing her eyes to meet his as tears poured down her face. "Baby," he pleaded, "what's wrong?"

I moved over to Edward, trying to give them some space to work through this.

"I… just… I don't know wh-which ones to get," she said through her tears, her voice catching as she drew in ragged breaths.

"Baby, Bella said she would be happy to do all four. Let's just do that, okay?"

"But… I should be able to make a decision. I should know which ones would be best. Why can't I figure it out?" she asked, pausing. "If…if Mom were here…" she stammered, looking down at her fumbling hands, "she would know exactly which ones to get. I can't do this without her," she wailed, her voice desperate and so sad.

At this point, Jasper and I both looked to Edward, knowing he was the only one who could talk to her about this. He still had that deer in the head lights look on his face, unsure exactly what he was supposed to do.

I brushed my hand across his forearm, breaking him out of his stupor, and gently gave him the nudge he needed to help Alice.

He grabbed Ali's hand and pulled her over to one of the other corners in the kitchen, giving her space to process privately.

Jasper watched her, concern marring his normally calm exterior.

I gave him a small smile. "She's going to be okay, Jas. This is the hard part, you know?"

He nodded, running his hand through his hair tersely and sighed. "I know, but it's so frustrating watching this and not being able to do anything that helps."

"I know." There really wasn't anything else to say.

We watched Edward pull her into a hug, making eye contact with us and nodding his head just slightly, indicating that she was going to be okay.

She pulled away from him and turned toward us. Her eyes were red, her face splotchy and tear-streaked.

She walked over and stood in front of Jasper and reached for his hands shyly, probably embarrassed by her reaction.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

My heart broke for her as she tried to regain the happiness that this moment should have been.

"Baby, you don't need to apologize." His voice cracked a little as he pulled her toward him, her head resting against his chest, as his arms wrapped around her tiny frame. "I love you, Ali."

"I love you, too."

They stood there for a few minutes while I quickly cleared away the empty plates and the name tents.

"Bella?"

I looked over at Alice. She was facing me now, still locked inside Jasper's arm, her back to his chest, and a tentative smile on her face.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you don't mind making four instead of three?"

"Ali, of course I don't mind. I'd be happy to do it."

"Okay!" Her face split into a grin as she stepped away from Jasper and threw her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. I laughed at our girly-moment, and just like that, the Alice we were used to reappeared.

"Okay! Then we're all set. I'll do the _Mimosa, Sour-Cherry Almond, Chai and Honey, _and_ White Chocolate and Raspberry_. Did you like the cupcake topiary idea?" I asked, pointing over to the table so they knew what I was talking about.

"Oooohhh! I love it! That's going to look really pretty on the table outside surrounded by the flowers and greenery."

"Excellent! Well, don't worry; I'll have all of these to your house and set up early Saturday morning, and then I'll be ready to primp with you and Rose," I said, laughing and lightening the mood tremendously.

"Alright, well, Jas and I need to head out. We've got some last minute stuff to do before we got out on a date tonight." She bobbed up on her toes, her arms pulled behind her back and smiles sweetly.

We waved them off and told them both to have a great time. All of the festivities were just a few days away, and we all knew they needed the time to reconnect after the craziness of last minute preparations.

Edward walked over and put his arm around my waist, tugging me gently into his side and pressing a tender kiss against my temple. I leaned my head against his chest and inhaled his clean scent. He was warm, and I was immediately grateful for this little bit of time we had together before he left for Port Angeles.

"You know, you were really beautiful up there, baby," he whispered into my hair. "And I really love seeing you wearing that necklace."

I reached up and gently caressed the two small hearts, sliding them along the chain. Edward had surprised me with it on Saturday night when we were in Seattle. We had been going all evening – dinner at Zoe and then dancing at Venom – when he asked if I wanted to go back to the hotel.

"_You wanna go?"_

_I looked up at Edward and nodded. The evening had been fun. In fact, the entire day had been relaxing and full of laughter, but I was feeling a little tired and wanted to spend the rest of the evening together, alone. _

_He grabbed my hand, dragging me through the thick wall of moving bodies, the pulsing lights and loud, heavy beat of the music starting to weigh on me. He quickly motioned to Jasper that we were heading out and received a wave of acknowledgement in return. _

_I could feel his hands on my hips and his chest against my back as we sashayed through the crowd. _

"_I can't wait to get you home," he growled. "I'm ready to have you to myself."_

_I shivered in response and turned my head to look back over my shoulder, smiling in agreement._

_He stopped, his arm circling my waist, pulling back against him as I walked forward._

"_I love this song. One more dance?" He asked, his voice low and thick._

"_Mmhmm," I hummed in response, my body instinctively moving to the beat of Boa's "I'll Eat You Up."_

_Edward turned me around, and the look in his eyes almost killed me. They were dark, almost black, and hooded, as he gazed into mine. His lips found mine, hungrily moving and tasting, and I thought I might explode when our bodies started moving together. The entire experience was intense, and when the song was over, I was desperate to get out of there._

_We eventually made it back to our hotel room, our return taking longer than it should have as we found ourselves making out against buildings along the way. By the time we got there, I was in desperate need of release, my body hot and aching. _

_He unlocked and opened the door, and the minute it closed I found myself pressed up against the back of it, his hands and lips all over me. I couldn't help the moans and whimpers that fell from my lips, completely lost in the heat of the moment. Clothes were pulled off, strewn around the room as we moved __toward the bed. His hands roamed all over me, and I shuddered at the sensation of his teeth, his lips, his tongue on my neck, my breasts, my hips. Hovering above me, he stared into my eyes, his hunger, need, and love palpable. I cried out, my body screaming in ecstasy when he pushed into me. I had never felt anything so amazing and perfect as our bodies rocked together, in and out, as we came together, both finding our release, me crying out his name, him frozen with eyes closed and lips parted._

_As we __lay there, both spent and blissed out, he rolled over and pulled open the nightstand drawer. I was a little confused at first when he handed me a small box. I looked at him, nervously, and he just smiled._

"_I got this for you a while ago, baby, but hadn't found the right time, until now. I hope you like it."_

_I took the it from him and tore into the paper. I rarely received gifts, and was really excited for this one. When I saw the bright blue box, the girly-girl inside me danced in delight. I pulled off the top and nestled inside was a beautiful necklace with two hearts – one silver, one gold – attached to a simple chain. It was gorgeous and perfect._

"_Edward, this is…perfect, and so beautiful!" I gushed. "Thank you so much." _

"_I love you, Bella. Tonight was exactly what I'd imagined it would be, only better. You're the beautiful one," he said, his voice thick with emotion._

_I was overcome with feelings and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill._

"_I love you, too."_

I smiled at the memory.

"Well, I love it. It really was the perfect gift, Edward."

This time, he smiled.

"Speaking of gifts, did you find the pictures for Ali's frame?" I asked, turning to face him and hoping he had. After today's outburst, I was even more convinced it would be perfect.

He nodded. "Yeah, I did, actually. I literally had to go through every photo album we had, but I found several from their dress-up days, and a really gorgeous one of Mom on her wedding day. I'm actually really excited to give it to her, even if she does get emotional."

"She's going to love it," I reassured him. "I'm sure she'll be emotional, but there's no doubt that she needs it. Not having your Mom at the wedding will be hard, but knowing that she's there in spirit, through you and your Dad… she'll make it, and the day will be perfect."

I hoped that was true, for Alice's sake. I had resigned myself long ago that Renee wouldn't be at my wedding, and honestly, I was glad. She had never been a part of my life, and all I really needed in the way of parents was Charlie. It felt a little strange to think about getting married… again, but as my fingers rubbed the cool metal of the hearts, I knew someday I would. And I wanted it to be to Edward.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked with a smirk.

I blushed. "Just thinking about the future… with you," I said simply.

A full on smile broke across his face. "Sounds perfect, and I can't wait to hear all about our future," he paused, looking down at his watch, "but I need to head out. Call you on my way home?"

I nodded. "Mmhmm. Have a good class, Chef."

"I will. Love you," he said, giving me a heated, lingering kiss, before he turned to gather his stuff and head out.

x-x-x

As I drove home from The Diner, my head was cloudy and happy from the successful and emotional tasting, and the few sweet minutes I got to spend with Edward. I needed that little moment with him today. I had missed him desperately since getting back from Seattle. It felt weird to say that, especially since we spend the entire day together at The Diner, but it wasn't the same.

Seattle really changed things for us. I finally felt free and truly his, now that I'd told him my story. There weren't any real barriers between us. I knew he still needed to tell me about Esme, but it wasn't preventing us from moving forward like my past with James had. Truly, everything about that weekend, our bath together, the relaxing afternoon cuddle in our room, and the totally hot lovemaking after leaving the club, was unforgettable, and I longed for more quality time with him.

When I turned the corner, my heart started beating furiously. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway.

_What is he doing here? He's supposed to be working a double shift._

I shut off the car, grabbed my stuff, and quickly walked into the house.

"Dad?" I asked, looking around for him.

"Up here, Bells," he called from upstairs, his voice muffled through the walls.

I climbed the stairs and walked into his room. He was furiously rifling through some papers on his desk.

"Is everything okay? I thought you were working a double shift."

"Yep. Just needed to get something I forgot," he said as he pulled out an envelope, stuffed it in his pocket, and turned toward me.

_That's strange._

"Oh, okay. Are you staying for dinner or do you need to get back?" For some reason, I wanted him to stay for a bit. We hadn't seen much of each other lately. He had been working a lot and with my trip to Seattle and the long hours at The Diner, our schedules were off.

He glanced at his watch, and grunted a little. "I think I could probably do that. How about we get dinner someplace, instead of you having to cook?"

I shrugged my shoulder and bobbed my head. "Sounds good to me. Just let me change. I'm covered in icing, and I smell like The Diner," I laughed.

"Meet you downstairs," he said, walking past me, his hand brushing his pocket again.

I quickly changed clothes, ran a brush through my hair and pulled it back up into a ponytail. I still smelled like buttercream and grease, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been. I grabbed my purse and ran down the stairs.

"I'm ready," I said as I hit the bottom step. Charlie was standing in the kitchen, jacket on, buckling his holster around his waist.

"You wanna take the cruiser? I can drop you back off on my way to the station."

I laughed. I used to hate riding in the cruiser when I was in high school; Charlie practically insisted back then, because it would scare the boys away. _It definitely did that._

"Sure," I said smiling.

He just shook his head, and I was certain he knew what I was thinking. "Well, that's a change. You used to hate riding with me."

"I have better perspective now, Dad. It's not cool to pull up to school in your dad's _police_ cruiser when you're a senior in high school," I said sarcastically, even rolling my eyes for good measure.

His laughter filled the room, and his eyes twinkled. "I suppose you're probably right."

The drive to the restaurant was filled with idle chatter, both of us at ease with each other for the first time, really, in a long time.

The waitress seated us near the back, giving us some privacy. We placed our orders, and Charlie sat back in his chair, coffee cup in hand.

"So, I did some checking on James," he said, unexpectedly.

I choked a bit on my drink, completely caught off guard by his statement. "Oh, really?" I managed to cough out.

"Yep. It turns out, he's been in Phoenix the whole time. A good buddy of mine from back at the Academy works down there, and I pulled in a favor."

"I see." My head was spinning, and my heart was pounding. I had no idea what to think. James was in Phoenix and had been the whole time? So, he wasn't trying to find me? And how did I not know that Charlie had a friend on the police force down there? That would certainly have been helpful.

"Bells," Charlie said, reaching over and placing his rough hand on top of mine. "Did you hear me?"

I nodded, blinked a few times, and looked at him. "I did. I guess that's good news," I said, taking a deep cleansing breath.

"It is. He's going to keep an eye out, just in case. He checked with his employer, and he hasn't missed a day of work in the last month or so. Looks like you can breathe a sigh of relief, Bella."

I nodded again. I was really trying to process all of this information. James wasn't coming after me. I was safe. I had been the whole time. Part of me was jumping for joy that I was free, but I still couldn't help that nagging feeling of doubt in the back of my mind. Had my instincts really been that off? All of those times I felt my skin prickle… had I just been completely off?

_Well, what do you expect, Bella? You haven't had to be on your game here. You've been able to relax in the safety of Charlie, Edward, and your friends. _

Charlie cleared his throat. I looked up. "You okay?"

With another deep breath, I pulled myself up, and smiled. James really wasn't after me. That was definitely good news, and I would deal with the rest of my emotions and thoughts later. "Yes. That is great! Just completely unexpected."

He patted my hand again and smiled warmly. "It certainly gave your old man some peace of mind."

"Well, it certainly does the same for me. What a relief," I said, finally feeling the calm release I should have felt all along.

We ate dinner together, chatting about my trip to Seattle, and I couldn't help the blush that colored my cheeks when I mentioned that I had finally told Edward about Phoenix.

"How'd he take it?"

"Really well. Honestly, he was perfect. He listened, never really interrupted, and held me as I cried. He was angry, there's no doubt. But not at me," I paused. "I think he was a little caught off guard about me being married to James, but he knows it's over and I took care of it."

"You did?" Charlie asked, cocking his head just slightly.

I nodded. "Yeah, I filed the paperwork the day I left Phoenix."

Charlie's brow furrowed as he thought about it. "Interesting."

"What do you mean, '_interesting'_?"

"I guess I'm surprised that you were able to file for divorce so easily. How did you do it without James' consent?"

"Well," I paused, thinking back to the many conversations I had with the girls in Phoenix. "Arizona is no-fault state. So, I didn't have to state a reason or get James' to agree. You can just file all the paperwork, which is what I did."

"Hmmm," Charlie murmured, his hand running over his mustache, mouth, and chin. He looked perplexed.

"What? What are you thinking?" I was starting to feel anxious.

"Well, honestly, Bells, it seems too simple. Have you gotten anything to say that the divorce was finalized?"

I thought for a minute and shook my head. "Now that you mention it, no. And I guess I didn't really think about. I've been so relieved to be away from everything… from him, that I just forgot. I guess I should call or something to see if everything is okay."

"It probably wouldn't hurt. Just to make sure."

"Yeah, I'll do that tomorrow."

We finished our dinner in a comfortable silence, both lost in our own thoughts. My head was whirling as I thought about the possibility of something having gone wrong. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if something was missing on the paperwork or hadn't gone through properly? I shrugged off the nagging feeling knowing that the girls and I had talked at length about the paperwork; they even looked over all the documents before I left that day.

No, everything was fine. I mean, everything on the documentation indicated how simple the process was, and I had followed the instructions very carefully. I would definitely call tomorrow, just to be sure. .

"You ready, kiddo?" Charlie asked, pulling me out of my head.

"Yep," I said, wiping my napkin across my mouth before setting it aside and standing up. "Thanks for dinner, Dad."

"Anytime, Bells."

We walked out, and he drove me home.

"I'm glad you're home, Bella."

"I'm glad to be home, Dad. Thanks for letting me stay with you while I get my feet back underneath me."

"Of course. Stay as long as you need to. I like having you here."

I smiled. "Me too. Be careful out there tonight."

"Always am."

I climbed out and walked up to the front porch. I looked over my shoulder to see Charlie still waiting in the driveway while I unlocked the door. I turned and waved as I walked into the house.

It really was good to be home.

x-x-x

The next couple of days were packed. I spent my time at The Diner, as always, and the afternoons gathering all the supplies I'd need for Alice's cupcakes and helping with last minute wedding preparations.

By the time Friday rolled around, my conversation with Charlie was lost among the many mental to-dos on my list.

"Need help, B?" Embry asked.

"Actually, that would be great. Can you bring out one of the 10lb bags of powdered sugar, please, and dump it in the bin?

"Yep."

I was running just slightly behind schedule. I needed to get all of the cupcakes baked before the rehearsal, so I could come back later tonight and ice and decorate them. I loaded the last tray of cakes in the oven and checked the clock.

"Thanks, Embry," I said as he dumped the bag of sugar.

"No problem. You almost done?"

"Yeah, just need to wait for this last batch, clean up the kitchen, and then run home to shower and change."

"You want me to take the cakes out of the over? I can clean up, if you really need to go."

I looked at the clock again and then around the kitchen. There was no way I was going to get this place cleaned up before I had to be home.

"Well," I hesitated, really not wanting him to do it, but feeling like I didn't have a choice. "Are you sure you wouldn't mind? I really hate to ask you to do all of this. It's my mess…"

"Bella, I think I can handle it. Just go! I'll take the cakes out. The timer is set right?"

"Yeah. And if you wouldn't mind pulling them out of the pan after they've cooled off a bit, that would be great. You can just set them on that wire rack over there," I said, pointing to the table covered in racks and cupcakes.

"Got it! Now go! I'll handle the rest."

"Are you sure? I-" I attempted to say, before he cut me off.

"Go, Bella. Quit worrying. I've got it," he said, laughter in his voice and a smile on his face.

I walked over and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks, Embry. I owe you one."

"Yeah you do. And I expect it in the form of cake and buttercream… my choice."

I laughed. "Deal."

I grabbed my bag and ran out, hoping I would be on time for the party.

x-x-x

The path to the Cullen's front door was lined with rows of luminaries, all lit and twinkling in the twilight. I knocked on the door and waited for Alice to open it. After a few minutes, I decided to go in, knowing that Alice was probably on the back deck and hadn't heart the doorbell.

"Hello?" I called out as I walked into the foyer.

The house was stunning. Big pots of flowers were strategically placed around the house, creating a warm, garden-like feel. It was going to be perfect tomorrow night, exactly what Alice had envisioned.

"Alice! I'm here!" I called out again, this time making my way toward the deck.

I opened the sliding glass door and heard the soft strains of piano floating in the air.

"Can I help you?"

I turned toward the voice and stammered in surprise, "Oh! I'm so sorry. I was looking for Alice."

He wiped his hands on his pants and walked over, extending his hand to me. "I'm Carlisle, Alice's father. And you are?"

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan." I offered my hand and was surprised by the softness of his hands.

"Ah, so you're Bella. I've heard a lot about you. Alice just called and said she was running a few minutes behind schedule."

I nodded. "Do you need any help?" I asked, pointing to the lights hanging from the railing.

"I think I've got it, thanks."

Feeling slightly awkward standing there, I turned toward the house when he started talking.

"So, how are things at The Diner? Alice tells me you make the most amazing cupcakes."

I looked over at him and smiled.

"Well, Alice has become a great friend, and yes, I do make the cupcakes we serve." I really had never been one to brag about my work, and I certainly wasn't going to start doing it with Alice's dad.

"So, that means you work in the kitchen with Edward."

His question was more of a comment, and I simply nodded in acknowledgement. I had no idea where this line of questioning was going, but I felt slightly on edge. I really hoped we didn't get into a conversation about Edward. He obviously hadn't mentioned me to Carlisle, and I didn't want to give away anything that Edward might not want him to know, and admittedly, I wasn't sure what that would be.

"I do. He's a great partner in the kitchen," I said hesitantly, smiling politely.

He continued, unfazed by my tentative response, telling me how proud he was of all that Edward had accomplished since moving back from Chicago.

"I'm convinced The Diner is what it is today because of what he's done there," Carlisle said matter of factly.

"Do you eat there often?" I was genuinely curious. I had never seen him in the dining room, but maybe he came when I wasn't working.

"No. Not as much as I'd like."

I noticed the subtle shift in his tone and the slight tensing in his shoulders but didn't say anything.

As we talked about Alice and the wedding, I found myself relaxing in his presence, even enjoying our conversation. Throughout our talk, I couldn't help but wonder what had really happened between Edward and his dad. It was clear from this conversation how proud Carlisle was of him.

"You know, after Alice told me Edward got a job at C'est Si Bon, I had to go check it out. That was my wife, Esme's, favorite restaurant," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts and back into the moment.

"Does Edward know you were there?" I asked, curious and seriously doubting that he was aware that Carlisle had been there.

He shook his head, a hint of sadness marring his features. "No. We have a… well, I guess you could say it's complicated."

"Well, I'm sure he'd love to know that you were there. I'm really proud of him, too. He's been learning a lot there, and Chef J is basically letting him run the kitchen while he's busy preparing for the upcoming festival. I think it's been great for him."

He smiled that same sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yes, that's what Alice tells me," he says, turning back to finish the lights.

The fact that Alice had been the one to tell him about Edward working at CSB, and pretty much everything else that was going on his life, didn't slip past me. I wasn't really surprised, but it saddened me. I knew there was something deeper going on, and Edward had purposely kept his father at arms length. I was desperate to know what had happened between them, but I had already promised to give Edward the time he needed, just like he'd done with me, to tell me on his own terms.

I looked back over at Carlisle and felt that pang of regret for the time being lost between him and Edward. It reminded me of the time I had lost with Charlie, thinking and believing one thing, despite not ever having had a conversation with him about what was going on in my life. I was definitely going to mention this to Edward.

"So, you're a doctor at the hospital, right?" I asked.

I hate awkward silences, and we were in the middle of one. Plus, I really wanted to get to know him a little bit, especially since I was trying to understand why Edward thought his dad was a liar.

"Yes, I do. I'm a surgeon. I spent my time shuttling between Forks and Seattle."

"Oh, that sounds-" I started.

"Bella! You're here!"

I jumped, startled by Alice's shrill squeal!

"Can you believe it's almost time! I'm so excited!"

I laughed as she wrapped me in a huge hug. "Me too! I'm definitely excited to finish up your cupcakes. They look great already."

She jumped up and down. "I knew they would be! I can't wait to see them tomorrow morning. Ok, I have to show you something upstairs. Dad, we're going upstairs for a minute," she yelled over her shoulder as she practically dragged me inside.

x-x-x

**EPOV**

I rapped my knuckles on Alice's bedroom door and waited for her to call out. Carlisle and I were fully dressed and ready for the wedding, and it was time for us to surprise her with our gifts.

"Come in," someone inside called out.

I could hear the girls chattering back and forth and smiled when I saw my baby sister standing there, truly a vision in her white gown.

"Hey, Ali," I said as we walked in. "You look beautiful."

She beamed, and the twinkle of excitement in her eyes was clearly evident. I looked over at Bella and Rosalie, and they were gorgeous, too. Both dressed in green dresses, their hair pulled up on top of their head. Bella smiled sweetly at me, and I gave her a knowing wink before turning back to Alice. She knew what was about to happen and having her here would help make this even better.

Carlisle walked in behind me and over to Alice, pulling her in a slightly awkward hug, trying not to wrinkle her dress. He stepped back, holding her at arms length, and I noticed the water in his eyes.

"My baby girl is all grown up," he murmured quietly, as he took in her full appearance.

"Hi, Dad," Alice replied, her own eyes starting to tear up. This was getting more emotional than I thought it would be.

I swallowed, and Carlisle cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He looked at Rosalie and Bella, and I saw them start to move towards the door.

"We're just going to wait outside, okay, Alice?" Rose said, clearly trying to give us some privacy.

"No, stay, please," Alice said. "You're my family, girls. I need you here."

Bella looked at me and then Carlisle, trying to ascertain whether or not they should really go. Carlisle glanced at me, and I nodded my ascent, and he turned to them.

"Please feel free to stay," he said..

The girls both shifted over to the corner of the room, trying to give us some space. I smiled again at them, and then looked at Bella, my eyes locking with hers and getting the encouragement I needed in what we both knew would be a sad moment for our family.

"Alice, I know you have been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl, and I know that you always pictured your Mom here with you, helping you get dressed. So, Edward and I wanted to do something to bring a little bit of her here today." Carlisle's voice was sincere and earnest and that same pang of regret at the sourness of our relationship flickered inside me again.

He held out his hand and offered her a long, emerald green, velvet box. She reached for it and her eyes widened when she cracked it open, her hand fingering the delicate strand of pearls.

She gasped and looked up at him. "Mom's pearls?"

He nodded and smiled sadly. "They were always meant for you, and heaven knows how many times you played wedding when you were little, wearing these." He laughed quietly at the memory and looked over at me, my cue to go ahead and give her my gifts.

"Thank you, Daddy," she whispered. My heart twinged again as she called him _Daddy_, something I hadn't heard her call him since she was a little girl.

I stepped forward and held out my own matching green, velvet box, this one a small square.

"And these are from me, Alice. I love you," I whispered, feeling the emotions starting to bubble to the surface. I knew this day would be rough for her, but it never occurred to me that it might be a little tough for me, too. Mom's absence was profound, and I knew for sure I'd miss her on my own day.

I looked over at Bella again, and she smiled at me, reassuring me that I'd be okay. I took a deep breath and turned back to Alice just as she opened the lid. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Edward, these are beautiful. How did you find a pair that matched perfectly?" She exclaimed.

"Bella helped me find these. I was looking for a bracelet, but when I saw these, I had to get them. They really do match perfectly, don't they?"

She looked at me and then Bella, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Thank you guys, so much. This is… perfect."

She looked at Carlisle and asked if he'd help her with the necklace. He stepped behind her and draped the strand of pearls against her neck, clasping it behind. Alice fingers instinctively moved to finger the delicate beads as tears welled up in her eyes.

"I wish she were here," Alice whispered, tears spilling down her face.

Carlisle moved in front of her and gently wiped away her tears.

"She is, sweetheart," he said, grabbing her hand. And you look just as beautiful as she did on our wedding day."

She squeezed his hand and smiled sweetly. "Thanks, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you, too, honey."

He released her hand as I moved toward her with my special package.

"What's this?" She asked, pointing to the gift in my hands.

"This," I said, handing it to her, "is just for fun. Bella gave me the idea, and I thought it was perfect."

She looked at Bella again and then at me, and tore into the package, her childlike squeal making all the hours of searching through photo albums completely worth it.

"Oh my gosh! Where did you find these?" she gasped in delight.

"Well, I spent hours searching through our photo albums and found them. Car- Dad," I paused, catching myself before I referred to him as Carlisle. I looked over at him and he smiled hesitantly back at me. I had to admit that it had been nice to have these last few days with him, drama free and focused on Alice. "Dad had this one of Mom from their wedding day. I thought it was perfect."

She smiled wistfully, as she ran her fingers across the inscription on the frame.

"_Sugarpop._ You remembered."

I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up. "I always thought it was ridiculous that Mom called you that, but it really was so _you and her_. I'm glad you like it, Ali."

"I love it," she said, setting the frame aside and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you," she whispered in my ear, squeezing me tightly "for the gifts; they're perfect. But more for… you know…"

She didn't have to say what she was really thinking. I knew she was thanking me for putting aside my differences with Carlisle for the day – for her.

"I love you, Alice. You're welcome."

We spent the next few minutes hugging and laughing, until the minister knocked and said it was time.

"Looks like it's time to walk my baby girl down the aisle," Carlisle said, kissing Alice tenderly on the cheek.

"Okay, well, I think that's my cue to get out there with Jas. Love you, Ali," I said, placing my own kiss on her cheek.

I walked toward the door, and Bella came over to me. It was like she sensed my own need, a need I didn't even know I really had, until she was in my arms. She kissed me softly, telling me she was here for me, and that she recognized that this day was hard for me, too. She was perfect for me, and I loved her even more for it.

I took my place outside on the deck with Jasper and Emmett, while the girls put the finishing touches on Alice's makeup and straightened her dress.

When the music started, my eyes were glued to the patio door. Rosalie walked down, a huge smile on her face as she stared at Emmett. I looked over at him, and the smile on his face was just as wide as hers. They really were perfect for each other, and so clearly in love.

I wanted that for me. Hell, I had that. I knew early on that I wanted Bella forever, but after hearing her story, I wanted it even more. I wanted to be the one to protect her, help her heal, be her friend and lover. She was already doing that for me, and I wanted that for her.

I looked back to the door, and there she was. Bella was gorgeous. I knew this already, having seen her five minutes ago, but there was something about seeing her standing there, walking down the aisle, toward me – ok, not toward me, but I could pretend. I loved the idea of her being mine. She grinned at me as our eyes made contact, and I knew the look on my face matched hers. Her eyes were twinkling and a small blushe crept up her cheeks. She shyly mouthed 'hi' to me, and I winked, bobbing my head to the side slightly. Her eyes fluttered closed in acknowledgement as she moved over to stand next to Rose and then turned to face the door.

The music shifted to something new, and all eyes were on Alice as she slowly walked toward Jasper. He was staring at her with such a look of love and wonder it was breathtaking. I was glad they were finally tying the knot, and he'd be a part of our family. He practically had been from the beginning, and Mom had loved him. It was a fitting end – beginning – to their journey together.

As the priest went through the opening, the vows, and the pronouncement, my thoughts turned to Bella. She was perfect for me. After Seattle, in the midst of all of the craziness of work, I had spent a lot of time thinking about her and her story, and my reaction to it. There is no doubt that I was stunned by her admissions, not so much the actual story, but rather the extent of it. I knew she had been abused, but hearing it from her mouth, hearing how bad it had really been with James, _sick motherfucker_, I was astonished that she was so well adjusted. I really didn't know how someone who had spent six years of their life being abused, living in fear, could be as tender, sweet, and kind as Bella was. She was so loving and open, and truthfully, pretty trusting given the whole experience.

I looked over at her, and she was staring back at me, a curious smile playing at the corners of her lips. God, I loved that woman. My eyes flickered over to Alice and Jasper facing each other, holding hands, repeating their vows, and I felt that uncomfortable twinge at the thought of her exchanging vows with someone before me.

If I were truly honest with myself, it had really pissed me off that she hadn't told me that she was married. Well, had been married. That would have been a non-starter; I don't date married women.

I hated James. I hated that he had stolen her forever from her and abused it. I hated that he got to stand there and hear her say she would be his forever; that she had declared her love to him for better or worse, and that it had been for the worse.

Her eyes met mine again; a very subtle look of concern crossed her face, so subtle that only I would have noticed it. I knew she was reacting to my facial expressions, and I realized I needed to do a better job of masking my thoughts and feelings. I returned her smile, hoping to convey that it wasn't anything to do with her. Okay, well it was to do with her, but not in the way the grimace on my face portrayed.

The priest's pronouncement of the happy couple pulled me out of my head, and the crowd cheered as they turned to face everyone. My baby sister was married to my best friend.

As we walked toward the house, Bella asked me quietly if I was okay.

I nodded. "Yeah, just thinking about you, baby."

"Well, I hope you weren't thinking about me with that poorly masked sour look on your face," she joked.

I didn't respond, and she squeezed my hand, concern marring her beautiful features.

"Were you?" she asked again.

"It's not what you're thinking. I was just thinking about you and James… on your wedding day."

"Oh," she said quietly, withdrawing her hand from mine.

"Hey," I called, grabbing her hand again and pulling it to my lips. I looked her right in the eyes, and the words just came out. "I was just thinking how much I wanted to kick his ass for hurting you and how I wished it were me up there with you."

I couldn't believe that came out. I certainly wasn't planning to talk about us getting married, certainly not today, on Ali and Jas' day, but it just came out. I guess I really did want her to know that I wanted this for us someday, baggage and all.

"What?" she asked, stunned by my admission.

"I do want to marry you someday, Bella. I hope it's not a surprise. I know we haven't talked about it, and I'm not asking you right now. We still have some stuff to talk about and work through, but I love you. I want to spend forever with you." I looked down, feeling vulnerable and unsure.

She squeezed my hand and pulled me to her once we were inside the house. Her eyes were liquid chocolate, flecks of gold accenting their warmth, as her eyes sought mine. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned down, kissing her tenderly, trying to convey all my love for her. Her response was exactly what I needed. Her lips met mine, her tongue flicking across the bottom of my lip, telling me she wanted me, to be a part of me, to be with me. I smiled against her lips as I pulled away a little.

"That's what I want, too, Edward." She was sincere, more sincere than I had ever seen her.

"Thank you, baby." Relief and love coursed through me at her words and her kiss.

Someday.

I pressed another sweet kiss against her mouth.

"I guess we better get moving."

"Yeah, I need to check on the cupcakes and make sure we don't need to set out more." She started to walk away and turned back toward me. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella."

The rest of the wedding went off without a hitch. Alice and Jasper were giddy at having tied the knot, and Bella was ecstatic that her cupcakes were a hit. People loved the different flavors and the simple elegance of them. I had to admit, she really had done an amazing job on the cakes themselves, as well as the display. It was perfect. She was perfect.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

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	18. Chapter 17

**I continue to be amazed at all the love you guys have been giving this story. We just broke 1000 reviews, which is just… I have no words! Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!**

**Cupcake lovin' to my betaloves, kikikinz, lexiecullen17, & Catie22866.**

**See huge A/N at the bottom.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

Life settled into a comfortable, well, somewhat stressful routine after the wedding. Alice and Jasper were due back this week from their honeymoon, and in the three weeks that they'd been gone, a lot had happened.

The week after the wedding, I was driving to The Diner one morning and noticed a 'For Sale' sign in the yard of a small house downtown. I stopped and pulled out a copy of the posted flyer and immediately knew it would be perfect for me.

It had two bedrooms, a single bathroom, and a cozy dining room that connected with the kitchen and the family room. The kitchen had been newly restored with granite countertops, antiqued gray tone cabinetry, and stainless steel appliances. The house had vaulted ceilings and lots of windows. It was airy, cheery, bright, and everything I'd ever wanted in a house. Plus, it was totally different than the one James and I had shared.

As I drove to work, I tried to imagine how I was going to tell Charlie that I was moving out. I wasn't quite sure how he would take it. On one hand, I was a grown woman and had been living on my own (with James) for a long time, but on the other hand, I knew Charlie had grown used to having me around and maybe even needed me a little more than he let on. The thought of leaving him again made my heart hurt a little, but I also knew I needed to do this for me.

When I got to work that day, I called the realtor listed on the flyer and asked if it would be possible to see the house later that day. He agreed to meet me, and when Edward and I showed up to do the walk through, I realized that the pictures really didn't do it justice. There was something about the feel of the house, or maybe it was the look of it, from the minute I walked in that called to me. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew it was exactly what I wanted.

Edward could tell I loved it and encouraged me to put an offer down, but I couldn't do it without talking to Charlie first. To say he was surprised was an understatement. He was shocked and, not surprising, a little resistant at first. He was concerned for my safety, of course, given my history, and eventually it came out that he was going to miss having me around. I had been prepared for him to rattle off a plethora of safety concerns, but when he told me how lonely the house would be without me, and how much he loved having me back home after all these years, I almost changed my mind.

We talked at length about my reasons – wanting to have a space of my own, and truthfully, needing to learn to trust myself to make decisions for me. Reluctantly, he agreed that this was probably the right step for me.

Of course, that didn't stop him from doing his own inspection of the house and the surrounding neighborhood. He didn't tell me, but I'm pretty sure he ran a crime report and had already set up extra patrol details to pass by. I guess that's what you get when your father is the Chief of Police in a small town.

I put an offer in the next day, and when I got the call later that night from the realtor, saying that the buyer had accepted my offer, even the low ball offer that it was, I was stunned and shocked and excited! I seriously couldn't believe I was going to own my own home. _My own home._ It was all mine, and it was perfect.

I was grateful the entire process went smoothly. The seller was trying to get rid of it, as she'd been transferred to another city. It was practically ready for me to move in, with the exception of some furniture, and that was the fun part. I knew Alice was going to freak when she found out, but I knew she would love it.

Move in day was a blast. Rose, Emmett, Edward, and my Dad helped me move the little bit of stuff I had from Charlie's, as well as the new pieces of furniture I had purchased. We spent the day moving stuff around, hanging blinds and curtains, and trying to find the right home for everything. We laughed and chowed down on pizza and beers, a very fitting ending to a very busy day. Of course, Edward had other plans in mind, and we spent the rest of the evening, and well into the night, christening the living room, bedroom, and kitchen. Just the thought of that night brought a blush to my cheeks. It was definitely the perfect way to spend my first night in my new home.

For the next week or so, I spent every waking minute I wasn't at The Diner working on getting things organized. My dad insisted I get a security system, saying it would give him some peace of mind knowing it was there and that I was safe. Edward had agreed, and truthfully, I had already planned on getting one, too. The ever present fear of James coming back for me was always at the back of my mind, even if the evidence suggested that he was still in Phoenix.

I heard a knock at the door and opened it to see Edward standing on my front porch.

"Hey sexy lady," he purred, waggling his eyebrows.

I giggled and held the door open for him to come in.

"Hey, Chef! How was work?"

He was still working an insane amount of hours every day. Chef J at C'est Si Bon was putting the final touches on his plans for the festival, and had already told Edward he could reduce his schedule if he'd like. I knew he was still undecided because the entire experience had been really great; I was hoping we could find a better balance, especially since work and school were starting to put him in a funk. I was ready for _us_ time.

It was tough not seeing him much, other than the mornings at The Diner, and that wasn't the same as spending quality time with him. Our late night texts and random phone calls weren't getting the job done, even if they did get a little steamy sometimes. I missed him. I missed spending time with him where we were just hanging out and laughing together. Sure, he often came over after work, but by that point, we were already both exhausted, and it certainly wasn't helping with our sexy times.

_Soon_, I kept telling myself, things would settle down and life would be normal… whatever that means.

"It was good. I'm tired, though, and can't stand not being with you."

He looked tired as he leaned in to kiss me, his lips soft and warm against mine.

"Well come in, silly. Why are you still standing there?"

He shrugged and walked in, kicking off his shoes in the entryway. I loved that he did that. I hadn't said anything about it, but he always did it. It meant a lot that he treated my home with respect, almost as if it were his own.

"You want something to drink, love?" I called from behind the fridge door.

"Um, yeah sure. Whatever is fine," he said, making himself comfortable on my new cream couch.

I poured us each a glass of strawberry lemonade. I handed it to him and sat down on the couch, snuggling into his side.

"I'm glad you're here. I've been missing you," I sighed, laying my head against his chest.

He set his lemonade on the side table and wrapped his arm around me, placing a tender kiss against my temple.

"I've missed you, too, baby. I'm really looking forward to my schedule relaxing a little bit. I hate that we only get to talk on the phone or see each other at work."

I hummed in acknowledgement.

We sat in silence, resting against each other in the quiet of the evening, and I knew I couldn't wait for this to be our real life. In some ways, it felt like we were pretending. I wanted him to come home to me every day, for us to share the little things about the day together. I wanted this forever.

My phone beeped, and I looked over at the table to see that I had missed a call. I couldn't imagine who would be calling so late, but the caller didn't leave a message and the number was unknown. I shrugged it off and shifted around to look at him; he had fallen asleep. I wasn't surprised. He rarely had downtime, and I was glad he found some peace here.

I gently shook him awake and led him back to the bedroom, helped him get undressed, and curled up next to him under my new purple down comforter. I lay there, my leg resting between his and my arm slung across his chest, perfectly content as the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest lulled me to sleep.

x-x-x

The next morning, I woke to the smell of coffee brewing and the sound of something going on in my kitchen. I walked down the hall, my bare feet sliding quietly against the hard wood floor. I peeked around the corner and giggled. Edward was standing in my kitchen, in boxers, with an apron tied around his waist. He was humming quietly as he flipped pancakes on the hot griddle. _Gorgeous and mine._

"I know you're watching me, baby," he said, his eyes still on the bubbling batter.

I giggled again. "I can't help it; you're so cute, and I love you in _my_ kitchen." I knew he'd catch the sarcasm in my use of the word "my." It felt like forever ago that we'd had that argument about the kitchen at The Diner being _his_.

"Don't even get me started," he smirked.

I walked over behind him, slid my arms around his waist, and pressed a bunch of soft kisses against his back and side, peering underneath his arm to watch him work. He smelled good – like pancakes and Edward.

He flipped the last pancake onto the plate and turned off the griddle. Turning to face me, he smiled. "You ready to eat my famous pancakes, love?"

This time I smirked. "Conceited much?"

"Hey, I know what I'm good at. Pancakes are just one of my many talents. I can show you a few others after breakfast, if you want," he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well, I know where I keep the syrup. So bring it!" I exclaimed, walking away, giving my butt a little shimmy for good measure. I shrieked in surprise when he smacked my bottom.

"Oh, baby, you know I'll bring it. I am the _master_ in the kitchen."

I loved it. I loved the playfulness of him here with me in the morning.

"I love you, Chef. And I'll show you who's master of the kitchen. _My _kitchen," I said, matching his suggestive tone and waggling eyebrows with my own brand of sass.

Our playful banter continued all through breakfast and well into the shower.

"I'm going to shower. You know where to find me if you want me," I said with a wink over my shoulder.

I was rarely this playful or flirtatious but having him here in the house brought it out in me.

The water rained down on me, as steam and heat filled the air. My eyes were closed, but I could hear him moving around in the bathroom. I wasn't surprised that he had followed me in here; I had practically thrown down the challenge and invited him to join me.

I heard the click of the shower door and looked over to see him standing there, naked and beautiful. His chest and arm muscles were well defined but not bulky or obnoxious. I looked down and could see him, really see him, and he was ready to get in. _Pun intended_. Just the thought of what was about to happen sent a thrill of heat coursing through my body.

Glancing up, I couldn't help but laugh at his crooked smile and his twinkling eyes.

I blushed but took a step back, inviting him in.

"I take it you like you what you see, baby," he said with a hint of sass and sarcasm, still standing on the mat outside the shower.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Chef. I mean," I motioned to the shower stall, "I was in here minding my own business. It's obvious you're the one who needed a little peek."

"Ah," he chuckled. "Well in that case, I'd like to cop a feel while I'm at it," he joked as he reached out and tweaked my nipple playfully.

"Hey," I said, swatting his hand away. "Watch it! Don't think you can just take advantage of me and my virtue because I'm standing here in all my glory."

He laughed a deep, hearty laugh. "Well, in that case," he said, turning to leave, "I'll leave you to it."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back toward me.

"Well, I'd hate for you to miss out… I mean, since you're here and all." I batted my eyes playfully and gave him my sweetest smile.

"As you wish, my lady," he said as he stepped into the shower, his hands grabbing my hips, as he pushed my back against the wall. His mouth found mine, needy and insistent, and all I could think was how hot this shower was going to be.

x-x-x

After we were both dressed and satisfied, I looked over at him and smiled.

"What time are Ali and Jas getting in today?"

He cocked his head and looked at the clock on my bedside table. "I'm not sure. I think they said around noon. They want us all to get together for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to seeing them."

"Me too! I was thinking about seeing if anyone wants to come over here for dinner. I'm dying for Alice to see my new place. I can just imagine the look on her face and the shrieking we'll hear when she sees it. What do you think?" I asked.

"That sounds like a great idea. Maybe we could grill or something. I can help."

I nodded excitedly. "Yeah, I like that idea. Although, I don't have a grill, so maybe we can come up with a different idea. I could make homemade pizzas and salad."

"Hmmm. Or maybe I'll just go get you a grill. You need one anyway, especially if I'm going to be over here a lot... and I hope I am?" I heard the slight uptick of his voice, questioning whether or not that was actually okay.

"You don't have to do that, Edward. I can get my own grill. _Especially_ since you'll be over here a lot," I said confidently, wanting to reassure him that I did, in fact, want him here with me a lot.

"Bella, consider it my housewarming gift. I'm going to get you one," he said, grabbing his keys off the side table where he left them last night.

I started to protest again, and he silenced me with a kiss.

"Let me take care of you, okay?" he asked, his voice subtly pleading with me to just go with the flow.

I laughed at his persuasion tactics. "Okay. Okay. You win," I said, holding my hands up in mock surrender. "I'm going to head to the store then. Steaks, baked sweet potatoes, and salad sound good? Maybe a berry cobbler for dessert?"

"Mmm, yes. That sounds perfect."

I walked into the kitchen and opened the little drawer at the end of the counter. I rifled through it and eventually found the spare key to my house.

"Here's a key to the house. Feel free to use it if you get back before me. The security code is the day I got to Forks, 05132009," I said matter of factly, handing him the key.

He stood there but didn't take the key, surprise and something I couldn't quite read written all over his face. "Baby, you don't have to give me a key. I can just wait for you to get home."

I couldn't help the sting of rejection I felt at him not wanting to take the key. I dropped my hand to my side and turned back to the kitchen. I didn't want him to see the pain or the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Oh, okay," I said quietly. It seemed silly to feel like this, but it just hit me all wrong.

He grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn and look at him.

"Hey, baby. Look at me."

I looked up at him before glancing back down at my hands.

"Bella, you know I want to take that key, right? I'm not saying 'no' because I don't want it. I do. I just don't want you to feel like you _have_ to give it to me. Hell, baby, I want to come here all the time. I just don't want you to feel like I'm intruding on your brand new space." He looked at me, his eyes tender and honest.

I stood there for a second, processing his words. I knew he was right; I was being overly sensitive. "Okay," I said again, still trying to reconcile the initial sting and the truth of his words.

"Baby? Hey," he said softly, pulling me into his chest. "I'll take it if you want me to. You know I do. I just…"

"I want you to have it, Edward; it doesn't mean I want you to move in. I want you to be a part of my life in every way. I mean, at some point, I want to talk about you maybe moving in here. I know that may be too much for now, but…"

"But, what?" he asked, stepping back so he could see my face.

"Just… I love you, Edward. I love it when you're here. I feel safe, and I hate that we really only get to see each other at The Diner. I hate that it's mostly just us talking over the phone. I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty. You know I support you completely in your work and school, I just miss you is all. I loved having you come here last night and fall asleep. I want you to be able to do that all the time, in my bed, if you want."

I felt the anguish of my own words and knew I sounded totally desperate, but I just needed him to know how I felt and that I seriously wanted him in my life.

"Then I want to take the key, baby. I want all of that, too. Trust me, I hate it just as much as you do, and we are almost to the point where things are going to settle down. And," a sexy smiled pulled across his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes, "I would love to maybe move in here with you someday when things settle down a bit."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. The thought of him moving in here someday, and the simple fact that he said he wanted to, made me feel giddy inside.

"Thank you for understanding and for not thinking I'm too clingy or desperate. Here's the key," I said, pulling his keys from his hand and putting my own on the ring. And like I said, the code is 05132009. If you get back before me, just use it and come in."

He nodded and kissed me, love and passion pouring out of him. "I will, baby. I love you."

"I love you. Now, go, I'll be leaving in a few minutes, too. I'll call Rose and Alice and let them know to meet over here at seven."

"Sounds good," he said, kissing me one last time before he walked out the door.

x-x-x

Alice and Jasper loved my new place. Of course, Alice totally freaked when she saw it and then came over the next day with a bunch of fun wall hangings, curtains, and pillows to decorate. I never realized I had a personal style, but apparently, according to Alice, I did. She called it funky, casual-chic, and she nailed it. All the stuff she brought over matched perfectly and fit my style to a T. I loved all the additions. We even talked about painting a couple of the rooms at some point, but for now, I was content with things the way they were.

Over the next few weeks, my house became everyone's favorite hang out. We'd spend hours together as a group watching movies, eating, or playing games. Mostly, we sat in the back yard around the fire pit that Rose and Em had gotten me as a housewarming gift roasting s'mores, drinking beer, and laughing at Em or Jasper's stupid jokes.

Edward spent a lot of time over here. He had practically moved in, except that he didn't really have much stuff here. After a couple of mornings of him having to go home to get ready, I bought him a toothbrush and deodorant and told him to bring some stuff over. I cleaned out a drawer for him, and even though I knew it wasn't perfect or permanent, at least it was a start. We hadn't talked about him moving in again, but it was clear that we were both heading in that direction. I was thrilled at the prospect.

Despite our many conversations, his schedule still hadn't slowed down much, and his mood swings hadn't improved at all; he had steadily gotten grumpier. He was consistently short with people, snapping at the delivery person at The Diner for getting there late with a special order, getting into arguments with Alice or Embry over the littlest things, and on occasion, even getting edgy with me. I couldn't put my finger on the reason for his increased agitation, but I assumed it was because of his work schedule and how tired he was.

A couple of the times, he'd snapped at me, he immediately apologized; I even came home one day to a bouquet of orange roses on my door step. When I pulled the card out, I smiled at the words on the card:

_I'm sorry, baby. I love you._

It was unsigned, but I didn't have to see his name to know it was from Edward. His outburst earlier in the day had been unwarranted; I shrugged it off, blaming it again on him being tired, but the flowers, although unnecessary, were a nice touch.

In spite of the flowers and apologies, his attitude continued to spiral downward. On a couple of occasions, I asked him if everything was okay, but always got the same, 'yeah things are fine, I'm just tired response.' After hearing the same excuse over and over again, I decided to give it a rest and give him some space. It was clear he wasn't ready to talk about whatever was on his mind, and as frustrating as it was not really knowing what was going on in his mind, I didn't want to push him too much. I wanted my house to be a safe place for him, and he didn't need me adding to the pressure.

On Tuesday night, after one of his really long days, he came over. I heard his keys jingling in the lock and called out my hello from the kitchen. I was tinkering with a new sugar cookie recipe and was really frustrated it wasn't working. I had already made seven different recipes, and I still hadn't found one I liked.

He didn't respond, and I walked into the living room.

"Hey," I said, irritation still in my voice from my kitchen frustrations.

"What?" he asked, his voice hard.

I was taken aback by his tone and stood there, silently trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Is everything okay?" I was hesitant to push too hard, knowing how he'd reacted in the past.

"I'm fine," he said, running his hands through his hair. I could hear the exasperation in his voice, and I decided to leave it alone. I certainly didn't want him taking his frustrations out on me. I turned and walked back into the kitchen, determined to figure out this recipe. I mean, how hard was it to find a soft, floury sugar cookie that would be a perfect match for my vanilla bean buttercream?

I grabbed my container of flour and was about to start measuring it out when he stormed into the kitchen.

"You know, Bella, I really don't appreciate you just walking off. I mean, what the hell?"

I jerked my head up, spilling flour all over the counter.

"Excuse me?" I asked sharply, stunned and immediately irritated that he was talking to me like this.

"You heard me. I don't understand why you just walked away, irritated like that. What's the deal?"

"Um, my deal is that I was trying to give you space since you are obviously in a bad mood." I was trying to keep myself in check. I really didn't want to get into a fight with him over something I had no control over and for reasons I didn't know or understand.

"I'm not in a bad mood," he said, anger rolling off of him. "And where do you get off assuming I'm mad?"

"Woah! Just hold up right there. Don't march into _my_ house and start yelling at me when I did _absolutely_ nothing wrong. You're the one that came in and barely said two words to me." I was seething. What the hell was his problem?

"Fine! I'll just leave. I don't need this bullshit from you right now," he said, throwing his keys on the table and walking out.

I was stunned. I had no idea where this was coming from, but I was too angry to stop him.

"Fine," I yelled after he slammed the door and walked out.

My heart was pounding in frustration. I looked around the house, and it felt so empty. I seriously had no idea what had just happened. I mean, did we just break up? I looked over at the keys on the table and knew he'd have to come back. The keys to his car were on there, not just my house key.

I thought about taking them out to him but decided against it. If he wanted them back, he was going to have to come back for them.

Storming over to the counter, I angrily dumped flour into my measuring cups, muttering under my breath the entire time. I slammed containers on the counter, spilled ingredients all over the place, and angrily mixed the batter. I threw the dough onto my baking sheet, jerked the oven door open, and stuffed the pan inside, setting the timer.

"Aaarrgg!" I yelled to no one but myself.

I gathered up all the dirty dishes and dumped them into the dishwasher; they were in complete disarray, and I knew I'd have to redo it later. I didn't care.

The timer went off, and I yanked the door open again, this time burning my knuckles on the over door, making me screech in pain and frustration.

"Fuck!"

I whipped the pan out of the oven and threw it on top of the stove, not even caring that the cookies bounced and smashed together. I walked over and stuck my hand under the faucet, turning on the cold water to cool the stinging burn. The longer I stood there, the more upset I got. Hot angry tears rolled down my face. I hated that we were fighting, and even more, I hated that I really had no idea why.

Part of me didn't want to think about what had really just happened. This was our first big fight, the first time one of us had really left in anger and was effectively giving up on the other. Another part of me was proud that I had stood my ground, that I hadn't caved in and started groveling like I would have with James.

Truthfully, though, none of that mattered compared to the sadness that was slowly eclipsing my anger. I didn't want things to end like this, not without a fight at least.

I heard a knock on the front door, grabbed his keys from the table, and pulled open the door. Edward was standing there, his face haggard and sad.

"Here are your keys," I said coolly, holding them out for him to take. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset and hurt.

"I don't want them, Bella," he said quietly. He shoved his hands in his pockets and ducked his head down. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I had a shitty day, and I took my frustrations out on you. Please forgive me."

I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was sincere, but the strong "hear me roar" woman inside wasn't ready to let it go. We had already been through this several times, and I was not going to keep doing this with him.

"You know, you can't just take your frustrations out on me like this Edward. This is the second or third time you've done that. It's not fair to me… and certainly not in my house. I can't live with you doing that. I did that for six years with James, and I'm not going to let you do that to me."

I had no idea where this inner strength was coming from, but I knew every word I said was true. I was never going to let someone treat me like that again. Edward, and really everyone, had shown me that I deserved better than that, and I knew it now.

I watched him cringe at my mention of James, and I knew he would be sick thinking that he had done that to me. He looked back up at me, tears in his eyes.

"Bella," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "I would never do that. I'm not him. I never want to be him, and I never want to treat you like he did. It makes me sick that you think I could or would do that."

I cut him off. "You _did_ do that, Edward. You _did_ come here, to my home, and take your frustrations out on me. I don't want you doing that. If you're having a bad day, just tell me you need space. Don't lash out at me!" I knew I was getting emotional, but now that I'd found the gumption to stand up for myself, I felt emboldened and empowered. "I can't live like that. Not now. Not ever again."

I had lived enough of this lifetime cowering and being fearful. With everything I knew about myself, now that I had gained some perspective being away from James, I knew I was stronger than he gave me credit for. No, I was stronger than I gave myself credit for, and I needed Edward to understand that.

"You're right. I did do that. I didn't," he paused and ran his fingers through his hair roughly, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Can we just…" He paused again, breathing deeply, trying to find the right words. "Can we just talk, please? I need to explain some stuff."

I stood there, waiting for him to look up at me. I hated hearing the pain in his voice, the quiet whisper of fear as he begged for forgiveness. I knew I'd let him in. I wanted to know what was going on, and I certainly didn't want this to be the end of us. When he finally looked up at me, I could see the anguish and sadness in his eyes.

I stepped out of the way, my hand on the door, and waited for him to come in. He walked in and stood in front of me. He was so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face. He lifted his hand to touch me but stopped, thinking better of it. He dropped his hand slowly and moved past me.

My heart broke a little at his silent defeat, but I couldn't quite bring myself to pull him to me. It was his turn to lay it all out for me, just as I had done with him in Seattle. We were finally to the point where the secrets were going to tear us apart if we didn't let them go.

He flopped down onto the sofa, grabbed a pillow, and started toying with the tassel on one of the corners.

I walked over and sat at the far end, close enough for him to know we would be okay but not wanting to touch him yet. I turned to face him, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I waited for him to start explaining whatever it was that had him so agitated.

He sat there for a long time, silent, fidgeting with the pillow. His breathing was rough, and his fingers occasionally ran through his hair. I could tell he was working up the nerve to say something.

He looked up at me, and I could see the strain on his face, frustration and sadness marring his gorgeous eyes. His voice was quiet and rough when he eventually started speaking. I didn't say anything. I just watched him, feeling my heart pull at how lost he looked.

"I'm really sorry for treating you so badly, Bella. You didn't deserve that, and it sickens me that you always seem to be the one taking the brunt of my mood swings."

His eyes met mine, and he gave me a sad smile. I smiled back at him and nodded in acknowledgement. There was no way this was going to tear us apart. We'd already come too far, and I believed, like Alice, that we were meant for each other. This was a set back for us, sure, but not the end of us.

"I'm sure you've noticed I've been pretty moody lately. At first I thought it was just me feeling tired, but it's more than that. I'm sorry I haven't shared any of this with you. I know it's overdue, and I owe you the truth."

At this point, my head started spinning. Was he seeing someone else? Had his feelings changed? What the hell was he talking about? I could feel my body tensing up, anxiety flooding my entire system. I was about to say something when he held up his hand.

"Please don't say anything. I need to get this out," he said, his eyes pleading with me to agree.

I nodded and waited, my body stiff and already starting to ache from the tension.

"There's just been so much going on. I mean, my head has been going crazy trying to process what you told me in Seattle. I mean, I know you didn't mean to lie. I know…"

My breath hitched. What the hell was he talking about? Anger and confusion coursed through me all over again.

"I didn't lie to you, Edward. What are you talking about?" The edge in my voice was unmistakable.

"I know you didn't mean it to _be_ a lie, and I'm trying not to take it that way. I know this is my issue, not yours. But I've really been struggling with what you told me in Seattle. I know you aren't married now and that you told me that you had been when you could, but a big part of me feels resentful that you didn't tell me before."

He was rambling, his words bunched up and confusing. I tried to figure out why he thought it was a lie. I mean, I wasn't married to James now. I never pretended one way or the other.

"Edward, I'll be honest," I said, my voice tense and tight with emotion, "I don't know why you think I lied to you. I mean, if I were still married and hadn't told you, then I would have lied. I just wasn't ready to tell you my story. I don't know why me being divorced has anything to do with anything."

I was buzzing with confusion and really starting to regret having told him everything. This was exactly what I was afraid was going to happen. I knew he wouldn't be able to understand where I was coming from or what my life had been like. I knew he was just going to assume something that wasn't even true. I yanked on my ponytail angrily and blew out a frustrated breath.

"Bella… wait, that's… ughh," he said, letting out a frustrated sigh of his own. "This isn't coming out right. It would make more sense if you knew everything."

I ground my teeth in frustration and took a deep breath, trying to keep calm. "Well, then, tell me, Edward. I'm really trying to understand where you're coming from and why you're calling me a liar. So, start talking because on top of everything that has already happened tonight, I'm feeling less than charitable."

I knew he knew I was frustrated and angry. My feelings were really hurt, and I wasn't even sure how I was going to be able to trust him now. He told me he understood my story, that he would always be there for me, and now, he thought I'd lied? It just didn't make sense. I looked down and found that I was unconsciously clenching my fists; I tried to relax, even closed my eyes for a second before I looked back up at him, but this entire conversation was ridiculous.

"Look, I just…"

"No, just fucking tell me what is going on, Edward!" I barked at him. "Why are you calling me a liar and treating me like shit? I deserve better than this, and you know it. Tell me what is going on!"

My outburst startled him, and he looked at me in surprise. I rarely cursed, but it was like I couldn't find the right words to convey all my feelings. He yanked on his hair and then locked his hands behind his neck, tugging it down so he was looking at his lap. He was breathing hard, and it was clear he was trying to get himself together.

"I know you're right," he spat back, irritation and frustration evident in his tone. He squared his shoulders and looked me right in the eye, almost defiantly. "It's just that when you told me all of that – about James, it made me feel the way Carlisle made me feel – deceived, and I just… I just…" He paused, stumbling over his words as his bravado deflated.

"You just what, Edward?" I was testy and starting to lose my patience. "Just tell me what happened. I don't know what happened with your dad, but I do know that I didn't deceive you, ever. Your dad loves you and wants things to be better between you. I don't understand why _you_ won't try to fix things."

He jerked his head up, his hand slapping the back of the couch. His eyes were blazing.

"What do you mean you know my dad wants things to be better between us? When did you talk to my dad about us? About me?"

He was furious and his anger confused me.

"I didn't talk to him about us or you. He talked to me, and I listened. When I went over for the rehearsal, Alice was running late. He was the only person there. He asked me how I knew Alice, and I told him that I was the baker at The Diner.

"He immediately latched onto the fact that we work together and mentioned that he was proud of you and that he had even been to CSB to eat once he found out from _Alice_ that you worked there. So back off, okay? I would never betray your trust like that, and it pisses me off that you think I would! I know how you feel about him; I've been on the receiving end of that attack once already."

We stared as each other, both bristling with fury, neither willing to back down. Eventually he looked away and crossed his arms.

"It's too long of a story to get into here. I don't want to talk about it," he said, his body rigid and his tone tense with defiance.

"That's bullshit, Edward!" I yelled, standing up and moving over in front of him. "Why won't you even try to make things better? Why won't you even talk about it with _me_? Do you know how it makes me feel, knowing that there is this major part of your life that you won't share with me? Do you know how hard it was for me to share my story with you? I mean, I've let it go because I didn't want to push you, but this is ridiculous. I don't understand why you won't even try!" My voice was hysterical, about two octaves higher than normal. My hands were clenched in tight fists by my side, and I stormed into the kitchen to catch my breath and calm down.

x-x-x

EPOV

"You want to know why I won't try, Bella?" I yelled after her. "Because he lied to me! He lied to me, and in doing so, stole the most amazing person in my life away from me. How do you forgive someone for doing that? Huh? How would you like me to do that?"

She came around the corner, and I stared into her face, tears streaming out of her eyes. I felt like shit for yelling at her, but I couldn't help myself. I was so angry, consumed by my rage and frustration. I hated Carlisle for doing this to me, for stealing her away from me.

She started to walk toward me and then stopped, moving back to the kitchen entry. Seeing her do it made me feel sick; I didn't want her to be afraid of me… ever. She pulled on her ponytail again, this time in frustration. She sighed heavily.

"I'm not saying it will be easy or that it'll happen immediately, but you are not helping by just walking around ignoring everything, pretending that you're fine when you aren't."

I stood up and walked toward her. She didn't cower or move away, and I took it as a good sign that maybe she wasn't really afraid of me. Standing in front of her, I ached to reach for her, but I didn't feel like I could. I had driven this wedge between us with my secrets, and I needed her to tell me it was okay again.

She reached over and brushed her fingers over my arm, the feeling warm and gentle, reaffirming that even though we were in the midst of this argument that she still loved me and cared about me. "What happened, baby? What did he lie to you about?"

Her voice was sweet and soft, encouraging me to finally open up to her. I wanted to. I wanted to tell her everything. I stood there, silent, my mind drifting back to that day in Chicago, and without thinking, I pulled her to me, holding her tight against my body.

I ran my fingers through her hair, pulling the holder out, wanting to feel the silky smooth curls around my hands. I pressed my forehead against hers and led her over to the couch. With a deep breath, I let the words pour out of me.

"My mom died five years ago. I know you know that part, but I've never told you what happened that night."

I paused and looked at her. She nodded, letting me know she was ready for me to continue.

"I was in Chicago in culinary school, about to start the internship of my dreams. I was going to be working under one of Chicago's premier chefs – Charlie Trotter; it was the opportunity of a lifetime. But the night before I was supposed to start, I got a call from Carlisle telling me I needed to come home and that my mom had been in a serious car accident.

"I asked if she was okay; he told me she was but that I needed to come home immediately. We needed to be together as a family.

"My mom was the most amazing person, Bella. She was beautiful, and her laugh was so contagious…" I trailed off, pausing to remember some of the best moments with her – summer vacations at the beach, our trip to the Grand Canyon, and the little things she did to make each day special. The ache in my chest was like a wound; the bandage I had put on it for so long finally being ripped off, leaving a gaping hole.

Bella's fingers tangled with mine, and she squeezed my hand, trying to reassure me that things would be okay, that she was here for me, and that I could take my time. I squeezed hers, bringing her knuckles to my lips, letting her know that I appreciated it before I let go.

"As you know, things were already a little tense between me and Carlisle because of the school thing. But I immediately went to the airport and caught the next flight to Seattle. I would have done anything for my Mom. She was one of my best friends and my biggest supporter, and I was desperate to get home to her to make sure she was okay.

"The whole time I was driving there and then in the air, I kept praying that she wouldn't be in poor condition when I got there. I mean," I paused, my voice cracking as the pain started to seep through, "I had no idea how I'd live without her if something happened.

I took a deep breath, knowing that this was the part where it all fell apart. I would never forget the look on Carlisle's face when he told me that she was dead, that she had died instantly. The pain of that memory washed over me, and my chest constricted as I tried to breathe through it. I closed my eyes, trying to pull myself together. Bella immediately scooted over and pulled me to her, my head resting on her shoulder, her hands soothingly running through my hair.

"When I got there, she had already died. A drunk driver hit her car as she was coming home from one of her charity meetings, and she died instantly.

"When Carlisle told me, I just stared at him. No matter what he said, I couldn't wrap my mind around why he didn't just tell me over the phone. I mean, I spent the entire trip there thinking she was alive, only to find out that she was dead, that I never really even had a chance to say goodbye.

"I was furious. I am still furious about it. He stole that time from me, time that I'll never get back. He deliberately deceived me.

"Fuck, baby," I said roughly, my hands once again pulling on my hair. "She was my Mom, one of the most important people in my life, and I didn't have a chance to process it the way I should have or to say goodbye. He gave me this false sense of hope," I said, raising my hands in frustration before putting my head in my hands, my fingers gripping my hair to the point of being painful.

"He gave me hope that she was going to be alive when I got there, that if I had to say goodbye, I'd at least have that chance. But I didn't. He stole it from me, stole her from me."

I peered up at her, and the sadness in her eyes matched the devastating ache I felt inside. I reached for her hand, needing to feel some part of her, anything to help ease the ache before I went on. Her thumb brushed light circles across the top of my hand, attempting to soothe me, and it helped, calming me down enough to continue.

"He lied to me, and I'll never forgive him for it," I whispered, barely able to choke out the words. I knew I was repeating myself and talking in circles, I just didn't know how to get it all out. I was in emotional overdrive, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

"Shhh, baby, just breathe." Bella's voice was quiet as she tried to help me calm down again, but in doing so, she reminded me of all the times my mom had held me when I cried.

Without warning, tears were pouring down my face, a broken sob ripped through my chest, causing me to double over as I let it all out. I cried for all the moments that I would never get with her, for the time I lost with her when I was mad at Carlisle over the culinary school issue, and for the time I thought she was alive and she wasn't.

I cried for a long time, finally letting all the pent up frustration loose as Bella bent over and pressed tender kisses to the top of my head, her fingers never leaving my hair.

"Next week will be five years that she's been gone," I said, my voice teary and devoid of emotion; I was completely spent. "I miss her so much."

"I know you do, baby. Thank you for telling me, Edward. I know it doesn't make up for the loss and the pain, but if it helps, I'll be with you every step of the way or as much as you want me. You don't have to face this day alone," she whispered lovingly against the top of my head.

"I know… it's just that Alice has this huge thing planned, and I'm going to have to be with Carlisle… and I just don't know how I can do this with him there. It's like every time I look at him, all I see is anger and hate for what he did."

"Mmmm," she murmured in acknowledgement. "Have you… have you ever tried to talk to him about it, love?" she asked hesitantly. I knew she was nervous to push the boundaries, but she didn't need to be.

"What is there to say? He lied to me, Bella." I said flatly. "What can he possibly say that's going to make this better? Give me back those moments?"

"I know that you won't ever get those moments back, and truthfully, if I were in your shoes, I would probably feel the same way. But, Edward, he loves you. That much was clear from my conversation with him. He wants to work through it… but he needs you to want to do it, too."

I didn't say anything. I was really at a loss. A big part of me just wanted to keep fighting against him, but if I were honest with myself, I had to admit that I had enjoyed the few conversations we'd had before Ali's wedding. I had missed talking to him. When Mom died, I didn't just lose her, I lost him, too. I just wasn't sure if I could even open myself up to him again, knowing that he betrayed me like that.

"I'm not trying to take his side, Edward," Bella quickly offered when she didn't get a response. "I just… I know how much I regret the time I lost with Charlie over all the stuff with James. And it was really all because I didn't want to let him know me. I just don't want that for you, especially not when it's so clear how proud he is of you. I wish you could have seen the sadness in his eyes. It certainly matches yours," she said quietly, but firmly.

I nodded my head, letting her know that I had heard her. I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to think that Carlisle actually cared. It didn't make sense given what he'd done to me in Chicago and then with Mom. I just couldn't get my mind to reconcile this. But then that ever present nagging reared its head, and I thought of all the times in the last few months that he'd tried to connect with me. I shook my head and pushed it aside; I couldn't even begin to think about that right now.

We sat there for a long time, her fingers making lazy circles in my hair and across my back, as she tried to help me find some peace in order to patch up the open wound that was my heart.

"Thank you, baby," I whispered as I sat up.

"You don't need to thank me, love. This is what I'm here for." She smiled sweetly and kissed me softly.

I sighed against her lips, lost in her perfection. "I'm sorry for being so horrible to you today. I feel terrible about it. Can you forgive me?"

She looked into my eyes and smiled again. "Of course I can, Edward. Next time just talk to me, okay? Or tell me you need space."

"I will. I love you so much, Bella."

"And I love you, Chef. Now come on, let's go to bed. I need some snuggle time."

I smiled at how cute she was as I pulled her up off the couch and walked back to the bedroom.

"Me, too, baby. Me, too."

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Thank you so much to those of you who participated in FGB-Eclipse! The $$ are still rolling in, but I know it's going to be huge when everything has been counted! It's amazing to see all of us come together to help fight childhood cancer! Thanks especially to MsKathy and Jessica1971 for buying the two one shots I had up for auction! I'm super excited (and nervous) to get to write for these woman!**

**I recently updated the blog with all of the cupcake recipes mentioned in the previous chapter, as well as a recipe for the Cornish game hens!**

**Twitter: Jessypt****  
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Blog: ****http:/jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I absolutely love hearing what you think after each chapter, especially the many theories you've been proposing! Please keep sending them my way. We're about to get some answers! Chapter 17-20ish will pull it all together! Buckle your seatbelts ladies, and leave me some love!**


	19. Chapter 18

**Cupcake lovin' to my betaloves, kikikinz, lexiecullen17, & Catie22866.**

**I used these two songs to write this chapter: **

**Sigur Ros – Andvari (Remember Me Soundtrack) & Sia – Our Love (Eclipse Soundtrack)**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

The week leading up to Mom's death date was stressful and busy. My crazy work and school schedules continued unchanged, and for once, I was grateful for the distraction. I was tired of thinking and feeling, especially after freaking out on Bella.

I scratched the back of my head, still frustrated at myself for taking out my anger on her. She had been nothing but supportive, and I knew she had been giving me space, not wanting to push me. When she continued arguing, her voice laced with irritation, I just snapped. Shaking my head at how shitty I had been to her, I turned back to the Cornish game hen I was preparing for the main service tonight.

I was surprised to see a note from Chef J indicating the evening's special when I walked into the kitchen this afternoon. Since he had been working on the festival plans, he had left the kitchen in my control, and I had been setting the special menu. I picked up the piece of paper and read through it and smiled. He knew me too well; game hens were such a versatile food, and I was excited about the possibilities.

_Edward,_

_I found these at the Jim's, and I couldn't resist. Thought you could use these for dinner tonight._

_Chef J._

I could definitely use these and spent the next two hours focused on prepping the hens and creating a wild rice and mushroom stuffing.

Grabbing the bowl of soaking porcini mushrooms, I strained the water into a different bowl and started chopping them into small pieces. Once I was done, I set them aside just briefly, and started sautéing the onions and celery that would go with it – enhancing the taste and richness of the mushrooms, without overshadowing their delicate flavor.

I walked to the back refrigerator and grabbed the tray a hens. The guys had already washed, dried, and lightly seasoned them for me, and all I had to do was fill each one, fold the skin and tie the legs together, and brush them with butter. I was grateful to work with such a great team; they were consistently thinking ahead, and we made a great team.

Mom used to make games hens for Christmas each year. I had a lot of fond memories of us in the kitchen experimenting with different stuffings and cooking techniques. The one I settled on tonight was her favorite; it required lots of little steps, and didn't afford me the opportunity to get lost in my own head again.

Evening service passed quickly, the kitchen steamy, noisy, and crowded as the crew worked together seamlessly. We laughed together, dropped plates together, and called out orders as they came up. It was absolutely thrilling to be in the zone; it was like having a constant buzz of energy pushing you forward. I loved running this kitchen, even if it was only temporary.

The drive home was quiet, a nice change from the hustle bustle of the loud kitchen. I thought about everything that was going to happen tomorrow and groaned in frustration. Alice had planned a memorial and get together for our _entire_ family, and as much as I wanted to honor Mom, I still wasn't ready to deal with Carlisle.

Not wanting to dwell, I called Bella.

"Hey," I said quietly when Bella finally picked up.

"Hey, Chef. How was dinner tonight?"

I loved how sweet she was, always asking how dinner service went and genuinely caring about the answer.

"It was great actually. Chef J found these really beautiful game hens, and I created a wild rice and mushroom stuffing for them. They were a hit." The pride in my voice was unmistakable, and the longer I worked there, the more I was starting to realize that I could, no, would, in fact, be a successful chef.

"Mmmm. That sounds amazing! I hope you're bringing some home for me," she said insistently, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

"Unfortunately, they're for paying customers only, but I've got a little somethin' somethin' for you… for free." If she had been sitting next to me, she would have laughed and punched me in the shoulder as I waggled my eyebrows and smirked at her suggestively. I wished she was; I missed her.

"I know what you are doing, Edward. And your attempts at flirtation are not going to win me over. I need a man with some real game… hen," she teased back.

I busted out laughing. "That was cheesy, Bella."

"I know," she giggled. "But I couldn't resist."

"I'm on my way right now, baby… if you think you can handle my game."

"You are such a dork."

"Whatever, you know you love it."

She sighed in fake exasperation. "Fine… I do. I can't help but love your snobby knife-wielding ass, _Chef_," she said sarcastically.

I laughed loudly. She was the perfect end to my night.

"Oh, by the way," she said quickly, "Alice called and wanted me to remind you that everyone is meeting over at her house tomorrow morning at 11 a.m. to head to the cemetery."

I hadn't forgotten. I knew I was going to have to face the family, and Alice was of course going to make this into a huge deal. She wanted us to spend the whole day together as a family, feuds aside, to honor Mom. I could do this, I kept telling myself. I could spend the day with the family, with Carlisle, and set aside everything like we did for Ali's wedding and get through this. I just wasn't sure I was actually ready for it. Wanting it to be special for Mom and actually making it special with all the family drama was going to be exhausting.

I refused to acknowledge the ache in the pit of my stomach at the thought of having to stand before her grave tomorrow or the longing I felt for our family to be whole again.

"Edward?" Bella asked, concern evident in her soft question.

I cleared my throat. "Yes, I remembered. Are you still going to come with me?"

I needed her with me. She was the one of the few grounding forces in my life, and I wanted her beside me.

"Of course, I'll be there. If you want me to be there, then I'll be there."

"Thanks, baby," I breathed out, not realizing how tense and uncertain I was as to whether or not she'd actually come. It was stupid to think that she wouldn't; Bella had told me she would last week after our very long and emotional talk.

"Are you coming over tonight, or are you heading home?"

I groaned in annoyance. "I wish I were coming over, but Alice wants us to write letters to Mom for tomorrow. I haven't started mine yet, and I need to spend some time tonight doing that."

"Letters?"

"Yeah… it's uh… it's a tradition that we have," I said nervously, shifting the phone to the other ear. "After Mom died, we each wrote a letter and buried it with her. We do this every year now and burn them at her grave. You know… like sending our words and feelings up to her."

"Oh, wow. I've never heard of anyone doing that before, but I love the sentiment."

"It's actually really helpful. Over the years, I've been able to tell her a lot of things… you know, the stuff that's going on in my life, what I'm struggling with…" I drifted off.

As much as I hated writing these letters, they always made me feel better, closer to her. It was very freeing to pour out all the feelings and thoughts I'd bottled up throughout the year, because I didn't feel comfortable talking about them. I was excited to tell Mom about school and Bella, but the thought of actually writing down how things had deteriorated with Carlisle was daunting. She would have been disappointed, and I hated that.

"Okay, love. Well, I'm here if you need me," she said sweetly. "I'll see you in the morning. Do you want to pick me up?"

"Yeah, I'll pick you up a little before eleven, and Bella… thank you. You're just so…" I attempted to say before she cut me off.

"I love you, Edward. No thanks are needed."

"Thanks, baby. I love you," I said before hanging up the phone.

God, I loved that woman. I still couldn't believe she was mine and hopefully would be forever, someday.

x-x-x

My room was dark and cool when I finally got home. Sitting at my desk, I stared down at the blank white paper, waiting for the words to come. There were so many things I wanted to tell Mom; a lot had changed in the last year for me.

I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my hands roughly over my face, and took a deep breath. I picked up my pen and started writing.

x-x-x

My alarm woke me up the next morning, and I slammed my hand against it, desperate to silence the shrill beeping. I cracked my eyes open and closed them again tightly as the sun blared through the window blinding me. With a groan, I rolled over, burying my head under my pillow and refused to get out of bed.

I didn't want to go downstairs and face Carlisle. I didn't want to meet Alice and watch her fight for the perfect family moment. I didn't want to stand in front of my Mom's grave and burn my letter to her. I didn't want to have a family dinner, and I really didn't want to pretend that everything was going to be okay between me and Carlisle. I did not want to do this today.

I knew I was being childish and selfish. This day wasn't about me. This day was about Mom, and I really needed to get over myself and out of this funk.

My phone chirped on the nightstand, and I blindly reached for it, patting the nightstand until I found it. _Bella._ I opened the message and smiled.

_Just wanted to say I love you._

This woman never ceased to amaze me. She always seemed to know the perfect thing to say, just when to touch me, or how to calm me down.

_Thanks, b__aby. I love you, too. See you soon._

I typed my message quickly and pressed send. Tossing my phone on the pillow next to me, I threw back the covers, got out of bed, and gave myself a little pep talk. I sounded ridiculous, even in my own head.

_Pull it together, Edward. You can do this. Today will be a good day._

An hour later I was dressed in my charcoal gray suit, wearing the light blue shirt and tie Alice had picked out. I fastened the buttons on my sleeves with the silver Cullen crest cuff links my Mom had gotten me when I graduated from high school.

"_It's a rite of passage, Edward. Every man needs a nice pair of cuff links," she told me._

As I stared at myself in the mirror, I wondered how the day would go. What would she think of us now? Would she be proud of us? Proud of me? I shook my head, knowing the answer. She would hate that the family was broken and that Carlisle and I were barely talking.

With a final check in the mirror, I vowed that I would do my best to make this a good day for all of us.

When I got downstairs, the house was empty and quiet. I looked at the clock and realized I really needed to get a move on; Alice would kill me if I was late, and I still needed to pick up Bella.

I walked out to the car and noticed a note tucked under my wiper blade. I lifted the blade and picked up the note, opening it quickly.

_Edward,_

_I was planning for us to ride together but decided you'd probably prefer to take your own car. I'll meet you and Alice at the cemetery a little after 11. _

_Dad_

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I crumpled the paper in my fist and threw it in the trashcan against the garage wall. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to alleviate the weird longing and irrational irritation I felt warring inside me. It made no sense for me to be upset. His note was clearly written to let me know that he understood and respected my wishes to keep the distance between us, but just the fact that he mentioned it pissed me off. It was just another acknowledgement of how bad things really were, and I hated it.

I knew I needed to calm down. If I could get this worked up over a note that said nothing, today was not going to go well – at all. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on what was really important. Mom.

When I got to Bella's, she was waiting in the living room, dressed in a simple, yet elegant, strapless dark blue dress with a light blue ribbon around her waist. She was breathtaking.

"You're so beautiful, baby," I said as my arms wrapped around her waist.

"Thank you. You clean up nicely, as well."

The grin on her face was sweet and made me thankful, once again, that she would be with me today.

"You ready to go?" I asked.

She nodded once and grabbed her purse and a light blue jacket from the couch.

"Ok, then. Let's get this over with," I mumbled as we walked out the door.

The drive was silent. I didn't feel like talking, and I thought Bella was trying to give me space. She had basically been watching me, letting me lead, which I appreciated immensely.

Alice was strangely subdued when we got to her house. Jasper stood off to the side, trying to give her space it seemed, as well, and I could tell from the look on his face that they'd had a rough morning.

I walked over and pulled Alice into a hug. She looked like she needed one, and surprisingly, I felt like I needed one, too. This day was always hard for us, but this year, it seemed much worse. I felt heavier and more anxious than normal.

Bella walked over and stood next to Jasper, whispering quietly and trying to give us a minute. I was grateful once again at how perceptive she was. No one could really understand what it was like to lose a parent unless you'd lived through it. There was no way to explain the way your heart felt like it had been ripped out or the way the memories felt hollow and empty, even though they were the only thing left.

"You okay?" I asked as she tightened her grip around my neck and sniffled in my ear.

I felt her nod against my neck and shoulder, and I held her there, waiting for her to pull away. We stayed like that for a while, Jasper and Bella quiet and waiting.

"Thanks, Edward. I needed that," Alice said, as she wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled a little.

"Today is going to be a good day, Ali." I don't know where the conviction in my voice came from, but I felt it.

"Shall we go?" Jasper asked, checking his watch. "Your dad is probably waiting for us already."

"He is. He left a note on my car saying he'd meet us at the cemetery at eleven."

Alice looked at me strangely, surprised, perhaps, that I knew Carlisle's whereabouts, but didn't say anything. I was glad she let it go.

She reached for a big bag sitting on the porch before Jasper stepped in and grabbed it.

"I'll get it, sweetheart," he said as he hoisted it over his shoulder.

She smiled gratefully, grabbed his free hand, and moved toward the car. "Alright, we're ready."

We all piled in the car, a solemn weight already hanging in the air.

"Do you have your letter, Edward?" Alice asked.

"I do," I said, patting my chest. It was burning a hole in my pocket. Everything I had written in there was the truth, but the knowledge that I was getting ready to send it up to my Mom was daunting. I knew she wouldn't be happy with me for how things with Carlisle had degraded, and after my conversation with Bella, I felt even more on edge about it.

I pulled out of the driveway and drove to the cemetery. No one said anything during the short drive; we were all lost in our thoughts. I reached for Bella's hand, needing to feel her warmth in the midst of what was already starting to feel like a cold, dreary day.

We pulled into the parking lot and parked next to Carlisle's black Mercedes. He wasn't in the car, so I assumed he was already with Mom. Part of me wondered how often he came here, or if he still came every week.

"Alice, does he still come here every week?" I asked. The question was out before I could stop it. I knew she was going to wonder why I was so curious, but I didn't really care.

"Yeah, he comes here at least once a week. He really misses her, you know?" Her voice was quiet and sad.

I knew he missed her. Hell, we all missed her, but sometimes it felt like she wasn't a part of our lives anymore. We never really talked about her anymore, and I wondered why. It wasn't like our memories with her were bad; they were the best memories we had. She was the center of our family, the heartbeat, and without her, everything felt empty.

Bella squeezed my hand slightly.

"You okay?" she whispered, concern in her eyes.

I nodded. "Yeah, just thinking."

"I love you, Edward. I just wanted you to know that, especially today." The look on her face was intense and so honest that it took my breath away.

"Thank you, baby. I really needed that." I leaned over and kissed her softly, thankful again that she was with me today.

I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that Alice and Jasper were talking quietly in the back, I assumed, to give us a little privacy.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked if everyone was ready to go. Without a word, we opened our doors and got out. Jasper grabbed the bag from the trunk, and we walked towards Mom's plot.

The plot was situated on a small hill overlooking a patch of wildflowers. A big oak tree towered over it providing shelter and shade. When we were trying to pick out her final resting place, we didn't have any specific criteria other than we wanted it to be a place that Mom would have enjoyed. This place was relatively private, and there were only a few other graves here, one for a woman who'd died years ago and the other for a baby girl. For some reason, the baby being buried nearby sealed the deal for us. It would have broken Mom's heart, and it gave us a weird sense of peace to think that maybe she was helping take care of her in heaven.

When we reached the top of the hill, I saw Carlisle sitting on the bench we'd purchased, his shoulders hunched forward as he stared at her grave. Seeing him like that, broken, made my stomach clench. I was used to seeing the strong, hard exterior that he always put on in front of me, but this was different. I'd never seen him like this, not even at the funeral.

I looked at Ali, the questions written all over my face. She simply nodded. A strange feeling settled over me as we continued up the hill. Maybe it was guilt, maybe confusion; I just didn't know how to explain it.

Carlisle must have heard us coming because he quickly stood up, dusting off his suit pants. He squared his shoulders, and the same cool exterior he always wore was back in place. It did nothing to eliminate the confusion and frustration I always felt toward him, but now it was mixed with a host of other emotions, leaving my head whirling.

"Hi," he said when we reached her grave.

Alice immediately walked over and gave him a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, completely engulfing her with his long arms. It reminded me so much of her as a little girl – Daddy's little girl.

He looked over Ali's head and nodded at me. "Edward."

"Dad," I said in reply, acknowledging him for the first time today. I was surprised at how easy it was to call him 'Dad.' I rarely called him that.

He released Alice and turned to shake Jasper's hand, pulling him into a sort of half hug.

That same uncomfortable feeling stirred within me, although it shouldn't. Jasper was a part of this family, too, and I would expect Carlisle to shake his hand or hug him just like would have with me… if I let him.

"Bella," he uttered quietly, "it's nice to see you again."

"Thank you. It's nice to see you again, too. I hope I'm not intruding."

Carlisle looked at me, quietly questioning whether or not it was okay. I nodded subtly, letting him know Bella was here for me.

"Not at all. If it's okay with Edward and Alice, it's certainly fine with me."

We'd never brought anyone other than family to these things before, so her being here spoke volumes about our relationship, volumes that I hadn't shared with him and neither had Alice.

We all stood there, awkwardly staring at each other until Alice walked over to the bag and pulled out a large bouquet of flowers, a saddle of red and blue flowers, and some greenery. She carefully filled each of the vases on the headstone and then situated the saddle on top of it. She stepped back to inspect her work and smiled. This was one of the many rituals Ali carried out each year. She liked to make sure everything was perfect, knowing how much Mom loved flowers.

After Mom died, everyone was in shock. The funeral came and went as we walked through the motions. I'll never forget how surreal everything felt. It was like I was in this waking dream, and I was just waiting to wake up from the nightmare. But that never happened, and eventually we pulled ourselves together enough to pick out a headstone.

We chose a simple grey granite marker with a curved top. It took a while for us to decide on the inscription, but in the end, went with "Beautiful wife and loving mother" under her name and dates and had "Cullen" engraved on the other side. Looking at it now, sitting in the shade of the large oak tree, I smiled and knew she would have approved. She was always about keeping it simple, and that is exactly what we had done.

Alice walked back over to the bag and grabbed a metal bucket and a box of matches. She set them both down on the ground in front of the stone and turned around to look at us expectantly.

We all walked quietly over to stand in front of it. Carlisle was the first to start. He grabbed the box of matches and pulled one out, striking the tip against the side. The flame sparked to life, and he quickly brought it to the corner of the envelope. His eyes were sad and distant as he watched the fire slowly eat away at his words, the brown burn line and the disappearing paper the only tangible symbol he had for what was happening. He blinked away a few tears and handed the lighter to Jasper. I knew he had lost her too, and seeing him like this made me realize just how much.

Jasper slowly lit his envelope and was followed closely by Alice. As I watched the two of them, my heart ached again at how Mom wasn't here for their wedding; she would have loved seeing them together.

I was about to grab the matches when Bella reached for them and pulled a letter of her own from inside her bag. I looked at her in surprise, and she smiled shyly in return. I had no idea she was planning to participate in this with us, but it caused my heart to somersault a few times. I had expected it from Jasper; he knew Mom and had always been part of the family, but Bella had never met her.

As she struck the match, I looked at the faces of my family. Alice was smiling, and Jasper looked his naturally calm self. It was the look on Carlisle's face that caused me to pause. He was staring at Bella with such intensity that it caused me to shift uncomfortably. It was clear he was surprised, but there was something else there. His eyes met mine, and he smiled sadly, clearly communicating his full realization that he was not a part of my life anymore.

I realized in that instant that I didn't want this. I didn't want the distance, the misunderstanding, or the lies. I just wanted my family to be together, happy again, but I needed Carlisle to explain himself. I needed him to tell me why he lied and deceived me, why he didn't give me my time, and then I could move forward, finally putting this issue to rest.

Vowing to have that conversation soon, I turned back to watch as Bella lit her envelope. As the flames consumed it, I stood in awe. I had never met anyone like her. She was the most compassionate woman I had ever met despite her own rough past. I couldn't put into words what it felt like watching her do this with me, with my family.

She looked over at me, her soft brown eyes gazing into my own before they dropped back to the burning envelope in her hands. As she put it in the bucket, she looked at me again, and I couldn't help but wonder what she'd written to a lady that she'd never even met.

I stared into the bucket as the flames consumed her envelope and thought I might explode with emotion. She did this for me, and it meant more than any words I could express. All I could think about was how she was already a part of my family, how Mom would have loved her, and how sad I felt that she'd never meet her.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I took the box of matches from her outstretched hand, her eyes never leaving mine. I glanced down quickly and struck the match to the side of the box and lit the envelope. The flames curled around the paper, taking with it the pain and sadness of my own loss.

We all stood in silence, everyone lost in their own thoughts. No one had uttered a single word since we gathered here, and the mood was heavy and somber as we processed through everything. It was amazing how different this was turning out; it was nothing like I'd expected.

Bella reached for my hand. I took it and laced my fingers with hers.

"Bella," my voice cracked.

She quickly pulled her hand away from mine and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my chest.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered, her voice muffled by the heavy fabric of my suit jacket.

"I love you so much. This was… just… thank you," I finally managed to get out.

We stayed there for a long time, our bodies pressed together, as I allowed the tears to fall. I was oblivious to everything around me. I didn't hear the birds calling from the branches of the tree or the rumbling thunder in the distance. I was content to stand here with Bella in my arms, staring at my Mom's grave.

I took a step back and turned us so that we were facing the headstone. I had the strange and overwhelming urge to introduce Bella to my mom. My fingers were still wrapped around her hand, and I quickly brushed my lips across her soft flesh.

"Mom," I said calmly, "this is Bella. She's the most amazing thing in my life, and I'd be lost without her."

Bella squeezed my hands as tears welled up in her eyes. I looked at her and then back at the stone and quietly whispered, "Someday, she's going to be my wife, if she'll have me."

I heard Bella gasp softly, and I hoped my statement hadn't freaked her out. When our eyes met, I knew I hadn't been wrong. She wanted this, too.

"We're not quite ready yet, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said, her eyes flashing between mine and my mom's grave. "But hopefully soon."

I pulled her back into my arms and kissed the top of her head. Something felt completely right about this, even if it was strange. Bella looked up at me and smiled sweetly.

"I love you, baby. Thanks for introducing me to your mom."

I kissed her tenderly, all my love pouring out in the soft press of our lips.

Eventually, the sky darkened and the rain began to fall. We jogged back to the car, alone in the lot. Carlisle's car was gone, and I assumed Alice and Jasper had ridden back with him.

I drove to Alice's and parked the car in the driveway. As we walked inside, the smell of Mom's pot roast, my dad's favorite meal, greeted us. My stomach immediately rumbled, and I realized that in my haste to leave this morning, I hadn't eaten breakfast.

"Someone sounds hungry." Bella laughed and gave me a wink.

"I forgot to eat breakfast," I said sheepishly.

Alice called us to the table as she pulled the roast out of the oven. She looked at me and asked quietly if I was okay. I told her I was and moved to help take everything to the table. We worked side by side in silence. It seemed to be the moniker of the day.

Once we were all seated, Carlisle held out his hands, indicating that it was time to say a prayer of thanks. I grabbed his and Bella's hands and bowed my head.

_Dear God,_

_Thank you for bringing our family together today. While the occasion is sad, our hearts rejoice in the love and memories of Esme that we all share. _

_Thank you for bringing Jasper and Bella into our family, and for Alice and Edward. They are a blessing in everything they do, and I'm grateful for them. Please heal our broken family._

_I ask that you__ bless this food and the rest of this day._

_In Your name,_

_Amen._

Amens filtered around the table as we all unclasped hands, pulled our napkins into our laps, and started passing the food. We ate in comfortable silence, the scraping of utensils against our plates the only sound filling the room.

I was still thinking about the prayer he'd offered up when Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Edward, how are things going with school?"

I paused, my fork and knife poised to slice my pot roast, and looked at him. I knew I needed to respond, but I was completely caught off guard by his question. Why would he ask me about school, one of two subjects that were the most difficult for us to discuss. What was he doing?

My heart was pounding as I thought about my answer. I could be a smartass and respond with something about him not caring enough to help when I first started, but a single look at Ali and Bella told me that this wasn't the time.

I set my utensils down and took a breath. "It's going well. I had already taken most of these classes in Chicago, so the chefs have been pretty flexible, giving me alternative, more challenging assignments."

He was staring at me intently, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. He wasn't giving me a weird look or anything like that. This just felt so new and different, and I wasn't used to it.

"So, I guess your credits didn't transfer?"

"Um, no. They expired just before I signed up for classes. So, I have to repeat the whole degree again."

I picked up my fork and knife again and started cutting my meat.

"I'm really sorry to hear that, Edward. I can imagine how frustrating that would be."

I looked back over at him and shrugged my shoulders. There really wasn't anything to say to that. Frustrating didn't even come close to describing how angry I'd been or how annoying it was to sit in lectures I'd already heard.

My lack of response must have alerted him to the fact that I didn't want to talk about this anymore because he shifted the conversation to all the work that Alice and Jasper had been doing to the interior of their house.

I zoned out through most of it, trying to process the dizzying array of emotions I was feeling and the thoughts whirling through my mind. I kept remembering the sound of my phone ringing that day and Carlisle's voice telling me I needed to come home, that Mom had been in an accident. The feeling in that moment was so bizarre. It was like walking around with my head in a thick cloud. Everything was murky and dreamlike, and the only thing I kept hearing was, "She's okay, but you need to come home."

My stomach rolled at the memory, and I felt sick. How could he do that? Why? I just… I would never understand why he had done it. Was it to get back at me for going to culinary school? For not becoming a doctor? What? What was it?

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted, no, the more I needed answers. I wanted him to explain himself. I wanted to put him on the spot and force him to answer my questions. I wanted to see his face when he looked me in the eye and tried to justify his lies. Without even thinking, the questions poured out.

"Why did you do it, Dad?" I asked, cutting off Bella midsentence.

Everyone looked at me, but I didn't care. I needed answers, and I needed them now.

"Excuse me, Edward, but you just interrupted Bella." He wiped his mouth with his napkin and carefully set it down on the table.

Unfazed, I pressed on. "Why did you do it? Why did you lie to me about Mom that day?" I gritted out. My heart was pounding as adrenaline coursed through my veins, spurring me on, pushing me to get what I needed, what I wanted.

"Edward, I really have no idea what you are talking about. What lie are you referring to?" He stared back at me, his brow furrowed in confusion, and the look on his face made me want to punch him. Was he really going to sit there and pretend he had no idea what he'd done? I felt Bella's hand touch my arm, but I shrugged it off.

"Do not do that! Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about! Just tell me why you lied to me about Mom being alive!" I shouted at him, my voice echoing in the deafening silence of the room.

"First of all," he said calmly, "lower your voice. I will not tolerate you talking to me like that. Second, I have never lied to you. Ever. So why don't you tell me specifically what you are talking about, and we'll talk about this like rational adults."

I dropped my head in my hands and yanked on my hair. I couldn't believe he was talking to me like a child and that he was blatantly lying to my face – again. I couldn't believe how in two sentences he had managed to bring out all of these emotions, the pain and anger I felt back then roaring to life.

I couldn't sit here any longer and listen to more of his lies. Without thinking, I abruptly pushed myself away from the table and stood up, knocking the chair to the ground with a loud crash. I was consumed with rage and disgust. I needed to get out of there before I did something I'd regret.

"I can't do this with you anymore. You're a liar, and I'll never forgive you for what you did," I seethed, staring at him with all the hate and pain and anger I felt. "You stole her from me! How could you do that to me?" I said, my voice hard and unyielding.

The minute I called him a liar, he stood up and slammed his hand down on the table.

"Enough! Edward Anthony Cullen, this display of… I don't even know what to call this… is a disgrace and completely disrespectful to this family AND your mother. I will not…"

"Don't talk about her! Don't talk to me about disrespect and disgrace. You're the one that caused all of this! You're the one that told me she was okay. You're the one that told me to come home. I did, and she was dead. How could you do that to me? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth?" I roared at him, my body trembling with rage.

He stared at me, completely dumbfounded, and I knew he knew I was right. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out there.

He rounded the table as I stalked to the door and grabbed my arm. I snapped. I spun around on instinct and punched him in the face. He fell backwards, completely caught off guard. He gasped in shock and immediately covered his bleeding nose.

"Fuck!" I screamed, pulling my hand to my chest. I spun around and grabbed the door handle with my good hand when Alice screamed.

"Stop it! Stop right there, Edward!"

I froze. I had never heard Alice yell like this. Her voice was cold and hard, and I turned to meet her gaze.

"Enough!" she said, throwing her napkin on the table and walking toward me. "I am sick of you doing this, Edward. This is Mom's day, and you had to make it about you, like always. This isn't just about you and how you think you were wronged. I was there," she paused, hot tears running down her face.

"I was there when he called you that night, and I was the one that told him not to tell you. I was the one who thought it would be better to wait until you got here so you wouldn't be alone when you found out. So, if you want to hate someone, hate me, punch me. But stop this! I can't take it anymore," she shrieked as she sank to the ground next to Carlisle.

I stared at her, completely taken aback by her outburst, and more shockingly, her admissions. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around what she had said. She did this? But…how? Why?

"You know," she said, her voice quiet and low, "none of us got to say goodbye, Edward. None of us. She was taken from all of us. We all feel her absence, the loss. It hurts everyone, Edward… not just you. Just… just go."

I watched her slump over Carlisle's chest, sobbing. Jasper tried to pull her up, his eyes hard and angry as he stared at me, but she just cried harder, clinging tighter to my dad.

Bella, still standing beside the table, watched me helplessly; it was clear she didn't know what she could or should do. Tears pooled in her eyes, and I couldn't take the sadness my words had etched on her beautiful face.

Overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, I was desperate to get out of there. I grabbed my keys off the table and ran out the door. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to breathe, to calm down, to process what Alice had said, what I'd done.

So, I drove. I drove for hours, completely lost in the memories and images flooding before my eyes and the emotions of that night washing over me. I felt the pain of them telling me Mom had died like a punch in the gut. I felt the anger at the realization that they kept it from me on purpose. I felt the devastating emptiness of knowing she was gone, forever, and that I'd never get to talk to her again, feel her pull me into a hug, or …

I gasped for air as sobs ripped through me, but I didn't stop. I could barely see the road, and I didn't even care. I was so tired of feeling. I was tired of the pain, the anger. It was like an all-consuming fire that needed to be quenched. I thought back to the scene I'd left in the dining room and felt sick as the guilt swallowed me. The look of total devastation on Alice's face, the anger in Jasper's eyes, and the shock of seeing Carlisle lying on the ground would haunt me forever.

My head was all over the place, and I started to panic at the realization that I'd lost my entire family. They were never going to forgive me. How could they? I'd called them liars, believed the worst about them when it was clear that they were only trying to make this horrible situation better. I couldn't… I just didn't know what to do.

I thought about the confusion Bella must be feeling, how amazing she'd been all day and immediately felt humiliated that she'd seen another outburst. The sadness Bella wore in the slump of her shoulders was too much. I couldn't bear the thought that I might have lost her, too.

I needed to get to her. I needed to feel her, to hear her tell me that I could get through this, that we could make it better, and that my family wouldn't hate me forever. I needed to hear her say she loved me and that she didn't think I was a monster.

Without even realizing it, I was in her driveway, on her front porch, opening the door, and walking into her house. She appeared in the living room in a tank top and shorts, her hair disheveled, and her face creased with sleep.

"Edward, baby, what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice raspy from sleep.

I walked toward her, trailing my fingers along the wall, my mind a maze of confusing thoughts and feelings. The weight of everything that had happened tonight, today, the last five years, was crushing me. I paused, pressing my forehead against the cool, hard walls of the hallway, my fists clenched beside me.

A sob caught in my throat, and her hands were on my shoulders, pulling me to her as she frantically whispered, "Hey! Hey! Shhh. It's okay."

I felt nothing but defeat and emptiness as she gripped my face, my hair, whispering again that it was okay, soothing me with her soft murmuring. "It's okay, baby. Shhh. It's going to be okay. Please talk to me, baby," she pleaded.

I leaned into her, her body moving backwards until it hit the other wall. All I could hear was the quiet hum of her voice trying to bring me back to her, to ground me again in reality, to help shut out some of the pain I was feeling.

In an instant, the quiet hum turned into electricity, and my body was buzzing with need. I needed to feel her, touch her, taste her. I pressed my forehead against hers, my hands tangling in her hair, as I kissed her with everything I had. God, her mouth was so sweet and warm. I groaned, the only response I was capable of giving, the only way I could say I was sorry for everything I had done, for everything she'd seen.

I pushed her against the wall, my body pressing against hers, needing to feel every inch of her, to reassure myself that she was here. Our groans rang up together as her fingers clawed into my back and my hair, and her arms pulled me tighter against her.

She was giving me everything, and I took it. I took it without regard because I loved her with every fiber of my being and because I knew she felt the same way. She was the one person who could fulfill me, heal me, love me in the way I needed it most, and she was giving herself to me tonight.

My hands cupped her ass, and I lifted her up, her legs instantly wrapping around my waist, her mouth never leaving mine. With a need so intense and real, we clung to each other, turning and stumbling from wall to wall down the hall, desperate and needy, until we reached the bedroom.

There were no words. There was no need for them. I poured all my feelings – the pain, the sadness, the anger, the regret – into my touch. Everything about our movement was raw and visceral.

I sat down on the bed and pulled her body even tighter against mine, my hands skimming up her lower back and underneath her tank as I pulled it over her head. I stared at her, my eyes taking in the soft curve of her breasts, the bend of her hip, the flatness of her stomach. She was beautiful. Stunningly beautiful and still mine.

Leaning in, I trailed hot, wet kisses along the column of her neck, in the dip of her collar bones, and across her shoulders. Her skin was soft and warm against my lips. Her head fell backward, her hair brushing my fingertips as it lay in gentle waves down her back, and her hands roughly pulled on my hair, frantically drawing me closer.

In her own desperation to feel, she looked at me and grabbed my tie, tugging gently until I leaned back a bit and watched as she slowly dragged the silk out of the perfect Windsor knot. Watching her undress me was…so sensual, so real.

She pulled it free from my collar and franticly unbuttoned my shirt, roughly tugging it open and out of my pants as she pushed it down my arms and onto the bed.

Her hands roamed all over my body, her nails dragging gently down my chest to my stomach, as she pushed me down on the bed, and I was lost in her – her molten brown eyes, her swollen red lips, her tangled mess of hair, and her sweet strawberry scent.

Kisses - feverish and uninhibited - and guttural groans filled the air as our bodies tangled together. Clothes were discarded as we struggled to be closer, without barriers. I was broken and bare before her, and with every brush of her lips and tremble of her hands against mine, I fell harder, deeper in love with her.

I buried my face in her neck, my tongue tracing circles and drawing lines along her throat, her collarbones, and her breasts. I dug my fingertips into the soft flesh of her back, pulling her to me and rolling us over as she whimpered my name over and over.

Hovering above her, she pulled me down onto her as our arms and legs tangled together. My lips were all over her, every part of her salty sweet from the heat and friction of our bodies moving together.

The air in the room was thick and heavy, filled with whimpers, groans, and quiet whispers. Her hands knotted in my hair, and I stared down at her beautiful face before I kissed her again, tenderly this time, trying to convey all the love I felt for her in that simple action.

My hands roamed over her body, fisting her hair, skimming the soft flesh of her belly, cupping and caressing her breasts. I brushed my lips along her bare shoulder and nipped at her neck, tasting her again before recapturing her lips.

I pushed into her, inhaling sharply at the sensation of her around me. She felt amazing and so warm. Our bodies slowly started moving together in a perfectly timed rhythm, and she clawed at the sheets, her body trembling beneath mine.

Bella lay before me, hair spilling all over the pillow with her eyes closed as she lost herself in the sensation of our bodies gliding against each other.

The pressure built inside me like a coil ready to snap, and I fought for control, desperate for us to find our release together, needing to feel as though we were truly one unit, one soul.

I could see the tension in her face, and the little beads of sweat that had formed on her brow and across the bridge of her nose. Soft moans fell from her lips, and her fingers dug into my shoulders and back.

Our eyes locked, never blinking or straying, as my fingers wound around hers. We came together, our bodies rigid, as we cried out for each other. The euphoria of that moment like nothing I had experienced before.

Spent, I collapsed on top of her, my head resting in the softness of her breasts. Her hands continued to trail up my back and across my shoulders. I rolled over, pulling her into my side, my arm circling her waist as I pushed her hair to the side and pressed loving, tender kisses across the back of her neck, the tops of her shoulders, and along her jaw. With whispered I love yous, she turned her face back to me, and I kissed her, deeply, before pulling away and pressing a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

Her fingers linked with mine, and her eyes fluttered closed as she relaxed against me before falling asleep. I watched her for a long time, my head finally free of the swirling thoughts that had threatened to consume me. I couldn't keep living like this, and I knew that. I couldn't keep pushing my family away when I didn't want to hear the truth. The truth I'd heard tonight but couldn't deal with. I closed my eyes and sighed. I would work through this, stop hiding, and deal with it. Tomorrow.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**There will be a slight delay in my posting schedule as I finish writing 19-21. I want to post them all really close together, and trust me, you'll appreciate it. Thanks for continuing to read and support this story. I am absolutely humbled!**

**Twitter: Jessypt****  
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	20. Chapter 19

**Huge thanks to my darling beta loves kikikinz, lexiecullen17, and catie22866**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 19**

**EPOV**

I had been staring at the ceiling for the past hour, my mind on a never ending loop, replaying yesterday's events. No matter how many times I replayed what Carlisle and Alice had said, I couldn't wrap my brain around their words.

"_I have never lied to you. Ever." _

"_This isn't just about you and how you think you were wronged."_

"_I was there when he called you that night, and I was the one that told him not to tell you."_

"_I was the one who thought it would be better to wait until you got here so you wouldn't be alone when you found out."_

Had I really misunderstood his... _their_ motivations all this time? Did I really hear one thing when in reality it was never actually said? How could that be? And if that was the case, why hadn't Alice said anything?

I scrubbed my hand over my face in frustration and climbed out of bed, careful not to disturb Bella. I had to get out bed; I was already sick of thinking, and it was just the beginning of what was probably going to be a long day.

The floor was cold beneath my feet, and I shivered involuntarily as I quickly made my way into the kitchen and started the coffee. Reaching for a cup, I wrapped my fingers around the handle and grimaced as pain shot through my hand. I jerked my hand back and almost knocked the mug on the ground.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, still trying not to wake Bella.

I took a closer look at my hand and noticed the swelling and my red knuckles. Gingerly opening and closing my hand, I could tell nothing was broken, but it was still painful. I groaned at my stupidity and pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation.

_You punched your dad, you idiot! What the hell were you thinking? _

I shrugged off my own internal monologue. There was nothing it could say that I hadn't already thought or felt. I was an arrogant asshole and had completely ruined what was supposed to be a very special day for the family. Instead of keeping it together and behaving like an adult, something I had promised myself I'd do, I essentially threw a temper tantrum, a violent one at that, and punched my dad. Shame washed over me, engulfing me like flames in a basket full of paper. I had really made a mess of things yesterday.

Filling my mug with coffee, I moved to the table and stared out the window. The sunlight, a rarity here, was already streaming through the window, bathing everything in gold. My eyes landed on the orange roses on the table, the edges slightly wilted but still beautiful in the early morning sun. I was so glad I'd sent them last week, even if they didn't make up for my behavior.

As I stared out the window, something about the moment reminded me of my Mom. I didn't know if it was the flowers on the table, the tension I felt in my shoulders, or the queasy feeling I had in my gut, but I wished more than anything that she were here. I desperately needed her perspective, something she had always given me in our many early morning discussions.

_She and I sat in the dark kitchen, listening to the birds call out to the dawning morning sun. I had come home for Alice's birthday; it was supposed to be a good weekend… and for the most part it had been, until Carlisle and I had gotten into a big fight over my decision to change schools. He told me he didn't understand why I was throwing my life away to cook food or how I thought I was going to pay for school. I told him it wasn't his concern, and he completely flipped out on me, telling me I was making a huge mistake and that I'd end up working at McDonalds. He and I spent the rest of the night fighting, both of us yelling, saying horrible things to one another._

_Of course, Alice was devastated, and Mom eventually had to break it up. I retreated to my room, locking myself in for the rest of the night. I felt guilty, but I just couldn't go back down there after that argument and pretend things were fine. The fact that he had called my future profession a waste of time and money was beyond the pale. _

_The next morning, I came downstairs to find Mom standing in the kitchen with two mugs of coffee on the counter. It was like she knew I would come down here for one of our quiet heart-to-hearts. She handed me my coffee and kissed my cheek. We were both silent for a long time, staring out the window at the forest in the back yard or at the steam billowing above our mugs, before she quietly pulled me from my thoughts._

"_Sometimes it's hard for parents to accept that their children are growing up or that they have to make their own choices. Give him some time, Edward. He'll come around."_

I shook my head at the memory. He never had. He may have had a hard time accepting that I needed to make my own decisions all those years ago, but it didn't mean he had the right to decide whether or not I could handle hearing about Mom's death over the phone. It should have been my choice. It wasn't Alice's or his to make.

I thought about all the times Ali and I had discussed my relationship with Carlisle over the last five years. Why hadn't she said anything about her involvement? I mean, it wasn't like she didn't know why I was so upset. Now, I had to deal with the both of them, and that wasn't going to be fun or easy.

I heard the soft sounds of Bella's feet against the floor and felt her, warm and sweet-smelling, behind me before I saw her.

"Good morning, love," she whispered against my ear as she wrapped her arms around my neck, her hands sliding underneath my shirt and along my stomach. She was still rumpled from sleep, her voice slightly raspy. She nuzzled her nose into my neck and gave me a light squeeze.

I rubbed her arm, acknowledging her without saying a word. She brushed her lips against my temple and pulled away, walking into the kitchen. The clinking of metal against ceramic and the open and close of the refrigerator told me she was getting her morning mug of coffee, two spoons of sugar, and a splash of milk.

As she padded back toward the table, she tripped, stubbing her toe on the big box of books sitting on the kitchen floor. I turned just in time to see her bend down to inspect the damage.

"Damn it," she muttered under her breath.

"You okay, baby?" I asked, concerned that she might have broken a toe or something.

"I'm fine, but I seriously need to get some shelves in here. That's the fifth or sixth time I've bumped into that box. It's only a matter of time before it really takes me down."

She giggled, and I felt the ice that had taken up residence in my heart start to melt a little. Even in pain, she was sweet and adorable.

She sat in the chair next to mine and put her feet in my lap and wiggled her toes. I smiled and wrapped my hand around her injured foot, gently checking her toe to make sure it really wasn't broken.

I rubbed my hand against the bottom of her, and she gasped, jerking her foot away. I was afraid I had hurt her, but the smile on her face told me otherwise.

"You know I'm ticklish!" she shrieked.

I laughed, pulling her on to my lap, and tickled her mercilessly. She squealed and screamed and punched my chest, before she begged me to stop.

"Please," she wheezed. "I can't take any more."

I finally released her with a smack on the butt, and she climbed back onto my lap and snuggled against me.

We sat there, quietly drinking our coffee, as I thought about what had happened last night when I had gotten here. The memory of her comforting me, taking me into her arms, and making love to me left me feeling raw and needy.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked. Her voice was soft, barely audible in the quiet of the house.

"I'm sorry about last night, Bella."

She turned to look at me, her eyes meeting mine, and I could tell she wasn't sure what to make of my apology.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Edward. You needed me."

There was something so powerful, so simple about hearing her words. I had needed her, and she gave herself to me to help ease the ache of the revelations and the shame I felt at my behavior.

"I was afraid after everything that happened yesterday that you..."

I looked down as my throat constricted, and I couldn't even get the words out. I was so ashamed of my behavior, of the way I had exploded yesterday over what was looking more and more like a huge misunderstanding. I couldn't even begin to think about that right now. The pain in my hand was already a constant reminder of what I had done and what she'd seen me do yesterday.

"Edward, stop."

Her fingers curled around my jaw and forced me to look up at her. The love in her eyes was almost too much.

"Yesterday was a rough day. But, honestly, it needed to come out. You needed to see that, as painful as it was to hear, no one lied to you, Edward. They were trying to protect you. Should they have done it the way that they did? Probably not, but I can't say I would have done it differently."

I started to interrupt, when her fingers gently moved to cover my lips. She shook her head no, telling me that she wasn't finished. With a deep breath, I let her continue.

"Everyone knew how much your mother meant to you, how much she still does. I can't imagine what it was like to hear that she had died when you arrived, but can you imagine how much worse it would have been had you found out in Chicago while you were alone, with no one around to hold you while you cried or screamed or whatever you would've needed?"

I closed my eyes and let her words sink in. I knew she was right. My reaction here was bad enough, and despite what I had been telling myself for the last five years, it wasn't because I had found out here as opposed to Chicago.

"Baby," she pleaded, her voice soft and gentle, "please don't let this destroy your family any more than it already has. You have to talk to Carlisle... and Alice."

Her lips brushed across my forehead, down my nose, along my cheeks before she reached my mouth. As her tongue met mine, I savored her warmth and the bittersweet taste of sweetened coffee. It was a subtle reminder that with time all the pain and anger I had been harboring could be washed away, that new beginnings could be found.

I brushed my fingers across the apple of her cheek, relishing the soft pink of her flushed skin.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything."

Our tender kisses grew heated as our bodies pressed together, and our hands roamed freely. This time, it was me giving and her receiving as we made love in the dining room. It was slow and passionate, and when she called out my name in a quiet whisper, I felt complete, like a new person. I knew with her help and gentle prodding, I could fix everything I'd broken – emotionally and physically.

Later that morning, after we'd eaten and showered, I decided to go back to the cemetery. I needed to apologize to my Mom, but more importantly, I wanted the solitude being there offered. I needed to figure out what I needed to say to Alice and Carlisle, and even though she couldn't talk to me, I knew just being in that space would help me think it through.

"Baby, I'm going out for a bit," I called out as grabbed my keys, wallet, and phone off the side table.

She came around the corner wiping her hands on her pink apron. "Oh?"

"I'm going back to the cemetery. You were right. I need to start fixing things... and it makes sense to start there."

A small smile started to pull at the corner of her lips as she walked over and put her hands around my waist.

"I'm proud of you, Chef. And I know your Mom would be, too."

I kissed her forehead and pulled her tightly against me. Having her in my life was such a gift. As I breathed in her strawberry shampoo, I didn't think I would ever find the words to describe how much I loved her.

After I got in the car, I drove around town for a little bit. I wanted to get my thoughts in order before I sat down with my Mom. I needed to talk through everything I wanted and needed to say to Carlisle and Alice.

The parking lot was empty, and I was immensely grateful I wouldn't have to deal with anyone else being here. I walked up the hill to her grave and sat down on the cold, hard bench.

"Hi, Mom."

I shifted a little on the bench, trying to get comfortable, knowing it was going to take a while. Leaning over, I rested my forearms against the tops of my legs and stared at the ground. I brushed aside the broken twigs and pine needles covering the damp soil, nervous to get started.

I knew to anyone else this would seem insane, but being here was almost like sitting on the back patio with her during one of our early morning chats.

"Yesterday, I punched dad in the nose, and Alice yelled at me. I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous, and you're probably already rolling your eyes at how childish this sounds."

I scratched the back of my head and sat up. Closing my eyes, I tried to think through exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted it to come out.

"I'm so lost, Mom. I've been angry with Dad for so long that I almost don't know how not to be. I let it completely consume me... I know I've told you a little bit of this in my letters, but I kept the worst of it to myself.

"All this time I thought Dad lied to me about what happened to you. I thought he was just trying to punish me for going to culinary school... and I know how stupid that sounds, how petty and utterly ridiculous to even think that Dad would do something like that. I'm not sure why, but I really believed he lied to me about you dying. It turns out I was wrong. He didn't lie... and Ali was the one that convinced him to wait until I came home. Hearing all this yesterday was a shock, and I just snapped.

"I don't even know where to begin with Dad. I mean, we've barely spoken in the five years you've been gone, and we really didn't talk much after I went to school. How do I even go about telling him I'm sorry for never giving him the chance to tell me why he didn't tell me while I was in Chicago? I didn't even listen to Alice, for God's sake, despite what I now think were many attempts on her part."

"I was so angry at that stupid drunk driver for hitting your car that night. I was angry that I wasn't there when it happened. I was angry that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to you. I guess I'm still angry. I'm not over all that, but none of it can be changed... or even could have been changed that night.

"I'm so tired of feeling like this all the time. I hate that our family is practically on the verge of falling apart... because of me. I mean, I punched Dad! How messed up is that?"

I could feel the tension in my chest starting to take hold. My heart was beating rapidly, and I couldn't help the way my hands were pulling through my hair.

"I just... I just don't even know what to say to him. I want to tell him I understand, or at least, I'm trying to get past everything. I know he was just trying to protect me, to make sure he and Alice could be there when I did learn about you dying. It just seems... I guess... I guess I'm just...why didn't I get a chance to say goodbye?"

Tears leaked out of my eyes, and I was powerless to stop the torrent of emotions threatening to break through. Everything was jumbled and yet so clear.

"I miss you so much, Mom.

"I need you in my life. I want you to meet Bella. She's so amazing. She's beautiful and full of goodness and life. And she loves me. And damn, Mom... I love her, too. I wish you were here so I could tell you all of that for real," I just barely choked out as I sobbed quietly, my head in my hands.

As I sat there, trying to pull it together, a gentle breeze caressed my skin, reassuring me that things would be all right. It was like she was trying to tell me that in spite of everything that had happened, I could still move on. I could still find peace and happiness.

The wind continued to whisper through the trees, lulling me into a deep calm. I thought about where to go from here and how I could actually start to mend the broken relationships in my life.

"How do I fix this? How do I tell Carlisle I'm sorry for everything, for the broken nose, the silence, the distance? How do I tell him all of that? I just... I just don't even know where to begin..." I trailed off, my voice barely a whisper.

"Do you really mean that?" I heard a voice behind me ask quietly.

I whipped around and saw Carlisle standing to my left. His face looked terrible. His nose was swollen, and he had dark purple bruises under both of his eyes. I closed my eyes and felt shame wash over me. I did that... to my own father. What kind of person does that?

"Edward?" I heard him call out.

"Yes. I meant it." I wasn't sure if he had even heard me, until he came over and sat on the other half of the bench.

I looked over at him. He wasn't angry or upset. He was quiet and reserved, and I could see the fatigue in the slight hunch of his shoulders and the weariness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, son. I never meant to hurt you or take her or anything away from you. If I could go back... well, I'm not sure if I would do it differently. But I want you to know none of this was about me trying to take your choice or your ability to grieve away. I just wanted you home. I..."

He paused and looked at me.

"Edward, when I got the call telling me your Mom was dead, I just... Alice and I couldn't bear for you to get that same call. We talked about it and almost decided to tell you that way. But I just couldn't do it once I saw how Alice took it. I didn't want you to be alone..."

"I know." The words were out of my mouth before I even realized I was going to say something. "It was probably the right decision. I just... well, you heard what I said to Mom..." I trailed off. I was completely out of words to explain everything I was feeling and thinking.

He lifted his hand and put it on my shoulder, his gesture tentative and unsure. I looked over at him and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and longing. It had been a long time since he had really touched me. We hadn't even shaken hands in I didn't know how long, and we certainly hadn't hugged in years.

I missed this. I missed the way we used to talk about sports or medicine or just hang out over beers and burgers. I was done with all of this bullshit. I was done trying to hold onto something that wasn't real anymore.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

I knew it was inadequate and didn't even come close to making up for my behavior.

"Me too, Son."

We sat quietly, the oak tree casting long shadows across the ground as the sun peeked in and out of the clouds. Neither of us said anything. It was as if our apologies had sucked the air and energy out of us, but I knew it was a start. It was a relief to finally get it all out, and despite the fact we still had things to talk about, this was enough for now.

I shifted uncomfortably on the bench, my butt sore from sitting so long.

"Do you want to get something to eat with me?" he asked. I could hear the hesitation in his voice, but it wasn't necessary.

"I'd like that."

He nodded his head, a small smile forming on his face. We both stood up and stared at each other. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was an acknowledgement of a new beginning. He extended his hand, and I reached for his. It was simple and small, but it was a step forward, nonetheless.

As we walked to our cars, I looked back at my Mom's grave and whispered a quiet thank you.

Lunch with Carlisle was pleasant. We spent the time talking about what had been going on in our lives and some of the things that had happened to each of us over the years. The conversation, in some ways, was awkward because we'd been living in the same house for the last five years. In other ways, it was like old times, and as lunch wound to a close, I felt immensely grateful for the second chance we were getting.

Things weren't perfect. Everything still felt stilted and a little awkward between us, but for the first time in a really long time, I felt good about talking to him and where things might go from here.

"Thanks for lunch," I said as I stood next to my car.

"I really enjoyed this, Edward. Thank you." I knew his thank you wasn't just about lunch; it was about the chance at a new start.

There were a lot of things we still needed to work through – my career choice for one – but I hoped he would understand and learn to appreciate everything I had achieved.

With a small nod, I got in the car.

x-x-x

I left the parking lot of the restaurant and started toward Bella's. I was exhausted. I'd been analyzing and thinking through everything that had happened. The conversation with Carlisle, while positive, took the little bit of energy I had left.

I passed by the local Ace Hardware Store and decided to stop. As tired as I was, I wasn't quite ready to go back to Bella's. I wanted to spend some time alone, and Bella had mentioned something about getting new shelves. After everything she'd done for me, I wanted to be the one to get them for her. It was silly, but it made me feel a little better.

Wandering around the store aimlessly, I eventually found myself staring at rows of shelving units. At first I didn't see anything that looked like it would work, but then a simple wrought iron free standing shelf caught my eye. As I inspected it, I knew it would be a good fit for her kitchen and bent to pick it up.

"Edward?"

I looked up to see Chief Swan standing at the end of the aisle.

I stood up quickly, wiped my hands on my jeans, walked toward him, and extended my hand in greeting.

His grip was strong and firm without being painful. It was the kind of grip that reeked of confidence and self assurance, and a little 'you're dating my daughter, so watch out because I'll kick your ass if you hurt her.'

"Hi, Sir, how are you?" I asked politely. I knew my head wasn't all there; I was completely drained, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself by saying the wrong thing.

"You getting some shelves?" he asked, pointing at the box that was now leaning against the store shelf.

I nodded. "Yeah, Bella mentioned something about wanting some for the kitchen. So, I decided to get some while I was out."

It wasn't a complete lie. I had been out, and I did decide to get some shelves for her...just a few minutes ago.

"I see. Well, I'm glad I saw you here, because I've been meaning to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?"

"Sure." I had no idea what he could possibly want to discuss, but I wasn't going to say no.

"Well," he said scratching the back of his neck and scrunching his face in thought, "Bella told me she told you about James."

At the mention of his name, I froze. My eyes locked with his. I could see the look of knowing in the angry flicker of his eyes, the look that said he wanted to kill the motherfucker that had hurt his baby for so many years.

Yeah, I knew that feeling. I didn't have to say anything, and he continued on.

"After she told me the story – which, until that point, I had no idea about -

I started thinking about him. Men like that don't let their women walk away, at least not without a fight."

I found myself nodding along with his narrative, knowing I had thought the same thing.

"I wanted to know if this guy had been around, you know, if he had come looking for her. So, I did some checking. I called an old friend from the Academy I knew worked for a police department about fifty miles outside Phoenix. He did some low key checking and found out that James has been at work every day he's been scheduled for the last month or so.

"At first it seemed like everything was fine, but something still didn't feel right to me. I've been a cop for a long time, and like I said, guys that hit their wives don't let them go that easily.

"So, I did a little more digging, hired someone to take a closer look."

My head was buzzing. Did Charlie really say he had hired someone to check into whether or not James was still in Phoenix? Bella hadn't mentioned anything about being scared, and it seemed odd that he would do it without her permission. I must have missed something.

He ran his fingers over his mustache and looked up at me. Worry was etched on his face, and I felt my stomach turn a little. His eyes bored into mine, and I knew this was bad news. I felt sick thinking about James trying to hurt Bella. I wasn't going to let that happen, ever.

"The private investigator did a good deal of leg work for me. I told him I wanted to know who this James character really was, his employment history, pretty much anything he could find."

"So, what did they find?" I asked. I couldn't hide the morbid curiosity in my voice. I wanted to know what the hell was going on and why Bella hadn't said anything about it.

"He knows she's here… and he's been here… a couple times."

"Are you serious?" I asked, incredulous.

He nodded slowly, probably trying to give me time to process what he said.

"But what about him being at work for the last month?"

Something about this whole thing didn't make sense. Was Bella really in danger? How could he be here and in Phoenix at the same time?

"Apparently, he and his boss are good friends, and based on what I can tell, it appears he's been covering for James while he's been off doing God knows what."

I squeezed my fists tightly, clenching them against my leg in order to keep myself under control. The thought of him being anywhere near Bella caused me to see red.

"He's been here? But… when… how did he find her?"

"The PI managed to track him up here a few weeks ago. He watched his movements, trying to get a sense for what he was after or what his behavior pattern looked like. Unfortunately, he lost track of him at the casino near Sequim. That really pissed me off, by the way. He has since tracked him back to Phoenix, which is where he is now."

I took a deep breath. My heart was pounding, and I could feel the beginnings of a tension headache starting to form. Running my fingers through my hair, I tried to reconcile everything I was feeling but couldn't. I had no way to process what he was saying; I was already emotionally spent, and this news did nothing but add fuel to an already dead fire.

"Take a breath, son. I know what you're thinking, and this is not the time to be a hero. I'm telling you this, because I wanted you to be aware that he'd been here. I'd like you to keep a close eye on Bella."

I nodded but was barely listening to his words. I would never let him touch her again. Never. His mention of her name pulled me out of my thoughts, and I tried to focus on what he was saying.

"Bella doesn't know, and I want to keep it that way. She's made a ton of progress here, and I don't want this to set her back. The entire police force is watching and has been briefed on this situation. I'm telling you for several reasons. I know you guys are pretty serious, and she did tell you about him already. But also because I need an additional set of eyes that won't be conspicuous or raise her suspicions."

I nodded again, not sure what to say.

"Edward."

"Yes, sir?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose to ease the now throbbing ache between my eyes.

"We're going to keep her safe; of that, I have no doubt."

"Yes, sir, we will."

He turned to go and then turned back to face me, as if sensing I was completely at a loss for the conversation we had just had.

"Edward, I know this probably wasn't the conversation you were expecting to have with me. So, come see me when you guys are ready to take the next step, you hear? I still owe you an 'if you hurt my daughter, I'll kill you' speech."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I fully intend to have that conversation with you… hopefully in the very near future, sir. Thanks for telling me this. I'll keep my eyes open."

We shook hands, and he walked away. I was completely dumbfounded by the way the conversation had gone. I certainly expected things to go differently and seriously wished the conversation had been about me taking care of his daughter.

x-x-x

The next few days passed slowly. I was constantly on guard, watching my surroundings whenever Bella was near, locking doors, closing blinds, and even doing an occasional perimeter check after she'd gone to bed. The more I sought to protect her, the more paranoid I got. The thought of losing her, like I had Mom, was too much to bear.

It didn't help that I was still emotionally drained from the whole Carlisle situation and could hardly focus at work or school. At one point, Bella pulled me aside and asked me what was going on. I immediately realized I needed to lay low and calm down. I was being too conspicuous, exactly what Charlie didn't want.

"Nothing, baby. I'm just tired… and a little stressed over the whole situation with Carlisle."

She looked at me skeptically. "You know, what you need is a little fun," she said with a sly grin.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

She was so damn cute when she was like this, sassy and flirty.

"What do you have in mind?"

"You'll have to wait and see. I'll meet you after your classes, okay?"

I chuckled. "You're coming to Port Angeles tonight after my classes?"

I was a little surprised that she would drive all that way just to hang out with me after class.

"Um, yeah! That's what I said. Ali and I have are going shopping later this afternoon. I need to go to the kitchen store, and she needs a dress for some event. So, I'll just wait for you in the lobby of the school at 9:30?"

"You never cease to amaze me, you know that? You are always full of surprises."

With a quick peck on the cheek, she grinned and danced off.

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out where she was planning to take me. I couldn't think of anything that was open that late.

Class dragged by. It was another lecture on the finer points of meat cooking techniques. I had now had this lecture, or some part of it, three different times already. When class was over, I practically sprinted down to the lobby.

"Hey," she said, looking up from her book. "Are you going to wear those whites on our date?"

I looked down and groaned. In my haste to get to her, I'd forgotten to change.

"I was just so excited to see you, baby! Let me go change really quickly."

She giggled and shooed me away. "Go on! We're going to be late!"

I walked to the locker room and stripped down quickly and threw on my street clothes.

"So, where are you taking me, my love?" I asked as I walked back into the lobby.

The thought of spending our evening doing something fun together, especially in light of the heaviness we'd been through lately, was thrilling.

She held her hand out. "Keys please, Chef."

I stared at her defiantly. "I know you don't think I'm going to let you drive my car."

She quirked her eyebrow at me and glared. "Don't make me take you down. You know I can."

With a snort, I dangled the keys in front of her face. "I'd like to see you try."

She pulled herself up to her full height, which was just barely to my chest, and walked over to me. I lifted the keys above her head, knowing she still wouldn't be able to reach them. Much to my surprise, she grabbed the front of my shirt and smashed her lips against mine.

Her mouth was hot and greedy as she sucked on my lips, her tongue inviting me to open up to her. I did, and our tongues tangled, moving together as her hand slowly slid underneath my shirt. I knew something was up, but it felt so good to feel her body against mine, her fingers caressing my skin.

Her fingers dipped down to the top of my waistband as she feathered wet kisses along my jaw and neck. My whole body was tense with need. I knew what she was doing, but I was powerless to stop her playful games.

I didn't even hear the footsteps or voices in the hall as they approached the lobby.

"Cullen's gettin' some action," joked one of my classmates.

I pulled away from Bella and shifted her in front of me. I didn't need any body else seeing the effect she had on me. Of course, that didn't stop her from pressing back against me, causing me to stifle a groan.

"Shut it, Steve. I can't help that my girlfriend thinks I'm irresistible," I responded snarkily.

Except in my desire to play off my own embarrassment, I didn't think about what I was actually saying. Bella reached behind her and brushed her hand down the front of my pants, and it was all I could do to squeak out our goodbyes.

When I got her to the car, I pressed her up against the hood, my hands all over her. She giggled and pushed against my chest.

"I don't think so, Chef."

I stared at her in disbelief. I was so freaking turned on right now, and she was telling me no?

She held out her hand for the keys. "I'll finish what I started after our date. Keys?" she said sweetly as she held open her palm.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I growled. "Fine! But you better watch out when I finally get my hands on you tonight, baby. You'll think twice before you tease me again!"

"Bring it... if you can," she laughed.

We spent the next hour and a half playing glow in the dark mini golf and eating ice cream. It had been a long time since I'd done something so random and fun, and it felt good. We talked about silly things like old childhood pets, our favorite super heroes – she liked Mystique and I preferred Batman, and our worst food experiences.

As Bella hit her ball into the last hole, I pulled her to me and kissed her softly.

"Thanks for tonight, baby. This was perfect."

"It was fun!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the car. "You ready to go home?"

"Well, I'm ready for something... but we may not make it home," I nipped at the soft spot behind her neck.

She giggled. "Race you to the car!" she shouted as she took off in an all out sprint.

I chased after her. Yeah, tonight was going to be fun.

x-x-x

The next week passed without incident. We were both back into the groove of work and school. I had talked to Carlisle once, and we agreed to meet for coffee on Saturday morning. He asked if I would meet him and Alice to talk about what had happened on Mom's day. I agreed, knowing that I needed to hear Ali speak her piece and hopefully work through all of this.

Wednesday morning dawned with Bella's naked body wrapped around mine. My hands tangled in her hair as I pulled her face to mine and kissed her good morning.

"Move in with me, Edward."

I looked at her, surprised by her statement. We had talked about this a couple times but hadn't ever set a timeline for it. I was practically already living here and had been since the Carlisle-Alice incident. There was no way I was going to say no. I loved waking up to her beautiful face and mussed up hair.

"Okay."

No other words were necessary as I pulled her body on top of mine, my hands gently caressing her warm, smooth skin. As we moved together, it was slow and sweet, a testament to the new stage we were about to embark on together.

x-x-x

"I'm home, baby," I called out as I walked into the house from class on Thursday night.

Bella was in the kitchen baking. Her back was to me, and I could tell she was agitated by the way she was moving around. Her movements were tense and short, almost forced. I had never seen her like that before.

"Baby? Is everything okay?"

She looked up from her mixer, her eyes barely meeting mine before they returned to her mixer.

She was most definitely not okay. I walked up behind her, my hand lightly brushing her hair to one side, when she tensed up. She quickly switched off the mixer and pulled away, moving to the opposite side of the kitchen.

I was stunned. Bella had never really pulled away from me, and I had no idea why. I knew I hadn't done anything to upset her... beyond my crazy overprotective, stealth tactics... so, I felt clueless.

Her back was ramrod straight, her eyes still not meeting mine as she unconsciously fingered a stack of mail on the counter. She had a faraway look on her face that shifted to sadness as her eyes met mine. Her mouth opened as if she was going to say something before she closed it and looked down again.

By this point, I was starting to panic. Did she know that James had been back here? Did she know that I knew and that I wasn't telling her? I couldn't imagine how scared she must feel? I ran my fingers through my hair, agitated and on the verge of telling her when her eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry. I... there's... I thought..." she said quietly before she looked at the ground.

Sorry? What could she possibly be sorry for, and why did I have this horrible feeling all of a sudden? What was she trying to tell me?

"Bella, you're starting to freak me out. What's going on?" I walked towards her, stopping in front of her. I didn't touch her; I just stood there, waiting for her to talk to me.

I could see the agony etched across her face, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I pulled her into my arms, and she melted against me as heart wrenching sobs wracked her body.

Pulling her down to the ground, I held her while she cried and cried and cried. The more I whispered my love for her, the more she cried. It didn't make sense. I couldn't figure out what could possibly have happened to upset her like this.

She eventually fell asleep in my arms, never having said a word. I carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. I pulled off her shoes and jeans and wrapped the comforter around her.

I sat there, staring at her as she slept. Her face was puffy and red from all the tears, but she was still so beautiful. I wanted to wake her up and demand that she tell me what had happened, but I knew she wasn't ready. Whatever it was could wait until tomorrow morning.

I walked into the kitchen and noticed that the oven was on. Cupcake pans with bright pink and blue liners were sitting on top of the stove waiting to be filled. A bowl of flour with green specks and a measuring cup filled with milk sat next to what looked like the half creamed sugar mixture. It dawned on me that when all of this went down that she had been baking. I looked around for the recipe but didn't see one.

Part of me wondered whether or not I should go ahead and finish these for her. Would she get upset if I did? Taking a chance, I poured the flour and the milk into the mixer on low until it was just combined.

It felt weird baking in her kitchen without her here. I may have cooked for her in it before, but baking was her thing, and this was _her _domain. Lifting up the mixer arm, I detached the bowl from the base and walked over to the stove and quickly spooned in the cupcake batter. When they were full, I stuck them in the oven and guessed on the time. From what I remembered, most of the cupcakes she made at work took about 15-20 minutes.

While they were in the oven, I cleaned up the kitchen. It was mindless work, which meant I could get back to obsessing over what was going on with her. I tried to think back over what I had done or said since coming home. I knew whatever was on her mind had happened before I got back from school, but nothing about her day seemed like it would have upset her this way.

I thought about texting Alice to see if anything had happened at work after I left but decided against it. This was a private issue. If Bella wanted to talk, she would, and as much as I didn't want to wait, I would. She had for me, even after everything I had put her through. I would do the same for her.

The timer went off, and I opened the door, the most amazing smell filling my nose – lemon and rosemary. Pulling out the two trays, I sat them on the stove to cool. I had no idea what she was planning to do with these, but at least they were finished.

x-x-x

The next morning, Bella walked out of her room and directly into the kitchen. Her eyes met mine as she came in and filled up her coffee mug. She looked terrible.

I couldn't take her not talking to me, wondering when she would finally open up.

I saw a look of surprise cross her face as she stared at the trays of cupcakes I had finished last night. Her shoulders were hunched forward, shaking, and I couldn't help but pull her into my arms.

"Bella, please... tell me what's going on?" I was going to go insane with worry if she didn't give me something.

After a few minutes, she turned to look at me. I knew she could see the questions in my eyes; hell, it was written all over my face. I just couldn't bear to have her walk away without a word.

"I'm sorry, Edward. We need to talk... but, I can't... not right now," she said, her voice hoarse and cracking from all the tears and underuse.

Hearing her and seeing her like this broke my heart. I wanted to help, to make it better, like she had for me. "But, baby, I just-"

"Please, Edward! I just need to think through something and figure out what to do about it. I promise I'll tell you. I just... need a little bit of time." I could tell she was getting upset again, so I let it go. I definitely didn't want to push her in her current state of mind.

I nodded in defeat, determined to give her the space and time she needed, despite the fact I had no idea what was going on, and against my better judgment. I quickly gathered my stuff up and got dressed. I had to be at work soon; in fact, Bella did too, but I could already tell there was no way she was going to make it today.

Before I walked out the door, I brushed my knuckles against her cheek and kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Take whatever time you need, Bella. I'll let them know you aren't coming in today, and I'll see you later tonight." I wanted to figure out what was going on, and I hoped by later tonight, she'd feel comfortable talking about whatever was going on.

She nodded slightly and then walked over to the couch, curled up in a ball, and covered herself in the red blanket.

I wanted to go to her, just like I'd wanted to do every second of whatever this was. I walked towards her, but as I got closer, something stopped me.

_Wait it out._

Stupid inner monologue, I didn't want to wait; I could hardly stand watching her like this and doing nothing about it.

Turning around, I slowly walked out of the house and drove to work.

The day passed at an agonizing snail's pace. My head was not in the game at all, and I managed to burn an entire pot of oatmeal and drop two hamburgers on the ground.

_Pull it together, Edward. She'll be fine._

But would she be fine? Yeah, whatever she was dealing with could be dealt with, but what if something happened to her?

I froze.

I didn't engage the alarm at the house. Or did I? I didn't want to charge over there just to check the alarm, having already raised enough suspicion with my obsessive behavior.

With a deep breath, I decided to let it go. At a minimum, the door was locked. She would be fine.

x-x-x

I pulled into the driveway at Bella's house, grateful to be home from CSB and exhausted from the day. The house was dark, and Bella's car wasn't in the driveway.

The panic I felt earlier in the day over not setting the alarm washed over me again. My heart pounded and adrenaline coursed through me as I jumped out of the car and ran up to the front door, frantically jamming my keys in the door.

"Bella!" I yelled out as I pushed open the door.

Silence.

I flipped on the lamp next to the front door, illuminating a very still, quiet room. I dashed around the house, making my way towards the bedroom, flipping on lights and calling out her name.

Silence.

Where the hell was she? It was after eleven; she was never out this late and certainly never left without leaving at least one light on.

"Bella!"

_Please, God, don't let something have happened to her. I could never live with myself._

When I got into the kitchen, I saw the note lying on the table. I snatched it up, desperate to see what it was and fearful of what she could have written given her emotional state of mind.

_E – gone to The Diner to finalize preparations for the Meyer wedding. Be back later..._

_I love you always._

_B_

_P.S. I'm sorry about last night and this morning. I need to tell you what's going on._

Relief flooded my system, and my heart slowly started to unclench as I took in several deep cleansing breaths. I needed to see her but knew she would be busy, so I settled for sending her a quick text. She didn't respond, but I didn't expect her to if she was working.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge, walked back into the living room, and flopped down on the couch.

Exhausted. There was no other word to describe how I felt. I was tired of thinking about Carlisle and how shitty I had been to him, about Alice and Jasper and them not talking to me, Bella and whatever she was dealing with. I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed a minute, just one fucking minute, to think about something that wasn't constantly reminding me how much I sucked at life right now.

Needing a distraction, I flipped on the television and scoured the channels for something mindless and stupid.

_Seinfeld._

Perfect. I zoned out, grateful for Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and the "low talker." This was just the thing I needed to relax and slowly ease the tension. When Jerry showed up in that damned puffy shirt, I couldn't help the laugh that came out. This show really was about nothing.

I tipped my bottle up and drained the rest of me beer just as a commercial came on. Deciding to have one more, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed another Heineken from the fridge. I turned toward the counter, reaching for the bottle opener, when I noticed Bella's decorating box.

_That's strange. _

Bella never went to The Diner without it, especially when she was working on an order or a new cupcake. I sat my beer down and grabbed the box handle, about to take it up to her when an envelope sitting underneath fell to the floor. When I bent to pick it up, the return address caught my eye.

_Family Court_

_Superior Court of Maricopa County _

_201 W. Jefferson_

_Phoenix, AZ. 85003-2243_

Putting her box aside, I inspected it closely and found that it was already open. It was addressed to Isabella Swan and looked like it had been forwarded several times.

My first instinct was to pull out the letter inside, desperate to know what it contained, but I put it back on the counter and picked up my beer and took a long pull. The cold liquid filled my mouth and ran down my throat as I stared at the envelope. I thought back to the way Bella had been acting over the last day or so and wondered if it had something to do with the contents inside the well worn white envelope.

I ran my fingers through my hair and attempted to walk back into the living room, the obnoxious laugh track suddenly too loud for my enjoyment. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had never even thought about opening her mail or even been interested in it, but there was something about the address that made me wonder.

Walking back into the kitchen, I sat my beer down once again and stared at the thick, wrinkled white envelope in my hand, my head completely lost in the words and thoughts swirling around chaotically inside.

_Family Court_

_Divorce_

_James_

I grabbed the envelope, knowing what I was doing was wrong; it was a total violation of her privacy, but I couldn't make myself stop. I pulled the folded white paper out and read the entire thing and then reread it before setting it on the counter. The words were clear, but they didn't make sense. Nothing about this letter made sense. Picking it up again, I read through it for a third time, desperate to reconcile the words on the page with what Bella had told me before.

_Contested?_

_Court?_

_But... She said..._ I shook my head, trying to reconcile the words on the page with everything she had told me in Seattle and since then. Nothing made sense except for the growing knot of anger forming in the pit of my stomach.

It had to be a mistake. She couldn't still be married. She told me she had taken care of it. I looked back at the ugly black ink on the stark white linen paper, and all I could see was her sitting in my lap in Seattle telling me it was over.

"_Bella, this wasn't your fault. This James, your husb-…"_

"_He's not my husband anymore. I took care of it before I left Phoenix. I'm not his anymore… I'll never be his again," she said emphatically with tears still on her cheeks._

"_None of that matters to me, Bella."_

Except it did. It did matter that she was married. How could we be _us_ with _him_ still in the picture? I pushed my palms into my eyes, the paper still in my hand uncomfortably rubbing against my face as I tried to breathe and calm down.

She lied. She lied to me. Something she said she'd never do. Something I had believed she would never do.

The emotion welling inside was pushing against every seam, threatening to pull me apart, and then, like a freight train, it hit me.

She knew. That's why she had been acting so strange. She fucking knew and hadn't told me. She knew. She had lied and she knew, and yet, she still didn't have the guts to tell me the truth.

I sank to the floor, completely overwhelmed by the realization that the woman I loved more than my own life was married. To someone else. To someone that had hit and abused her for six years, and she wasn't really mine.

My heart cracked and an anguished cry fell from my lips as grief, and anger coursed through me.

I sat defeated on the kitchen floor and allowed the torrent of emotions violently colliding within me to consume me. I looked down at the wet wad of paper in my hand and felt nothing but bitterness.

And anger.

And betrayal.

And loss.

She betrayed me. That was all I could think as I stood and grabbed my keys. I had to know. I had to see her.

I drove to The Diner - not seeing, not thinking, only feeling the loss and pain consume every part of me. The minute I was in the parking lot, I was out of the car and barging into the back door.

x-x-x

BPOV

"Hey, Chef, what's..." The look on his face was frightening – cold and blank. Goose bumps formed on my flesh and I shivered under his gaze.

"Love… are you…" I started moving toward him but stopped, taken aback as his face contorted in anger and some other emotion I couldn't read.

"Don't. Just… don't even… How could you, Bella? How could you do this to me?" He glared at me, his hand held up attempting to stop me from coming closer.

I was stunned. I had no idea why he was so angry at me.

"Edward, what happened? Why are you so angry with me?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask, Bella," he said bitterly.

My eyes shifted to his hand as he slowly held up a wadded piece of paper. He smoothed it out with painstaking precision, his eyes never leaving mine. They were black and empty, and something inside of me broke.

I gasped as the words on the paper became clear. _Oh God, he found it. How did he even find that? I should have told him. _

"You're still fucking married?" he sneered. "After all we've been through, you couldn't even bother to tell me the fucking truth? I don't even…"

"Edward… I…" Tears started streaming down my face as the realization that he knew finally took hold. He knew… about James… and that something had gone wrong. My head was screaming at me to say something, anything, to explain that it was just a technicality, a misunderstanding that could be easily fixed.

"Baby, this is just a big misunder-" I attempted to say before his guttural yell cut me off.

"No! Don't call me that! This is not some fucking misunderstanding. This," he held up the paper pointing emphatically at it, "is _you_ lying me!"

"But, Edward, just let me explain. I can explain," I pleaded with him to hear me, but he was so enraged. He was pacing like a caged tiger, his hands ripping at his hair angrily, his face red and his breathing erratic.

"There's nothing to explain!" he exploded. "You're a liar, Bella! You sat there in Seattle and told me it was over, and then on your couch the other day. You made me feel like shit for saying that you lied. And you fucking did! There is NOTHING to explain, nothing you can say to make this better."

I walked toward him, my hands desperately clinging to the table to stabilize me. I couldn't even bear to hear what he was saying. He thought I was a liar... and I guess technically I was, but it was a misunderstanding. Tears of frustration and grief poured down my face as I tried to breathe, but I couldn't.

I couldn't believe he was going to walk away without listening or even trying to get an explanation. Why was he even here if he wasn't willing to talk or listen?

I walked toward him, and he stared at me, unflinchingly. I grabbed his face and held it in place, forcing him to hear me, but he brushed my hands aside and walked around me. He was pushing me away, and I needed him to hear me.

"It's just a technicality, Edward. I filed for divorce. It's in the papers. Did you even bother to read them, or did you only see what you wanted to see?" I said forcefully, my voice firmer than I thought possible. He may not have been willing to fight for us, but I wasn't going to give up that easily.

"Of course not! Of course, you didn't," I continued on, allowing everything to pour out of me. "Because you only see what you want to see. It's just like with Carlisle and Alice. You can't see that they did what they did because they-"

"Just shut up!" he screamed. "Just shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about! You weren't there! You don't know!"

He was heaving, desperately trying to catch his breath, and his body hunched over his work table as he stared maliciously into my eyes. His lip curled into a cruel sneer, and I gasped, instinctively, taking a step back. I knew deep down he would never hurt me, but the look on his face was so familiar, one I had seen on James' face many a drunken evening.

"I do know, Edward. But you won't let me in, and you won't let me explain," I pleaded, trying to go for a different approach, wanting to diffuse the tension that was starting to swallow us whole.

But my attempts were for naught. He took a step toward me and slapped his hand on the table in front me.

"I told you lying was the _one_ thing I couldn't tolerate, and you did it. You even knew why and yet you still lied to me."

He turned and walked to the back of the kitchen before turning to face me. "This," he said harshly gesturing between us, "is over."

I could feel my panic rising, the anxiety threatening to pull me down.

"But...you can't do this, Edward" I whispered in the deathly quiet kitchen.

"Just go! Get the fuck out of my kitchen! We're done! Done!" He roared.

As tears streamed down my face, I grabbed my bad and ran to the back door, pausing, torn between going and staying. I turned to look back at him; he looked right through me, his eyes cold and emotionless, and in a barely controlled voice he said, "Just. Go…"

The door slammed open with the force of my weight as I escaped into the parking lot. It closed with a loud crash behind me, and the enormity of what had just happened washed over me. We were over.

I started toward my car, franticly digging in my purse to find my keys. I couldn't breathe or think or feel. I wrapped my fingers around the hard metal when I felt a cold hand clamp over my mouth and a strong arm wrap around my waist, dragging me back to a waiting car. The icy chill of fear shook my body as the voice I had been trying to erase whispered, "I've missed you, baby."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Fic Recs: **

**Ugly by silver sniper of night **

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5965192/1/Ugly

**Pound of Flesh by Jaxon**

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5926016/1/A_Pound_of_Flesh

**Paper Cutouts by Astileb13**

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5993984/1/

The next chapter will be up in the middle of next week.

Twitter: Jessypt

Twi Thread: http:/bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad

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	21. Chapter 20

**The response to last chapter was beyond overwhelming. I'm so glad that you all feel so passionately protective of Bella. I'll ask you to trust me through the next few chapters. We'll get through it.**

**Dozens and dozens of cupcakes for Kikikinz, Lexiecullen17, and Catie22866 for working overtime to beta this chapter, and the next few so quickly. You ladies are amazing, and I am consistently humbled by your friendship.**

**Fly, Ludovico Einaudi; Possibility – Lykke Li; Roslyn – Bon Iver & St. Vincent; The Ghost of You – My Chemical Romance; and Comatose – Skillet inspired a few of the songs that inspired this chapter.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 20**

**EPOV**

The door slammed shut, and I sank to my knees. The all-consuming anger that had controlled every thought I'd had in the last few hours disappeared the minute she ran out. It was as if every feeling, every emotion was sucked out of me. I looked around the kitchen, the place everything had started, and felt empty.

Numb.

The empty quiet of the kitchen screamed at me to go after her, but my pride and her betrayal kept me firmly tied to the ground. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go after her.

And I didn't.

No matter how I turned this situation around in my mind, I couldn't get past the simple truth that she had lied to me. The words looped through my head over and over again.

"_He's not my husband anymore. I took care of it before I left Phoenix."_

"_If I were still married and hadn't told you, then I would have lied."_

Why would she do that? It just didn't make sense. After everything we had been through, she had lied, point blank, to my face... twice. I groaned in frustration as the thoughts I'd tried to keep at bay pushed through the barriers I had created. I didn't want to think about her lies anymore. It was over.

As I stood there, staring at the cupcakes all over the kitchen, I replayed the conversation we'd just had. I was so pissed that even after I had called her out on the lies she had tried to deny them, to explain that there was some "technicality" that wasn't dealt with, and this was just some big misunderstanding.

_Yeah, I fucking doubt that. _

Exhausted, I turned towards to the back door and walked out. I looked at the parking lot and immediately noticed her car sitting next to mine.

I looked around, trying to figure out why she hadn't driven it home, when I saw her bag on the ground. Alarm bells went off in my head as I ran over and picked it up.

Standing up, I scoured the lot and noticed her keys on the ground, near the door of her car. Panicking, I grabbed them. I could feel my heart starting to pound as I called out her name.

"Bella!"

My voice echoed against the concrete walls of the building. Dread coursed through me as I realized something had happened here. Love, anger, and fear all collided as I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I stared at her bag in my hand and her keys on the ground, and the reality of the situation caused me to double over as if I'd been punched in the gut.

_James._

I felt light-headed and sick to my stomach as fear gripped me from the inside out. I couldn't breathe or think; all I could see was Bella's face, her eyes clouded with terror as I tried to imagine what she must be going through.

Fighting for clarity, I whipped out my phone and rapidly dialed Charlie's number, willing him to answer. I had no idea how I was going to explain everything that had happened without breaking down. The phone clicked, and I could barely get the words out.

"Charlie, it's Edward. She's gone! We got into a fight, and I told her to get out, and she's gone… he's got her…"

"Edward, stop, wait. I'm going to need you to slow down. What happened?" he asked groggily.

"He's got her. James… he has her. He has her! We have to find her!" I said, my voice hysterical and laced with panic.

"James? When did this happen? Where are you?" he asked quickly.

"I'm at The Diner."

"Stay there. I'm on my way."

I paced the parking lot while I waited for him to arrive. My emotions were all over the place. I was trying to reconcile everything that had happened tonight with the fear that something was going to happen to her. I had failed her, and I would never forgive myself if he hurt her.

My head was consumed with thoughts of where he'd taken her, him abusing her, and how scared she must be. I couldn't process anything else. The one thing I promised her I'd do - protect her from him, keep her safe - and I'd failed. I had allowed my pride and anger to overrule every rational thought and feeling I had, and now she was gone. I pulled my hands through my hair, exasperation and frustration overwhelming me.

I replayed the devastation on her face, the tears pouring down her face, and the desperation in her voice as she pleaded with me to understand.

"…_You won't let me in, and you won't let me explain." _

"Oh, God… what the hell did I do?" I cried out, the sickening feeling of despair slowly dragging me to the ground.

I felt the fissures that had formed in my heart from everything that had happened widen, grow deeper until my heart shattered. I had lost her, and the realization was like someone had punched a hole in my chest and ripped out my heart.

My breath caught in my throat and tears ran down my face as I dropped my head into my hands, my elbows sitting heavily on my knees. Sobs wracked my body and all I could think about was her beautiful smile, her sweet laugh, the gentle press of her lips against my mine, and the way our hands fit perfectly together. It was all gone. She was gone. Because of me.

I gulped for air, trying to piece myself back together, but the tides of regret and guilt pulled me back under, slowly drowning me in my misery.

The sound of squealing tires in the still of the night brought me back to the surface. Charlie swerved into the lot, and in an instant, he was out of his cruiser. He was wearing jeans and an old t-shirt, his hair disheveled from sleep. He was the picture of calm except for the flicker of panic in his eyes.

"What the hell happened, Edward?"

I looked up at him, my face awash in tear, and I could see he knew something had happened, that this was bigger than just _him_ getting her.

"The whole story," he said, the tone of his voice making it clear he wasn't kidding.

With a deep breath, I told him everything. I told him about finding the envelope and how she wasn't divorced. I told him about the confrontation here and her attempts to explain. I told him about her running out of here and my indifference. I told him about finding her bag and keys in the parking lot.

"That's when I called you. We should have told her," I said, my voice broken and quiet. The guilt of not telling her was eating me alive. Why didn't we tell her? We should have. Maybe if we had, she wouldn't have run out.

_Or maybe you shouldn't have yelled at her like that. What the hell is wrong with you?_

I shoved my thoughts aside. I wasn't ready to process them yet. Everything was too raw and real to really examine it closely, but I knew I would have to deal with it soon.

He looked at me, his face serious and deep in thought. A nod was his only response as he looked down, his eyes drifting to the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck, and I could see his shoulders rise and fall as he took in several deep breaths. He looked up, and when he spoke again, his voice was gruff and thick with emotion.

"Yes, we should have."

He paused, swallowing his own regret. "I should have pushed harder. I asked her about her divorce a few weeks ago, and she said she hadn't gotten any information about it. I had a feeling it wasn't final. I should have done more…"

I looked down, scrubbing my face in frustration. So, she had doubts? Why didn't she tell me?

_Probably because she knew you'd freak out on her… just like you did!_

"Well," I said, grabbing the letter I'd found earlier in the day, "according to this, the divorce has been contested, and she has to report to court next month."

"Hmmm," Charlie murmured, stroking his mustache in thought.

The thought of her having to face James in court was disturbing. From what I could tell, he was completely delusional and unstable; I was afraid of the things he might pull in order to get her back… or worse, to get back at her for leaving in the first place. Part of me wondered if he had taken her back to Phoenix in an effort to prove that she belonged to him. I was just about to say something to that effect when Charlie looked up at me, his eyes penetrating and serious.

"Can you remember anything else?" he asked as he jotted down some notes in a little black notebook he had pulled from his back pocket.

He was all business. The concerned father had been replaced by the calm, collected police chief.

"No, sir," I whispered.

"What was that?" His voice was harsh. This was business now…and his baby girl was his business.

"No, sir. I don't remember anything else. That is what happened."

He looked at me, his eyes telling me how disappointed he was… in me. I had essentially pushed her away and into James' waiting arms. Wallowing in that realization, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

With one last piercing glare, he turned and walked backed to the cruiser. The look on his face was like a slap in the face, his disappointment in me palpable. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I followed after him.

He walked back towards me, flashlight in hand. He flashed the beam of light against the ground, searching, presumably, for clues. He walked around the exterior of the building a few times and stopped suddenly, his light catching something on the ground.

I felt my heart start to pound as he squatted down and picked up something shiny. He stared at his open palm and turned the item over a couple of times before he walked towards me and held out his hand.

"Is this familiar to you?"

I stared at the two hearts and the broken chain lying in his hand. A cold chill passed through me and my heart sank.

_My necklace._

"Edward? Do you recognize this necklace?" he asked again.

I nodded, stiffly, barely able to move. "It's the necklace I gave her in Seattle," I choked out. "She never takes it off."

He closed his hand and patted my shoulder with the other and promised we'd find her before he walked back to the cruiser.

The next few hours were a whirlwind of activity. The entire Forks Police Department, all four of them, and a couple of neighboring departments were alerted about Bella's disappearance. With the little bit of information I had given them, they began conducting search patrols within a twenty-five mile radius. Several other officers surveyed the back of the building for additional clues but couldn't find any.

I was a mess, my hands frantically tugging on my hair as I paced back and forth. I felt guilty for pushing her away and angry at myself for not listening to her. The more I replayed our argument, the more I realized she had been trying to tell me something. Words like "_technicality" _and "_misunderstanding"_ kept coming back to me, and I wondered what it all meant. I had even reread the letter from the court looking for answers but didn't find anything meaningful.

The longer I waited there, the lonelier I became. Charlie had busied himself with all the police work, directing operations and running patrols. Without thinking, I called Alice. I needed someone, anyone, to help me; I just didn't know what to do, and the anxiety of everything that had happened was weighing on me heavily. The panic that I had been pushing away came roaring back as I dialed her number. I had no idea if she would even be willing to talk to me, but I hoped given the situation she would put aside her anger.

The phone clicked and a sleepy voice whispered said hello.

"Ali? It's… me, Edward. I need your help," I quickly said, not wanting her to hang up on me before I had a chance to get some of it out.

"Edward? It's… it's 4:45 in the morning. Is everything okay?" She asked, immediately awake.

"She's gone, Ali. He's got her, and I need your help," I stated as the panic, the emotion locked just under the surface, spilled out.

"Gone? What do you mean gone? Bella?" she asked, confused.

"James took her, Alice," I said, my voice on the verge of hysterics. "I don't know what to do." I knew I sounded like a crazy man, but I couldn't help it. I was exhausted and emotionally overloaded. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"Where are you, Edward?" she asked quickly. I could hear the intensity in her voice and quickly told her where I was. "I'm on my way," she said and hung up before I could say another word.

As I waited for her to arrive, I tried to make myself useful. I wasn't consciously thinking, but I made a big pot of coffee for everyone, trying to get my mind on something else.

There was no reprieve from my thoughts until Alice and Jasper walked in, their faces mirroring my own panic and concern. Without thinking, I grabbed Alice and pulled her into a tight hug. All the tension and anger that had come between us this week melted away as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She was home and refuge and comfort. She was my baby sister and Bella's best friend. She knew, at least in some small way, what I was feeling.

"This is all my fault, Alice," I breathed out, the tears starting to fall.

"How could this possibly be your fault?"

"I pushed her away. We… we got into a huge fight… and I…" I paused. I couldn't even get the words out. I couldn't even think about all the mean things I had said or how horribly I had treated her.

"What happened here, Edward?" Her voice was quiet and soothing, and I knew she was trying to get me to calm down, to breathe a little.

I tried to push down the guilt and the plethora of whirling thoughts in my head to no avail.

She looked at me and grabbed my hand. Jasper walked over and put his hand on my shoulder, a move that was unexpected but strangely comforting.

I looked them both in the eye and took a deep breath. I didn't want to see the anger and disappointment on their faces. Nothing they could say could make me feel worse than I already did.

I looked up to see them staring at me, concerned and patient. Alice gave me another reassuring squeeze, and I pressed on.

"I told her it was over. I said the worst things to her, and…"

Alice's gasp and the look of shock on Jasper's face stopped me. I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing that the sanitized version I had been planning to tell them wouldn't do.

"What do you mean you told her it was over?" Jasper asked. I could hear the disapproving tone of his voice.

"She's still married. I found the papers in her kitchen telling her she needed to come to court because it had been contested," I said, frustrated. "She lied about it, and when I confronted her… I was just so angry. I yelled at her, called her a liar, and told her to get out. I told her it was over… and she ran out. That's when he got her."

I couldn't believe how matter of fact I sounded. It was like hearing someone else's story, instead of living the nightmare that had become my own. I neglected to mention the part about knowing James had been around, that he'd been watching her. That thought was still nagging at me, but I just didn't know what to do with it.

"So, that's it? You're just going to walk away? After everything she has done for you?" Alice was fuming. Her hands were on his hips, her face was flushed with indignation, and I took a step backwards.

"That's not… it's… look, Ali…"

"No, you look here, Edward," she said haughtily, stepping forward until her face was almost pressed against my chest. "Bella has been amazing to you! She has been through hell, and has fought every step of the way for your relationship. And you… ugh… rather than pause to let her explain, you just dumped her? What the hell is wrong with you?" She was furious, and if I didn't know better, I would have thought she was going to slap me.

"This is the same bullshit that happened every time I tried to talk to you about why Dad did what he did when Mom died. You never listen. You just assume."

"It wasn't like that Alice," I said equally exasperated. "And what do you mean, 'every time you tried to talk to me'?"

Ignoring the second half of my question, she pressed me for more. "Well, what was it like? You pretty much made it out to sound that way. You know, maybe you don't even deserve her."

Jasper glared at me, and I dropped my head, running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"I was shocked, okay? I mean, what did you expect me to do? She told me she was divorced, and I found out that she wasn't," I groaned in frustration. "I didn't… I didn't mean it. And now… Trust me; I know I don't deserve her. She's probably never going to talk to me again, and I don't blame her. I wouldn't talk to me." I could feel the emotion starting to well up inside, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost it again.

"I just don't know how to fix it, and now… he's got her, and what if I…" I said, my voice barely a whisper as I looked at Alice.

Her eyes flashing with anger as she glared at me.

"Edward, you need to pull it together. You are going to have to learn to listen before you freak out on people! Do you even realize how it comes off? Me! Me! Me! This is not about _you_! This is about _Bella_, the love of your life and my best friend… who is missing and at the mercy of her psycho ex-husband! And yes, I said ex, because that is effectively what he is, despite some bullshit piece of paper telling you otherwise.

"Pull you head out of your ass and focus on what is important, instead of yourself for once. How do you think Bella felt after you blew up at her without even giving her a chance to explain? Do you not think she had a reason for not telling you? Did you ever stop to think that maybe all of this just happened, and she was trying to figure out how to deal with it? Did you think about any of that Edward?"

I stared at Alice, dumbfounded and completely taken aback. She rarely raised her voice, and she had yelled at me twice in less than two weeks. I shook my head, trying to process everything she'd said. I hadn't stopped to consider the answer to any of those questions; hell, I hadn't even thought to ask the questions at all. It hadn't even crossed my mind. I had no defense, no excuse for my behavior. I should never have said those things to her… ever.

Alice pressed on. "Bella needs you to be strong for her, Edward. And when we find her, you are going to have to figure out how to make this right, and then figure out how to fix yourself."

I pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes and willed myself to stay calm. I let my mind take the lead as pictures of her flashed before me – Bella sitting across from me at the park as her hair danced softly in the wind; Bella bent over her workstation, icing bag in hand, swirling buttercream on top of cupcakes; Bella sleeping peacefully beside me – and I felt my heart rate slow and my breathing return to normal.

I dropped my hands in defeat. She was right. I needed to man up and stop wallowing in self pity and anger. As much as I hoped Bella would be willing to give me yet another chance, this wasn't about me right now. This was about me doing everything I could to find her.

Her face softened. "She's going to be fine, Edward. We're going to find her. You have to believe that. _She_ needs you to believe that."

_She needs me to believe that. She needs me… God, please let her still need me._

Alice wrapped her arms around me, and I buried my face in the crook of her neck as my tears stained her shirt. I wanted to believe that she would still want me, or at least give me the chance to fix it, even though I didn't deserve it.

I nodded. "You're right. I need to find Charlie." The rest would have to wait until after I found her.

We were just about to walk out to the back parking lot when Charlie came in, his face tight with worry. I wasn't used to seeing that look on his face. He was usually cool and calm, all business. Something was bothering him.

"What's going on Charlie? Did you find her?" I asked anxiously.

He shook his head and stared right into my eyes before taking a deep breath. "I spoke to the private investigator and explained what had happened. He did some checking and apparently James hasn't reported to work in the last three days."

"What!" I exploded. "How did we not know this before now?"

"Calm down, Edward!" Charlie snapped. "You need to keep it together. You aren't the only one who's hurting here. You got that?"

I was stunned. Charlie never lost his cool, but it was clear by the look on his face that he meant business. And of course, he was right. This wasn't just about me losing Bella. It was about him losing a daughter and Ali losing a friend. It was my turn to be strong. I needed to do something, anything, to help find her.

"What can I do? Please give me something to do, Charlie? Do you want me to drive around and search for her? Go back to her house and look for clues? I need you to tell me what to do here." I could hear the desperation in my voice, but I didn't care how it sounded. I needed to find her, to talk to her, and work through all the shit that had gone down today. I needed to tell her I was sorry for yelling at her, for not listening to her when she tried to explain, and for telling her to get out.

I knew we needed to work through everything that had happened…together. None of it made sense. I mean, she had said she was divorced, that she'd taken care of it, so why was it being contested? Why now? Why now that things were perfect, when we were just getting settled?

"Edward? Are you listening?" Charlie asked, annoyed at my short attention span.

"Sorry, yes," I said contritely.

"Go back to Bella's house and look for anything that feels out of place or that you haven't seen before. We need something to point us in the right direction. They could be anywhere, and truthfully, besides the obvious Phoenix connection, we don't have anything other than some muddy tire tracks to go on."

I swallowed, my throat constricting at the news that they really had no clue where she was or where he had taken her.

"Could she still be around here? At a hotel or some place? I mean, what about the woods or some place like that?"

"Those are all good ideas, but we don't have the resources or the manpower to embark on a search like that without some direction. The team is looking for clues here, and we're trying to get her phone records in hopes of something standing out. But for now, we need you to stay calm and do your part."

I nodded. My stomach was in knots. I felt sick. How could they not have a single lead? How was that possible? They were the police for heaven's sakes!

As if she sensed the turmoil inside, Alice grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the door. I squeezed her hand back and smiled tightly at Jasper.

We drove to Bella's house, and together, scoured her house for clues. We had no idea what we were looking for, and it was incredibly frustrating. One of us would find something and call out for the others to check it out, only to realize it was easily explained. The longer we worked, the more anxious I got. I was desperate to find something, anything, to help fix this mess.

I sifted through her mail and wondered what she was doing, where she was. Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she thinking about me? A familiar pang of regret filled every cell of my body as I thought about what she must be thinking, how she must feel knowing I had yelled at her and essentially cut her out of my life. The optimistic part of me hoped she could separate the anger in my reaction earlier from my words, but deep down, I knew this time was different. I had been abundantly clear that we were over.

I knew I had felt that way, but now that the fog of anger had cleared, I knew I couldn't live without her. She was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Hell, I'd even told my Mom she was "the one."

Shaking my head, I tried to clear away all the pain and confusion I felt. The emotional roller coaster I was on was giving me whiplash, and it was exhausting.

There was no doubt that she was still married, but could I get over it? Could I get past all of this and move forward with her? Deep in my gut, I knew the answer. I knew I could. I guess the deeper question was, did I want to?

Yes. Unequivocally, yes. There was no way I could live without her in my life. She was the fire, the sunshine, the warmth in my life, and there was no doubt that she had changed me for the good. Every step of the way, she had challenged my thinking about others and myself. She pushed me to be open, to actually talk through my feelings, and to find a better way forward. She was perfect for me, and I loved everything about her.

I loved her laugh, her sweet smile, and her gorgeous brown eyes. I loved the way she looked in the morning, her face soft and swollen with sleep. I loved the way her expressions told me everything she was feeling as we made love, the whispers of adoration that fell from her lips, and the feel of her skin against mine.

The sound of the front door opening pulled me, unwillingly, from my memories. I looked up to see Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett standing in the doorway. I looked between them and Alice, who had made her way back into the living room, and welcomed them in. This was the first time Carlisle had ever been here, and I could tell he was nervous, our truce still too new to bring any sort of comfort between us.

"Hey guys," Alice called out.

Everyone said their hellos and sat around the living room, staring at me. At some point while we were working, Alice must have called them and explained the situation. I looked at them and was overwhelmed with memories of each of them with Bella - Rosalie handing her that atrocious pink uniform when she landed the job at The Diner; Em teasing her about her fire building skills when she tried to start the fire in her new fire pit; Jasper talking to her quietly while Ali and I had a moment before going to the cemetery; and even Carlisle welcoming her into our home on that fateful day. Her absence was so profound, so oppressive, that when I finally tried to speak, nothing came out.

My head dropped to the back of the couch, and I closed my eyes, trying once again to get my emotions under control. I heard the quiet murmuring around the room but didn't look up until I felt the couch shift slightly and a warm hand rest on shoulder. Carlisle didn't say anything. He didn't need to. We all felt the same way, and I was grateful that even after everything he and I had been through, he was there for me. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve the love and concern he was clearly showing me, but I was grateful for it nonetheless.

We sat there for a long time before either of us said anything. Everyone else had gone off to do something, to search for clues or whatever needed to be done.

"We're going to find her, Son, and everything is going to be fine." Carlisle was sincere, and I wanted desperately to believe him. Everything within me ached to believe it, but I knew what James was capable of, how much he had hurt her all the other times, and what he'd promised to do to her if she ever left again. Selfishly, I wanted everything to be okay with us but even that was in doubt after what I'd said to her.

He must have sensed the battle raging within me, one side warring for hope, the other threatening to pull me into despair.

"Look at me, Edward," he said firmly.

I glanced up. The look in his eyes was sincere and reassuring but despair won out…

"I fucked up, Dad. I don't know how much Alice told you, but… I said some horrible things to her. I yelled at her, told it was over, called her a liar. I told her…" I paused, overwhelmed with grief and loss. I tried to loosen the lump in my throat, to swallow it down, but it didn't budge. Tears welled up in my eyes as I choked out the hateful words I had said to her. "I told her to get out. The look on her face, the hurt… I just… I just don't know how to make it right. What if I don't get the chance? What if I lose her, just like I did Mom?"

When it was finally out, I gave into the pain, the loss, the guilt. I collapsed against him and cried.

I cried for Mom. For the relationships I had poisoned because of her death.

I cried for Bella. For what I had said and done to her, and for what she must be feeling and enduring all by herself…and I couldn't do anything about it.

He never said anything; he didn't have to. He let me get it all out, and when I was ready, we stood up and joined the others as we scoured the house for clues.

x-x-x

The next few days were depressing. The police department had followed up on almost every lead but still didn't have anything solid. I had talked to Charlie several times a day, and although he was patient with me, I could tell my constant inquiries were irritating him.

My family, Rose, and Emmett had spent every single day out in the woods nearby, searching for some kind of indication that she had been there. We found nothing. It was like she had vanished. The longer we looked without finding her… or even a hint of her, the more despondent and desperate I grew. I needed something, anything.

Charlie had said over and over that he was confident that they would be able to find her. There had been no reports of him returning to Phoenix yet, and the police didn't expect him to go there, at least not right away. That would have been too obvious. Police barricades had been set up on the highways in the surrounding area in an attempt to catch him trying to slip in or out of town. There had been a couple of potential sightings, people that matched his or her description, but they never panned out.

When I wasn't searching for her, I spent my time at Bella's house, _our_ house, lying in our bed. It was my personal refuge from all of the craziness, the one place that felt safe for me to break down, cry, or just slip into my memories. This was our space. At least, I hoped it was still our space.

The night after she went missing, I lay in our bed and wrapped my arms around her pillow, inhaling her scent. The ache in my chest was almost impossible to bear. Sleep didn't come that night, and it had been sporadic ever since. My whole body was on alert, hoping that something would trigger a memory or a clue, but no matter how hard I looked or thought, nothing came.

When Friday dawned, I knew I was going to have to do something different. I had barely managed to make it through my classes yesterday. I wasn't able to focus on anything the chefs had said, and I wasn't sure why I even went. Everyone was sympathetic and allowed me to be there without really participating. They knew what was going on. Rosalie had given me all the time off I needed from The Diner, as had Chef J. I was grateful, because there was no way I could have focused long enough to cook anything.

Bella had been gone almost a week, and I was growing more and more despondent. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and was surprised to see it was after ten in the morning. I had been asleep for over ten hours.

_Shit! Did anything happen?_

I frantically reached for my phone and saw the four missed calls. The first two were from Alice, the third from Carlisle, and the last one was from an unknown number. I quickly called my voicemail and nervously waited for the messages to play. I groaned in frustration as the first two messages were about Alice bringing me dinner. Carlisle's message was equally simple; he just wanted to check in and make sure I was getting some sleep. I rolled my eyes in irritation, still not used to this new dynamic between us.

When the voice mail system indicated I had one more message, I quickly pushed the button and waited.

_Click._

I deleted the message and tossed it back on the table in frustration. Of course it was a hang up call.

Pulling myself up, I walked into the shower. I needed the heat and the pounding water to help clear my head and ease the ever-present tension in my body. When the water started to run cold, I shut the shower off and opened the door.

Just as I was about to step out, I heard my phone ring. I grabbed a towel and quickly made my way into our room, wrapping the towel around my waist.

I looked at the caller ID and saw it was an unknown number.

"Hello?" I asked, a little breathless.

I could hear noise in the background, but nothing that would pinpoint who or what it was.

"Hello? Who is this?"

The sound of a door being closed filtered through the phone, but beyond that, the line was silent. I was getting really agitated.

"Who the fuck is this?"

Silence. Then it dawned on me. Could this be him? Maybe it was Bella, but she couldn't say anything, and she just needed me to know she was okay.

"Bella? Is that you, baby?"

I needed to believe, even for just a second that this was her.

"Baby… I don't know if this is you, but… I'm sorry for what happened. We're going to find you -"

I was cut off by the sickest laughter I had ever heard, and I knew it was him.

"You are a sick fuck, you asshole! We are going to find you, and when we do I'm going to kill you for taking her."

He just laughed and hung up.

When the line went dead, I dropped to the bed, completely dumbfounded by what had just happened. I couldn't believe he had the gall to call me, to jerk me around. I was going to find him, and he was going to understand what it was like to have someone's fists in his face.

The red fog of anger cleared enough for reality to take hold, and I called Charlie.

"He called, Charlie," I said frantically. "He called my cell twice."

"When?"

"Sometime last night and then a few minutes ago."

"Did he say anything? How do you know it was him?"

"Well, at first, I didn't know it was him. He didn't say anything, he just laughed. I thought it might be Bella, so I told her we were looking for her and that I was sorry, and that sick motherfucker just laughed and hung up."

I didn't wait for Charlie to say anything before I pressed on.

"We have to get her Charlie. I know he's in the area, I can feel it."

"Look, Edward. I agree… she's most likely in the area, and we've gotten a couple of promising leads today from a gas station and casino near Sequim."

"I'm on my way-"

"No, Edward! This is police business. Just stay at Bella's house, and we'll take care of it."

"But…"

"No buts. This matter is closed for discussion. Stay there and wait."

I sat on the other end of the line fuming. How could he expect me to wait this out? I had been searching this entire godforsaken town for a week and had found nothing. There was no way I could just sit here while everyone was out searching for her.

"Did I make myself clear, Edward? I'm not telling you this as Bella's father; I'm telling you this as the Chief of Police. If you come near Sequim, I'll haul your ass to jail for impeding an investigation. Is that clear?"

I hesitated, knowing that I didn't really have a choice.

Begrudgingly, I muttered my concurrence. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. I'll call you when we find her," he said before hanging up.

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**The next chapter will be up later this week.**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

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	22. Chapter 21

Thanks for the passion and energy around this story. You guys are amazing!

Even more amazing is the most amazing beta team. They have literally worked like mad to get these chapters ready. Please give love to kikikinz, catie22866, and lexiecullen17. They are amazing!

Special thanks again to Aerobee for helping me make this chapter real.

Closer- KOL, Heavy in your Arms – Florence + The Machine, The Voice Within – Christina Aguilera, Lost Lyrics – Anouk, &Love the Way you Lie – Eminem and Rihanna are a few of the songs that helped me write this chapter.

**WARNING: This chapter contains abuse and heavy abuse themes. If you have triggers or are sensitive to this in any way, please read with caution.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

I woke up to total, complete, and eerie silence, the room pitch black and the air stale. I tried to sit up and gasped. A sharp stabbing pain in my lungs and torso wracked my body as I fell backward. Sweat prickled against my skin from the exertion, and my pounding heart returned to normal as I lay there, trying to pinpoint the epicenter of the pain.

_Deep breaths._

_Deep breaths, Bella._

I slowly moved my hand to my ribs and allowed my fingers to flitter across them, knowing from experience that they were either severely bruised or broken. I had lived through this kind of pain many times in Phoenix, but just the thought of what had happened made my heart rate spike.

_Cupcakes. The fight with Edward. _

_James._

My stomach clenched at the memory of his voice in my ear and his hand clamped over my mouth. The bile rose up in my throat as I rolled over, pain gripping me once again, and emptied what little was remaining in my stomach. Lying on my side, I tried to figure out what he'd done to me and where I was.

Nothing was familiar, and in the dark, I had no point of reference. I tried to sit up again, determined to get my bearings. I pushed myself up, pain clawing at my sides and my breath catching uncomfortably in my lungs. My head was pounding, and white spots formed in front of my eyes as I tried to get my breathing under control. I willed myself to keep it together. I couldn't pass out; I needed to figure out where I was and how badly I was messed up. You'd think all the broken bones and bruises I had endured with James would have better equipped me to deal with this, but I felt woefully inadequate.

I tried to stand, but it was too much. I fell back against the hard mattress and just barely managed to stay upright. Completely spent and exhausted, I sat there.

_Breathe. Deep Breaths._

I tried to remember everything that had happened after he dragged me to the car, but everything was hazy… except for the fear that had immediately taken up residence in the depths of my soul.

Images of a struggle, trying to unlock my can of pepper spray, a sharp sting against my neck, and the explosive, blinding pain that filled my chest when something hard smashed against my ribs filtered through my head. I knew I had fought against him, but I couldn't remember anything except for the blackness and the blinding pain against my temple that had overtaken me when he tried to shove me inside the car.

I shifted awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable position. I knew I should feel something, but it was like I was back in Phoenix, the numb shell I had worn every day slipping over me easily. I didn't want to think or feel. I knew if I did, I would never make it through this. I couldn't think about what had happened with Edward, the words that had been yelled in anger, or his bitter, unforgiving eyes that stared back at me as I ran out the back door. I couldn't think about any of it, and yet it was the only thing that filled my head.

_Edward._

I choked down a sob, knowing I had to be strong. He didn't want me; it – we – were over. I felt my heart shatter, heavy and broken as I replayed his bitter, angry words.

"_You're a liar, Bella!" _

"_Just go! Get the fuck out of my kitchen! We're done! Done!"_

Tears streamed down my face despite my efforts to keep it together. I tried to take another deep, cleansing breath, but shooting pain caused me to double over and screech in agony.

_Breathe, Bella. Just Breathe. _

I tried to force myself to calm down, but the more I tried, the worse it got. I had no idea where I was, what James wanted, or how I was going to get out of here. Would I even have a place to go home? Would I even _make_ it home? Would he even talk to me, let me explain?

The sound of heavy boots on the ground snapped me back to reality. The fear that had consumed me for years filled me once again as I heard the doorknob turn slowly, creaking from neglect.

_You know how to deal with this Bella. You did for six years. You can do this._

The voice within was telling me to be strong, and I wanted to be strong. For Charlie and Alice… for Edward… but I felt anything but. I knew I wouldn't be able to fight him off, but I prayed I would survive whatever was about to happen. I swiped my hands across my face and eyes to remove the tears. I didn't want him to see anything but strength. He preyed on weakness.

The door opened, and light filtered in behind him, illuminating the room. I blinked rapidly, forcing my eyes to adjust to the new sensation. I needed to be able to see… whatever was coming.

"Bella, baby," he slurred. I felt my skin crawl at his term of endearment. My heart spiked at the instant realization that he was drunk. He was always the meanest when he'd been drinking.

I didn't move. I wasn't sure if I should respond. Normally, I could tell by the look on his face, but I was out of practice and it was dark. I could feel the adrenaline starting to move through my system, and I shivered in anticipation.

He came towards me, and the closer he got, the faster my heart started beating. Fear. That was all I felt.

"Answer me," he snapped, his voice harsh.

I looked up at him, trying to read him. I had been through this drill so many times, but I had no idea what to do right now.

When his hands started stroking my hair, his fingers brushing across my cheeks, I fought against every instinct I had to shove him away from me, to run. Feeling his hands on me, in places that had only been touched with love, made me sick. I wanted to throw up; I wanted to scream at him to get away from me, to stop touching me. But I knew I couldn't. I couldn't do anything until I figured out where I was and what my options were.

He leaned down, and his glassy eyes met mine. They were the same dark shade of brown they had always been, and as much as I wanted to stay strong, I looked down. I didn't want to look at him or watch his eyes roam across my face.

Undeterred, he tilted my head back up and forced me to look at him. Before I could move, his lips were on mine, moving forcefully. His breath was wretched, laced with beer and cigarettes, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to gag at the taste of his tongue in my mouth.

"I've missed you, baby," he whispered against my lips before leaning back in for more. I didn't respond. I didn't move my lips against his or allow my tongue to meet his full on. I just sat there, unmoving, hoping that this would end soon.

"Kiss me back, Isabella. I know you missed me. I want you to show me," he said as his hand grazed my breast. I closed my eyes tightly, desperately trying to keep it together.

_God, please don't let this happen to me._

I could tell by the tone of his voice he wasn't messing around. He really meant it. I had no idea how he could think I had missed him, but he was a sick man. It was one of the many delusions he had about us, one that I couldn't live with anymore… which was why I finally walked away from him.

His lips pressed against mine again, urging me to open up to him. I tried to force myself to respond. I tried. I tried to force my lips to meet his. I tried to move my tongue in time with his. But I couldn't. All I could see was Edward's broken face, and without thinking, I pulled away.

James responded immediately, one hand clamping down on my arm as the other wrapped into my hair. I gasped as he jerked my head back painfully, and tears filled my eyes.

"I told you to show me how much you missed me," he said angrily. I tried to blink away the tears as his hold on my hair tightened painfully. He had my neck angled sharply, and I could feel the strain and burn in my muscles.

I cried out, my voice echoing hollowly in the empty room. "You're hurting me, James. Please…" I begged.

His mercurial mood changed as he let go of my hair and whined insecurely. "Didn't you miss me, baby?"

I was at a crossroads. I could tell him the truth – that we were over and that I was never coming back to him – or the lies that he wanted to believe were the truth – that I loved him and missed him, that I'd never leave him again, and that I was sorry. Edward's words of love and affirmation, his promises to never hurt me filled me with a strength I didn't know I had. With a deep breath, I knew I couldn't lie. I was stronger than this. I was stronger than _him_.

I shrugged out of his reach and stood up, the pain almost pulling me under. I met his eyes defiantly, and with every ounce of courage and conviction I had, I told him the truth.

"James, we are done. When I left Phoenix, that was me telling you I wasn't going to live like this anymore."

I tried to move past him when I felt his fist connect with my face. My head snapped to the side as he made contact with my jaw. I stifled a scream as I stumbled back against the wall. As his fists rained down on me and his foot made contact with my side, I didn't see his face. It was only Edward… and then, black.

x-x-x

I woke to light sneaking through the film of paint on the window. I tried to move and froze as pain coursed through me. I blinked several times as I took in shallow, painful breaths. Every part of my body screamed in protest as I attempted to move again. I lifted my hand to brush the hair out of my face, only to find it stuck to my face. I closed my eyes, knowing it was blood and praying that it wasn't that bad.

My throat was parched and dry. I felt nauseous and weak, and drifted in and out of sleep for while, completely unaware of the time passing. My sleep was fitful and filled with dreams of Edward. I could see his smile and his warm green eyes. I felt the heat of his arms wrapped around mine and basked in the sweet sound of his laughter. I could hear him telling me he loved me, feel the brush of his lips against mine, and the weight of his body covering mine. He was happy and so was I… until his voice turned harsh and cold. His eyes were bitter and unforgiving. There were no words of love and adoration, only anger and vitriol.

"_We're done! Done!"_

I jolted awake to the sound of feet shuffling near my head. Alarm bells sounded in my head as I tried to move away, pain incapacitating me. I felt a warm, wet cloth press against my face, trails of water dripping down my face. Cracking my eyes open, I watched as James brought a rag to my face.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I just got so mad last night. Please forgive me," he said quietly as he gently cleaned my face. I didn't say anything, knowing it was unnecessary.

His on-again, off-again mood swings were like second nature to me, and I didn't even blink at the difference between the man before me now and the evil one from last night.

He lifted me off the floor, and I couldn't stifle the whimper that fell from my lips as pain engulfed every part of my body. His hands dug into my back and ribs, and I thought I might pass out. He whispered his apologies over and over as he gently laid me on the bed.

His hands were soft against my face, and I was grateful for it. He lifted my left hand and stared down at it, before placing a tender kiss against my ring finger. I felt a shiver run through me at his gesture, praying it wouldn't set him off.

I watched as he dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a shiny, metallic object. My heart sank as he slowly slid my old wedding band onto my finger and then pressed a kiss against it. A smile filled his face as he looked at the ring.

"I know you didn't mean to leave this, baby. Now you're perfect."

I closed my eyes as he brushed his lips against mine. Everything in me screamed to rip the ring off my finger, to tell him to get away from me. But I could barely move, and I knew from experience how his mood could change in an instant.

He stood up and walked towards the door. While his back was turned to me, I took a minute to look around the room. It was empty except for the bed and a little table sitting off to the side. The walls were bare, painted a dingy white, and illuminated by the light filtering through the paint on the lone window in the room.

I heard the clink of silverware and pulled my eyes away from my inspection of the room and back to James. I shuddered just thinking his name. He turned toward me and carried a tray of food over to me.

"I made you some soup. It's nothin' fancy, but you need to eat."

It wasn't a request; it was a command, one that I knew better than to disobey. I moved my arms to sit up and felt the blackness of pain start to drag me under.

"Easy there, baby. Let me help you," he said soothingly.

I cringed as his hands came toward me and slowly shifted me to a more upright position. He brushed his fingers across my forehead, pushing my hair out of my face and smiled. I hated the feel of his hands on me and the ugly curve of his lips. I didn't want him to touch me or pretend that these simple gestures were made out of love. I hated that he thought he had the right to touch me at all. I hated that I couldn't do anything about it.

"I love taking care of you; I always have," he said as he lifted the spoon to my lips.

"Do you remember that time you tripped down the stairs? The time I picked you up and nursed you back to health?"

I nodded and opened them enough for him to fit the spoon into my mouth. My jaw ached as it opened and closed. Despite the pain, I relished the warmth of the soup. Chicken noodle soup had never tasted so good. I needed to regain my strength, and nothing else would help except for food and sleep.

I remembered the time he was talking about, except I hadn't tripped; he'd pushed me down the stairs in a fit of anger, because I hadn't made our bed after washing the sheets… that were still drying in the dryer.

"Yes, I remember, James," I said flatly, trying to swallow the bitter memories of him slapping me for not being careful enough when he got to the bottom of the stairs and then made me clean up the blood on the floor. Yeah, I remembered how he liked to take "care" of me.

The entire time he was feeding me, he talked about _our_ life in Phoenix. He talked as if I'd never left, as if we _still_ had a life. He told me about the girls at the restaurant and their new pie recipes.

"They aren't as good as yours, but they'll do."

I tuned him out as he droned on and on about his job, all the things _we_ needed to do to the house, and how much he couldn't wait to have me home.

The more he talked, the more desperate I grew for information. I wanted to get out of here, away from him, and back to my _real_ life. I knew what I had to do, and the thought made me sick.

"James, love," I said as lovingly as I could muster. "Are we close to being home?"

I knew if I played his game, I could get something out of him.

"We'll head home when you feel better, baby. I don't want you riding in the car when you… feel so bad," he said taking in my appearance.

I nodded, knowing what I probably looked like, and whispered my thanks. "Do you think we could open the window? It's pretty hot in here, and I could use some fresh air. I think it'll help me regain my strength so we can get home faster."

He looked between me and the window and shook his head. "Rain's coming tonight, and I don't want you to catch a chill. I'll open it for you tomorrow."

My heart sank. I knew he was probably going to say no, but actually hearing that I'd be cooped up in this room for another night was almost too much to bear. I had no idea how long I'd been here, how many nights had already passed. It was as if time had stood still as I had drifted in and out of consciousness.

When my soup was finished, he gathered the dishes, kissed my forehead, and walked out.

I lay there, listening to the sounds the old house made as the wind picked up. As the steady beat of rain fell rhythmically against the roof, I lost myself in the memories of Edward. The way his gorgeous green eyes had pierced the rough armor I had used to shield my heart, the way his arms could soothe the sadness and fear away, and all of his whispered words of love. I refused to let James pull me into the darkness again. I wasn't the weak girl that he knew, that he owned and controlled. I was strong. Edward and all my friends had forced me to see that… and I finally believed it.

x-x-x

The days and nights blurred together as time stretched before me. James had been relatively absent, only coming in to check on me or to give me food. In the limited interaction we'd had since he beat the shit out of me, he had been overly nice. I knew this was his typical mode of operation, but it was still unnerving to see how truly Jekyll and Hyde he could be.

I thought about everything that had led up to this ordeal, all the clues and strange things that had been there all along. I felt so stupid for missing the signs – the blanket, the anonymous calls, the feeling I was being watched – all of it was there. Yeah, I had noticed it, but I hadn't done anything about it. I hadn't talked to my dad or Edward… how could I have been so careless? So stupid? I should have known James wouldn't have given up that easily, that he would find me and make me pay just like he promised he would.

The black and blue marks all over my body were ugly and painful, some bigger than others. It still hurt to breathe, but I was starting to feel a little better. Despite the marks on my body, I knew this time was different. When I was in Phoenix, when this was my life, I used to agonize over how to cover everything up or how to deal with James the next day. Now that I'd learned to live on my own and for myself, I realized that he really couldn't hurt me anymore... at least, not in a lasting way.

Alice and Rose had shown me how to laugh again and be a strong, independent woman. They had taught me how to stand on my own two feet and were the first to truly accept me, regardless of my past. Em's ability to make me laugh and Jasper's quiet friendship had given me the confidence to be myself around them, when I could have easily shut down. But it was Edward who had shown me how to love myself. He had helped me see that I was more than my past and that none of it had to define my present or my future. More importantly, though, he had helped me learn to love again, to love him.

My heart tugged in recognition of all that I had come to learn and know about myself. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as all the memories swirled around. I hoped they were thinking about me, looking for me… I was desperate to get home to them.

The sound of the front door slamming and the roar of the car engine jolted me back into the present. The buzz of possibility sent shivers down my spine. This was the first time he had left me here, and I knew this might be my only chance to get out of here.

I climbed off the bed and carefully walked to the door, desperate to get out of this tiny room.

As I tried the knob, my heart sank. He had locked me in here! He had actually locked me in here like an animal. Anger pulsed through me.

_I am not a fucking animal that needs to be locked up!  
_  
With a growl of frustration, I gingerly walked back to the bed and sat down. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. My mind raced with possibilities and ideas for how I could get out of here and away from him. I had done it once, and I would do it again, even if I died trying. I wasn't going to let him own me ever again.

As I tried to think about an escape plan, the sound of gravel crunching underneath tires sent me into a tailspin. I wasn't ready to face him again, no matter what his mood was like. I curled up in the bed, waiting for him to come up here and hoping it wouldn't turn ugly.

_Knock. Knock. Knock.  
_  
The fist pounding on the door was unexpected. Who could that be? I clambered over to the window and tried desperately to see who was out there, but the paint covering the panes prevented me from seeing anything other than a sliver of sunshine.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Police! Is anyone there?"

Hope surged through me as I started pounding on the window and screaming.

"Help! Help me, please!"

I kept banging on the window, growing more and more frantic with every passing second. I knew if they didn't get a response, they were going to turn around and leave.

"Please, God, let them hear me," I pleaded. "I can't stay here with him anymore."

No matter how hard I pounded and screamed, they couldn't hear me. I frantically searched around the room for something to throw against the window. The table was too heavy for me to lift, especially in my current state, and James had taken everything else with him.

"Please," I cried as I heard the car pull out, leaving me alone as I sobbed, sliding down the wall into a crumpled mess on the floor. Bitter tears fell from my eyes as I wallowed in my despair and in the knowledge that it was going to take a miracle for me to get out of here.

Hours later, I finally pulled myself off the ground and over to the bed.

Night fell, and while I was grateful that James hadn't returned, I was hungry and had to go to the bathroom. The little bowl of oatmeal he'd brought me for breakfast was a distant memory. I reached for my water, rationing the remaining half of the bottle.

I felt like a caged animal. The longer I was in here, the more agitated I became. I hated being locked in this room, hated feeling like a piece of property.

"You can't do this to me!" I screamed to the walls.

Slapping the bed in frustration, I got up and started pacing. The more I walked, the worse I felt. The realization that the police had been here and that they weren't going to come back was dragging me down. If the police weren't able to find me, was Edward still looking? Had he even noticed I was gone? Did he even care? His angry voice and bitter words rushed through my head again, consuming any sense of hope I had.

_Stop it, Bella! Stop thinking that way! He's going to come after you.  
_  
_Well, if he really loved you, he wouldn't have kicked you out or called you a liar._

_He loves me! He was just angry._

He gave up on you. He told you to get out, that it was over. He doesn't want you anymore.  
  
The two parts of my heart - the one that knew Edward wouldn't really give up on me, on us, and the one that said he would, that he had - warred against each other.

"Enough!" I said to myself. If I had any hope of making it out of here, I needed to stay focused, and I needed to know and believe that when Edward heard the truth from me, he would understand. We would get past all of this; I had to believe that.

_And what if he doesn't Bella?  
_  
I wasn't going to go down that path now. If he couldn't get past it, then... Well, I'd figure it out when and if that happened.

Eventually my bladder couldn't take it anymore, and I grabbed my oatmeal bowl from breakfast. Humiliation welled up inside me as I squatted over it in the corner.

_Like an animal…_

When I was done, I curled up as best I could on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**One of my readers works at a women's shelter called The Haven. If you are in the GA area and are in need of a safe place, please call their toll free number 1-800-33-HAVEN. They are an abuse shelter and a rape crisis, and provide a multitude of other services. **

**The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. Here is the national number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).**

**If you are in a situation like this, PLEASE seek help.**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

**Twi Thread: http:/bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad**

**Blog: http:/jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Tell me what you're thinking. Will Bella get out of this? How do you think it'll happen?**


	23. Chapter 22

**Thanks to Greeneyedgirl17 for rec'ing The Diner in her last update of Silver Strand Nights. If you aren't reading it, go check it out! Navy Sealward is unf!**

**Huge thanks and cupcake snuggles to kikikinz, lexiecullen17, and catie22866! This story wouldn't be half what it is without you! **

**Thanks to** **labellaleigh for making this awesome banner for The Diner! **http:/twitpic(dot)com/29vtrn

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 22**

**EPOV**

After Charlie hung up on me, I spent the next half hour blazing a trail of worry and frustration on our bedroom floor. I was desperate to do something and I hated waiting. His order to sit here was killing me.

How could he expect that? Did he not understand how much I needed her, how much I needed to make everything right with her, and how I'd never forgive myself if she were hurt… or worse?

A chill ran through me as I thought about what Bella had told me about James. His threat to kill her if she ever ran again caused my heart to shudder. I knew he was capable of doing it. His cold, evil laugh over the phone told me all I needed to know about him. I was terrified for her.

Without a thought, I said a silent prayer, begging for her safety.

_God, I know we don't… you know… talk much, but I'll do anything if you'll just watch over her, protect her, and give me a chance to make this right._

I had never been religious or even that spiritual, but a sense of peace washed over me. I hoped it was a sign that she was going to be okay.

Despite the wave of calm, I repeatedly tugged on my hair in frustration and tried to breathe. My chest still felt tight with anxiety, and I knew I couldn't just sit here. I was going insane with worry.f

_Go!_

_Stay. Listen to what Charlie told you for once._

_Go!_

I thought about what the police were doing, where they were looking, and couldn't take not knowing anymore. I grabbed my phone and keys and ran to the car. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to do something. I drove through town, careful to obey the speed limit. I definitely didn't need to get pulled over today.

The roads were quiet as I made my way to Highway 101, knowing instinctually that I was going to Sequim. Even if I couldn't be the one to find her, I could be near, closer to her when the call came in.

_Guard your heart, Edward. This may turn out to be nothing._

I knew my inner monologue was right, but I needed this. I needed something to believe in and hope for. Something within me told me this was the real deal.

The radio played quietly in the background as I wound around the curvy roads. It was beautiful here, but I didn't bother to take in the scenery. Everything was a blur of greens and browns as I thought about one thing - her.

My heart surged at the thought of finally seeing her again. I couldn't wait to see her eyes and her smile. I couldn't wait to feel her fingers tangle with mine or brush through my hair. I couldn't wait to tell her I was sorry and that I loved her, that she deserved better than what I'd said and done to her, that I would do anything to make it right with her.

I was lost in my own world when I heard her name on the radio. I quickly turned up the volume.

… _Swan has been missing since last Friday evening. Isabella, or Bella as she is known among friends, is the daughter of Forks Police Chief, Charlie Swan. Bella was last seen wearing jeans and a long-sleeved dark pink shirt at The Diner in Forks. Police have been following up on numerous leads and are looking for a blue four-door sedan with Michigan plates. If you have any…_

My mind was reeling as I processed what I had just heard. They were looking for a blue car with Michigan plates. How hard was that to track down? Given what Charlie had said about possible leads in Sequim, I was even more desperate to get there.

Almost two hours after leaving Forks, I finally passed the sign welcoming me to Sequim. I wasn't very familiar with the area. I think I had only been there one other time.

Realizing I hadn't eaten since yesterday at lunch and knowing I needed to formulate a plan, I pulled into the first restaurant parking lot I saw. I immediately noticed the two highway patrol cars in the parking lot and thought twice about going in. Charlie had explicitly forbidden me from coming here, but I didn't really care. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I wasn't planning to do anything to hinder the investigation. I just wanted to be closer to the action when they found her.

I got out of the car and walked into the café. It was homey and quaint, and I immediately thought of Bella. She loved places like this, simple and warm. The décor perfectly matched the feel of the place – a single flower in the center of the table, colorful placemats, and silverware wrapped in paper napkins.

A young lady greeted me and walked me to a table near the window, just three over from the police officers. I stared out the window and wondered what Bella was doing. I hoped she was okay, that she was safe and unhurt, but the knot in my stomach told me otherwise. James had made himself clear the last time Bella left, and I knew he wasn't going to go easy on her.

As I thought about his threats, my mind naturally drifted back to all the hateful things I had said to her. I couldn't imagine what she must think of me. Was I as bad as him? I knew I would never hit her or hurt her, but I knew words were just as, if not more powerful. An apology wasn't going to be good enough in this case, and it made me sad to think that I had brought us to this point.

In the time that she'd been gone, I'd done a lot of soul searching. I knew I needed to get myself under control. How many times had I flown off the handle over little stuff, only to find out that it was all a misunderstanding? Hell, that was exactly what had happened with Carlisle, and I had wasted five years stewing over something that should have been nothing.

Alice had made that especially clear when she laid it all on the table. She was right about me being a terrible listener, overreacting, and assuming the worst about every situation. I was a classic pessimist, and I didn't even know when or how that had happened. The simple answer would have been to blame it all on mom's death, but I knew that was a cop out. This was deeper than that. I didn't want to be one of those people that always blamed everything in their lives on a single pivotal event. I wasn't that person. At least I didn't want to be.

I needed help. I needed to listen better and trust more, and I needed to learn how to manage my temper. I had thought about counseling or some other type of help and had talked to Carlisle about helping me find someone to talk to, someone who would know how to deal with some of the issues with which I was struggling. I knew that alone wouldn't be enough to earn her forgiveness, but I wanted to do this for her and for me.

In many ways, these small epiphanies were liberating. It was like realizing something you thought was carved in stone could be moved or changed. I didn't have to _be_ this way or respond this way anymore. I was glad to know that I no longer had to be defined by the events in my life… and never really had to at all.

Before I could think any more about it, the waitress arrived with my food.

"Turkey and Swiss with chips," she said kindly as she set the plate on the table in front of me. "Can I get you anything else?"

I checked my drink to make sure I had enough and quickly scanned the table for all the necessary condiments. I looked back up at her and smiled.

"I think I'm good."

"Okay, well if you need anything, just let me know."

"I will. Thanks."

I watched her walk away before peeling the bread off the top of my sandwich and squeezing some mustard on top of the cheese. I reassembled it and took a bite, chewing slowly and savoring the flavors as I looked around.

The restaurant was quiet, and I could hear bits and pieces of the conversations around me. My ears perked up when I heard the officers next to me mention Bella's name.

"… the Swan girl is still missing. Do they have any leads?" The black haired officer asked.

I watched as the blond haired officer nodded his head and took a drink. "Yeah, a lady at one of the gas stations near Olympic National Park reported a man who matched the suspect's description early this morning. She said he was driving a blue four-door sedan with Michigan plates."

The blond officer paused and took a bite of his food, chewed it slowly, and swallowed before offering up his next bit of information.

"There were also several other reports of him at the Seven Cedars Casino. Apparently he made quite a scene when he won a couple of big pots."

The majority of the information they discussed had been on the news this morning. It wasn't anything new… except the bit about the casino and him being near the Park. From what little I knew about that area, there were lots of rustic cabins out in those woods. My heart started pounding as I realized that she could be in one of them, alone.

"So, how are they following up?"

He wiped his mouth and set his napkin on the table. "They've set up a series of checkpoints at several points along the highway, hoping to catch him when he leaves the casino. I think they're hoping he'll lead them to her."

I strained to hear more of their conversation, but a group of noisy teenagers walked in just as the other officer responded. I growled in irritation. My first instinct was to call Charlie, but he probably already knew. Plus, he'd wonder how I heard about it, and I really didn't feel like getting yelled at or going to jail.

Feeling frustrated, I pushed my plate away, threw a few bills on the table and left. I needed to drive and think. I drove through town and eventually found myself back on the highway, heading towards Forks. No matter how much I wanted to drive around the area and search for her, I really had no clue how to go about doing it. She could be anywhere, literally.

A police car sped past me, the siren catching me off guard as I hastily pulled to the side of the road. I was just about to pull back onto the highway when a second car roared past me.

_They found her._

Adrenaline spiked through my system as that singular thought raced through my head. I pulled onto the highway and raced after them, desperate to figure out where she was. Everything in me told me to let it be, to just let them do their job. As I sped after them, I noticed a handful of cars stopped in the middle of the highway and slammed on my breaks, my tires skidding with a violent shriek, as I came upon one of the security checkpoints. I righted my vehicle and pulled forward.

I was on edge, and my heart was pounding. I couldn't tell if it was from the thrill of knowing that they might have found Bella or the almost accident I'd just avoided. The car in front of me was passed through, and the officer waved me forward.

I rolled down my window. "Good afternoon, Officer."

He nodded. "License and registration, please."

I pulled my wallet out of the console and quickly found my license. I handed it to him and then reached across the passenger seat, popped open the glove compartment, and dug out my registration papers. He scanned them and handed them to me before waving me through.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I sped away.

The road was wide open, and the patrol cars I had been chasing were nowhere to be found. Dejected, I drove on. I felt so exhausted and emotionally numb. It wasn't because I didn't care. Hell, I was so keyed up over everything that had happened with Bella, I just couldn't process anything else. With every day that had passed, I had run through the circuit of emotions – anger, fear, indifference, sadness, and guilt. The guilt alone was threatening to bring me down.

I felt guilty for yelling at her, for saying all those horrible things to her that night, and for not giving her the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain. The words "it's over" were on a constant loop in my head, and I was disgusted that I had thrown everything we had, all the love and trust, out the window.

Nothing, however, could take away the remorse and self loathing I felt for not telling her everything Charlie had told me about James. She had a right to know, and I felt sick at the realization that I had withheld it from her.

Completely lost in my own head, I didn't realize I had gotten so close to the national park. I looked to my left and saw nothing but trees. The forest was thick with underbrush and evergreen branches, low, brushing the forest floor. I pulled off the side of the road and let the car idle.

I was a mess. I had spent so much time worrying and wondering. I just wanted her home. I wanted everything to be back the way it was, but I knew it never would be. After everything that had happened, we would never be the same, if we could ever be at all, because of what I had done. The weight of that reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

Suddenly, being in the car was too stifling; I needed air. Turning off the engine, I opened the door and stumbled out, the door closing behind me. I walked across the empty highway and into the wall of trees, knowing that being outside in nature would help clear my head.

I walked and walked, time losing all meaning as I waded deeper into the woods. The farther I walked among the browns and greens, the heavier I felt. The sound of birds fluttering through the branches and animals scurrying across the pine needle-littered ground was a reminder of the simple things – the laughter, the casual smiles, and soft touches - I had lost with Bella.

I didn't want to admit what I knew in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to admit that I had done the one thing I hated to the person I loved more than anything. I lied. I withheld information, important information that was vital to her safety, under the guise of protecting her. A lie of omission.

_Just like Carlisle did with you._

I tripped over the maze of twisted roots and fell to the ground. I was a hypocrite and a liar, and the significance of that wasn't lost on me. I was everything I had despised for the last five years, and knowing what I had done and what I was crushed me. I collapsed backward on the bed of pine needles and broken branches and stared at the light peeking through the branches. I felt nothing except overwhelming emptiness.

The entire time I lay there, I could think of nothing but her and how she would react when I asked for her forgiveness, when I apologized for berating her, and more importantly, when I admitted knowing that James had been here. I had no idea how she'd react.

_Yes, you do._

Okay, yes, I did know. I knew she would be angry. She would feel betrayed, and she would be completely justified in it. She would be completely justified in walking away forever, but I hoped and prayed she wouldn't. I would do anything to make it up to her, to earn her forgiveness, to get one more chance.

Eventually, I dragged myself off the ground. The forest was quiet and dark as I trudged back towards the entrance, weaving my way through the downed branches and heavy ground cover. I could see cars passing on the highway and breathed a sigh of relief that I was almost back at my car. Every part of my body ached from lack of sleep and tension.

Suddenly, flashing lights lit up the night sky. Four police cars whirred past and turned onto what, from a distance, looked to be a road leading into the forest. I jogged toward it, careful to stay out of sight. My heart was pounding as I got closer. I could see the cars lined up along the road, waiting.

I watched in anticipation, curiosity and anxiety coursing through me. I walked forward, trying to get a better view but still saw nothing. Not long after, two ambulances pulled into line behind the patrol cars. Fear spiked inside me, and I knew they'd found her.

No longer capable of waiting, I ran inside the tree line further down the road. I froze, my breath stuck in my throat, when a rustic cabin came into view. There were no police cars visible from my vantage point, but something deep inside me told me they were there.

The house was dark and run down. Weathered boards covered most of the windows, and those that were still intact, were covered by tattered pieces of cloth doubling as curtains. Moss and vines ran up the walls, and the front was shrouded by a cluster of ferns, bushes, and felled trees. Piles of trash and a rusty, dilapidated car sat in a heap along the northern edge of the property, near a sagging chain link fence.

From where I was standing, I could barely see a path to the house. It was muddy and had deep wheel ruts, almost certainly made from stuck tires spinning in the soft earth. If I hadn't seen the police cars, there was no way I would have ever known it was out here. How had they even found this place?

The only light I could see was coming from a window on the ground floor. It was eerie, and I felt my insides clench at the thought that Bella might be inside. A knot of apprehension settled deep in my stomach as I waited, still as a statute, to see what was going on. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into an hour. Still, there was no sign of anything. There was no movement, no flash of a light, no radio signal. It was deathly quiet, except for the symphony of animal life roaring in the background.

Just as I was about to turn back, I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought I was seeing things, but then I saw it again. I scanned through the trees and finally saw movement. Several forms moved quietly among the trees, their hands signaling to each other in silent communication.

I shifted a little closer to the tree line to get a better view, when Charlie finally came into view. His face was focused and serious. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew if I could, they would be darting around, taking in all the little details. He bent his arm up and pointed his fingers toward the house as he slowly moved toward the door. Two other officers joined him as they crept along the edge of the house without cracking a branch or rustling the leaves that lay on the ground.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched them move into position. She was in there, and I thought the anticipation of getting to her might kill me. I whispered my plea for her safety into the air. Hopefully, despite all the mistakes I'd made, God would hear me and protect her.

"Please, God…"

Charlie and another officer slowly stepped onto the platform of the porch and leaned against the wall. They pulled their weapons, both of them pointing in the air as they waited for the remaining officers to get into position. Everything in me wanted to scream out for her. I wanted to run to her, but I knew I couldn't. I had to let them do their job.

It felt like hours passed before I saw the officers give the thumbs up to Charlie. He looked at his partner and nodded.

"Police!" he yelled out as he kicked in the door. His partner dropped back and covered him as he moved inside, before going in after him. The officers remaining outside ran into a new formation, and two others went in. There was no sign of movement or a scuffle from inside the house, until a shot rang out in the night.

I bolted forward and then stopped, knowing I had to stay hidden. Everything in me was screaming for her, and I felt myself start to come unglued as another shot rang out and blood curdling screams pierced the quiet night air.

_Bella!_

Everything was chaos and movement as officers ran into the house, calls rang out for an ambulance and back up. Sirens wailed and more vehicles came into view. Shouts and pounding feet filled the night air, the movement only adding fuel to my already frayed nerves. I watched as an ambulance pulled into the drive and the back doors flew open.

Two paramedics jumped out and carried a stretcher inside the house. Just after they went in, another one followed and another stretcher was taken inside.

_Please… please let her be okay._

I couldn't stand the thought that she'd been shot or worse. I was just about to step forward when I saw paramedics and several police officers walk out of the house with a person strapped to it.

Without thinking I was on the move, running toward them, screaming out her name.

"Bella! Bella!"

Just as I was about to reach the front of the house, an officer tackled me and pressed my face into the ground. Leaves and pine needles dug into my skin. I could taste the bitter, rusty flavor of blood and dirt on my lips.

"Let me up!" I yelled, struggling against his hold. His hand smashed down on the side of my face, pushing me further into the soft muddy ground.

"Don't move!" he growled in my ear.

I tried to fight against him again when I felt his knee dig into my ribs. I felt the wind rush out of my lungs as I screamed in pain. Cold metal wrapped around my wrists as he cuffed me.

"That's my girlfriend in there, dammit! Let me up!" I could hear the desperation in my voice.

"Yeah, right, Asshole."

"Call Charlie Swan. He'll tell you who I am," I pleaded desperately, my face still buried in the ground.

I could feel the hesitation in his movement, and I prayed he would actually believe me.

"I swear to God I'm not lying. My name is Edward Cullen, and I live with her. Isabella Swan. Please let me up," I begged.

With a sharp yank, he pulled me up off the ground. My shoulder burned in protest, but it was better than being on the ground. I spit out the blood and mud in my mouth and brushed my shoulder across my face in an attempt to clean it off.

"Chief Swan, we've got an Edward Cullen out here who says he's your daughter's boyfriend," the officer said as he called Charlie over the radio.

"Fuck!" he shouted. "I'll be out there in a minute. Cuff him and don't let him out of your sight."

My mouth dropped open in shock. I had never heard Charlie curse, and I couldn't believe he had the officer to cuff me. What the hell!

Charlie stormed out of the house. His face was fierce and angry, and I knew in an instant that I had crossed the line. He was really going to send my ass to jail like he promised this morning.

"What the hell are you doing here, Edward?" he roared in my face.

"I…" I stammered, trying to get something out.

"Save it! I'm hauling your ass to jail for impeding this investigation. I told you to stay away from Sequim. What didn't you understand about that?"

"But… I honestly stumbled on this by accident."

"Don't start with me, boy," he warned.

"I swear, Charlie. I can explain everything."

"Well, you'll have plenty of time for that when they take your statement at the station." He glared at me, the look on his face telling me to drop it. I felt defeat overtake me.

"Please just tell me she's okay. Is she hurt?" I had to know if she was okay. I would go to jail forever if I knew she was okay.

His eyes softened slightly, and he shook his head. "She's hurt pretty badly. They're taking her to the hospital."

"Oh, God. I have to see her. Please," I begged.

His face hardened, and his eyes penetrated me to the core. "You'll have time for that later."

He looked at the officer, who still had a hold of my arm. "Load him in the back of my cruiser."

"No, Charlie! Please don't do this. I have to see her," I yelled, trying to yank my arms free. The officer's grip tightened as he dragged me toward Charlie's patrol car.

Desperation filled every cell of my body. There was no way I could leave here without seeing her.

"Clear the path," I heard someone yell.

I looked up to see them carrying the other stretcher out of the house. Determination, remorse, and every other feeling I had welled up inside me, and I knew this would be my only chance. With every ounce of strength and need I had, I wrenched myself free and ran toward her, screaming out her name.

"Bella!"

Just as I came upon her, I stopped. Her face was swollen and bruised, and the right side of her head was covered in a blood soaked piece of gauze. I stumbled toward her, praying with everything in me, that she was still breathing. A white sheet covered her small frame, leaving her black and blue arms exposed to the cool night air. My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I watched them wheel her fragile, broken body on the cold, metal stretcher.

"Bella," I whispered, barely able to choke out her name before I was tackled to the ground.

I hit the ground and cried out as pain shot through my knee and head. I lay there, stunned by the force of the hit on my body, when hands dragged me up and away from her.

"Please… please don't do this. I have to be with her," I pleaded. My cries were met with deaf ears as they forced me into the back of Charlie's car.

Knowing I might not have another chance, I yelled to her. "I'm sorry, Bella! I'm so sorry, and I love…"

My words were cut off by the sound of the door slamming.

I pressed my face against the window and watched as they loaded her into the ambulance. Everything worth living for was in the back of that vehicle, and I ached to be there. No matter how much trouble I was in, I would never regret that I had somehow managed to be here when they found her. I hoped when all of this was over, it would help prove how desperate I was to find her, how much I needed her.

I sat in the back of the car for what felt like hours while they surveyed the scene and collected evidence. Images of her broken body and marred face were all I could see. I wanted to be there with her, hold her hand, and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Exasperation at the reality of my situation flooded me. I was such a fuck up. I had disregarded Charlie's orders, thinking I could do what? Save her? I put her in this position. I was the one that had pushed her away, put her right into James' waiting grasp, and now, I was on my way to jail. Where the fuck had I gone wrong?

_You don't listen to anyone. You do what you want, when you want, without thinking._

"Fuck," I said, dropping my head against the back of the headrest. Squeezing my eyes together and breathing deeply, I vowed again that when this was all over, I would get some help.

Sometime later, I was jolted awake by the sound of the car door opening and light blaring in my eyes. Charlie slid into the seat and started the car. He never said a word to me until we pulled up in front of the hospital.

Turning off the car, he twisted his body to look at me. His even tone belied the anger I knew was brewing beneath the surface.

"Edward, what did you not understand about my order to stay away from Sequim today?"

I didn't have an answer. I had nothing to say that would matter. He knew how much I needed her to be okay, how much I wanted to find her, and how crazy I had been since she'd been gone. I looked down at my lap and waited for him to continue.

"You could have jeopardized this entire operation. I told you we had things under control and that you would have to trust me." He paused, and I looked up to meet his eyes. His disappointment was palpable, and I realized just how badly I'd fucked up.

"I know there's nothing to say other than I'm sorry. I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Not just for coming here, but for not telling Bella about James, for not listening to her when she tried to explain, for not giving her the benefit of the doubt, and for breaking up with her. Nothing you can say will make me hate myself more than I already do."

My eyes never wavered from his as I allowed everything I'd been feeling to come out. I had no idea if Bella would ever forgive me, but I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for what I had done to her. I swallowed the bitter ache that had become a permanent fixture in my heart since she'd gone missing.

He looked out the front windshield and took a deep breath before turning back to face me.

"Edward, I know you love my daughter. Your behavior over the last week has proven that time and again, but you are out of control. You do what you want, regardless of who it hurts. I don't want my daughter to be around someone like that… especially not after everything she's been through."

I felt my chest constrict tightly as I gasped for air. I hadn't thought he could say anything that would make me hate myself more, but his insinuation that I was just as volatile and unpredictable as James was… there were no words to describe how disgusted I was.

I took several deep breaths, trying to get the jumbled chaos going through my head into some sense of order. I wanted to tell him I wasn't a sadistic son of a bitch like James, that I would never hurt her, but I knew they were just words. I needed to do more than just spout out empty words. I had to prove to him, to Bella… to myself that I was and could be a better version of myself.

"Charlie, I know I have screwed up things in the worst way, probably even beyond repair. But, I want you to know that I am willing do whatever it takes to win her back, to earn her forgiveness and trust. I know it's not much, but I've asked my Dad to help me find someone to talk to, a counselor or somebody who can help me get my shit together. I know Bella deserves at least that, and I know I deserve it.

"I know I don't deserve a second chance from her, from you, from my own family, but I love her. I love her with every fiber of my being, and even if she won't have me back, I want the chance to at least apologize. I want her to know how much she has changed my life and made me a better person. Sir, I'm asking for the chance to make things right."

Once I had gotten it all out, I sank down into my chair and waited. Charlie was very hard to read, and I had no idea how he would react to my heartfelt plea. Regardless of his response, I felt lighter than I had in a long time. I knew I would do anything for her, but this horrific experience helped me realize I didn't _just_ want to do it for her. I wanted to do it for me. The fight with Bella, and the one with Carlisle and Alice, had shown me how much I needed help. I had spent the last five years wallowing in my anger, refusing to allow anyone to get close, building up wall after wall to protect myself. It wasn't necessary, and it certainly wasn't healthy.

After some time, Charlie cleared his throat and his eyes met mine once again. His voice was firm and clear. "I'll be honest, Edward. I didn't expect to hear you say that, and I appreciate your honesty. I know Bella loves you. I don't want to see her hurt again, especially after she pulls through this situation. So, I've decided to give you another chance. I expect you to make good on your word and get started with counseling immediately. If I hear that you have hurt her in any way, I won't be as forgiving. Do I make myself clear?"

I stared at him in awed silence. I was reeling from everything he'd said.

"Did I make myself clear, Edward?"

"Yes, sir. And Charlie, thank you. I know I don't deserve another chance – from you or her – but I am going to do everything I can to earn your forgiveness and trust again. Hers, too," I said sincerely.

His head nod was the only reply I got as he opened the door and got out. He made his way around to my door, opened it, and pulled me out of the car.

"Turn around," he ordered.

I did, and he quickly uncuffed me. The minute they were off, I pulled my arms in front and groaned at how sore my muscles already were. My hands rubbed my wrists, trying to soothe the deep indentions in my skin.

"Thank you." And I meant it. Not just for undoing the cuffs, but for giving me the opportunity to make things right with him and Bella.

x-x-x

I sat in the ER waiting room, watching for the door to open and Charlie to come out. He had been in there for almost two hours, and although I was trying to be patient, I really wanted to see her. I had so many things to tell her, and even though I knew it was not the right time, I still needed to be near her. I at least had to apologize and tell her I loved her.

After we got here, I called Alice to let her know what had happened and where I was. She told me they would be here as soon as they could.

The door finally opened and Charlie walked out, his hand running through his hair. I could tell he was exhausted, and I knew exactly how he felt.

"How is she?" I asked, standing up to greet him.

"She's in stable condition. She's got a few broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, a couple of bad cuts, lots of bruising, and a concussion. They are going to keep her here for a couple days just to make sure there's no additional internal bleeding or complications."

I nodded, taking a deep breath, and willing myself to stay calm. I refused to allow the rage I felt toward James to consume me or push me to do something stupid. He wasn't worth it.

"Can I see her?" I didn't want to presume that he would allow it, but I hoped he would.

"They are going to get her situated in a room, and then we can go up. But listen, Edward, if she's awake, she's going to have a choice. I'm not just going to force her to talk to you, especially given the way you left things."

I nodded again, the thick lump that had formed in my throat preventing me from saying anything. He was right. I didn't want to force her to talk to me, but the thought of not even getting to see her with my own eyes was almost too much to bear.

I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him. With a quick swipe of my hands, I cleared away the moisture. I needed a minute to compose myself.

"I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Do you want anything?"

"A coffee would be great. Black."

I walked to the break area. It was well lit and had a coffee machine and two vending machines. There were a handful of tables, all occupied by people who looked like I felt – shitty. I dug in my pocket for some cash and inserted it quickly into the machine. Punching a few buttons, I stepped back and waited for the black steaming liquid to fill the cup.

As the machine buzzed to life, I tried to get my jumbled thoughts together. I knew there was always a possibility that Bella wouldn't want to talk to me, but now that I was faced with the very real prospect of it, I was a mess. I was fraught with worry that she wouldn't give me the chance to apologize. More than anything, I just wanted to tell her I was sorry. I wanted to hold her hand, feel her soft skin against my own, and breathe her in.

The machine beeped and pulled me back to the task at hand. I grabbed the coffee, sloshing a little over the side and sat it on the table before getting my own cup. After grabbing both of our cups, I slowly made my way back to the waiting room.

When I arrived, I was surprised to see my family sitting beside Charlie. They were listening to him explain everything that had happened. Carlisle looked up at me and met my gaze. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"How are you holding up?"

I swallowed and rapidly blinked away the tears that threatened to fill my eyes. I was caught off guard by his concern, and in my state of mind, I was incapable of dealing with it.

"I'll be okay. I just want to make sure she's okay, see her with my own eyes."

"Just give her time, Edward. She's been through a lot in the last few days. I checked with the doctors here, and they confirmed she will make a full recovery. She's very lucky her injuries weren't worse."

"Thanks for checking on her, Dad. I appreciate it."

"Chief Swan?"

I looked up to see one of the ER doctors standing in the doorframe. Everyone stood up and walked forward.

"She's been moved to her new room. Follow me, and I'll take you to her."

"Thank you."

We all followed quietly behind him as he walked through the maze of corridors. He pointed out the waiting room and then led us to room 1224. I stared at the door and felt fear and anxiety rise within me.

As if she sensed my distress, Alice grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I looked over at her and smiled softly. When all of this was said and done, I would have to make things right with her, as well. I would never be able to thank her for being here for me.

"One visitor at a time, and please keep it brief. She needs to rest," the doctor said before he shook Charlie's hand and walked away.

We all looked at each other, and I motioned for Charlie to go in first. As much as it pained me to wait, I knew he should be the first to go in. "We'll be in the waiting room."

No one said anything as we waited for him to emerge. I focused on keeping my breathing even. I didn't want to think about what she looked like, whether she was awake or asleep, or if she would even talk to me. I focused on one thing – she was here. She was safe, and that was enough for now.

Eventually, Charlie walked into the waiting area. He looked exhausted, and he'd been crying. I stood up and walked over to him. He looked at me, and I could see that he wasn't sure what to say. I waited for him to collect himself. Finally, he looked back up at me.

My heart was in my throat as he opened his mouth to speak. "She's pretty messed up, Edward. From what the nurse said though, it looks worse than it is."

The burn of anxiety rushed over me. "Is she awake?"

He shook his head. "No, she's still sleeping, and they expect her to continue sleeping for quite some time. She's got an IV and is on oxygen. They want her to rest and allow her body to heal a little before they release her."

"May I go in?" I asked nervously.

He stared at me for a second, his eyes burning into mine, assessing whether everything I had told him up to this point was really the truth. I didn't waver.

He nodded, and I looked over my shoulder at my family, who waved at me to go. Not wasting another minute, I quickly walked to her room.

My stomach churned with unease as I pushed the door open, the wood heavy against my hand.

What I saw took my breath away. The love of my life was lying on the bed, her dark hair surrounding her head like a halo. As I walked over to the bed, I felt my heart sink. Her gorgeous face was covered in bruises, her lip swollen and sliced open, and a bandage covered the side of her face. Her neck was dark blue and purple, traces of fingerprints contrasting vividly against her pale skin.

A tube ran across her face and rested in her nose, giving her additional oxygen. I scanned the rest of her body and noticed the black marks on her arms. I saw her left hand on top of the blanket. An IV was embedded underneath her delicate skin and covered with tape.

I swallowed the bile that was rising up the back of my throat. I couldn't imagine what she must have had to endure to sustain marks like these all over her body, and my heart broke. I could feel the emotions I had desperately tried to suppress since she'd been gone well up inside me. She was here, before me, so broken and fragile, and I would have given anything to fix her, heal her.

Slowly, I moved over to the chair that was sitting beside her bed. Even in her brokenness, she looked beautiful, peaceful. Her eyes were closed, and her chest rose evenly with each breath. I reached for her hand, careful not to hurt her.

I rubbed my thumb across the smooth skin of her hand and said a silent prayer of thanks that she was here and safe. I wanted to say so many things, but I wasn't sure where to start.

I opened my mouth to speak, and a choked sob broke free, as the tears I had held at bay ran down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whispered. I pressed a kiss against her fingers as I whispered apologies and promises against her skin. When I was emotionally spent, all the words I had wanted to say and knew I would have to say again were out in the open, I laid my head on the mattress beside her and closed my eyes, a sense of peace filling me for the first time since she'd gone missing. My body was alive with her presence so close, and I would have given anything to see her eyes open, to brush my lips against hers, and to pull her into my arms.

"I love you, Bella, more than anything, and I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness. I'm so sorry," I said, my voice cracking under the weight of emotion.

Exhausted, I closed my eyes, allowing the in-and-out of her breath, a sound I would never take for granted again, to wash over me.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

**Twi Thread: http:/bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad**

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**I will be going back to my regular posting schedule. Look for the next update next week.**

**Thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 23

**Huge thanks to Jessica1971 and Catie22866 for prereading, and Lexiecullen17 and Kikikinz for beta duties! **

**Song for this chapter: Lady Antebellum – Can't Take My Eyes Off You & Ready to Love Again**

**Special Note: A total of almost 8 weeks pass in this chapter. Bella was in the hospital for a little less than a week.**

**There are references to sexual abuse/rape and domestic violence in this chapter. Please be aware and proceed with caution if these are triggers for you.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 23  
BPOV**

The blinding light flashed in my eyes, jolting me out of unconsciousness. I blinked rapidly and willed myself to focus and figure out where I was.

"She's awake," I heard someone say.

I tried to move my head, but it was like being encased in stone, immobile and frozen in place.

"Help me," I rasped as panic started to take over.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and then a face came into focus.

"Bella, I'm Dr. Volturi. You're in the ER in Sequim. We've already taken care of the hard stuff, and you're going to be fine. We're going to clean some of the more superficial wounds and wrap your ribs."

"Is my da-..." I attempted to ask when he interrupted.

"Bells, I'm here," Charlie said, his voice the gentle reassurance I needed.

Tears caught in my throat as he reached for me, his big hand warm against mine. I looked into his eyes and saw my own emotions - pain, love, guilt, relief - reflected on his face.

"Daddy," I whispered as tears ran freely down my face.

Firm hands gripped my ribs, and I cried out in shock and fear as James' face appeared before me.

"Please, don't," I begged as the hands continued to glide over my ribs, winding something around and underneath me.

"Shhh, baby. The doctor is just wrapping your ribs."

My eyes locked with my Dad's, and I tried to breathe through the pain as they wound the bands around my body.

"All done, Bella. I know you're in pain. We've given you some morphine to help with the pain; it should kick in any minute now."

"Thank you," I whispered.

Charlie's mustache twitched as a small smile appeared on his face. His fingers were surprisingly soft as he gently brushed my hair out of my face.

"Do you remember what happened, Bella?"

I could feel my eyes growing heavy as I looked at him. My head was fuzzy, and nothing felt right.

"A little," I said, my voice slurring slightly.

"Can you tell me what you remember?"

Image after image of James' ugly face and his sadistic smile flashed before me. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block them out. I saw his fist raise and felt my body jerk as it connected with my jaw.

"Ahhhh," I cried, pulling my head away from the cold, stinging sensation against my temple.

"Hey, hey… breathe, baby. You're safe. You're safe," Charlie said over and over, his voice soothing and calm.

"Let's give her a break, Doc. She needs a minute."

I felt tears on my cheeks again but couldn't move to wipe them away as the darkness and dreams claimed me.

_He hovered above me, his body pressing roughly against mine. His breath, like always, reeked of cigarettes and cheap beer as his mouth descended roughly on mine. His hands fisted angrily in my hair as he angled my head to better meet his mouth._

_I pushed against his chest, desperate to get him away from me. "Please don't do this, James. Please," I begged. The one thing I feared, dreaded, was about to happen, and I was powerless to stop it._

"_I told you I would find you if you ever tried to run away again, and now," he growled, his voice cold and bitter, "you're going to give me what is mine, what you took with you when you left. You're mine, Bella. Don't ever forget that." _

_My fists beat against his arms, until he forcefully jerked them above my head and held them firmly against the bed. I writhed underneath him, frantically trying to keep him off of me. Every muscle in my body screamed in pain as I fought against him. I didn't want this._

"_Bella," he seethed, "don't make me punish you. Be still." _

_I felt my body still instantly, fearing what he would do to me if I kept fighting and knowing that I would never win against him. He was too strong, and I was too weak, too badly hurt. I could feel the burning prickle of tears as they welled up and slowly trickled down my face._

"_Now, I'm going to let go of your hands. Be a good girl for me and keep them there. Do you understand?"_

_The look on his face was pure evil. Disgusted at my weakness, I closed my eyes and prayed Edward would be able to forgive me, that he would understand._

_His hands skimmed the skin just above the waistline of my jeans, and I shuddered. _

"_That's right, baby. Show me how much you missed me." His voice oozed with lust, and I almost gagged, knowing what this was going to be like – hard and rough. I hoped it was quick._

"_James… please…" I whimpered, willing him not to do this to me._

"_Yes, baby… tell me how you want it. I want to hear you scream my name."_

_He flicked the button on my jeans, and like a switch, something clicked. I knew this was my only chance to fight against him. With every ounce of strength I had, I punched him and rammed my knee up into his groin. _

"_Fuck you, James! I was never yours, and I never will be!" I screamed into his ugly, strained face._

_He collapsed on top of me, doubled over and howling in pain. I pushed against him, trying to get him off of me. In a frenzy, I searched for something, anything to protect myself._

"_You fucking bitch!" he screamed as he wrapped his hands around my neck. I gasped, feeling the breath rush out of me. His thumb pressed into my windpipe, and I could feel the crushing burn as I desperately tried to suck in more air._

"_Is that how you show me you love me? I'll show you what love is, Bella," he seethed, pressing his erection against me and roughly squeezing my breast._

_All I could feel was pain as I desperately grabbed at his hands. . _

"_Police!" _

_Hope spiked as footsteps pounded up the stairs. Black spots filled my vision as I lost consciousness amid the sounds of raised voices and gunshots._

x-x-x

I was confused and so tired. I couldn't push through the fog, but I knew it was him. I could feel him.

The anguish and pain in his voice as he mumbled broken apologies into my hands was too much to take in. It didn't make sense - him being here like this. He had told me it was over, that we were done.

His thumb brushed softly across the back of my hand.

x-x-x

"This is overkill Edward. She doesn't need all of this."

"I know she doesn't need them, Alice, but I want her to know how much she means to me, and this is the only way I can show her right now."

"Um... you do realize your last words to her were spoken in anger and that this might look like you're trying to buy back her love, right?"

There was a long pause, and I looked through my lashes to see Edward standing next to a massive bouquet of flowers. His head was down, and the look on his face, what little I could see, was heartbreaking.

"I don't know what else to do, Ali. I know these flowers don't make up for anything, but I want the first thing she sees to be a reminder that... I love her. I want to be here when she wakes up, but I don't want to force my way back into her life."

He ran his hands through his hair, frustration evident in his movements. My heart surged with longing and confusion. Back into my life? He must think I really believed was over. It wasn't, never had been… not like that.

He looked over at me, and I froze, pretending to be asleep.

"I know I screwed up. I know it's going to take a miracle for her to forgive me. Hell, it'll be a miracle if she even talks to me."

"You're just going to have to be honest with her, and she's going to need some time. She's been through a lot, the least of which is dealing with the argument you had. Look at her, Edward. She is broken… and the physical marks on her body are just what we can see. Be patient with her."

In spite of Alice's words, I was grateful it was mostly physical marks. I was amazed at how I had managed to keep from slipping back into my old ways of thinking and being, around James. He was an evil, abusive man, and I was immensely grateful for the time I had spent with my new family. They had buoyed me with their words and actions, believed in me, and pushed me to be a stronger, better person. They made me believe what I never allowed myself to think.

As they continued talking quietly, and eventually left, I thought about everything that had happened leading up to that fateful night.

_When I got the letter from the Phoenix Courts, I was stunned to realize that James had contested our divorce. I hadn't even realized he had that option. I tried to remember everything Angela had told me about filing for divorce, and everything in the documentation said I could terminate our marriage without his consent._

_Of course, the part I'd failed to understand was his right to protest it. That piece of information would have been very helpful, and I was still furious that the clerk at the court office wouldn't give me any information when I had called to check on the status of everything after my conversation with Charlie._

_"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan. We don't give that kind of information over the phone. You'll have to come to our office in person."_

_"But I'm out of state. I can't just come down there," I had protested._

_"Well, the best I can do in this situation is send you a letter containing the information you've requested," she said politely._

_"Okay, well, can you please do that."_

_"Please verify your address on file."_

I closed my eyes against the memories at what I knew had happened the night the letter finally arrived.

"_I'm home, baby," Edward called out._

_I was in the kitchen baking, trying to figure out how I was going to tell him about this complication. I was freaking out, knowing he would think I had lied. I hadn't meant to; I really believed I had done everything I was supposed to before leaving Phoenix. _

"_Baby? Is everything okay?"_

_I knew I was tense, and I knew he could tell something was wrong. I just didn't know what to do or say._

_I looked up, my eyes barely meeting his before I looked back at my mixer. _

_When his hand lightly brushed my hair to the side, my whole body tensed, and I switched off the mixer. Not sure how he would react, I moved across the kitchen. I needed some space to get out the words I was dreading saying. I didn't want to be in his arms when I had to tell him I was still married, that there had been a complication. _

_I looked out the window, trying to frame my thoughts in a way that would allow me to get them out without him misunderstanding. I desperately hoped he would understand that this was just a technicality. In my mind, James and I were divorced. We were divorced the minute I dropped the papers at the courthouse and left for good._

_When I looked back over at him, a deep wave of sadness washed over me. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it and looked down. _

_I shifted slightly and raised my eyes to meet his. _

"_I'm sorry. I... there's... I thought..." I said quietly, unable to get the words to form on my tongue, before I looked back down at the ground. _

"_Bella, you're starting to freak me out. What's going on?" He moved around the island and stopped in front of me. He stood there, waiting for me to talk, but I couldn't get the words to come out. _

_The longer I looked at him, the worse I felt. I knew he wouldn't understand, and how could he? I mean, after everything he had just been through with his dad and Alice, all the supposed lies he had just overcome, and the conversations we'd had about James… No, he would never understand._

_When he pulled me into his arms, I melted against him. My desperate, choked sobs echoed in the quiet kitchen. I cried and cried, allowing him to pull me into his lap as he sat on the floor. He whispered words of love and happiness in my ear, over and over. The more he said, the harder I cried, knowing in my soul that he would push me away. The emptiness that filled me was too much to bear._

_When I woke up the next morning, I was in my bed, alone. I pushed myself up, knowing I still hadn't told him the truth. He was standing in the kitchen when I walked in. His eyes locked with mine, and I looked away as I grabbed a mug from the cabinet._

_As I poured my coffee, I glanced towards the stove and saw that he had finished baking my cupcakes. Reality came crashing down around me, and I felt my shoulders hunch forward as silent tears ran down my face._

"_Bella, please... tell me what's going on?" he pleaded as his arms wrapped around me. _

_After a few minutes, I turned to look at him. His eyes were full of questions, and I needed to get away. I needed to pull myself together and really think about what to tell him. _

"_I'm sorry, Edward. We need to talk... but, I can't... not right now," I said, my voice hoarse and cracking from all the tears I had shed._

"_But, baby, I just-"_

"_Please, Edward! I just need to think through something and figure out what to do about it. I promise I'll tell you. I just... need a little bit of time." I didn't want to break down in front of him again, but I knew I would if he didn't let it go. _

_He nodded sadly, quickly gathered his stuff, and got dressed. Watching him, so dejected and confused, I felt sadness consume me. I hated that I couldn't tell him, that I couldn't just trust that he would listen and understand. _

_His movements were terse and short as he moved around the room. I didn't want to leave things like this. I didn't want him to walk out the door without knowing that I loved him more than anything._

_I walked over to the door and waited for him to grab his bag. He walked toward me slowly, his eyes locking with mine as his knuckles brushed softly against my cheek. My heart started pounding at the feel of his fingers on my skin. I leaned my head into his hand as his lips pressed against my forehead. _

"_Take whatever time you need, Bella. I'll let them know you aren't coming in today, and I'll see you later tonight."_

_He pulled away with one last glance and walked out the door. _

I wished I could go back and change so many things about that night. I wished I would have told him the minute I got the letter, that he wouldn't have found it while I was gone. I wished he would have talked to me about it and listened when I tried to explain. I wished he were here now, so I could see if he really meant what he said.

The weight of the what-ifs was too much, and I closed my eyes letting the heaviness drag me under.

x-x-x

Gentle hands brushed against my cheek and pushed my hair out of my face., and I felt the familiar warmth of his presence. I scrunched my eyes closed, not wanting him to go away again.

"Please stay," I mumbled, my voice barely audible.

"I'm here, Bella," he said in a hushed whisper.

_Edward._ Everything inside me ached to be in his arms, safe, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach him.

x-x-x

My head was jumbled when I woke up, and I felt a sense of longing, a sense of emptiness that I couldn't place. Had he been here? I felt like he had, but he never stayed.

A soft knock pulled my attention away from my thoughts.

"Come in," I called out.

Edward's head appeared through the opening, and my stomach fluttered at the sight of him. He looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes and unkempt. His face was scruffy with what looked like several days worth of growth, and he had a dark cut marring the fullest part of his bottom lip. His hair was in total disarray, probably from constantly running his fingers through it, and his clothes were wrinkled and askew. Worry creased his face, and I could see he was nervous.

"Bella…" he said, his eyes barely meeting mine.

"Hi," I said just as quietly. The tension between us was awkward and awful, and I hated it. I hadn't given any thought to what our reunion would be like when I was with James. All my thoughts were about him, our love, and how much I needed him to help pull me through, but seeing him standing before me, shy… scared, was heartbreaking.

"Um," he asked nervously, running his hand through his hair, "may I come in?"

I gave him a small, sad smile and nodded. "Please."

He inched into my room and waited by the door. He was so tentative and unsure, not the same Edward I had left that night in The Diner or with whom I had fallen in love. The man before me was broken and weary, and I ached to take him in my arms, to whisper that things were going to be okay, that I had never believed his harsh words… but something about the way he carried himself told me it wouldn't be that simple. I knew deep down we had a lot to discuss, and it would take time and action to heal the wounds his harsh words and behavior had left inside me.

His eyes trailed down my body, and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Instinct kicked in as I tugged on the sheets, covering the bruises on my arms, and pulled my hair so that it was hiding the marks on my neck.

"Don't… please don't hide from me, Bella." His voice was firm but quiet, and I could see the tense set of his jaw.

I dipped my head, shame and fear warring against his need for me to be open and unashamed with him. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want him to see how horrible my life had been under James… what it had been like for the last week.

He made his way towards me, stopping beside my bed. His eyes never left mine as he slowly brushed my hair away from my face. He pushed it behind my ear tenderly, revealing the black and purple bruises on my neck. I could see how torn he was – wanting to look – but not wanting to embarrass me.

Curiosity won out, and his eyes dipped down, taking in the marks that James' hands had left behind. His sharp intake of breath told me how bad it must have been, and I pulled away, humiliation flooding every fiber of my being. I hated that he knew what James had done, that I hadn't been able to fight him off, even though I had tried.

"I want to kill him for doing this to you." His voice was deathly quiet and harsh as his eyes met mine. I knew what he was thinking. Edward had made it clear every time we had talked about James he would never let him hurt me again. What I saw tore apart my insides – guilt and a longing so thick, it took my breath away.

"It's over, Edward. He can't hurt me anymore." I knew it wasn't technically true, but I knew James had been injured badly, and the evidence against him, according to Charlie, was overwhelming. He had already been taken to a different hospital and was being held under tight security.

"He never should have gotten to you in the first place, Bella. I should have protected you better, not…," he trailed off as he reached for the sheet and gently pulled it down. I could see the anguish written all over his face, the sorrow and guilt burning in his eyes, as he took in the purple, blue and green on my arms. He trailed his fingers gently over my skin, tenderly touching each one in an attempt to erase the pain and hurt.

As his fingers lingered on one of the particularly bad ones, I heard him exhale, defeated and sad. "I should never have yelled at you or said those horrible things. I didn't mean them. I should have given you a chance to explain… I'm so sorry," he said, his voice thick with emotion as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Hey… stop," I interrupted. "Should you have given me a chance to explain? Yes. Should you have treated me like that? No. We both should have done things differently that night, but we can't change the past or take any of it back. I should have told you about the divorce issue the minute I realized there was a problem, but I was afraid… you would react… like you did. I never wanted you to find out the way you did. I just didn't know how to tell you."

He shook his head forcefully. "I didn't even give you a chance, Bella. I read the letter and reacted. I didn't stop to think or listen. I just… I was out of control, and I said the worst possible things to you, things that I didn't mean, things I hope you can forgive someday."

I didn't respond. I didn't know how or what to say. I was completely wrapped up in my head, trying to make sense of everything he was saying. I knew everything he was saying was the truth. He was volatile and quick to anger. Could I live with that again? Did I want to? The part of me that loved him knew we could work through it, but I felt so exhausted. I didn't want to deal with the uncertainty, with the eggshells. I couldn't deal with it right now… not after what I'd just been through.

We sat in silence, the only sound in the room the beeping monitor, and looked down at our laps or anywhere but each other. When his eyes finally met mine, I was taken aback by the depth of sadness reflected back at me.

"After you ran out of the kitchen that night, I wanted to go after you. It was like you took every ounce of my soul and spirit with you. I felt like I had been kicked in the chest. But… I couldn't make myself move. I couldn't swallow my pride long enough to realize how shitty I had been… to the one person I love more than anything in this world," he whispered at the end.

"When I eventually walked out to the parking lot and saw your bag lying on the ground, I knew something was wrong. Bella," he said, his eyes locking with mine, "I knew it was him. Instantly. And I didn't hesitate. All I could think about was how evil he was, how he had taken you, and how desperately I wanted to get you before he hurt you… and I was too late." He ran his fingers roughly through his hair, his frustration evident.

"Edward, you wouldn't have been able to do anything. You didn't even know he was stalking me. So, please don't blame yourself for this."

He groaned and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as his fingers curled tightly into his hair. Exasperation filled his voice. "That's just it, Bella. I did know. Charlie and I both knew, and we didn't tell you. We both thought…"

"What?" I asked in disbelief. Had I actually heard him correctly? Surely, he hadn't just said he knew James had been here. How would he have known that? Why wouldn't he have told me? Why wouldn't Charlie have said anything?

He paused, caught off guard by my interruption. "What?"

"Why didn't you tell me, Edward? You knew he was here, and you didn't tell me?" I could feel my muscles tensing with anger and confusion, and it was making my already sore body ache. "Why? Why would you keep that from me?"

He reached for my hand, and I snatched it away before he could touch me. I didn't want him to touch me. I couldn't believe he knew and hadn't said anything. After everything that had happened between us, all the conversations about trust, truth, and lies, he had made a decision _for_ me, one that wasn't his or Charlie's to make.

He swallowed, and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Bella… I wanted to… but…" he stammered. I could tell he didn't know what to say, and I didn't even care if he did.

I stared at him in disbelief. "You didn't think I deserved to know the truth? How could you do that to me, Edward? You deliberately kept something from me, something that I should have been told. You made a choice for me… a choice that was _mine_ to make. After everything that happened with Carlisle and Alice, how could you do that?" I was about to lose it. I was completely stunned by his actions and in total disbelief that he had the gall to lie to me.

"At the time, I thought it made sense. I didn't want to see you retreat into yourself, go back to being the person you were when you first got here. I didn't want you constantly looking over your shoulder wondering if he was watching. I know it was wro-."

"But it was my life, Edward! I deserved the truth, and you of all people, should know what it feels like to have people withhold information." I could feel my heart pounding as I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to keep my anger in check.

"There is no excuse for what I did, Bella," he said brokenly. "I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong then, and I almost told you… several times… but I didn't. Believe me, Bella, I've spent the last week in my own personal hell, wondering where you were, angry at myself for not talking to you about all of this – James, the divorce. I know I shouldn't have done it. I just… I thought I was protect-"

"You lied to me, Edward!" I practically yelled, ignoring the throbbing sensation in my throat. "You. Lied. To. Me."

His head dropped into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, and his fingers tugged his hair roughly.

I slammed my head back against the pillow, my fist pounding the mattress in frustration, as I tried to get my breathing under control. I had no words. No words for how I felt, for what he had done.

"I'm sorry. Truly," he breathed. "I wish I could do so many things differently. It's literally all I can think about, and I would give anything for the chance to do it all over again." He paused. "Please look at me, Bella."

I shook my head no. It was stubborn and juvenile, but I knew if I did, I would see the hurt and pain in his eyes. I wasn't ready to let this go. He had taken his anger out on me and said some vile, hurtful things. He had accused me of lying and then broke things off with me without giving me a chance to explain things. Finding out he had lied to me was just too much to think through, and I was exhausted.

"Bella, I'm asking for another chance. I'm begging for it. Please, let me make this right," he whispered, his voice full of tears.

I felt the sadness radiating off of him, and my heart sagged at the realization of what we had lost. I kept my eyes closed, desperately trying to think through his admissions, his apologies, but I wasn't ready to forgive him. My feelings for him hadn't changed, but I knew we couldn't go back to the way things were before. As much as I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to be vulnerable anymore… at least not in the way I had, not after everything that had happened between us.

The part of my heart that loved him unconditionally wanted to forgive and move on, but the sensible part wouldn't let me forgive him right now. How many times had I heard James utter apology after apology? I knew Edward wasn't anything like him; he would never hurt me, but I needed someone who could trust me, who believed the best about me, and who wouldn't fly off the handle at the slightest thing.

I knew my emotions were all over the map, bouncing between forgiveness and anger, but the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. We had talked about his temper, not taking his frustrations and confusion out on me, and yet, here we were – again. This time, however, it was about him not trusting me or respecting me enough to get the facts before reacting or telling me the truth. Every apology and tear was tinged with the bitter truth, and it was hard to stomach.

At the same time, the thought of living my life without him was unbearable. He was my heart and soul, and I had never felt happier than when I was with him. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him, to us. I just needed more time.

Eventually, I heard him get up. I opened my eyes to see his shoulders slumped forward as he shuffled to the door. The burn of emptiness in my chest grew the closer he got to the door, and as his hand gripped the handle, I knew I couldn't say goodbye… not like this.

"Edward."

He turned, surprise evident on his face and hope just barely flickering in the slight lift of his eyebrows.

"I love you. More than anything. But I need some time. I need to figure out where to go from here. "

He nodded his head. "I understand. I'll wait as long as it takes. You are my life, Bella. I need you, and I'll do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness, to get another chance with you. I love you… so much."

"Thank you for understanding."

He nodded again and turned to leave and then stopped.

"Can I say one more thing?" he asked hesitantly.

"Okay," I said, nervously, unsure of what he was about to say.

"I want you to know that I'm going to get some help. I know I have problems to work through – anger being first among them. Carlisle is going to help me find a counselor or someone to talk with, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to work through my shit. I've been unfair to you… and me. And I want to get better. For me. For us.

"I love you, Bella, and I hope someday you can forgive me for all of this. For yelling at you, for saying all of those hurtful, mean things, and for lying to you. I can't apologize enough, and I know words aren't enough to fix this." He paused and looked down before looking back up at me. "Um… that's all I wanted to say."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know how, but as the door closed, a piece of my heart walked out of the room with him.

x-x-x

I had been home for almost a week and was about to go stir crazy. I had been bombarded with visitors – Office Koehler, who was with Dad when they found me; my friends; and even a minister from one of the local churches. Everyone was kind and helpful as they brought me meals or made sure I had everything I could possibly need.

Beyond the steady stream of visitors, the past few days had been uneventful. Alice and Rose had come by and had me laughing so hard I had doubled over in pain. It felt good to laugh. They didn't ask questions or press for details. They just let me be. They knew I would talk when I was ready, and once again, I realized how amazing they were and how lucky I was to have them in my life.

Charlie, as part of his new daily routine, came by each morning on his way to the station. He kept me up to speed on the investigation and what was happening with James. They were still gathering evidence and tracing his steps. It was clear he had planned every detail of his attack. He had been monitoring me for months, making several trips up here to scope out the area and observe me from afar.

I was still irritated Dad and Edward had known about him being here and hadn't told me. Despite the time I had spent in the hospital, we had never really talked about why he kept it from me. One morning, when Charlie came by, we started talking about the investigation and he alluded to James' premeditated behavior. Edward's words about Charlie telling him to watch over me rammed their way to the forefront of my thoughts, and without thinking, I asked him about it.

_His eyes met mine, and I could see the sadness and guilt radiating from him. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have been there. I should have protected you better. I should have told you he was here."_

_I reached for his hand and shivered against its warmth. "Dad, stop. This isn't your fault. James did this. James kidnapped me. James hit me. But… I do want to know why you didn't tell me? I mean, didn't you think I had a right to know that James was here, watching me?"_

_He looked away and started fidgeting. My dad never fidgeted, and I knew he was extremely uncomfortable having to admit he had made a mistake. He cleared his throat and squeezed my hand. Butterflies immediately fluttered in my stomach, and I could feel the nervous energy start to course through me. _

"_After you told me about James that night in the living room, I did some digging. Something about the story and him just letting you walk away didn't sit well with me. I… uh… called an old friend from the police academy who used to work for the Phoenix PD and asked him to get me some information on James. He sent back some stuff, and it appeared that everything was in order."_

_He looked at me and squeezed my hand again. I had a bad feeling about the direction this conversation was going. Why hadn't he told me about this?_

"_But no matter how much reassurance I got from him, I just couldn't let it go. I've known a lot of abusers, and Bella, in my experience, they don't let their wives or girlfriends walk away. So, I hired a private investigator…"_

"_What! Why would you do that?" I asked, surprised and irritated that he would do all of this behind my back._

"_Listen, Bella, you have no idea what it was like listening to you tell me what you had endured for six years, six damn years I did nothing to protect you from that sick…" He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a couple of deep breaths before his sad eyes met mine. "I should have protected you better, been there for you, and I wasn't."_

"_Dad, you can't take the blame for that. I got out of it. It took a long time, but I did it. You couldn't have done anything about it."_

"_But I wish I could have," he whispered, his voice heavy with a sadness I'd never heard from him. "And that's why I hired someone. I wanted to make sure you were safe."_

_The look of resolve and confidence replaced the sadness on his face, and I steeled myself, knowing there was more._

"_And what did you find?"_

_He released my hand, rubbing the back of his neck in an attempt to relieve some of the tension._

"_He tracked James here several different times. He…"_

_I gasped. It was really the first time anyone had actually confirmed that my instincts had been right all along. My eyes darted around the room frantically as I tried to process everything he was telling me. James had been here. He had been watching me. All those times I felt eyes on me… it had been real. I didn't hear a word he said as he continued trying to explain._

"…_Edward to keep an eye on you."_

"_What did you just say?" I asked, Edward's name pulling me back to reality. I stared into his eyes and knew what he was going to say before he repeated it. _

"_I told Edward about it. I asked him to keep an eye on you. I didn't want to draw undue suspicion to the situation. We were monitoring…"_

_Everything started to click into place - Edward's overprotective behavior that week, his attempts to stay near me at all times, his bizarre late night walks – it all made sense now. The sick feeling of betrayal I had desperately been trying to push down since Edward had told me himself welled up inside me._

_I took several deep, cleansing breaths, trying to make sense of everything. Charlie was watching me intently, and the pained expression on his face infuriated me. Even though I already knew what they had done, I still felt slighted, walked all over… by the two people who were supposed to love me the most in the world._

"_Do you know how that makes me feel, Dad? To know that you two conspired behind my back about something I should have been told, something that affected my life? Do you understand how betrayed I feel right now… and have ever since Edward told me he knew James had been here?"_

"_I know, Bella. I know I should have told you. I should have talked to you about my concerns, about hiring the private investigator, and definitely about James being here. I was honestly concerned that you would slip back into the person you were when you showed up in my driveway for the first time in I don't even know how long."_

"_I'm not that person anymore. I could have handled it. It was my choice, and you and Edward, the two people that I love and trust more than anything, took that choice away from me. I'm tired of having choices taken from me. I deserve better than that."_

"_You're right. And there is nothing I can say except I'm sorry. I truly am."_

_I closed my eyes, my head leaning back on the top of the couch, and tried to breathe. I didn't want to get worked up about this again. I needed some time and space to process this, to process the role he had played in this. Not that it was going to be easy. I was still trying to wrap my mind around Edward's involvement, and I wasn't even close to dealing with it. _

"_Dad, I need some space to think about this," I said as calmly as possible._

_I could see the protest forming on his lips, and I didn't wait for him to say anything before I held up my hand._

"_Please." I could hear the tears in my voice, and I desperately wanted him to leave so I could cry in peace._

_He stared at me a minute longer. It was clear he was debating whether or not to actually give in to my demand, but eventually he nodded his head and moved towards the door._

_With one hand on the door, he looked over his shoulder and smiled sadly. _

"_Should I come by tomorrow morning?" he asked tentatively. _

_I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but I didn't want to push him away, either. I wasn't sure my heart could take the absence of both of them in my life._

_I nodded slightly but didn't make eye contact._

"_I love you, Bella," he whispered as the door closed quietly behind him. _

Tears poured down my face as the memory played out. They had both known, and neither one of them had told me. I felt betrayed and infuriated they thought it was okay to keep this from me, as if I were a child incapable of handling _my _own problems.

Angrily swiping the tears from my face, I got up and walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I grabbed the milk from the fridge and sloshed some into my mug before I threw it back into the fridge. I turned to the row of canisters on the counter to get some sugar when the letter from the Phoenix Court System caught my eye.

I walked over and grabbed the now well beaten paper. This piece of paper had ruined so many good things in my life… just like James had. I wanted to kick myself for not listening to my instincts. I should have known to pay attention to the weird feelings I had had and all the little clues that something had been going on. The unknown calls, the blanket being out of place, and the plethora of other signs that should have told me to be on guard. My sense of self preservation had been my only asset in Phoenix. It was what had kept me alive and helped me navigate the minefield James called our marriage.

When Charlie told me that James was still in the hospital in critical condition, I couldn't help feeling a little sense of victory. He had sustained a gunshot wound when he fired at Charlie. I didn't remember anything after I blacked out, but apparently when James heard them coming up the stairs, he had opened fire. He got one shot off, just barely missing Charlie and Officer Koehler. Charlie responded immediately and shot him in the shoulder. The bullet had nicked an artery and caused some other damage I didn't understand. I didn't feel bad for him - at all. He was expected to make a full recovery, sadly, and once he was able, would be charged for everything he had done.

A big part of me wished he'd been killed when Charlie had shot him, but the other part of me wanted him to stand trial, to be held accountable for his actions and for all the hurt and pain he had caused. I had a lot to come to grips with regarding James. I wanted to believe he would never be able to hurt me again, but I just didn't see how I'd live in peace until he was dead.

Of course, when Edward had heard the whole story, he was furious. He felt guilty for pushing me into James' arms. It was stupid for him to feel that way. James was already here and determined. I knew in the depths of my soul if it hadn't been that night, it would have been a different one… even if I had known about it.

By far though, Edward's concern was how I was feeling - physically and emotionally. He called or texted to check in on me a couple times a day while he was at work or school. After asking my permission, he had been coming by each evening after he finished at C'est Si Bon. I could see the sadness in his eyes and the determination and restraint in the set of his jaw and his posture every time he came over. I knew he was trying to give me the space and time I had requested without pushing me too far or asking anything of me, but I knew it was killing him.

We didn't have a lot of time to talk since it was usually late when he stopped by, but in the time that we did have, we talked about the mundane topics of daily life, watched television, or sat in a comfortable silence. It wasn't awkward. It was us - without pressure or expectations, and I was grateful for it. Before he left each night, he pressed a kiss to my forehead and told me he loved me.

I always responded the same way – "I know." And I knew he did. I loved him too, but I was still working through everything. I wasn't ready to say it back.

x-x-x

Three weeks later, I was back at work, trying to get back into the swing of things. It felt good being back, even if my legs and back were killing me by the end of the day. Edward was his normal self, but I knew he was still treading lightly, trying not to overwhelm me with the extent of his feelings. For now, I was content to live in the tension.

In the time I had been gone, Rose had changed the dress code. We no longer had to wear the heinous pink monstrosities she had called uniforms. She had decided jeans and fitted tees with "The Diner" embroidered on the front was a better fit. I wasn't sure what brought about the change, but I had my suspicions it was because she didn't want to draw undue attention to us. She didn't want anyone leering at us or getting the wrong idea. I definitely wasn't sad about that.

I had also started noticing little changes in Edward. He was less tense and laughed easily. Not long after I had been released from the hospital, he had started meeting with a therapist and going to anger management classes. He didn't say much about them, just that they were helping, and he still had a long way to go.

I was proud of him for following through on his promise to get help. I wasn't surprised, though. I knew he was determined to earn my forgiveness, and it was working. The little gestures of love - flowers, texts, visits - and more importantly the way he talked to and looked at me were helping. He was gentle and kind, not unlike the Edward I had fallen in love with, but different - better.

He had also moved out of Carlisle's house and found a little studio apartment. When he had told me he found a space of his own, I couldn't help the sadness that tugged at my heart. He was supposed to be here with me.

I had examined my feelings - a lot - and I knew he was the one for me. He always had been, and with each passing day, it was getting harder to keep my feelings for him at arm's length. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to be with him, but something deep inside still told me it was too early, that we hadn't been through another rough patch, and that I didn't know how he would respond.

Carlisle, surprisingly, had been a godsend throughout this whole ordeal. When I had been released from the hospital in Sequim, he had offered to oversee my recovery. I was glad I had agreed, because the few short conversations we'd had were pleasant and often insightful.

"_How are you holding up, Bella?" he asked after my first day back at The Diner._

_I was exhausted, but he wanted to check my ribs and some of the deeper bruises that were just now starting to heal._

"_Pretty well. I'm tired, but I expected I would be after being on my feet all day."_

_He nodded. "That makes sense. Do you mind if I check your ribs?"_

_I shook my head and lifted the hem of my shirt for him to see the fading bruises. I should have felt awkward about Edward's dad looking at my stomach, but he was completely professional about the whole thing._

_His fingers grazed the ridges on my rib cage as he poked and prodded gently. When he was finished, he told me I could pull my shirt back down, wheeled his stool over to the desk, and started writing on my chart. I adjusted my clothing and waited patiently for him to finish._

_Eventually, he turned back towards me and smiled. I could see where Edward got his smile. It was an exact replica. Their facial features were similar, except Dr. Cullen had ice blue eyes, and Edward's were still the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen._

"_Are you still having nightmares?"_

_I hesitated, a little caught off guard by his question. We had talked about them after my first night in the hospital. I'd had the same one or variations of it almost every night, and it always ended with James' hands around my neck and me gasping for air. I would wake up in a cold sweat, panicked, and unable to fall back asleep._

_I nodded._

"_Have you talked to anyone about them? Like Alice or… Edward?" he asked tentatively._

"_No, I haven't told anyone," I said feeling a little embarrassed._

"_Can I ask why not?"_

_I took a deep breath. "Truthfully, it never really occurred to me. I mean, it's not like anyone can really do anything about them."_

"_Well," he said and then paused. I could hear the hesitation in his voice, and I was immediately intrigued. "Sometimes talking through them can help. I know you've already said you aren't ready to talk to a professional, but I think it would be good for you find someone you can confide in."_

_There was a very pregnant pause, and I knew what he was saying without saying it. Edward. I knew I could talk to him, that he would listen without forcing his theories or explanations on me. Although I would never admit it to Dr. Cullen, I knew the real reason I hadn't said anything to him. If I did, I would be opening myself up to him again, and I still wasn't sure I could fully trust him… even if I wanted to… desperately._

"_I'll keep that in mind. Thank you," I said sincerely._

x-x-x

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the back of the chair. My feet were soaking in a tub of hot, salty water, and I hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

"God, isn't this divine?" Alice moaned.

"It really is," I replied breathy and weak. "Why don't we do this more often?"

"I have no idea, but we seriously should."

After being back at work for almost a week, Alice had insisted we get pedicures and dinner. Jasper was out of town for the week, and she hated to eat alone. I had to laugh because I had been eating alone a lot lately. I wasn't complaining; I was glad to have the house back to myself.

I looked over to see Alice pretending to read her magazine. I could see her casting sidelong glances my way, and I almost burst into laughter at how obvious she was being. I knew she was curious about what had happened while I was with James and what was going on with Edward. I had to admit, I was surprised and impressed that she had managed to wait this long to try and pry the details out of me.

"So…"

"Just ask me, Ali. I know you are dying to know."

The look on her face was classic. Her eyes were wide with surprise, and her mouth formed an "O." "But," she stammered, "how did you know I…"

"Because, silly, you are so obvious. Plus, I have been waiting for weeks for you to accost me for information. I'm surprised you made it this long," I said with a giggle.

"Well, fine then," she said with a huff. "I guess I suck at being all covert and stuff."

I looked over at her fake frown and laughed again. "So, what do you want to know?"

She looked down at the magazine and then back over at me. "I guess I'm mostly curious how you're doing. I mean, I can see your uh… injuries have pretty much healed, but I wanted to see how you _really_ were."

I smiled sadly and took a deep breath. I guessed now was as good a time as any. Once the technicians really started working on our feet, I would be sufficiently distracted to hopefully avoid crying.

"I'm doing okay, I guess. I mean you're right, the physical stuff is pretty much on the mend. The rest is um... well, taking a while."

"What do you mean 'the rest'? The investigation?"

I shook my head and scrunched my forehead in thought. How could I phrase this so she'd understand without pushing me for too many details.

"I haven't been sleeping very well. I can't turn my mind off. I'm constantly processing the what-ifs and wondering how things are going to turn out."

She paused and pursed her lips in thought. "Like… are you wondering what's going to happen with James? Like with the trial and stuff?"

"Yeah that, but mostly I'm just trying to figure out how to move forward from here. I'm not sure how to put the whole James thing behind me. I mean, Charlie told me there was no chance he'd get off given the extent of the injuries I had sustained, not to mention that he attempted to shoot a cop. But…"

I didn't want to tell her about the nightmares. I didn't want to tell her, or anyone, that they were consuming my sleeping and waking thoughts and making me scared of him returning. But I knew if I told anyone, I wanted it be Alice. She and Rose had both been so amazing when I had told them about James, what seemed like months ago. Plus, Dr. Cullen had encouraged me to do it, to tell someone and rebuild my support network.

"But what, Bella?" she asked, concern evident in the quiet tone of her voice.

"I've been having nightmares. Really bad ones. About James."

"Isn't that normal? I mean, given everything that you went through?"

"Yeah, but they just seem so real. I wake up almost every night in a cold sweat, gasping for air. It's like I can feel his hands around my neck and his body weighing mine down."

She gasped. "He didn't… You know…" she gestured to my body, and I knew she wanted to know if he'd raped me. Thank God I hadn't been forced to endure that kind of hell. I shuddered to think what would have happened or what I would be like if Charlie and the other officers hadn't gotten there when they did."

"No. Thank God. The police arrived just in time to prevent it. Although," I smiled and chuckled at the thought of my knee ramming into his junk. "He'll think twice before forcing himself on someone next time. I kneed him really hard in an attempt to get him off me before he collapsed on top of me."

She laughed and gave me a high five. It felt silly to be high-fiving over something as serious as attempted rape, but it was one of the few physical victories I had over him, and it felt good.

After a few minutes of quiet laughter, she looked at me, her eyes serious. "Have you told anyone about these nightmares?"

I shook my head and started fidgeting with the pages of the magazine in my lap. "You're the only one, besides your dad, who knows."

"I see."

I closed my eyes as the nail technician started massaging my feet. I hadn't even noticed that she'd already scrubbed, trimmed, and treated my nails. As her fingers kneaded my calf muscles, I thought about Alice's question and wondered at the real reasons behind my desire to keep this to myself. Was it really because I was ashamed or didn't want to burden people? I knew that wasn't the real truth. I wanted to be able to make it on my own, to be strong for once when it came to James. I wanted to beat him, to win, and show him he no longer had control over my life.

"What about Edward?" she asked nonchalantly as her nails were being painted.

"What about him?" I asked just as coolly, despite the tingles I felt at the mere mention of his name.

"Have you thought about talking to him about this?"

Um… yeah, I'd thought about talking to him about this, and a lot of other things, but it just made me seem too vulnerable.

"Yeah, I guess I've thought about it." I knew I couldn't lie to Alice. She and I had been honest with each other from our first encounter at The Diner, and it didn't make sense to change that now.

"You know he would want to know about them, right?"

"I know." I didn't know what else to say.

Of course, I knew that. Of course, I knew he wanted back in my life… I wanted him back in my life, but I had no idea how to make it happen. It seemed ridiculous to call him up and say, "Hey baby, I forgive you. Can we get back together?" The timing was off, and I was waiting for a sign or a feeling that would tell me it was okay to welcome him back fully with open arms.

"Look, Bella, I'm going to be honest with you. Edward is my brother, and I love him. I know what he did to you was horrible, and I'm not saying you should forgive him immediately. But you have to give him something to go on. He's dying, and I can't bear to watch it."

"What are you talking about Alice? I talk to him several times a day. He comes over to my house almost every night. What more do you want from me?" I asked incredulously.

"I know all that, but you haven't given him any indication that everything he's doing is even worth it, that he even has a chance to earn your forgiveness. He walks around in a fog every day. The only time he comes alive, and that's being generous, is when you're with him at work."

"Well, excuse the hell out of me," I whisper-yelled, looking around the room to make sure no one was staring. "I'm sorry that I'm trying to deal with the fact that he lied to me, told me 'we' were over and to get the fuck out of his kitchen, and that I was kidnapped and beaten by my fucking not quite ex-husband!"

How dare she insinuate that I wasn't giving him any indication that there was a chance for _us_. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. When the haze of anger had lifted a little, I looked back at her and could see the sad expression on her face.

"That's not what I meant, Bella. I know you've been through a lot. I just… I hate seeing you two apart when I know you're perfect for each other. I have never seen him so focused. Every thought he has is about you and how to fix himself so he can earn your forgiveness. It's amazing and heartbreaking to watch," she said quietly.

"But, I don't want him to do this for me, Alice. I want him to do it for himself, because he wants to be the man I know he can be," I said, desperately wanting her to understand that this wasn't about me. This was about him. This was about him learning how to cope with issues when they came up and dealing with them effectively instead of lashing out. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I couldn't live with that kind of behavior ever again. I had done that for too long. This incident with James had proven to me again that I never wanted to live like that again. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

"You don't get it, do you? This is as much about him as it is you. You are a part of him. You move, he moves. You're like magnets, and he is clinging to you, to hope, with everything he has. Does he want to get better, learn to deal with his issues? Yes, of course. But the truth is, he wants you. He wants to spend his life with you. All I'm saying, Bella, is if you don't think you can ever get there, you need to be up front and tell him."

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open. There was nothing to say, at least nothing that would matter. It had never occurred to me that Edward doubted I would forgive him eventually. We had spent pretty much every day since I'd arrived at the hospital talking or texting, and he came over every single night. I thought he knew I just needed time to be able to trust him again, not that I never would. I felt sick at the sudden realization that he might think I was stringing him along.

"That's… I never…" I couldn't even get the words out. I was just too stunned, and even worse, I had no idea how to fix it.

"Just think about it, okay? I know that's not what you meant, and I'm sorry if I've come across like a bitch. I love you both, and I just can't bear to see either of you like this anymore."

I nodded. "I will."

x-x-x

Another two weeks went by, and I had easily slipped back into my old routine. I woke up early each morning to make my daily batch of cupcakes at The Diner, waitressed, then came home and crashed. The customers had been waiting patiently for my return. Apparently, Embry's baking skills were lacking, and now that I was back, they wanted their cupcakes.

I easily whipped up the standard set – Confetti, Tuxedo, and Double Chocolate – and had settled on a lemon cupcake with lemon buttercream for the weekly special. It felt good to have my hands around an icing bag again.

As I swirled frosting on the tops of each cake, I breathed a contented sigh of relief. This felt right, being here in the kitchen, doing _my _thing. There was nothing like the smells of baked cupcakes and the rich sweetness of buttercream to remind you how good life was. It was in the simple moments that I realized how lucky I had been – twice, and I knew I would never take it for granted again.

The only part of my life that still didn't feel right was Edward. I had thought a lot about my conversation with Alice, and I knew she was right. I thought about all the phone calls and late night conversations I'd had with him recently. He was always patient and kind, attentive and loving, but something was off. I could feel it in the distance between us, in the way he sort of tip-toed around my feelings, in the way he hesitated to be himself. I hated it. I hated that I had done that to him.

When I had asked for some time and space, it had never been with the intention of making him into something he wasn't. It was about me, needing to wade through the myriad emotions that were overwhelming every thought I had.

"Morning, Bella," Edward said as he walked into the kitchen.

His velvety voice pulled me out of my head. I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face as he walked over and pressed a kiss to my cheek. It felt right.

"Hi, Chef," I breathed as his cologne enveloped me. He smelled so good, and for the first time since he'd yelled at me – in this very spot – I allowed myself to touch him. I allowed myself to give a little, to let him know that we were worth fighting for, that I wanted it, too.

I tentatively reached up and placed my hand on his forearm and felt the same current of energy that we had always had between us.

I looked up as he inhaled sharply. The significance of my hand on his arm wasn't lost on him. His eyes were wide, and I could see him desperately fighting to allow me to lead. He slowly dropped his arm down to his side, and I allowed my fingers to trail down to his hand.

His skin was warm and soft, just like I remembered. I had missed him, missed this. I slowly tangled my fingers with his and felt him squeeze gently, letting me know I was in charge. After staring at our joined hands and feeling a small piece of my heart settle back into place, I looked up at him. I wanted this.

I knew the road ahead of us was still uncharted, and we probably had a long way to go. But in this instant, I knew this was right. I knew I had forgiven him, and I knew even more that I could trust him – with my life and my heart. It hadn't taken some big act on his part or this extraordinary leap of faith on my part. It just was. I knew some people might not understand how I could trust him after the way he had treated me, but I knew it stemmed from the unexplainable behavior that often comes with the grief and loss of a loved one. It didn't excuse his actions, but I understood it.

Tears welled up in my eyes at this sudden realization. His fingertips feathered across my cheeks, tenderly wiping it all away – the pain of our separation, the wounds James had inflicted, and the emptiness I had felt without him – and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the beautiful green staring back at me intensely or the soft smile that had formed on his lips. I didn't want to live my life unable to forgive, unable to move past something that we could address - together. I was ready to love again. I was ready to let him back in, to love him like I knew he loved me.

I had no idea how long we stood there, our fingers locked together and our eyes never leaving each others, but it felt right. It felt right when I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he pulled me against his chest. It felt right when his lips brushed the top of my head, the same tender sign of the love he had given me every day for almost two months, and when he whispered he loved me. It felt right when I whispered it back.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

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	25. Chapter 24

**This chapter would not be possible without my amazing prereaders – Catie22866 and Jessica1971 – and betas – kikikinz and lexiecullen17. They truly make my words pretty, and I am immensely grateful to call them all friends.**

**Thanks to jsarbee and coolbreeeze (breeze1213) for all the legal advice!**

**See the author's note at the end.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 24  
EPOV**

x-x-x **Christmas Eve** x-x-x

Mugs of hot chocolate sat steaming on the table as Bella snuggled in my arms. The remaining red and orange embers in the fireplace burned and flickered, and carols played quietly in the background. I had never felt more at peace.

I had the woman I loved more than anything snuggled up next to me on the couch. She was warm and soft, her thick fleece pullover padding her small frame. I pressed my nose into her hair, closing my eyes as I breathed in the delicate scent of her perfume.

"Are you smelling me again?" she laughed, twisting slightly so she could see me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said in mock seriousness. The twinkle in her eye caused my face to split into a huge grin. This woman could read me like a book.

"You can't fool me, Edward. I know you were."

"So sue me for thinking my girlfriend smells good. I can't help it you're. So. Intoxicating," I said, punctuating each word with a kiss.

She opened and closed her mouth as she tried to think of a good come back. I smirked, knowing she had nothing.

"Fine. Smell away," she said with a huff and started to get up. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back against me, unwilling to let her go.

I pushed her hair to the side and leaned down, trailing my nose along the warm skin of her neck. Contentment washed over me as I breathed her in, relishing her scent much the way I had done earlier. Her breath caught as I dragged my lips down to the fluffy collar of her fleece. Her head rolled back and to the side, resting on my shoulder as she granted me access.

My tongue flicked against her earlobe, and I sucked it between my lips as a soft moan filled the quiet room. She turned her face to mine as I nibbled my way along her jaw line before capturing her lips with my own. Our tongues met and tangled in a mess of warm, open mouthed kisses. What started out soft and tender had slowly turned into something more intense. I wanted to touch her without barriers, but it still didn't feel quite right. She still hadn't given me a clear indication she was ready to push things further.

My eyes shot over to the clock on her mantle. I hadn't planned to spend the night at her house, knowing I had so much to do to prepare for Christmas dinner at my apartment, but the later I stayed, the more difficult it became to pull myself away. I loved having her in my arms. I didn't take it for granted anymore, not now that she was finally here with me again.

A pang of sadness echoed deep inside me as I thought about what I had always imagined doing on Christmas day. I had hoped by this point I could have asked her to marry me, to spend the rest of her life with me, but the timing was all wrong, especially now that we'd just gotten started again. We were still exploring, trying to figure out how to be together. It was almost like we were back at square one.

In the two weeks that had passed since she told me she loved me in the kitchen at The Diner, we had been almost inseparable. When I wasn't in school or at C'est Si Bon, I was with her. At first, I was afraid it would be too much, that she would think I was trying to smother or control her, but she seemed to need it as much as I did. We talked, snuggled on the couch, watched television, and even cooked together. Our conversations ranged from the casual sharing of cupcake ideas to the much deeper, more intimate sharing of what was going on in my therapy sessions. We talked about plans for the future - a restaurant and bakery or catering businesses of our own - but the subject of us seemed to be somewhat off limits.

I wasn't sure why I felt like I couldn't ask her about us. We said we loved each other at least daily, and sometimes more often than that, but something was still missing. After she had opened her life to me, given me another chance to be with her, I had pressed forward with some level of trepidation. I didn't want to move too quickly or push for too much too fast. I wanted to go at the pace she wanted and at which she was comfortable, and because of that, we hadn't been together – physically – since the week after the anniversary of Mom's death. I was aching to touch her, to connect with her on every level, but I didn't want to be the one to bring it up, to pressure her in any way. Our relationship was so much bigger than sex, and as much as I missed it, I wanted her to take the lead on when and how it happened.

I leaned in, buried my nose in her hair, and inhaled. My body responded, much like it always did when she was near and pressed up against me. As I grabbed her hips to shift her slightly so she couldn't feel the evidence of my need, she huffed and pulled away from me.

"Are you ever going to touch me again, Edward?" she asked in exasperation. I looked over at her, surprised by her outburst and the look of confusion and… hurt, maybe, on her face.

"I uh… yes," I stammered, caught off guard.

"Then why haven't you even tried? I mean, is it because of James?" she asked, wringing her hands nervously. The sadness in her eyes was unmistakable, and my heart broke a little when she looked away.

"Bella," I said, reaching over and tugging on her chin, "this has _nothing_ to do with James. I want to, trust me. I've never wanted you as badly as I do now, but I don't want to pressure you or make you feel like we have to do that yet."

Her mouth opened and closed a few times before tears welled up in her eyes. "So, it's not because James almost…"

"What!" I roared as the images of her broken body flashed before me.

She jerked away from me, startled by my intense reaction. Seeing the fear in her eyes, I took a deep breath and tried to push the horrible images out of my head.

I pulled her into my lap. "Baby," I said softly, "this has never been about James. I don't care what he did… well, I care, but not because of that. You are everything to me, Bella, and nothing that happened will ever change that. I want to be with you forever, and I'm waiting for you to give me some sign that you're ready for more.

"I never want you to feel like you're being forced into this relationship or pushed to do something you don't want to do. Too many people, me included, have forced decisions on you, and I never want to do that to you again. I don't want- no, I can't guess or make assumptions about how you feel or what you want. You mean too much to me to make that mistake again."

Tears ran down her face as my words sank in.

"Baby, please tell me what you want," I pleaded as I wrapped my arms around her tightly, running my fingers through her hair and kissing the top of her head. I held her and whispered my love as she cried, allowing her to release all the fears and doubts she had been holding inside her.

When her tears had dried and her face was left streaked and splotchy, I shifted her so she was facing me. I stared into her glassy, bloodshot eyes, and pressed my lips against hers. I poured all the love and longing I had into it, hoping she would see how serious I was about everything I had said. I loved her more than my words could express, and I needed her to know that. I didn't want her to doubt my love for her – ever.

When we were both out of breath, she pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"I want you, Edward," she said firmly. There wasn't a hint of hesitation or uncertainty in her voice.

My heart started to pound and the breath left my body. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes dark and warm, and her hair was billowing messily around her face. She was absolutely beautiful, stunning… and she wanted me.

"God, you are so beautiful, Bella," I breathed.

She leaned into me. Her hands cupped my face, and she kissed me deeply with so much passion and longing what little breath I had left caught in my throat. My mind was reeling from the sweet taste of chocolate on her tongue and the heady scent of strawberries in her hair. This woman was mine, and she was giving me a sign. She was ready.

Grabbing the hem of her fleece, I tugged it up, revealing a tiny black tank top and a hint of red peeking out from beneath the strap. She shivered as the cool air met her heated skin. I ran my hands up and down her arms, her skin smooth and soft as I tried to warm her up.

Our eyes locked in a heated gaze of desire, and her lips found mine. She sucked on my bottom lip, nibbling gently, before she kissed me fully. We kissed until we were out of breath, our lips only breaking apart for oxygen before we reconnected, our movements lazy and slow.

Her fingers were in my hair, trailing along my shoulders, and eventually pressed against my chest. I pulled back in response and watched as she lay back on the couch, her brown hair spilling across the couch cushions. I stared at her in wonder. This woman I loved more than my own life, who had almost been taken from me three months ago, was giving herself to me freely, telling me again that she loved and trusted me.

I would never in all my life forget the warmth and absolute bliss at hearing those words fall from her lips in the kitchen at The Diner. The ache that had taken residence in my chest when she had told me she needed more time had shifted to elation, peace, and so many other unidentifiable emotions when she'd told me she loved me.

"Hey," she whispered softly, tugging at my shirt, "come back to me, Chef."

The corners of my lips twitched up in a smile, and I leaned forward, hovering over her, and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose.

"I'm here. Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life." I knew she could see the love in my eyes; it was radiating out of every pore of my body.

I climbed off the couch and pulled her up to sitting before I walked over to the fireplace, tossed on another log, and stoked the fire until it finally roared to life. As I moved back toward the couch to her, the soft strains of _O Holy Night_ wafted through the speakers and filled me with a happiness I had never known.

With renewed purpose, I dropped to my knees in front of her. I brushed the backs of my fingers across her cheek as I stared into her eyes, before kissing her with everything I had. I wanted her to feel, to know how much I loved her and needed her in every possible way. I wanted her to know that I would love her, cherish her, and be hers forever.

"I love you so much, baby," I groaned in her mouth.

She placed her hand on top of mine and smiled beautifully.

"And I love you."

As our lips reconnected, the need intensified, and my hands moved, exploring the soft bends and curves of her body – shoulders and arms, stomach and rib cage, her hips and the swell of her breasts. I couldn't get enough. I wanted to feel every part of her, love every part of her.

As I feathered kisses along her collarbone, her fingers wound through my hair. Moans and quiet whimpers accompanied the pops and crackles in the fireplace. Her eyes were ablaze, full of need, as she unbuttoned my flannel shirt. I hissed as her hands touched my chest, her fingers cool against my hot skin.

"Damn, your fingers are cold," I said as she giggled and pinched my nipple.

"Oh, you want to play that way, huh?" I smirked and dug my fingers into her sides, tickling her until she couldn't breathe and was sprawled on the couch in an attempt to get away.

"Stop, Edward! I'm going to pee my pants," she shrieked, barely able to get the words out because she was laughing so hard.

Eventually, I took pity on her and stopped. With a laugh, I wrapped her in my arms and dragged her down onto the soft rug in front of the fireplace. Her chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I could see her pulse beating in her neck, and I couldn't help but lean down to lick it. My tongue dipped into the valley of her collarbones and along the curve of her neck and shoulder. I trailed hot kisses along her throat and slowly worked my way up to her jaw, before pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. I wish I had more words to describe what you are to me."

She closed her eyes, and her already pink cheeks flushed a deeper, richer shade.

"Look at me, baby," I whispered into her ear before sucking her earlobe into my mouth. Her hands fisted my shirt, and her eyes flew open.

"I love you, Edward," she rasped, and my heart overflowed with happiness.

She pulled me to her and captured my lips in a desperate plea for more. I couldn't help the shudder that ran through me as she deepened our kiss. The feel of her mouth on mine, her tongue connecting with mine, heightened the already crackling tension in the air.

Pulling away from her lips, I lost myself in her. I pulled her top over her head and brushed my lips against the red lace of her bra. Her eyelashes fluttered, and her eyes closed as her fingers wound roughly into my hair. The slight pain was nothing as she pulled my face to hers and whimpered against my lips.

"Please, Edward…"

With a tender kiss, I stood and pulled off my own clothes, wanting no barriers when I finally undressed her. She stared at me, her eyes filled with love and lust as she drank me in. Her breath was shallow as she watched me kneel before her. My hands ran up the length of her legs, and she gasped as my fingers grazed against her. Her eyes were wild as I dragged the soft flannel of her pants down her legs. I pressed a kiss against her ankle and slowly worked my way up the length of her leg - tasting the tender skin of her calf, drawing lazy circles with my tongue at the bend of her knee, relishing her supple thighs – and repeating the circuit on her other leg.

My fingers hooked the band of her panties, and I leisurely pulled them off, watching her squirm with need.

"So sexy," I whispered as I leaned down and breathed her in.

She moaned, and I couldn't help the groan of exhilaration that coursed through me as I finally pressed my lips against the soft flesh of her inner thighs, the bend of her leg, and the smooth lips of her pussy, desperate to taste her and knowing how amazing it would be.

"Yes," she hissed. "Oh…"

Her fingers dug into the skin on my shoulders and back as my tongue laved against her, and I pressed a finger and then two inside her. She cried out, begging for more as her body ground against me.

A chorus of moans and soft whimpers accompanied the crescendo of the piano in the background as I brought her body to the edge. With one last stroke, her body trembled, and she called out my name and begged for more.

As she came down, her eyes sparkled, and she smiled lazily. "I want you, Edward. All of you…"

I trailed my hands up her body, cupping her breasts, before pressing a tender kiss against her lips.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything."

Hovering above her, I stared into her eyes and felt all the air rush out of me at the love and trust I saw reflected back at me. Never in a million years had I thought I would get this chance again, and yet, here she was, open and vulnerable before me. I wanted her to see, with every touch, every brush of my lips and caress of my hands that I was hers, fully and completely.

"I love you, too," she whimpered.

I could barely make sense of the overwhelming feelings washing over me as I pushed into her, and our bodies began moving together. The sensation of being inside her was all-consuming, and I closed my eyes, overwhelmed as I allowed myself to feel her completely.

She moaned against my chest, and my eyes flicked open. Shifting back, I gazed at her lust-filled eyes as the shadows from the fireplace danced across her face.

_So. Fucking. Beautiful._

Her hand pressed against my chest and a rush of passion ignited inside me. I gripped her hips and rocked against her, totally lost in the feeling of her around me.

"Edward," she sighed, her fingertips trailing down my chest and around to my back. "So good."

As my hips met hers and she ground against me, I could feel the tension building deep in my stomach. As our bodies moved in perfect rhythm, I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

"I'm so close, baby," I pleaded, desperate to find my release but not wanting to go before she did.

I quickened the pace, needing more, and I could tell by the change in her breathing, the groans of ecstasy falling from her lips, she was close, too.

"So… yes…I'm…" she trailed off her as her nails buried themselves in my arms and her body stiffened beneath mine. With a final thrust, my body exploded, blinding light and blackness washing over me. As I rode out the high, I continued moving slowly inside her, whispering words of love and adoration over and over.

Sated and breathing heavily, I rolled us over, and she lay on top of me, her head nestled between my shoulder and neck. I ran my fingers up and down her back, basking in the afterglow and warmth of the fire. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and sighed in contentment.

"I love you, Edward. So much."

I shifted her to the side and forced her to look up at me.

"I love you, too, Bella."

We stayed there until the fire burned out, and when she shivered, I sat us up and carried her to her bedroom. I laid her down gently and then climbed in beside her, covering us with the down comforter on the bed.

She snuggled back against me, and I wrapped my arm around her. Her back was smooth against my chest, the skin warm and soft. I gently tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and pressed a kiss to her jaw. This would never get old, and I prayed that some day soon the time would come when I could ask her to be with me forever.

As she fell asleep, her breathing steady and deep, I allowed my mind to wander. So many things had happened in the last few months, and in many ways, I felt like a new person.

After Bella had been kidnapped, I had decided to get some help. While my actions weren't solely to blame for her being taken, I knew they had contributed to it. It wasn't just that night at The Diner; it was also the other times I had taken out my frustrations on her. Seeing the look of hurt and devastation on her face still haunted me, and I never wanted to see it again.

Knowing there was only one way to really work through it, I had asked Dad for some recommendations. The list was short, as he had focused on therapists who specialized in grief counseling. I was nervous to actually seek them out. I had no idea what this kind of thing entailed, but the conversation in Charlie's cruiser the night Bella was rescued and I was almost arrested cemented it for me. I needed help, and no matter how uncomfortable it was going to be, it would be worth it.

While Bella was still in the hospital, I'd had my first meeting with Dr. Marcus. He was exactly what I needed at the time. He listened, asked questions, and called me out when I tried to bullshit my way through an answer. He challenged my thinking and my need to always be right and in control. Most of the time, it was infuriating, but even in my frustration, I knew it was helping. I knew it was making me a better person, and I wanted it for me… and for Bella.

x-x-x **Therapy – Day 1** x-x-x

"So, what brings you here today, Edward?" Dr. Marcus asked as he leaned back into the brown leather armchair.

I looked at him and nervously shifted in my own brown leather chair. Running my hands through my hair, I cleared my throat. "Well, I'm sure my dad gave you a heads up…"

"I know what your dad told me, but I want to hear it from you. Why are you here?"

_Damn. He's clearly not going to pull punches. _

_Duh, stupid. That's what you're here for. You need someone to whip your ass into shape._

"Right. Okay, well, I guess the short answer is I need help. I have anger issues."

He quirked his eyebrow up at me and nodded. "And what's the long answer?"

With a deep breath, I told him the entire story. I told him about the fights dad and I had over my decision to go to culinary school and him refusing to pay for my education after I made the switch. I went on to tell him about the call from dad and Alice the night mom died. I shared my decision to go back to culinary school and how I essentially had to repeat my entire education – another full year - because so much time had passed since I had left Chicago. I told him about Bella, how I loved her more than anything, but my anger and decisions had opened the door for James to get her. I expressed hope she would give me another chance even though I didn't deserve one. I told him why I was really here.

"I know I need help. I don't want to live with all of this anger anymore, and I don't want it to continue to drive a wedge in all of my relationships – especially not mine and Bella's, if she'll even have me back."

When I was done, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was actually freeing to get it all out, to tell someone who was neutral and didn't have feelings that I could hurt.

"Thanks for sharing, Edward. How do you feel?"

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "How do I feel? Like right now?"

"Yes and no. I noticed as you shared, you never talked about your feelings. So, how do you feel now that you've shared, but also, how do you feel about your story?"

I thought for a minute. I felt relief. I felt like a weight had been lifted, and even though the circumstances that had brought me here were painful – the loss of my mother, the near and still possible loss of Bella from my life – I knew that I still needed to do this for me.

"I guess I feel a sense of relief. I'm glad I got to share, that you don't seem to be judging me or my decisions. And as for the rest of the story," I said, pausing to run my fingers through my hair, "I guess I feel a lot of things. I mean, my dad and I have started to talk again, and I'm glad he was willing to give me a chance, given all the shit I put him and Alice through.

"But, I still feel angry. I think the way he treated my decision to go to culinary school was really shitty. I mean, I was an adult, and I should have been able to make my own decisions. I shouldn't have had to justify my decisions to him.

"And I'm still pissed, even though I get where he and Alice were coming from, that they decided not to tell me about my mom dying until I got home. I mean, I get why, but I just don't think it was right. Of course," I conceded, "I might have done the same thing if I were in their shoes… but it still sucks."

I paused and looked up at him. He nodded for me to continue.

"As for how I feel about Bella…" I trailed off, thinking of her beautiful face marred with bruises and gashes, white bandages covering her right temple, the plethora of other black and blue marks on her arms, and his fucking handprints around her neck. I wanted to rip that sick bastard to shreds for doing that to her. "I feel sick at my behavior towards her. She has put up with so much shit from me, and she shouldn't have had to. I don't know why she did, other than her loving me. I'm pretty sure I don't deserve it, but God, I love her. I want her to forgive me, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn it."

When I had finished talking, I felt exhausted. I hadn't given much thought to my feelings about all this stuff. I knew I had emotions and feelings, but I just went with them. I had allowed them to rule my actions, and up until now, I hadn't even realized it.

"Good. Everything you are feeling is healthy. I would expect you to feel some sense of anger toward your dad and Alice for their decisions, just as I would expect you to feel guilt over what happened with Bella. You need to remember that while these feelings are normal, justified even, you can't let your emotions rule every action you have."

I nodded, knowing he was right, but I had no clue how to do that.

"So, what do I need to do?"

"What do you think you need to do?"

I looked back at him and felt slightly irritated. What the hell was I paying him for? It certainly wasn't for him to turn my questions back at me. Feeling the familiar tightening in my chest, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"That's exactly right, Edward."

I opened my eyes and stared back at him, confused.

"You want me to breathe?" I asked incredulously.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, not entirely. What you just did was moderate your own response. I asked you a question that irritated you. It was clear from your body language – the tensing of your shoulders, the flash of irritation on your face, and the way you tightened your fists – that you were irritated, but rather than lash out, you took a minute and a breath and composed yourself. That's what you need to do more of, Edward.

"Based on everything you've said, you tend to act on impulse and instinct. You rarely stop to think before acting, and truthfully, that's what has gotten you into trouble. For instance, with Bella, rather than actually stop to ask her about the letter and the divorce, you allowed your anger to control you. You stormed into the kitchen, verbally attacked her, and then kicked her out of a space that you jointly shared."

As I listened to him talk through my behavior, I felt sick all over again. I had done a lot of soul searching when Bella was missing and had come to many similar conclusions, but there was nothing like having every emotion and feeling analyzed by someone else.

"Edward?"

"What?" I asked, completely lost in my own thoughts.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Oh, um… no. I was just thinking about what you said about my behavior towards Bella. I feel like such a jackass. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" I asked, feeling uncertainty well up inside me. I had no idea how I would live without her.

"I can't answer that for you or for her. I imagine it will probably take some time. She has been through a lot and not just with you. This situation with James and being abused will almost certainly reopen wounds that she probably thought were healed when she moved here. Give her time, Edward. I think the best thing you can do for her is to fix yourself, and… it doesn't hurt to let her know that you love her. Don't overwhelm her with a bunch of superfluous actions. Just be yourself, think first, and be there for her."

I nodded and looked down at my hands. I could do that. I could be there for her, give her space, and keep going through these sessions and my anger management classes.

"It looks like time's up."

"Oh, okay," I said, standing up. I wiped my hand on my jeans and extended it to shake his. "Thanks. I appreciate your help."

"You're welcome. I'll see you again next week, Edward."

x-x-x

I had walked out that day with a new sense of hope. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but so far, it had been worth every painful minute, especially when I had officially apologized to Alice.

Not long after Bella was found, I pulled Alice aside and apologized. I told her how sorry I was for being so bitter and angry for the last five years, and I asked her to forgive me for ruining Mom's day. I apologized for blowing up at her and Dad, and more importantly, for making everything about me. As I watched her weigh the sincerity of my apology, I felt my heart start to pound in my chest. Alice had always been there for me, and the thought that she might not be able to forgive me was unbearable.

After what felt like a lifetime, she pulled me into a hug. We stayed like that for a long time, hugging and crying for all the time lost. When she pulled back, I wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead in one last statement of thanks. I'm still not sure how she was able to let go so easily, but I thought the fact that I had already been working through my issues with Dad and Dr. Marcus helped. I was immensely grateful for her mercy, but I wanted to prove to her – and Dad and Jasper – that I was actually working hard to get better.

After I moved out and into my own place, I invited them over for dinner. As we talked throughout the evening, I realized how much I had missed. It was eye opening, and I asked them for another chance, a chance to prove that I wanted to be a part of this family.

We started having family dinners every Sunday evening. It was no different than what we had always done, except that I actually showed up to these gatherings and participated in the conversation. They were relaxed and fun as we laughed and told old stories. We talked about what was actually going on in our lives, and it was refreshing to know that I wasn't alone anymore, or rather, I never really had been.

Of course, one of the best parts of going through therapy was being able to really examine my feelings. On several different occasions, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett had asked why I wasn't angry with Bella for the part she had played in this whole situation. Rose even went so far as to accuse her of testing me. They didn't mean it maliciously; they supported Bella fully, but as I started making strides in my own journey, they grew increasingly concerned that Bella wasn't giving me anything to go on.

I never shared their concerns. I knew Bella wasn't testing me. I genuinely believed she needed time and space to figure out her feelings. She had been through hell - not just in the week James had beaten the shit out of her - but in the five years she had been with him. She had never really taken time to figure out her feelings, get counseling, or even talk to someone about what had happened. Sure, she had told us - Ali, Rose, Charlie and me - but we weren't qualified to actually help her.

I didn't begrudge her needing to take some time to figure out whether or not she could be with me. I had treated her like shit too, and I still blamed myself for making her feel like she couldn't tell me the truth, that she couldn't tell me about some stupid technicality that caused the divorce to stall. I never wanted her to be afraid of me, and I certainly didn't want her to be with me because she felt obligated. I wanted her to want to be with me, just like I wanted and needed to be with her, and if she needed time to figure that out, I was happy to give it to her.

When she finally opened herself up to me, I knew it was because she was ready. She still had issues to work through, and I wanted to be with her every step of the way. I had no expectations. It was all about being together again, finding new ground, and recognizing that we had things to work through.

I shifted slightly and pulled her closer to me. Her body was warm against mine, and I sighed, allowing myself to fully appreciate what she'd given me tonight. I closed my eyes, relishing the moment once more before I fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to the feel of hands roaming over me and hot breath against my neck. Shifting slightly, I heard a quiet giggle. I peeked through my eyelashes and saw a tangled mess of brown hair draped across my chest.

"Morning, Chef." She grinned up at me before her lips trailed warm kisses down my chest. I groaned and pushed her back until her she looked up at me.

"Merry Christmas, baby."

"Merry Christmas to you," she said as her hips straddled mine, and she slowly slid onto me.

I closed my eyes and groaned, absorbed in the feel of her around me. When she started to move, I let her lead. With each movement, each caress, I felt my body climb closer, higher until we both cried out in the quiet morning air.

As she pulled herself off me, I dragged her body back towards mine and snuggled her close.

"I love you, Bella. Thank you for last night… and for this morning."

"There's nothing to thank, love. I've missed being with you."

We lay there for a little while longer until I finally forced myself to get out of bed to head home. There was a lot to be done to prepare for Christmas dinner.

x-x-x

The door bell rang, and I felt the excitement of Christmas come alive. When I had initially suggested having Christmas at my apartment this year, I was nervous to see what kind of reception I would get from Alice and Dad.

I had talked with Dr. Marcus extensively about Christmas, because this was going to be the first one where I wasn't estranged from my family. I was actually really looking forward to it, but I had a lot of fears and concerns. In the past it had always started out well, but it felt like there was a gaping hole, some important piece missing from the day.

When I had expressed this concern to him, he suggested I broach the topic of creating some new traditions - different decorations, different food, and even meeting at a different place – with Dad and Alice. It didn't all have to be done at once, but he thought it would make the holiday seem more like ours and less like ours _minus_ mom.

"The truth is, Edward," he'd said, "Christmas and most other holidays will never be like they used to. Most people try to do everything exactly the same way they did when their loved one was still alive, but it often makes it worse. It makes the hole seem that much wider. So, take the time to create something new and different. Keep the parts that you and your family loved, but make it yours."

That made perfect sense until it was time to talk with Dad and Alice about it. I didn't want them to think I was trying to change our traditions or leave mom out of it. Even if we did change everything, she would still be missing. Nothing would change that, but it might make the holidays more bearable, more pleasant if we could do some things differently.

"Merry Christmas!" Alice exclaimed as soon as I opened the door. She and Jasper were standing on the porch, loaded down with presents and pie.

"Merry Christmas, you guys. Come in," I said, taking the pie and one of the bags from her hand.

"It smells amazing in here, Edward," Jas said as he set the presents under the tree and walked back toward the kitchen.

"Hey guys! Merry Christmas," Bella said as she came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on the towel tucked into the strap of her apron.

"Bella!" Alice squealed and threw her arms around her neck.

We all laughed at the excitement and energy in the room. It was almost like we were kids again.

Dinner was ready and placed on the table not long after Dad and Charlie arrived. Like Alice, he had a long lost gleam in his eyes. As I looked around at the faces of my family gathered in my dining room, happiness washed over me.

The evening passed in a blur of laughter, stories, stockings, and presents. True to the plan, Alice made everyone new stockings, each embellished with things that represented each of us. A medical bag and instruments for dad, construction equipment for Jasper, a police badge, cuffs, and car for Charlie, cupcakes for Bella, beads and other embellishments for Alice, and kitchen utensils and pans for me. They were perfect, and I was so glad that Ali had taken this on. This project gave her something to focus on instead of what was missing, just as cooking dinner had done for me.

As we dumped out the contents and laughed at all the silly toys and candies that she'd stuffed inside, I looked around the room and realized how lucky I really was to be a part of this family. A part of me wanted to go down the old, comfortable path of guilt, but I refused to go there tonight. Tonight was all about new beginnings.

Dad cleared his throat, and we all looked over at him.

He smiled, and I could see the contentment on his face. "When Edward asked about creating new traditions, I have to admit, I was a little nervous about how this day would turn out. But, I…" He paused and looked down. After a minute, he started again. "I can honestly say this has been one of the best Christmases we've had in a long time. Having my family here together, as well as Bella and Charlie… Mom would have loved this," he said quietly before wiping his eyes and smiling back at us.

"Edward, thank you. Thank you for giving our family another chance. I love you, son."

I was humbled and completely taken aback by his words and the emotion behind them. He got up from his chair and made his way over to me. He extended his hand, but I stood up and pulled him into a hug instead.

"Thank you, Dad," I choked out. "Thanks for forgiving me. And you, too, Ali," I said as he released me.

Tears streamed down her face as she jumped into my arms. "I love you, Edward."

"Love you, too, Sis."

The room was quiet for a few minutes as we all sorted through our emotions. Bella pulled my hand into her own, her thumb making tiny circles across the top. I looked over at her and brushed my lips against her temple, letting her know how much her being here meant to me.

"Well, I think it's time for pie," Jasper said, finally breaking the ice. We all laughed and made our way into the dining room.

Much later, after everyone had gone home, Bella pulled me into the living room.

"Are you ready?" she asked eagerly.

I grinned at her enthusiasm. "I am."

"Okay," she said as she walked over to the Christmas tree. Bending down, she picked up two packages and made her way back over to me.

When I had mentioned my conversation about creating new traditions to Bella, she'd suggested we do something like that as well, something just for us. After some initial brainstorming, we agreed to hand make a Christmas ornament for each other.

Of course, coming up with something to make was much harder than I had initially thought it would be. I had spent hours online looking at different ideas, trying to come up with something that would express exactly what she meant to me.

"You first," she said as she shoved her package into my lap.

I laughed as I picked it up, examining the smooth silver wrapping paper and the red and green bow. Slipping a finger underneath the taped edge, I popped the end open and pulled the rest of the paper off a small box.

I looked at her, and she was nervously chewing on her bottom lip. I opened the lid of the box, and my eyes widened in surprise. Lying on a cushion of white tissue paper was a perfect replica of the _Daily Special_ chalkboard at The Diner. She had written one of her favorite dishes – the Chilled Crab Salad with farro, mango, cucumber and roasted asparagus – and the cupcake of the week – lemon cake with lemon buttercream.

I turned it over, and she'd written the date and "_Where it all began_." I didn't know what to say. She had pulled on the same theme I had – The Diner – and she'd captured us – as individuals and as a couple.

"Um, do you like it?" she asked nervously when I still hadn't said anything.

"I love it, baby. I'm just… this is really amazing."

"I'm so glad." She leaned over and kissed me sweetly. "Okay, it's my turn now."

I laughed at her excitement. I hoped she would like what I'd made for her. She quickly tore off the paper and opened the box. Her gasp was exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for. She pulled out the glass ball by the gold ribbon I'd attached.

"But… how did you… are these…?" she stammered as she took it all in. When I had gone to the craft store, I found a bunch of miniature kitchen items and had decided to create a diorama of The Diner. I built the kitchen and dining room, crafted furniture and filled it with a set of knives, a cupcake, a doll in a pink uniform, a coffee pot, and even a shiny _Diner_ sign. Out of sheer luck, I'd found a really large hinged glass ball and built the scene to fit.

"This is unbelievable, Edward. Ohmygosh, I love it!" she squealed, running her words together.

I was beaming and did an epic inner fistpump.

"Thank you," we both said at the same time. I pulled her up and hugged her tightly.

"This has truly been an amazing day, baby. Thank you for spending it with me," I said sincerely.

She brushed my seriousness aside. "I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else, Chef. I love you."

"Merry Christmas, love. Shall we hang these on the tree?"

"Let's," she said.

x-x-x

The New Year rolled around and brought with it another new beginning - Bella's divorce. About a week before we were supposed to leave for Phoenix, Bella got a call from James' defense attorney in Sequim. He asked Bella to meet him for coffee, saying that James had a proposition for her.

At first, she refused to go, afraid that this was just another one of his ploys, another way to hurt her. James was currently in jail in Sequim, where the majority of the criminal charges had been filed. Despite the overwhelming amount of evidence against him, the trial dates hadn't been set. Bella, despite knowing he was locked up, still lived in fear. It wasn't always obvious, but I saw the way her eyes darted around whenever she walked outside, how she never went anywhere without her can of pepper spray, or her propensity to scare easily. I was ready for this trial to be over, for James to be out of her life… out of our lives.

After some additional consideration and a phone call to her attorney in Phoenix, however, she changed her mind. She agreed to meet him at The Diner but only if I would come too. I agreed. There was no way I was going to let her face this alone. I had already done enough harm in this chapter of her life, and I wanted to be there when it was finally closed – for good.

As we walked into The Diner, Bella's hand tightly gripped mine. I could tell she was nervous. Hell, I was nervous. I was worried that James was trying to toy with her feelings, trying to find ways to get back at her for being in jail. I squeezed her hand reassuringly and gave her a small smile. I would protect her with everything I had.

She smiled back at me and took a deep breath.

"Here goes nothing," she murmured as she smoothed a stray piece of hair with her free hand and walked us over to a gentleman sitting in the corner booth. He looked up from the stack of papers in front of him and smiled warmly.

"Ms. Swan?" he asked, looking between me and Bella. He was dressed in a dark grey suit and navy blue tie. His hair was slicked back, giving him that used car salesman appearance, but his tone didn't hold a hint of sleaze.

"Yes. I'm Isabella Swan," she said as she extended her hand to him, exuding nothing but confidence.

He shook it gently and introduced himself. "I'm Caius Mathews, Attorney at Law. Please," he said pointing to the open booth, "have a seat."

After Bella had scooted across the booth and was sitting against the wall, he looked back at me and raised his eyebrows questioningly. I offered my hand, "I'm Edward Cullen." I didn't elaborate. He didn't need to know I was her boyfriend. It was immaterial to this meeting, and I wasn't going to be the one to explain it. If Bella wanted him to know, she would have told him.

After we were all seated, I looked over at Bella, who was staring at him expectantly. He looked down at the pile of papers in front of him and cleared his throat.

"I'm sure you're probably wondering why I called you." He looked up and met our eyes before continuing when neither of us acknowledged his statement. "I represent your husband, James Hunter."

I felt Bella stiffen beside me, and I instinctively grabbed her hand. I knew what she was thinking. _Husband._ That term had almost destroyed us. I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles, trying to assuage the guilt I knew she still carried for not following up on the paperwork, and even more for not just telling me when she found out the divorce wasn't final.

None of that mattered now. It really shouldn't have mattered when I found the letter in her kitchen, but it had, and my reaction had been unacceptable. Even now that I knew her divorce not being finalized was due to a technicality, it made me sick to think he'd still thought he'd had some control over her. He didn't, but it was still hanging over our heads. I hated it.

She looked over at me, her eyes sad, and I squeezed her hand reassuringly, wanting her to know that I understood this time. When she was satisfied that we were okay, she tore her eyes from mine and turned back to face Caius.

"It's my understanding that you filed for divorce before you left Phoenix. James indicated that he contested it, but after further discussion, he has agreed to sign the paperwork agreeing to dissolve the marriage per your originally filed paperwork.

"It says here that you have no interest in any of the marital property. Is that correct?"

Bella sat there, stunned into silence. Never in a million years did I imagine James would actually agree to this. My gut told me there was a deeper issue here, but at this stage of the game, I couldn't be troubled enough to care. If he was willing to consent to the divorce, who was I to question his motives.

I nudged Bella, snapping her out of her stupor.

"Um, yes. Yes, that is correct. I don't want anything from him."

"Very well. Here is a copy of the Stipulated Consent Decree. James has already signed it, and if it's acceptable to you, I'll send these to the Family Court in Phoenix. Once the paperwork is processed, the divorce will be final."

He handed over the paperwork for her to inspect. I read over her shoulder, hoping like hell that this was for real.

"I need to run these by my attorney. I'm sure you understand the importance of making sure everything is in order. Given what has happened so far, I don't want to take any more chances."

"Absolutely, Ms. Swan. If you have questions," he paused, pulled out his card, and handed it to her, "please do not hesitate to have your attorney contact me."

She nodded as she took his card. She read over it quickly before putting it inside the envelope with the signed forms.

He shuffled his folders and tapped them on the table before sliding them into his black leather bag.

"Did you need to speak with Bella about anything else?" I asked once he looked back up at us.

"No. I believe I have concluded all the business I had with you." He glanced down at his watch and then back at us. "If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to Sequim for another appointment."

And just like that, he was gone. I sat back down and looked over at Bella. Tears were running down her face as her fingers brushed across the flap on the back of the envelope.

"Hey," I whispered, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her against my chest. "It's over, baby." I meant that in so many ways – the meeting, the craziness of this entire divorce process, and James' ability to impact her life.

She nodded and swiped the tears off her face. Her eyes were bright and hopeful. We sat there for a long time, trying to process the magnitude of what had just occurred. Bella was finally free of James. In a matter of weeks it would be official, and my heart swelled with excitement and possibilities, knowing she could officially be mine.

x-x-x

A few weeks later, Bella showed up at school. I was surprised to see her, because we had already made plans to see each other later that evening. I excused myself from class and walked over to her. She was practically vibrating with energy, clutching a white piece of paper, and had a huge grin on her face.

"Hey, baby. What's up?"

"Edward! Oh my gosh! It's final!" Bella whisper-yelled as she waved the paper in front of me.

"What's final?"

"My divorce!"

I stared at her before pulling the piece of paper from her hand. I devoured every word on the page twice… afraid to believe it was finally real. I looked up at her and saw the excitement pouring out of her.

"Holy shit, baby," I exclaimed, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. _Finally!_

"Can you believe it, Edward?" she asked into my neck. "I never thought this day would ever get here."

I pulled her back and grabbed her face and kissed away the tears that were on her cheeks before hungrily possessing her lips. As our tongues slid against each other, I felt happiness and relief consume me. We could finally move forward, finally be together without the threat of James hanging over our heads. I could finally ask her to marry me.

A buzz of nervous energy settled in the pit of my stomach. I could finally marry this woman, this woman that I loved more than anything. Finally.

"This calls for a celebration. Let me get my stuff, and we can get out of here," I said, pressing another kiss against her swollen red lips.

She giggled her agreement, and I ran back to the classroom. I quickly made an excuse to the chef, citing a family emergency, and made my way back to her.

We spent the evening at a local restaurant laughing and dreaming about the future before we drove back to my place. The minute we walked in the door, our lips found each other. Clothes were tossed aside, hands groped, and bodies ground against each other. And when she sank down on me, her hair falling in waves around her face, and I stared into her beautiful brown eyes, I knew she was it for me. I would never love anyone else like this. She had filled every void in my life and pushed me to new heights.

Our movements were slow and fluid, neither of us wanting to rush through this moment. I gripped her hips, my fingers digging into her tender skin, and I felt every cell in my body come alive as she writhed on top of me. Muted whispers of love, quiet whimpers of need, and breathless cries of ecstasy filled the room as we both tumbled into the white heat of oblivion.

Exhausted, she lay on my chest. I trailed my fingers up and down her back, allowing myself to come down from the high of being with her like this. As I breathed in strawberries and the scent of our lovemaking, I couldn't help the tears that welled in my eyes. My breath hitched, and I could barely process the overwhelming sense of love and completion I felt.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered in the crook of her neck.

She shifted slightly and looked at my tear-filled eyes and smiled the most radiant smile I had ever seen. "I love you, too, Edward. More than anything."

We fell asleep wrapped around each other, knowing for the first time in a long time, the possibilities for us were endless.

x-x-x

The next few months passed quickly. Bella spent long hours trying out and perfecting new recipes. As word spread about her cupcakes, more orders came in, and she worked at least one day each weekend catering weddings, bar mitzvahs, and other events. She was completely in her element, and it was amazing watching her come alive.

She had also started seeing a therapist. Her initial fears that she would be judged for her inability to walk away from James were quickly squashed – by me and Dr. Stephens.

"What if they tell me I was just too weak to fight him off?" she asked meekly, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Bella, baby," I soothed as I pulled her hand into mine, "first of all, you weren't weak. I'm not an expert, but I have done some reading on situations like yours, and it's clear that people like James do whatever it takes to wear you down.

"You have said countless times it started small and then you woke up one day and realized how badly things had gotten. Could you have done things differently? Maybe. But it doesn't make you weak. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met," I said as I grabbed her hand and brushed my thumb over the soft skin of her fingers. I was still in awe of the strength and courage she had shown to walk away from her life in Phoenix and again as she had fought against James when she was trapped in the woods.

A small smile played at the corner of her lips, and I pressed on.

"And secondly, therapy isn't about what you did right or wrong. It's about figuring out better ways to cope and work through your thoughts and the challenges life throws your way. Isn't that what Dr. Stephens has said repeatedly?"

"Yeah, but, like…has your therapist said stuff about the way you handled everything with your dad and Alice... Or me?"

"Well," I said, pausing to really think about how to answer this. Dr. Marcus and I had talked extensively about my responses to stressful situations, particularly ones where I wasn't in control. He had helped me break down my actions and feelings so I could see exactly where my trigger points were, and more importantly, how I could deal with them in the future. He had never made me feel guilty or less of a person because of any of it.

"The short answer is yes, Bella. We've talked about all of that stuff, but he's never been judgmental or made me feel inadequate because of how I handled those situations. It hasn't been easy to be confronted with the way my actions have hurt others... You, my family, and even me.

"But I wouldn't change this experience for anything. I wish I had chosen to come under better circumstances rather than after pretty much screwing up the most important relationships in my life. Regardless of how I got here, it has been really good for me. I feel like a better version of myself, as cliché as that might sound. Dr. Marcus has really helped me figure out better coping mechanisms when I don't get my way," I said as I smiled and waggled my eyebrows. "And you know how I am when I don't get my way."

"Yes, I do," she giggled and leaned over and kissed me.

"Have you talked to Dr. Stephens about your concerns?"

She paused, thoughtful for a second, and nodded. "Yeah. She has actually been really great. She said pretty much what you said. I guess I'm just having a hard time finding the balance between the role I played in my marriage – what I allowed James to do – and the role he played. It's not as black and white as I would like."

"Nothing ever is, baby, but this is why you are meeting with her. She can help you navigate through that space and hopefully come out on the other side with more clarity and a sense of peace about the part that you did play."

"You're right. And I already feel well on the way. I'm glad I decided to start seeing someone. It's been really good for me."

"I'm glad you feel that way, love. I know you were nervous about what might come up," I said as I brushed her fingers across my lips. I had already seen so many changes in her. She was more relaxed, didn't close off as much as she used to, and had already started working on a series of letters to James. I didn't think she was really planning to give them to him, but they were helping her work through the myriad feelings she had toward him.

We had both come a long way. We were both more in tune with our feelings and had figured out ways to actually talk through our issues instead of getting angry or shutting the other one out.

We had also found better ways to balance the other people in our lives. I had lunch with my dad once a week and spent more time with Jasper and Emmett. We had been hiking, rock climbing, and even golfing on occasion, and I had really enjoyed hanging out with them again.

Bella spent most of her free time, when she wasn't with me, hanging out with Ali and Rose. They had developed some girl bonding rituals that involved Chinese food, nail polish, and face masks. I didn't even bother asking. As long as they were happy, so was I.

Even with all of the balance, I still craved my time with Bella. We spent most of our evenings together, cuddling on the couch at one of our homes, talking about whatever was going on, watching movies, or trying out new restaurants. I loved spending time with her, and the longer we were together, the more I craved it.

I wanted to spend every evening with her, come home to her at the end of the evening, see her bed head in the mornings, and make love through the night whenever we wanted. I hated saying good night at the end of the evening, whether in person or over the phone, and I could hear the wistfulness in her voice every time. I wanted to take the next step, and with classes winding down, I knew it was just a matter of time.

I had powered through the rest of my classes at school, completing all the required elements of the program and even took on several special assignments in an effort to wrap things up. Life at C'est Si Bon progressed much as it had since Chef J had given me control of the kitchen, except that I was finally getting paid. As Chef worked fewer and fewer days, I picked up the slack, and he felt it was only right that I get compensated for it. I set the menu, consulted on special events - some of which I got to do with Bella - and spent time training new line chefs and other students who he'd offered internships.

I had enjoyed my time back at school immensely and working at CSB, but I was itching to try something new. In all the conversations I'd had with Bella, we both agreed we wanted to pursue our passions and dreams. After working under Chef J and running the kitchen at The Diner, I knew I wanted to open my own place. I loved the idea of going out to farmers' markets and gathering fresh produce and meats. I wanted to partner with local farmers and businesses to showcase their offerings, and while I did a little of that now, it wasn't enough. I needed and wanted more. And I wanted to do it with Bella.

x-x-x

At the beginning of May, I asked my dad if I could have Mom's ring.

Several months after Bella and I had gotten back together, my dad had asked if I thought I might ask Bella to marry me some day. Without hesitation, I had said yes, and he'd told me to talk to him when I was ready. Bella was the person who helped me move past all the pain and hurt I'd felt toward him, and he felt it was only fitting that she should have Mom's ring. I was stunned and humbled that he would make such an offer, but I didn't feel right taking it without talking to Alice first. She had just as much right to it as I did, and I didn't want to assume anything. I had learned that lesson the hard way.

Alice, as always, was amazing. She, like Dad, felt like it would be a beautiful way to honor Mom's memory.

"Edward, she helped bring our family back together. Mom would have wanted this, too," she'd said earnestly.

So, on May thirteenth, the one year anniversary of Bella's arrival in Forks, I asked her to marry me.

It started out like any other Saturday evening. Bella came over to my place for dinner, and we cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie. It was her turn to pick, and she put in some romantic comedy about a girl who had been a bridesmaid over twenty times. We laughed through the entire thing and made out when it was over.

When I carried her to my bed, stripped away all of our clothes, and made love to her, I knew I'd never love anyone more than I loved this woman.

As we lay together, naked and wrapped in my soft cotton sheets, I looked over at the beautiful woman beside me. I couldn't stop myself from running my fingers along the smooth skin of her arm. Her hair was a tangled mess, her lips were swollen, and her face was pink from where my stubble had scratched her face. She had never looked more beautiful. As she breathed in, she turned to me and smiled.

I felt the ache in my chest grow. I needed this woman forever. I needed her to know how crazy I was about her, how I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with her. She had saved me in every way, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

I untangled myself from her, reached over, and opened the drawer on my side of the bed.

"You can't be ready to go again already, Chef," she said with a giggle.

"Oh, you'd like that, baby," I teased, waggling my eyebrows as I pulled away from her, grabbed the little black box, and set it on the nightstand.

"Bella," I whispered, turning back to her, my voice raspy and thick with emotion.

She sat up, pulling the sheet around her naked body. "Edward?"

I brushed my fingers across her cheek and reached for her hand. As I wrapped my fingers around hers, I felt my heart start to pound. Nerves and excitement coursed through me as the words I had practiced a million times crashed around in my head. I twisted slightly and picked up the box on the nightstand.

When I turned back to face her, she smiled a slow, lazy smile.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." I pressed a soft kiss against her lips and opened the box.

Her eyes got wide, and she looked at me and then back at the box. Her tear-filled eyes met mine. I pulled the ring from the cushioned pillows and set it aside. Taking her hand in mine, I put the ring on the tip of her finger.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. You're my best friend, and I want to spend the rest of my life cooking with you, laughing with you, and loving you. Will you please marry me?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed as she nodded her head vigorously. "Yes, Edward, I will marry you."

I thought my heart might burst open as I slid the ring down onto her finger. I brought her hand to my lips and pressed a kiss against the cool metal and stone of her ring before I pulled her face towards me.

"I love you so much, Bella," I whispered, the emotions overwhelming every part of me.

"And I love you," she whispered back as her lips found mine.

Her kiss was tender and sweet as we fell back on the bed together. Our hands explored; our lips and tongues tasted as we savored the moment. There were no frantic movements or desperate cries, only soft whimpers and murmurs of love, adoration, and dreams of what the future might hold. With fingers twined together, we came together as one flesh.

As dawn broke, with our legs tangled together and my arm wrapped tightly around her waist, I pulled her body against mine and burrowed my face into the warm heat of her neck. Breath after breath, I filled my lungs with her scent. Beat after beat, I felt her heart slow into the quiet rhythm of sleep. I closed my eyes and relished the sense of peace that settled over me. She loved me. She loved me enough to say yes, and she was finally mine.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**If you haven't already, please put me on author alert. I'm going to be posting a series of outtakes in the very near future. Later this week, I'll be posting Edward's letter to Esme at the cemetery. Note, Bella's ring is on the blog, if you'd like to see.**

**I owe Jessica1971 and MsKathy something of their choosing for the FGB-Eclipse. If they grant permission to share, I'll post those, as well. Now that The Diner is almost over, the plot bunnies have attacked. I have another story swirling around in my head, so stay tuned for more details.**

**Finally, there will be one more chapter. After some additional discussion with the team, I have decided that one more chapter is needed. I will not be doing an epilogue at this time. It may be an outtake or something that could come later on down the road.**

**Twitter: Jessypt**

**Twi Thread: http:/bit(dot)ly/c8R1ad**

**Blog: http:/jessyptff(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**As always, thank you so much to those of you who read and review. I absolutely adore reading to them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.**


	26. Chapter 25

**Well, this is the end. It has been an absolute joy and pleasure writing this story, and I'm sad to say goodbye to these characters. I am eternally grateful to so many people. For now, let me say a huge thank you to my beta team of past and present: Jbugnr, Lexyw, kikikinz, lexiecullen17, catie22866, and Jessica1971.**

**I don't own Twilight or these characters, but I do own Chefward and this plot.**

**Enjoy.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Chapter 25  
BPOV**

The next morning, I lay in bed curled into Edward's chest staring at the ring he had put on my finger. The diamonds - there were a lot, and they were big - sparkled in the early morning sun pouring through the window. It was gorgeous and perfect. To say I was surprised he'd proposed was an understatement. There was no doubt Edward and I had made a lot of progress in the last several months. We had learned to actually communicate and listen; we didn't run from our problems, and more importantly, we were patient with each other's shortcomings, but we hadn't talked about marriage at all since the incident with James.

I wasn't opposed to marriage – obviously, but his proposal had caught me off guard for a second. If someone had asked me the day I left Phoenix if I would ever get married again, I would have unequivocally said no. I had no desire to be tied in that way to another man, but when I saw him that morning in the kitchen at The Diner, something about Edward drew me in. He pushed me to open up, share my heart, and make myself vulnerable again. I learned to trust again... and to forgive.

The two months I'd spent away from him – well, not really away since he'd been a daily fixture in my life - had helped me see how fallible we really were. I had blindly put my faith in him, believing he was everything I could need, everything I would need to heal my heart. And to a certain degree he had, but he wasn't perfect. He had failed me, and I had failed to fully extend trust to him.

More importantly, I realized how I had set myself – and Edward - up for a major letdown, believing Edward was the key to overcoming all the damage from my marriage with James. Somehow, in the early parts of our relationship, I had put him on a pedestal. I had acted as if he was infallible, and despite his best efforts, he wasn't. There was no way he could have filled every need I'd had or healed the broken pieces of my life. He had certainly tried. He had been an important part of the healing process, but in the end, it was really about me and the parts that I needed to own.

Dr. Stephens had helped me see that. It hadn't been an easy realization to make or come to terms with, but once I had, I knew that I could love Edward without him being perfect or relying on him to be everything in my life. She'd helped me see that balance was critical, and she encouraged me to find and make time for myself, my friends and family, and Edward.

x-x-x **Therapy appointment in April** x-x-x

"Hi, Bella. How are you today?" Dr. Stephens asked with a warm smile.

She was perched in one corner of the red leather couch in her office. I sat at the opposite end of it, knees bent and my feet tucked underneath me. I felt a little tense, much like I always did when I had to dig deep into my life and share things.

I smiled back. "I'm well. Things have been going well."

"Good. So, I'm just going to pick up where we left off last week. We were talking about your marriage with James, and I asked you to think about what you believe contributed to the abuse in the marriage."

I knew what she was asking me; she wanted me to examine my own behavior to pinpoint what had kept me there for so long. I had done a lot of thinking on this topic, trying to figure that out for myself. When I had first started meeting with her, she'd asked me to chronicle the major events in our marriage and then move on to the day to day occurrences - the things that had irritated or set him off, as well as the things that had calmed him down. She wanted me to see if I could see any patterns in my responses.  
I swallowed thickly, realizing I hadn't responded to her. With a nod, I uncurled myself and bent over to dig my journal pages out of my messenger bag. Sitting back up, I handed her a copy and kept the originals for myself before snuggling back into the corner of the couch.

I waited for her to skim over the pages. When she looked up at me and nodded, I proceeded to voice my thoughts.

"Well, I've done a lot of reflecting, and I think I have a tendency to try and smooth things over. I don't like conflict, and I do my best to avoid it."

She nodded but didn't say anything, so I pressed on.

"When I read back through my journal pages, I noticed when James came home drunk or angry, I would do whatever I thought would make things easier. If he wanted sex, I gave it to him. If he wanted me to make something completely different for dinner, I would... even if it meant having to go to the store for different ingredients. I did whatever he wanted."

Saying it out loud like that made me seem so weak.

"You do know that was a survival mechanism, right?"

I nodded. I supposed she was right. I had only done those things to survive, and looking back, I realized how much I truly hated feeling like a victim – weak, helpless, and trapped. I hadn't been ready to actually walk away, but I also hadn't wanted things to be harder on me than necessary. I'm sure part of that was because bruises and bad beatings meant I had to stay in the house instead of going to work. It was my only form of escape, and I did everything I could to keep that part of my life open.

"What about the times when you didn't do those things? What did you do when you tried to stand up for yourself?"

I took a deep breath, immediately feeling anxious. I tugged on the ends of my ponytail and tried to put my thoughts in order. It was time to talk about the abuse. We hadn't spent much time talking about it, but the few times I had stood up to him had been excruciating - literally. I winced at the thought of his fists connecting with my face, his knee in my ribs, or the feel of my body being pressed into the hard floor.

"He would hit me or yell. Sometimes it was just yelling," I said quietly. "It was always worse when he'd been drinking."

"You said in your journal that even when he hit you, you felt strong when it was preceded by some 'act of defiance' on your part. Say more about that."

I shrugged. "I think it made me feel strong, because I knew I was being true to myself. Even though I knew what the consequences would be - because they were always the same - I had held my ground. I didn't give in, even when he was finished with me."

She sat thinking about it for a second, and I allowed my mind to quiet. It was amazingly refreshing to get it all out. I never would have thought I'd have enjoyed therapy, and while "enjoy" may have been too strong a word, they were certainly lightening the burden I had been carrying for the last seven years.

"So, you know you have a tendency to give in or run from conflict, but you also know how you feel when you stand your ground. How do you think that's played out in your relationship with Edward?"

This was a tough one. Early on in our relationship I had kept my story... and the issue of the divorce ... from him, believing he wouldn't handle it well. Of course, that had proven correct, but not for all the reasons I had originally assumed. I knew Edward had issues with lying. He had told me from the beginning it was the one thing he couldn't tolerate, and that made sense given his past with his dad.

"I think it's an area that we still need to work on. I've learned to be more open with him, but there was a time when things weren't always like that."

"Okay…" she trailed off, her voice indicating that I should continue on.

"When I found out that the divorce wasn't actually final, I panicked. I knew Edward couldn't tolerate lies. I mean, it took me a really long time to actually tell him my story, fearing that my being married would upset him. It had, but when I reassured him I was no longer married, it seemed to placate his concerns.

"But when I got that letter in mail, when I realized it wasn't actually final, I had no idea what to tell him. I just knew he was going to flip out. I didn't want him to think I'd lied to him, especially since I hadn't intentionally done it. So, I just shut down. I kept it from him in hopes it would right itself. And when he found out, in the worst possible way, his response was just... well, it was worse than I had even imagined it would be."

The memory of that night was so vivid. I could still feel my heart spike at the intensity of his anger and the bitterness in his eyes. I hated the way I could picture every moment of that evening, and I hoped once we had put some closure to the situation with James I'd be able to close this chapter of my life permanently.

Unfortunately, like most major trials, this one had been delayed several times because of motions and other technicalities. We were scheduled to start in mid-November, but I was still skeptical it would actually happen. I was ready to move on.

"How do you think it could have gone differently? Is there something you could have done differently?"

"I think if he would've given me a chance to explain..."

"I didn't ask what Edward should have done. I asked what you could have done differently. I'm trying to force you to think about how you respond in high stress situations, Bella."

I swallowed, trying to process what she'd just said. I hated moments like this. It was so hard to actually put into words the product of my own self examination, especially when it was clear I could have done things differently.

After a minute and a couple of deep breaths, I proceeded. "I should have told him the truth the minute I received the letter. I should have sat him down and set the conversation up in a way that could have been much more constructive, explained the situation, and then showed him the letter."

She nodded. "That's excellent. I would also challenge you to think about the assumptions you make in potentially high stress situations. In this case, I have no idea what Edward's reaction would have been had you chosen a better course of action, but I have to believe it would have been better than the way it actually went down."

"I think you're right. I'm sure he would have been mad initially, but I think he would have understood. Instead of all the drama, we could have worked through it together." I paused before continuing. "I think anything would have been preferable to the way he yelled at me in The Diner. It was so infuriating. At first, I'd wanted to cower back in disbelief, but then something inside me snapped. I started yelling too..." I stopped talking, shaking my head to rid myself of the painful memories.

"And now?"

"Now?"

"Yes, now. How are things between the two of you?"

"They're actually really good. Edward's been seeing a counselor and also went through a series of anger management classes. In some ways I feel like he's a different person - better. Of course, I feel that way too - different, stronger.

"We haven't had many fights, but the ones we have had... Well, they've been handled differently."

"Could you elaborate a little on how they've been handled differently?"

"We actually listen to each other's concerns, and I think, more importantly, the way we approach each other is better. Rather than just explode, we talk through whatever the issue might be. It hasn't been perfect, but we're learning to do it together."

"I have to ask, Bella, given your past, do you have any concerns at all about being with Edward?"

I paused, really wanting to answer this question with brutal honesty. In the initial few months after the fight, if she'd asked me this question, I might have said yes. He had a tendency toward the dramatic, was often overly emotional, and flew off the handle at the slightest infraction, but now that some time had passed, I could see how he had been learning to moderate his responses. I knew Dr. Marcus had given him some exercises to work through.

I had also changed. Given my history with James, I had let Edward treat me a certain way. I had allowed, or at least tolerated, him to take his frustrations out on me to an unhealthy degree. Yes, I had stood up to him and spoken my mind on several different occasions, but it had all been out of anger. Now, I felt more comfortable dealing with confrontation head on. It certainly wasn't easy, but it felt right. It was empowering to stand up for myself and know, even if he got frustrated with me, he wouldn't hit me or hurt me.

The bottom line: I could tell how much he loved me, how different his responses to me were, and how he actually paused before reacting when he was upset. I knew in my heart he would never hurt me like James had... and I was in a place now, where I would never tolerate being treated that way again. We were learning together. It was hard work but so worth it.

I looked into Dr. Stephens' eyes and with all the conviction in my heart, I answered her question.

"No, I don't. Anything that comes up, we can work on together. I'm a different person than I was when I first arrived in Forks. I've learned a lot about myself, my reactions, and who I want to be as a person, and Edward has changed as well. We are good together. We laugh, talk, and share so many things in common. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I love him. With every fiber of my being, I just know this is the right decision for me… for us.

"I want to spend the rest of my life learning with him, working on our relationship, and hopefully someday get married. I know a lot of abused women rely on the "love" part of their marriage, but in this case it's more than that. This is about watching him grow as a person. I have seen so many changes in the way he responds, not just to me, but to his family – especially his dad. He is not the same person he was last September."

She stared at me without responding. After a few minutes of silence, she nodded.

"Very good. Thank you for this session, Bella. It seems like you've thought through your feelings and emotions. As we continue forward, I'll be challenging some of those things, but for now, you've done  
what I would have expected plus more."

I felt a smile break across my face. "Thank you."

x-x-x

I had come a long way in the last few months. I had finally started to realize how strong I actually was. James had done so many things to make me believe I was weak and unworthy, but after everything that had happened, I knew it was just his way of controlling me. It was his way of keeping me exactly where he wanted me. In hindsight, and with the help of Edward, the girls, and Dr. Stephens, I had finally realized that I was a beautiful, strong woman. I had walked away from him once, and even when he'd kidnapped me, he still hadn't broken me. I finally felt good – proud - about myself, and I knew I could finally be enough for Edward by just being me.

As my mind shifted away from that session, I thought about the prospect of marrying Edward. I stared at the ring on my finger, twisting it and loving the feel of the smooth platinum band against my skin. The princess cut diamond in the center was easily a carat and was surrounded by a row of smaller stones. It was absolutely stunning... and mine.

Inside, I was kicking my legs and flailing my arms in glee. I felt giddy. I was going to be Edward Cullen's wife. My chest tightened with emotion as I tried to process the overwhelming joy I felt as I remembered his words and the look on his face last night as he professed his love to me. When we made love, every brush of his fingers, kiss of his lips, and penetrating gaze filled me with an all-consuming love I hadn't even known I could feel. Just the thought of spending the rest of my life with him was almost too much to take in.

Edward shifted, and his arm tightened around me.

"We're getting married," he mumbled as he buried his face into my shoulder. His breath was warm, and I shivered, my skin prickling at the unexpected sensation.

"Yes, we are," I said as I leaned in to kiss him. His lips were soft and gentle as they melded against mine.

We lay snuggled together for a long time, relishing the quiet of the moment and the way our bodies felt together. He traced lazy circles across my stomach, my ribs, and my breasts. In some ways it was maddening, feeling his touch like that, but there was no pressure to do more. We were both content to lie here, knowing we were going to be together for the rest of our lives.

Eventually, I rolled over to face him and smiled. His green eyes were bright, and his face was relaxed.

"When should we tell everyone?"

He shrugged. "There's no hurry, but Charlie already knows."

"He does?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded. "I asked for his blessing last week. I can be a gentleman, Bella. You seem surprised."

"Well… I guess I am a little, not that you're a gentleman, but that you actually asked him. I'm really touched you would actually take the time to ask Charlie for his blessing. How did it go?"

"When I told him how much I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, he seemed a little surprised, but we talked at length about everything that happened when you were taken, both the stuff leading up to it, as well as the my behavior after you'd been found. We talked about the anger classes I took and my therapy sessions. Basically, I promised to love and cherish you and treat you with respect. He promised to shoot my ass if I ever hurt you again, and then he gave me his blessing."

Wow. I had no idea Edward would even think to ask Charlie. I was touched he'd even considered it, and even more that he didn't feel embarrassed, or at least it didn't seem like he was, to talk about the things we'd worked through over the last six months.

Dad and I had talked through some of those same things. He had raised some concerns not long after Edward and I had gotten back together, but after I asked him to extend some grace and give him a chance to make it right, he had. He knew I loved Edward, and he also knew I was capable of making my own decisions. He had learned that lesson the hard way after he bore the brunt of my wrath for withholding the information about James being in Forks.

Not long after I'd gotten out of the hospital and had asked him to give me some space, he came over to apologize. He told me how sorry he was for keeping that information from me and that he knew it was wrong to have done it. He explained where he had been coming from, not as an excuse, but to help me see that it had all been done with the best intentions. I did understand, but it was still wrong. He knew that, and things had been much better between us since then.

"Bella?" Edward asked tentatively, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Was that okay? That I asked Charlie for his blessing? I wanted to respect him, especially since he gave me a second chance. I didn't mean to make it seem like you weren't capable of making your own decisions."

"Oh, no, not at all, love. I was just thinking about my dad. I'm so glad he and I worked things out. Thank you for asking him."

He breathed out a sigh of relief and smiled. "So, back to your question about when to tell everyone. Maybe we could invite everyone over for dinner. I could make pizza and salad, and you could make a dessert. What do you think?"

I couldn't help the grin that broke out across my face. I couldn't wait to tell everyone that we were getting married. I knew Alice and Rose would totally freak out – in a good way – and the idea of planning the wedding with their help was beyond exciting.

"That sounds great! I can't wait to tell everyone. You know the girls are going to want to help plan our wedding, right?"

He rolled his eyes, and I busted out laughing.

"I wouldn't expect anything less… and I know it'll be perfect."

x-x-x

Later that evening, everyone was seated around the dining room table at my house. Dinner had gone smoothly, with lots of laughter, jokes, and fun stories. The table was crowded, but it felt right having everyone we loved here with us. I looked at each of them and smiled.

Edward brushed his fingers along the inside of my elbow, and I turned to look at him. He was beaming at me, and I couldn't help but grin back in return. He tilted his head slightly toward the table, and with a brief nod, we both stood up.

"We'd like to make an announcement," he said as he reached for his glass of wine.

I leaned forward and picked up my own glass of wine. In the past few months, Edward had slowly been introducing me to different wines. I found, once I had gotten over my issues with alcohol, I really enjoyed having a glass with dinner every once in a while. I still wasn't a big drinker; I didn't think I ever would be, but it was nice to share a glass with Edward occasionally.

"Yes, we do," I said excitedly.

I looked over at Alice and Rose, and I could see the excitement in their eyes as they glanced down at my hand. They knew. Edward and I exchanged a quick look before we both practically shouted, "We're engaged!"

Alice jumped out of her chair and squealed. Rose just laughed at us and said, "It's about time, you guys."

As Alice pulled me into a bone crushing hug and screeched in my ear, I saw all the guys get up and shake Edward's hand.

"Well, it looks like a toast is in order," Carlisle said.

After a few more congratulatory hugs, everyone quieted down and Carlisle offered a few words of blessing.

"Edward, Bella, here's to a very happy marriage, filled with love and adventure."

Our glasses clinked against everyone else's, and then Charlie stood up and smiled. He brushed his fingers along his mustache as he looked between me and Edward.

"To my baby girl and the man who has earned my respect. I wish you both all the happiness in the world."

I swiped a tear from my eye and smiled back at my dad before mouthing "I love you," to him. He winked at me and smiled.

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, wedding plans, and honeymoon talk. We hadn't made any plans, but I told the girls I wanted them to be involved in the planning. They were both ecstatic. We agreed to meet the following week to talk through ideas over dinner.

After everyone had gone home, Edward and I spent the next few minutes cleaning the kitchen.

"That went well," I said, looking over my shoulder at Edward as he put the remaining leftovers in the refrigerator. "It was so great having everyone over."

"Mhmm," he murmured as he wrapped his arms around my waist and started kissing my neck. I leaned back against him and shifted my head to the side giving him better access. I loved his lips and tongue on my neck and sighed in delight.

"Let's leave these for later, love," he whispered against my skin. "I want you."

I felt my body respond as his fingers slid under my shirt, and his hands trailed against my stomach and ribcage, before moving to cup my breasts. My breath caught as he nipped his way across my collarbone. I couldn't help the moan that fell from my lips as he sucked my earlobe into his mouth.

"I want you, Bella," he murmured again.

I dragged my hands out of the dishwater and turned to face him, my wet, soapy hands running across the front of his shirt. I grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Once it was off, I just stared at him. He was perfect – ripped abs, a smattering of chest hair, and well defined shoulder and arm muscles.

I ran my fingers over his chest, across his shoulders and down his arms. I could feel his body vibrating with need, and I knew I could drag it out if I wanted to… but I didn't. I reached up on my tip toes and brushed my lips against his, tasting hints of red wine from dinner. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me tight against his chest as he deepened our kiss. His tongue tangled with mine, sliding hungrily against my own.

"Let's go to bed, love," I said as I pulled out of his tight embrace. With his hand in mine, we walked to the bedroom.

x-x-x Three Months Later x-x-x

I stared at the girl in the mirror and smiled. She was beautiful, and I couldn't believe she was me. I couldn't believe it was finally my wedding day.

I ran my hands down the bodice of my dress, feeling the smooth satin give way to the rougher appliqué of sequins and beads. I loved my dress. It was everything I had hoped for, and I was so glad Rose had pushed me into the bridal shop in Port Angeles that day.

"_Seriously, Bella, you'll be surprised at some of the dresses they have. Alice almost got her dress here," Rose said as she pulled the door open and ushered me in._

_With a shrug, I walked into the foyer and was surprised to see all the dresses they had. The room was filled with mannequins clothed in designer gowns surrounded by a plethora of others. I turned to look at Rose, the shock evident on my face. She smirked and arched her eyebrow, giving me her annoying "I told you so" look. _

_The saleslady greeted us with a warm smile. "Welcome to Black Diamond Bridal. I'm Janine. How can I help you today?"_

"_She's looking for a wedding dress," Rose offered before I even had a chance to open my mouth._

"_Very well,-" she paused, waiting for my name._

"_Bella."_

"_Very well, Bella. Let's get you over to one of our dressing rooms and get started."_

_She led me to a private dressing room, outfitted with a three-way mirror and a brown leather bench. I turned once inside and smiled, feeling the excitement course through me. _

"_If you're comfortable, I'd like you to undress so I can take your measurements." _

_I nodded and pulled the door closed. "Okay, give me a second."_

_I undressed quickly, and when I was standing in my bra and panties, I told her she could come in._

_We made idle chit chat as she wrapped the tape measure across the fullest part of my breasts, my waist, and my hips. _

"_Any idea what you're looking for?" she asked as she finished with my measurements._

"_Actually, yes. I want something relatively simple, but I've always imagined a dress where the skirt bunches into pretty layers, almost like it's been pinched together. Does that make sense?"_

_She smiled. "Absolutely. And are you thinking something with straps?"_

"_I'm completely open. Could you bring several different options?"_

_She nodded. "I'll be back in just a minute."_

_Rose poked her head in the door. "You excited?"_

_I grinned at her. I was excited and hoped I would find exactly what I had in mind. "I am. Thanks for forcing me in here."_

_She grinned at me and stepped out of the way to make way for the pile of dresses Janine was carrying. She hung each one on a hook in the room and handed me a corset and a crinoline skirt. Rose offered to help me get dressed, and Janine agreed to wait outside._

_I undressed quickly and pulled on the corset while Rose opened one of the vinyl bags. As I stared into the mirror examining my curves, I knew Edward would love the idea of me in one of these. I made a mental note to get one the next time I went shopping. _

"_Quit gawking at yourself, silly, and let's get this show on the road. I'm dying to see you in these dresses. Alice is going to be so pissed she wasn't here for this," Rose cackled mischievously. _

"_And I'll let you take the brunt of it since you forced me in here," I said with a wink._

"_Whatever. I can take her," she said, shaking the dress for me to step into. "Now turn around and step into this thing. I don't want you to peek until after it's all the way on."_

_I gingerly stepped into the miles of satin that lay on the ground. As Rose pulled it up over my head, I slid my arms in to the tank bodice. I could feel the cool, smooth fabric clinging to my skin. The skirt was exactly like I had imagined, bunches of fabric picked up into gathers that hung delicately around me. I brushed my hands across the front of the body, feeling the rough beaded appliqué that sat just underneath my breasts. Rose zipped up the back of the dress, and the minute I turned around, I knew this was it. _

_I stared at the woman in the mirror in awe. She was gorgeous. I was gorgeous. I imagined walking onto the deck of the house, Edward's eyes locking with mine, and I knew I had to have it. It was perfect._

"_Wow, B. You look amazing. Just. Wow," Rosalie gushed._

_I turned to glance at all the angles, but I knew it was the one. _

"_How is it?" Janine asked from outside the door. _

_I picked up my skirt and pushed open the door. The look on her face when she saw me was exactly the reaction I had been hoping for, the kind of reaction I wanted from Edward._

_Her mouth opened and she blinked. "Perfection," she whispered._

_I couldn't help the grin that broke out across my face. "It really is, isn't it?" With a giggle, I spun around, enjoying the way the gown swished against my legs. It was totally a girly thing to do, but I figured it was okay since I was getting married._

_I didn't even bother trying on another dress. Janine packaged the dress for me after we paid, and we walked out of the store with it._

"_Well," Rosalie said smugly, "that was productive."_

_I bumped my shoulder against hers. "Yes, it was. Thanks for making me go in there. I love my dress," I squealed._

A knock at the door pulled me out of my memories, and I beamed as both Rose and Alice walked in. They both looked gorgeous, and I was so glad they were going to be part of our special day. I had asked both of them to be bridesmaids. They were practically my sisters, and I couldn't imagine the day without them.

I had given them free reign to pick their outfits, and they had both settled on very simple dresses. Alice had chosen a chiffon crinkle dress. It had soft layers of ruched fabric across an empire bodice and a charmeuse and crinkle chiffon ruffle that cascaded down the back. Rose had also chosen a chiffon dress with a ruched empire bodice, but her dress had an assymetrical hemline and fabric that gathered in the front to create a really beautiful flow. The very fact that I could name all of these materials and fabric cuts was a testament to all the time I'd spent with them working on the wedding.

"You look so beautiful, Bella," Rose said as she pulled me into a tight hug, careful not to smash my dress.

"So do you. Both of you," I said sincerely.

Alice remained at the door, tears glistening in her eyes.

"No tears today, Ali," I said as I made my way over to her.

"I know," she said quietly. "I just never imagined I'd have a sister, and I just feel overwhelmed at how lucky I am."

My heart swelled with love for her. I was overjoyed she and I were going to be sisters, and just as Rose had done with me, I pulled Ali into a hug and squeezed her tightly.

"I'm the lucky one. To have both of you in my life," I said as I reached for Rose, "is more than I could have ever hoped for. You've both been so amazing to me, and I'm grateful that you're here with me today. I couldn't imagine two people who mean more to me than you."

We stood like that, the three of us lumped together, arms wrapped around each other, relishing the sweetness of the moment. I was truly grateful they were a part of my life. I couldn't even begin to imagine how different things would have been if Alice hadn't talked to me that morning in The Diner or if Charlie hadn't seen the _Help Wanted_ sign in the window.

We pulled apart and burst into laughter. We were a walking commercial for _A Wedding Story_. The entire process of planning this wedding had been surreal. Edward and I had both agreed we wanted a simple wedding at his dad's house, and we wanted it to be sooner, rather than later. When we'd looked at the calendar, August jumped out to both of us, and despite the fact our decision had only given us three months to prepare, we pressed forward.

The months had passed in a blur of wedding gowns, bridesmaids' dresses, and cupcakes. I had never been so inundated with fabric, flowers, and decorations. The amount of time spent shopping for things, trying on dresses, and keeping all the balls in the air at The Diner and in my side cupcake business had been dizzying. Cap all that off with a letter from my attorney letting us know when the date of the trial had been set, and I'd had a mini-meltdown.

Edward just picked me up, banned all wedding and trial talk, and took me away for the weekend. It was one of the sweetest things he had ever done, and it meant so much to me that he knew exactly how to bring me back to myself. I refocused on what was important – us – set some boundaries around wedding planning, allowed myself to fully trust my attorney and the police officers to have done their job correctly, and I was a much happier camper for it.

Now, standing here with the girls watching them put the final touches on my makeup, I couldn't have been happier.

"Perfect," Alice said as she swiped a fresh coat of gloss over my lips.

She stepped to the side, and I sighed in happiness. I really did look perfect. My eyes were bright, cheeks were flushed – both from the blush and my excitement – and my lips glistened.

"It's time, Bells," Rose said as she pressed her cheek against mine affectionately. "You look stunning, and Edward isn't going to be able to take his eyes off you."

We all giggled and hugged quickly before they walked out, giving me a few minutes to myself before I walked out to meet my dad. I closed my eyes, allowing the quiet space to calm the nervous energy that had settled in the pit of my stomach.

A part of me couldn't help but compare this moment to the one I'd had with James so long ago. Looking back now, I knew the girl who had stared back at me in the mirror had hoped the doubt she felt would go away, that the dull eyes that stared back were hoping it was the right decision. As I looked into the mirror, I knew Edward was right for me – perfect for me. Instead of nagging fear and doubt, I was consumed with the promise of hope and love, and I couldn't wait to get down the aisle to Edward. I couldn't wait to start our life together.

With a deep breath, I opened the door and came face to face with my dad. He looked dashing – if not a bit stiff - in his black tuxedo. His mustache ticked up in a huge smile, and his eyes twinkled.

"You are absolutely breathtaking, Bells. My baby girl is all grown up," he said sweetly.

"Ah, Dad," I said, feeling my throat tighten with emotion. I swallowed back the tears that threatened to overflow, not wanting to ruin my makeup or walk down the aisle with red eyes. "Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself."

I reached up and ran my hands along the shoulders of his jacket before reaching for his hand.

"Shall we?" I asked with a grin.

"If you're sure," he said with a wink. "You know it's not too late to back out of this. The cruiser is just outside…"

I bumped his shoulder with mine and just laughed. "The cupcakes are already made, Dad."

He chuckled and patted my wrist that was now looped in his arm. "Yes, they are. And they look great."

"Seriously, though, Dad, I want this. I want to marry Edward."

"Bells, I only want the best for you. That's all I've ever wanted, and I've seen enough change in Edward… and in you, to feel good about this. It's my honor to walk you down the aisle today."

I pressed a kiss against his cheek and then nodded. "I'm ready."

The soft strains of piano played in the background as Charlie slowly walked me down the stairs. As soon as we were in front of the doors, my eyes locked with Edward's. He was absolutely stunning. He looked confident and strong in his black tuxedo. His hair was tousled, probably from running his hands through it, and his eyes were vibrant and full of light. He was standing against the railing, in the exact spot he had apologized to me after flipping out about _his_ kitchen – and the backdrop behind him was absolutely breathtaking. As I started toward him, a huge grin spread across his face.

My gaze never wavered from his as I slowly made my down the aisle. Even if I had wanted to, which I didn't – there was no way I could have looked away. The look on his face was one of pure adoration, and I knew it was all for me. The love I felt for him was almost crushing in its enormity, and when Charlie placed my hand in Edward's, I knew he felt it too.

With a quiet word of blessing, Charlie took his seat. The ceremony was short, and truthfully, I didn't remember a thing the minister said. I was completely lost in Edward. Everything about him drew me in.

The look on his face when he'd first seen me standing at the door told me of his love. The way my hand fit perfectly in his as Charlie gave me away, and the way his voice sounded as he pronounced his love for me in front of our friends and family were burned into my mind. His lips on mine after we were pronounced man and wife were nothing short of bliss.

The reception was exactly like we had both imagined. White lights twinkled against the black sky, and music filled the air. We laughed through dinner and spent the evening wrapped in each others' arms on the dance floor.

When it was time to cut the cake, Edward and I took big bites of my cupcakes. Not long into the planning, I had decided to bake cupcakes for the wedding; I knew it sounded snooty, but it was our wedding. Cupcakes were part of what brought us together, and I wanted the symbol to be a part of our special day.

After sharing several ideas with Edward and the girls, we had settled on a simple vanilla cupcake with vanilla bean frosting. I wrapped each cupcake in a sheer peridot ribbon and garnished them with bright purple flowers. I couldn't have been more pleased with how they turned out.

We spent the rest of the reception among friends, laughing and basking in their congratulations. The champagne flowed freely and the soothing sounds of jazz played in the background. As we neared the end of the evening, after all the traditional festivities had been completed, Edward twisted his fingers in mine and slowly walked me out onto the dance floor.

"May I have one more dance, Mrs. Cullen?"

"It would be my pleasure," I said with a smile.

As we faced each other, he put his hand on my hip and pulled me to him, bringing our bodies flush against one another. Slowly, he lifted my right hand, pressing his palm against mine, and moved us around the dance floor to the soft strains of _Tango for Evora_.

"You are absolutely stunning tonight. Thank you for marrying me."

"Mr. Cullen, you look quite ravishing, and it was my pleasure to marry you tonight," I said saucily as I pressed my lips against his. I couldn't fight the upward curve of my lips as I felt him smile against mine.

"Feeling sassy, my love?" he asked with the quirk of his eyebrow as he spun me around the dance floor.

"Wouldn't you just kill to read my mind right now?" I asked with a tilt of my head as I startled to giggle.

"Oh, I know what's on your mind, and I intend to take care of your needs, baby. Have no doubt about that."

Our playful banter quickly turned into a heated game of who wanted the other more. We decided to call it a draw.

"I'm ready for you to take me home, Chef," I said as I laid my head on his shoulder.

When the song ended, his lips found mine in a searing kiss. When we finally broke apart, our eyes locked, and we both nodded. It was definitely time to call it a night.

x-x-x

We spent our honeymoon in a gorgeous log cabin in Telluride, Colorado. The minute we pulled into the driveway, I knew we had found a little piece of heaven on earth. The house greeted us with a beautiful vaulted porch, red and blue Adirondack chairs, and lots of windows. A forest of evergreens surrounded the house and gave off a refreshingly clean, pine scent.

"Wait here, baby," he said as he kissed my cheek. I giggled in anticipation.

After Edward opened the front door and had taken our luggage inside, he confidently walked toward me with a lazy grin across his face. He pulled my door open and extended his hand.

I took it and carefully stepped out of the car.

"Welcome to our honeymoon, Bella."

Before I could respond, he scooped me into his arms and walked us into the house. He gingerly sat me down, and we took in everything. I had no idea where he had planned to take me, but now that we were here, I couldn't imagine a more perfect setting. It was quiet and private, the only two requirements I had given him.

"Are you hungry, love" I asked after we had settled in.

"I am, actually."

"Let me see what I can pull together."

The kitchen, like the rest of the house, was bright and airy. It came fully furnished, and the staff had filled the refrigerator with everything we needed for dinner. Edward fired up the grill and threw on steaks and asparagus. I made baked potatoes and pulled together a cherry tart. We spent the evening on the deck, feeding each other, drinking wine, and just being together.

Night dawned, and we slowly made our way inside. Edward's fingers were tangled with mine, and with wine glasses in hand, we made our way to the master bedroom. He pushed open the door and led me inside. Without a word, he took my wine glass and set it on the table before his hands found my face.

"You are so beautiful, my love," he whispered against my lips.

His breath was hot against my skin, and I shivered involuntarily. He stepped back and walked over to the fireplace to build us a fire.

"I'm going to freshen up, Chef. I'll just be a minute."

I grabbed a few things from the chest of drawers and went to the bathroom. I pulled on a deep purple baby doll gown I had purchased just for the occasion. Edward loved the way my skin looked in this color, and when I'd seen it in Seattle, I knew it would be perfect for our honeymoon.

I quickly ran a brush through my hair, smoothed the soft curls, and swiped a coat of lip gloss across my lips. With one final hum of approval, I opened the door.

The fire crackled in the fireplace, and the flames created a warm glow that bathed the room in shadows. Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed. His shirt was untucked, his hair was a little wild from the wind and his fingers, and his belt hung open at his waist. He was so sexy… and all mine.

I slowly walked towards him, my eyes boring into his. As his eyes roamed up and down my body, I saw him swallow, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly with the tight move.

"Stunning," he whispered as he pulled me to him. I stood in between his legs, my hands at my sides as his hands moved over the cool silk and the delicate lace, tracing my curves and feeling every inch of me.

His fingers were hot against my skin, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I wanted him, desperately, and I could tell by the shallow breaths and his lusty gaze that he wanted me, too.

Slowly, he stood up, his body never separating from mine, and he began trailing his lips across my shoulder. He pushed the thin strap of my gown down my arm, before his lips found mine. His mouth was warm and tasted like wine and tart cherries, and I moaned at the sensation as his tongue found mine.

As his lips moved down my neck, behind my ear, and across my shoulder, his hands caressed my back and bottom. His lips were all over me, sucking, kissing, nipping softly, as he savored me. I couldn't fight the whimpers and moans that fell from my lips as he pulled the ribbon underneath my breasts, allowing my gown to open fully.

He groaned as he pushed it open, exposing my naked body. He took a step back, and I almost couldn't breathe. His eyes, normally light green and bright, were hooded and dark. I could feel his eyes roaming over me, memorizing every bend and curve, and I had never felt so wanted, worshipped, and loved. With a gentle tug, the gown fluttered to the ground.

His warm hands gently caressed me, cupping my breasts lovingly, reverently. I breathed in sharply as his thumbs caressed my nipples, and my head fell back at the overwhelming sensation as his lips wrapped around each one. He continued to explore my body, dropping down in front of me as his hands glided across my stomach and hips, my thighs and to the part where I ached for him the most.

When his fingers finally found me, I thought my knees might buckle from the contact.

"I need you, baby. Please don't make me wait any longer," I whimpered.

He grinned up at me and placed a tender kiss against my tender skin. I gasped as he trailed kisses across the smooth skin of my core, his fingers dipping inside me, and his thumb drawing circles against my wet, hot flesh. His eyes met mine, and I gasped at the love I saw reflected there.

"So beautiful," he whispered as his fingers moved in and out, curling perfectly.

I groaned, overcome with sensation of his fingers inside me. He raised my leg up and planted my foot on the edge of the bed as his tongue replaced his thumb. I whimpered, feeling my body stiffen and my head start to spiral out of control. With a final pump of his fingers and lick of his tongue, he sent my body reeling in ecstasy.

When I had regained some semblance of control, I pulled him up, desperate for his mouth. I crashed my lips against his, my tongue pushing inside as I sought him out. I needed more, wanted more from him. I could taste myself on his lips and tongue, and I hummed in response, wanting him to know how sexy it was.

My hands were all over him, as I unbuttoned his shirt and tugged off his pants. I wanted him naked. Now. I teased and tortured him, dragging my nails down his chest, kissing every inch of him, nipping and biting as I devoured his body.

I could feel his body, taut against mine, and I knew it was just a matter of time before he took back control. I sank down and stared up at him through my lashes. He was so gorgeous, so sexy. I licked my lips and leaned forward, taking him into my mouth in one swift motion. He gasped at the sudden heat of my mouth and the swirl of my tongue. His hands fisted my hair as he pumped into me. I hummed around him, loving how he guided me and wanting him to take what he needed.

I grazed my teeth along his hard length, and in an instant, he pulled back and picked me up, throwing me on the bed. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were wild with need. As his body hovered over mine, his eyes met mine, and all I could see was love, adoration, need, and want. We didn't need words; we only needed each other. He leaned forward and gently sucked on my bottom lip, savoring and tasting, changing the intensity of the moment. I reached up, pulling him down on me, my hands tracing the hard lines of his back. I needed him.

"I need you, Edward. Please," I whimpered as I felt him grind against me.

I closed my eyes at the sensation, desperate and aching for him to finally give in. When he pushed inside me, my eyes popped open. I had never felt so full and complete – in every way. The tension between us was thick and hot. He began to move inside me, slowly at first, but with each moan or grunt, his pace quickened. I could feel the same desperation, the same need rolling off him as his mouth latched onto my nipple, swirling and sucking until I thought I might explode.

I felt the tingling in my legs travel up my body, and the spring coiling in my stomach. His lips found mine in a searing kiss. He grabbed my knee and hitched it around his waist, driving himself deeper inside me. I clawed at his shoulders, knowing my nails were biting into his skin, but unable to stop myself. Everything about this moment was so palpable and real. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he whispered he loved me.

"I'm so close, baby. Come with me," he begged, his face thick with concentration.

His hips thrust forward, pounding into me furiously. His lips parted, and with one final thrust, I cried out, everything inside me exploding in ecstasy, just as he found his own release.

We lay there, basking in the glow of being together so completely. We had become one flesh, connected by a bond so unique and powerful. We were one body, one mind, one spirit, and it was amazing being with him like that. I had never felt so emotionally full in my life, and I never wanted that feeling to end.

Tangled together, a mess of limbs, we spent the rest of the night taking from and giving to each other as needed. Our lips and fingers brushed against each other in silent acknowledgement of our need, our bodies connected. We moved as one, and we came as one in the early quiet of dawn.

x-x-x

After we returned from our honeymoon, life settled into a comfortable routine. Edward and I worked at The Diner as always, but on the side, we were both engaged in special projects. I had steadily been building a side cupcake business since I started baking cupcakes for The Diner. I was routinely taking orders for weddings, showers, and other events. It was exhilarating to know I was actually starting to live out my dream of owning my own business.

Edward spent a lot of his time looking into other restaurant options. Once culinary school had ended, Chef J had offered him a full time job, but Edward had politely declined, wanting something that was more of his own creation.

At one point I had asked him what he really wanted to do, and he'd told me he wanted to open his own place. He wanted to focus on fresh, local ingredients, a place where he could build relationships with local farmers. I had mentioned this idea to the girls in passing when Rose casually mentioned she might be looking to sell The Diner.

"_What do you mean you're thinking about selling it?" I asked in surprise._

"_Well, the business at Em's shop has picked up, and even with the new people he's brought on board, he still doesn't have time to do everything. We've been talking about me taking over the business side of things, and I don't think I could run both businesses at the same time. Plus, working on cars is one of my passions. It just seems to make sense."_

"_But I thought you loved The Diner, Rose? It just seems so out of the blue."_

"_We've been thinking about it for a while but have kept it to ourselves. We didn't want to deal with potential buyers when everything was so busy and up in the air. Plus, truthfully, I've known for a long time Edward wanted to own his own place. I wanted to offer him the option to buy it before I actually put it on the market. Do you think he'd be interested?" she asked hopefully._

_A part of me wasn't sure he would go for it. He and I had talked extensively about moving to Seattle or another large city because the opportunities were so much better, but I didn't think either of us could have seen this coming... or more importantly, pass the opportunity up._

"_I'll be honest, Rose. I'm sure he'd at least be willing to talk about it. We've never even talked about the possibility of us staying here for the long term, because we didn't think there would be a place for the kind of business he wants, but let me bring it up to him. Do you and Em want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?"_

_She nodded and we agreed to meet at seven. _

"_Perfect," I said. "And, Rose… thanks for thinking of us. I know that alone will go a long way… and then we wouldn't have to move away from everyone," I said with a hint of hope in my voice._

"_Why else do you think I would put this on the table, silly? We can't live without you guys nearby."_

_We both burst into a pile of girly giggles before going our separate ways._

Edward had immediately taken to the idea, and when they came over for dinner, the details were pretty much set. Within three months of getting back from our honeymoon, we were the proud owners of The Diner.

We spent the week leading up to Thanksgiving making renovations. With Jasper's help, we gutted the interior of the restaurant. We had decided to change the more traditional diner look to something fresher, more contemporary. We wanted the furniture and color schemes to match the theme we had chosen for our newly named restaurant, The Farmhouse Diner.

We had spent hours, days, trying to come up with a name for the restaurant. We both liked the idea of keeping "Diner" in the name. It held special meaning for us since everything had started there, but we didn't want people to get confused. So, when we were at the local farmer's market, I was surprised when Edward had proposed, "Farmhouse."

"_Where did you come up with that?" I asked, as I grabbed a few oranges and put them in my bag._

_He smiled, and I realized how snooty my question had probably come off._

"_Sorry. I just meant, what made you think of 'Farmhouse?' It just seems a little random."_

"_Well, you know one of our values is to use as many locally produced products as possible. We also spend a lot of time at this market. For me, it just feels right to acknowledge in our name where most of our ingredients come from," he said. His voice was calm and confident, but it was his eyes that sold me on the idea. They were so bright, so sincere, and I could see the excitement building._

"'_The Farmhouse Diner,'" I said, trying it out. I liked the way it rolled off my tongue, and like Edward had said, it perfectly mirrored one of our core values. "I like it. Let's go with it."_

"_Really?" he asked._

_I nodded. "Yeah, really. I think it's perfect for us."_

_He picked me up and spun me around, and I squealed in surprise._

"_I love you, Bella. I'm so excited to be doing this with you." As he sat me down, he pressed a soft, tender kiss against my lips._

"_Me, too, Chef," I mumbled against his lips._

We painted the top half of the walls butter yellow. Wanting to help create a contemporary, yet country feel, we added some paneling to the bottom half of the walls and painted it forest green. A white chair rail segregated the look and pulled off our vision perfectly. Alice had found some adorable wooden children's chairs and a couple of small chalkboards to go on the walls, as well as lots of paintings by local artists. The room was decorated with wooden tables and whicker-backed chairs. By the time we had wrapped up the changes to the inside, the room had a light, airy feeling, just as we'd hoped.

The menu was full of freshly baked breakfast breads – muffins, scones – and fresh-from-the-farm eggs, bacon, sausage, and cheese. Edward had decided, like he had at The Diner, to create a special daily menu where he'd feature ingredients he found each morning at the local market.

The lunch menu primarily featured salads and sandwiches. Edward had created a number of salads that were absolutely amazing. My favorite was the BLT Salad, featuring Applewood smoked bacon, perfectly ripened heirloom tomatoes, baby greens, and a citrus aioli. The flavors in this salad were perfect – smokey and light. He had also come up with BL Roasted-T sandwich. It used the same ingredients as the salad, except he roasted the tomatoes and served it all on a freshly baked baguette. Every offering on our menu was created with attention to detail and with the health and enjoyment of our customers in mind.

Dessert was my territory. I had decided to offer the same four cupcakes I had at The Diner, but I added an additional two into the mix - Carrot with Butter Cream Cheese Icing and Yellow with Chocolate Frosting. I also decided to do a weekly special based on whatever I could find at the market. My goal was to experiment with as many different ingredients in order to create some truly unique cupcakes.

The entire process – coming up with a name, redecorating, and planning the menu – was so fun. We had laughed so much and enjoyed every minute of it. Our family and friends were amazing throughout everything, pitching in to help with whatever we needed.

Our grand opening was a smashing success. It seemed like the whole town came out to support us, and it was amazing watching our dream become a reality right before our eyes. Chef J stopped by to congratulate both of us and after eating, sent his compliments the chef. I think it was probably the best thing that happened to Edward that day.

I had watched him move seamlessly around the kitchen and could barely tear my eyes away. Every move was graceful and purposeful. He was born to be in this kitchen, _his_ kitchen, and I was excited that we would spend our days here, cooking and baking, together.

Of course, just as we had put the final touches on everything, it was time for the trial. I was surprised that it hadn't been postponed again. My attorney, Lauren, had tried on numerous occasions to reassure me that we would be going to court in November, but for some reason I couldn't get my mind around it.

In the midst of all the chaos of starting The Farmhouse, I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about it.

The morning of the trial rolled around, and I woke in a nervous sweat. I was nervous about seeing James again. I hadn't seen him since the day he'd had his fingers wrapped around my neck, and I had no idea what it would be like now that I was completely free of him.

As we walked into the courtroom, I held Edward's fingers in a death grip. Every few minutes he would lean over and press a kiss against my temple or my hair, trying to reassure me everything would be okay. I wanted to believe it, but until the trial was finally over, I knew I wouldn't be able to relax.

My attorney, Lauren, greeted me and ushered me to the front row, where we took our seats and waited for everything to begin. The prosecutor, a local man from Sequim, would be representing the State, but Lauren and I would be playing an active role in the process.

A door on the left side of the room opened, and the bailiff escorted James to his seat. I was shocked by his appearance. He looked exhausted and haggard. His hair had been pulled into a pony tail that sat low on his neck, and he'd grown a full beard. He looked nothing like the James I remembered. His eyes met mine, and instead of the dull, tired look I was expecting, I saw his ice cold blue eyes lock with mine. Trying to remain unaffected, I looked away, but something didn't feel right. His posture and appearance didn't match the vengeful look in his eyes.

I could feel his gaze burning into me. I kept my face emotionless, but when I looked back over at him, the slight curl in his lip told me he was up to something. It was the same look I had seen innumerable times right before he had hit me. I tore my eyes away from his and quickly whispered my concerns to Lauren.

She looked over at him, but of course, he was staring straight ahead. It was such a James thing to do, to pretend like he was a model citizen. Lauren told me to relax, that he was probably just playing mind games with me and that everything would be fine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She was right. I didn't have anything to worry about. The evidence against him was very clear, and there was no way he was going to get out of this.

In my peripheral vision, I could see him shift uncomfortably. At one time, early in our relationship, I would have done anything for that man. Hell, I did everything for him… and it had gotten me nothing but poor self esteem, broken bones, and countless bruises. I refused to dwell there. I refused to allow him to have one more ounce of power or control over me or to occupy any more of my thoughts. I felt nothing for him. I couldn't even conjure up pity or sadness at what he'd become. I felt nothing, except relief that I was no longer tied to him.

I shifted a little in my seat and turned to look at Edward. He was sitting with the family, and his eyes were locked with mine. He asked if I was okay, and I nodded. I longed to feel his warmth and wanted nothing more than to burrow under the soft down comforter on our bed and stay there all day with him.

Eventually the judge and jury were brought in, and the judge called the court to order.

"Would the defendant please rise?" the bailiff called out.

James and his attorney stood up, the sound of his cuffs clinking on the table.

"How do you plead?" the judge asked.

"Not guilty," James' attorney responded, just as James offered, "Guilty."

I gasped, unsure of what had just happened. A low murmur filtered through the courtroom, and the judge tapped the gavel.

"Order. Mr. Matthews, please consult with your client and figure out what we're doing here," the judge chastised.

"Yes, Your Honor," he quickly mumbled before leaning over and whispering in James' ear.

I asked Lauren what was happening, and she told me just to wait. I watched James' body language, trying to figure out what was actually going on. I looked back at my family and could see the confusion written all over their faces. Yeah, that's exactly how I felt. I couldn't imagine what kind of crap James was trying to pull, but I realized my initial gut reaction had been right. I knew he was up to something.

"Your Honor, my client would like to enter a guilty plea," Caius said, embarrassed at the debacle unfolding before us.

The judge looked at James. "Are you sure that's what you want to do, Mr. Hunter?"

"Yes, Your Honor. I am changing my plea to guilty," James said without a hint of doubt.

"And do you understand that by entering a guilty plea that you are accepting all charges against you?"

"Yes, Your Honor, I do. And if possible, I'd like to address the court."

"Go ahead, Mr. Hunter."

"Your Honor, I've had over a year to think about what I did to Bella. No matter how this trial goes, I know I'm going to be found guilty. The evidence is overwhelmingly against me, and I'd rather have a chance to get out of prison at some point in my life than pretend I didn't hurt my wife. I know I can get the help I need in prison, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to become a better person. I never meant to hurt my wife, and I would do anything to go back and wipe away all the pain I caused her."

I froze. _His wife. _ Something deep inside me shuddered against the term. I wasn't his wife. Not anymore. Not ever again. The idea that he might actually get out of prison early because he was taking some supposedly noble route just pissed me off. I couldn't believe he actually had the gall to pretend like he hadn't actually planned this whole thing.

I leaned over and whispered furiously in my attorney's ear, wanting her to know I was not okay with him getting a lesser sentence because he decided to pull some bullshit stunt like this. Being away from him had shown me how manipulative and psycho he truly was. My attorney nodded and leaned forward to talk with the State's attorney. He nodded and she sat back, reassuring me that he would take care of it. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward's eyes boring into mine. He felt what I felt, and when he mouthed the words "I love you," I knew that whatever came we'd be okay. I'd be okay. James would never hurt me again, no matter what kind of shenanigans he was trying to pull.

After James had finished his statement to the court, the judge looked over at the State's attorney and asked if he had anything to say. He stood and addressed the judge with confidence and authority.

"Your Honor, Mr. Hunter has a long record of abusive behavior. He actively stalked Mrs. Cullen, kidnapped her, and then proceeded to beat – almost kill and rape – her. So, while we appreciate Mr. Hunter's words, his actions over the last six years have told an entirely different story."

"I'll take both statements into consideration. This court is in recess until 1:00 this afternoon. At that time, I'll deliver Mr. Hunter's sentence," the judge said as he tapped his gavel.

"All rise," the bailiff called out as the judge exited the courtroom. James was ushered out shortly thereafter, and once he was gone, the frenzy began.

Edward practically leaped over two rows of chairs to get to me, and Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Carlisle and my dad weren't far behind him. Edward picked me up over the railing and crushed me against his chest. I could feel the desperation in his arms as he breathed "I love you" over and over again in my hair. I clung to him trying not to panic at the thought that James might actually get out of this somehow.

Lauren interrupted our moment and offered some words of reassurance. "Bella, you have nothing to worry about. James has already pled guilty which means he'll at least get the minimum sentence for all the crimes he's been charged with – which easily translates to a minimum of 30 years. Let's plan to be back here at fifteen till one.

"Thanks, Lauren," I said breathing a little sigh of relief.

We spent the rest of the morning walking aimlessly in downtown Sequim. There were a number of cute little shops, but I couldn't enjoy them. I was completely inside my head thinking through all the possibilities that might come from James' manipulative attempt to weasel his way out of prison time.

Edward never left my side. His presence was exactly what I needed, and I appreciated that he didn't try to offer advice or this thoughts. He left me to my own thoughts, knowing it was something I needed to process through on my own, but his fingers never left mine. He would occasionally brush his lips against my temple or play with my hair, and I knew it was his way of reminding me that he was here if I needed him.

We eventually made our way to a little café near the courthouse. After we'd been seated and placed our orders, Edward smiled sheepishly.

"So… this is the same café I came to the day you were found. I sat at that table over there," he said pointing to the booth by the window.

"Really?" I asked, thinking it was a strange coincidence we were all sitting here, dealing with the aftermath of that disastrous week.

"Yep. Two police officers were sitting a few tables away from me, and I overheard them talking about some clues they had found. I was a nervous wreck that day."

Charlie chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, it's just funny that he was sitting beside two other officers when I had given him explicit instructions to stay away from Sequim. Such a hard head," he muttered.

"I know, Charlie, but I can honestly say I'm not sorry I disobeyed you that day. If I had, I wouldn't have been there when they found Bella… even if you did haul my ass to the hospital in the back of the cruiser."

I squeezed his hand, letting him know how glad I was that he had been there, even if it the whole situation had almost broken us.

Charlie barked out a laugh, and with that, we all settled into a comfortable silence. We finished our meal and nervously made our way back to the courthouse.

When we got there, Lauren was waiting for us outside the courtroom. She smiled in greeting, attempting to put me at ease. It sort of worked, but as soon as she opened the door to lead us into the room, I felt my stomach tense in knots. Could I actually make it through this without having some kind of breakdown?

As if sensing my anxiety, Edward immediately put his hand on my lower back, reassuring me that we could get through this. We had already made it through so many other things. This was the final hurdle with James and in a few short minutes, it would be over.

Buoyed by his strength, I straightened my shoulders, took a deep breath and walked into the courtroom. Once inside, before I took my seat with Lauren, I pulled Edward into a hug.

"Thank you for being here with me, Chef," I breathed against his shoulder.

"Baby, I wouldn't be anywhere but here. You are my life now, Bella, and we will get through this, just like we've gotten through everything else that has come our way."

I nodded, absorbing as much of his warmth and strength as I could before I took my seat.

"I love you," he said as he pressed a tender kiss against my lips and then my nose.

"I love you, too."

A few short minutes later, James was brought in, followed by the judge. Apparently he had dismissed the jury since we weren't actually having a trial. He tapped his gavel, effectively bringing the court to order.

"Mr. Hunter, please rise," the judge said.

James stood up, and the tension in his shoulders was obvious but so was that arrogant flair for drama he possessed.

"Mr. Hunter, I want to confirm one last time that you are in fact entering a guilty plea and are fully aware that you will be admitting guilt for the following offenses: kidnapping in the first degree, attempted rape, assault on a government official, assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill, and 10 counts of assault and battery. Do you understand the charges against you?"

The room was deathly quiet as everyone waited for James to respond.

"Yes, Your Honor, I understand the charges against me, and I am entering a guilty plea."

I gasped, still stunned that he was actually doing this. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Very well, Mr. Hunter. I have looked over the evidence in this case and have taken into consideration both your statement and the one offered on behalf of Mrs. Cullen. I appreciate your willingness to spare this court a long drawn out trial, but given your history of violence and the aggravated nature of this case, I cannot excuse your behavior. Despite your apology to Mrs. Cullen, your crimes, in this case are too egregious to ignore. Therefore, I am sentencing you to eighty-five years in prison with no chance of parole.

"You will continue to be held in the Sequim County Jail until arrangements can be made to transfer you to a maximum security prison. Your attorney can handle the remainder of your affairs on your behalf.

"This court is adjourned," he said as he tapped his gavel.

I sat in absolute shock, completely stunned that James was going to be in prison for the rest of his life, for the rest of my life.

I heard James yell my name. "Bella!"

I jerked my head towards him and felt my heart start to pound as he lunged towards me. His face was twisted into an angry grimace. His eyes were cold and his lip had curled into a vicious snarl.

"You'll always be mine! Do you hear me, bitch? I'll find you! You'll always be mine!" James yelled as security tackled him to the ground. They pressed his face into the hard ground, jerking his arms back behind him. His nostrils flared with pain and anger, and his eyes never left mine.

"This isn't over! Do you hear me? This isn't over!"

When they finally dragged him out of the courtroom, I collapsed, sobbing hysterically. Strong, warm arms wrapped around me, as Edward pulled me up, crushing me to him.

"It's over, baby. He's never going to hurt you again," he whispered against my neck.

Hot tears rolled down my face, and all I could do was nod. He sat down, pulled me into his lap, and held me until I had released all the pain from the last seven years. I hadn't realized how much pain and anger and hurt I was still holding on to. As realization dawned on me, I felt a lightness settle over me. This was over. I was safe. I was finally free.

I looked up at Edward, and he smiled sweetly. He brushed his fingers across my cheek and whispered, "It's over, baby. It's over," before his lips found mine in a warm, soft kiss.

At some point, we must have left because I woke to Edward's gentle nudging. "We're home, Bella."

"Mhmm," I murmured.

He scooped me up and carried me inside to the couch. After I had sufficiently woken up, we spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled on the couch, making love slowly, and celebrating the results of the trial.

x-x-x Christmas Eve x-x-x

"Here you go, Chef," I said as I handed him a small colorfully wrapped box.

"Should I go ahead and open it now?"

"Yes, silly. I'm dying to see what you think!" I had finished his ornament last night and was dying to see his reaction.

He leaned forward and kissed me sweetly before settling back in the couch. With a huge grin on his face, he ripped open the paper on the package. He pulled off the lid, and his eyes sparkled with unshed tears when he looked up at me.

"Where did you find this, baby?" he asked as he held up the handmade wooden frame by the simple red ribbon. I had asked Alice to try and capture a good picture of us in action on the day we reopened The Farmhouse. She had found one where Edward was looking out the kitchen window at me as I stood on the other side. I had painted cupcakes on two of the corners and a cluster of vegetables on the other two corners. At the top, I had engraved "The Farmhouse Diner," and on the bottom, I had added the date of our grand opening.

"Alice took it for me. On the day we opened," I said with a sly grin.

"You are so sneaky, Bella," he said as he pinched my side.

"What can I say, Chef. I've got my ways."

"Oh, I know you've got ways, baby. But so do I," he said with a smirk.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked as I cocked my head.

"Here, find out for yourself."

He shoved an equally small package into my hands, and I immediately ripped into it. I lifted the lid on the box and smashed it back down.

"Edward!" I shrieked, embarrassed. "Where did you get this picture?"

"Wouldn't you like to know!" he said in a fit of laughter.

I peeked inside again and finally pulled the ornament out of the gold tissue paper. It was a picture of me, sitting outside on the deck of our cabin in Colorado. I had been sitting there, relishing the warm summer sun while Edward showered. We had pretty much foregone clothing the entire time we were inside the cabin, and I hadn't given a second thought to sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs buck naked. The picture, however, was truly beautiful. The sunlight was pouring down through the trees, creating a curtain of light that cast me in the shadows. You couldn't actually see anything other than my outline, but I knew I was naked… and so did he. It really was a stunning picture.

I looked over at him and smiled shyly. "Seriously, when did you take this, and how did I not know it?"

"I remember that day clearly. You were so beautiful sitting in the sunshine, and I didn't want to disturb you. You were relaxed and lost in thought. So, I grabbed the camera quickly and snapped one and a few others. This one turned out the best, pretty much capturing the moment exactly as I remember it."

I stood up and walked over to the tree and put it on one of the branches toward the top. He walked over, hung up his ornament, and wrapped his arms around me. We stood staring at our tree, pointing out last year's ornaments, and dreaming about what the next year may hold.

I thought back over my life the last two years and was amazed at how far we had both come. We had been changed, for the better, by some of the worst possible events. But no matter what had happened, we had always found our way back to each other. I looked at the glass ornament that contained the diorama of The Diner that Edward had made me last year and couldn't help the smile that pulled at the corner of my lips.

All of this – Edward, our home, our business – had begun at a time in my life when I was unsure and uncertain. So many people had taken a chance on me, and in the process I had gained dear friends and a whole new family. I looked at the shiny ornaments on our tree and felt a deep sense of peace settle over me. No matter where we went or what life threw our way, I knew we'd be able to handle it. I knew we would have challenges and hard times, but together, we would find our way. Together we would navigate the often choppy waters of life, much like we'd done from the beginning at The Diner.

**The End**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**I'd love to hear what you thought, as well as any ideas you might have for outtakes! I'll be posting those under The Diner Outtakes. The link is on my profile, and both Bella and Edward's letters to Esme are there. **

**If you haven't already, put me on author alert, as I will be posting (assuming I have permission) two Fandom Gives Back pieces, as well as my new story! I'm very excited!**

**This story wouldn't be what it is without the help of my sister, Catie22866. She has walked this journey with me from the beginning… when I was just thinking through the idea of even attempting to write something. I love you, sis… you're amazing!**

**A very special thanks to Rachel (aerobee) for sharing her story with me, and for allowing me to pick her brain to make sure the abuse sections actually made sense and were real. You will never know how much this has changed my life. Thank you.**

**Thanks to everyone who rec'd and reviewed this story. There are no words. I'd specifically like to thank ebalways, ****mskathy, greeneyedgirl, il bel mondo, feathers_mmmm, redsoc, Twificpromotion, ****edwardandbellabelong2gether,**** and sunfeathers. Thanks for taking a chance on my story and for spreading the word. **

**Thanks to the team of people who put images to this story: Hookashewz for helping me with the blog and for hosting a readalong, Leannelrh, Myrobaddiction, and labellaleigh for creating pretty banners, and Angedelaube for making blinkies!**

**Thank you to my readers! This would be nothing without your support and words of encouragement! I love hearing your thoughts in reviews and on twitter… thank you! And don't forget to tell me what you think one last time.**

**And last, but certainly not least, I want to thank my husband. He has been my best friend for over 12 years, and I can't imagine a better person to have at my side. He has been nothing but supportive… even when it drove him crazy to see me sitting at the computer at all hours of the night. I love you. Thank you for supporting me in this, as you always do.**

**If you're still with me, leave me a little love! I would really love to know what you thought!**

**Jess xoxo**


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